"The defendant is ruled guilty for murder, arson, money laundering, conspiracy, practicing medicine without a license, malpractice, breaking and entering, theft, battery, resisting arrest, harassment, and disorderly conduct. The sentence is death by electrocution."
"Objection!"
The grey-maned stallion slowly drew his hoof down his face and groaned exasperatedly. There was nothing left to be said, the trial was over, and it was a bloody long trial at that.
"What is it!?"
"Nothing. I just have always wanted to say that."
The judge shot him a glare.
"Court is dismissed!"
Ponies of all different flavors and varieties filed out of the courtroom, chatting amongst themselves about the case that just came to a close. There wasn't actually much of a case, to be completely honest. My public defender was only token, and didn't actually say anything. He just kind of sat and stared with his mouth ajar at the hundreds of eyewitness testimonies that were presented against me. I get the feeling he didn't believe I was innocent. I mean, he could have at least tried to just filibuster me out of like, one charge. I mean, sheesh, what do I pay that pony for? Oh right. Public defender.
The case only took so long because of the sheer number of ponies that wanted to testify against me. It warms my heart that I've touched so many ponies in so many ways. I know that I'll never be forgotten.
I... I think I just might cry.
Later, anyways.
Hi! I have no idea who you are, yet I am inclined to talk at you. I mean to you. Whatever, I am a changeling, as you can clearly see by the feckin' holes in my legs. If you can see at all with those tiny, creepy eyes of yours. Eeeeeewwwww.
Anyways, I have a long story to tell, so I will start from the beginning.
Gather 'round children! It's story time!
It all started with just a speck of energy, floating in the vast abyss of nothingness. Then, all of a sudden, it exploded. Energy burst from it, brilliant rays of light shone from it, creating everything we know, time, stars, planets. Everything exploded outwards away from the center, spreading apart and-
I'm terribly sorry, not that beginning. Much too early.
Ahem.
My memory of life as part of the swarm is foggy at best, being part of a hive mind type ordeal and all. Having no free will nor sapience sucked ass.
At least I think it did.
What pleasure does one gain from sapience? Is free will really something that should be sought after?
Yeah, I still don't know the answer to most of these philosophical questions and whatnot, nor am I sure that I particularly want to.
As a mindless zombie, I hadn't the capacity for thought as you and I know it, much less ponder deeper meanings and shit. Thought was an entirely new experience to me. It tasted better than love ever did. This all happened when I fell off of a building.
It was during the Canterlot invasion, I remember that for sure. Who could forget that unpleasantness. We were on a rooftop, ready to ambush a group of Royal Guards down below or something, when one unicorn guard teleported to us and began firing magical bursts of energy at us, taking most of us out. I just happened to be the last one standing, I turned and ran. I didn't see what hit me, but I assumed it was a particularly powerful blast from the guard, sending me hurtling off of the building. Luckily, the building was not too tall as to leave me a stain on the pavement.
The blast, however, knocked me unconscious, I blacked out in mid air. I experienced my first dream right then. Something about penguins in space or something. I don't really know. Dreams are weird. I woke up. Imagine being completely blind all of your life, then waking up one day to find out that not only can you see, but also there are colors! You couldn't even imagine what these sensations felt like before, because you had no way of experiencing it. 'The only source of knowledge is experience.' Some old bastard said that, I don't feckin' know, but now I can understand it, thinking makes sense. I can know things. I can recall experiences. I can learn from them. I had no clue what was happening to me. All of a sudden I was thrust into a new world of emotion, logic, and most of all want. I never wanted anything before, I only carried out commands issued by Queen Chrysalis and sought out nourishment. Speaking of nourishment, I don't feed off of love anymore, either. I eat food. I like food.
Enough with the bloody rambling on about thought now, back to the story.
So there I sat, under a great pile of crap that felt like it was a ton of bricks. Actually, I think it was a ton of bricks. I forced my way out of the ton of bricks and saw that the carriage I fell into had been moved to another location entirely, it looked quite a long way away from Canterlot, seeing as whatever town I had ended up in was tiny and rural. How long had I been unconcious? Trees were sparse, and the roads were unpaved. I stepped out of the cart. I know that was a stupid move without disguising myself, but lay off me, I was new to thinking. I staggered around for a moment, trying to come to terms with my newfound self-awareness. I looked around. Where was I? A question! A thought! This was exciting! Excitement! That was new!
In all my marveling about how I could now notice things, I failed to notice the crowd that had gathered around me, mouths agape, staring at the seemingly drunken insect monster in their quiet town. I hate irony. I really do.
"Ah don't be-leive that these fine folks in this humble town would fancy havin' one of you changelin' types 'round these parts." A pony from somewhere in the crowd stepped towards me, he had a big-ass mustache and was adorned with an oversized sheriff's star and a sweet hat. That hat was the coolest thing I'd ever seen.
"Uh, sorry, uh, wait a second." I shifted into the form of one of the nearby ponies. I could talk? Changelings could normally only articulate direct messages from The Queen, or repeat a few phrases spoken by the ponies which we become. This perplexed me, and then I was perplexed at my own perplexity, and so on.
The crowd looked at me, what was the problem? I looked like just like them now. They shouldn't be staring.
Ugh. Stupid, I know. Just bear with me here, I become less stupid later on.
"Get it!"
So, yeah, I ran as fast as I possibly could. I know now that I could have just flown off, but my thinking was that the form I had took was not that of a pegasus, there weren't that many in the town anyway, and a floating earth pony would stick out like a giant pink couch in a world made entirely of tin foil (I don't know where that awful simile came from, I'm sorry), or maybe that's just how I rationalized it later. I ran past the old buildings and bumped into various nameless background ponies, kicking up clouds of dirt with every stride I took. I looked behind me and saw a crowd of ponies lead by the sheriff getting closer to me, I pushed on harder. The sun dipped into the horizon, painting the surrounding clouds a gradient of brilliant reds and yellows, and the sky darkened. I took a random pony's appearance, and turned behind a building, losing the mob.
I took a minute to catch my breath and observed my new form. I didn't want to change form too often, because that would be pretty conspicuous, as everypony would be on watch for a changeling. So I planned on staying in one form for as long as possible. I was an earth pony mare with a brown mane and a horseshoe cutie mark. Attractive enough. I tentatively walked out from behind the building. No funny looks. Good. I backed out of the alleyway.
"Ma'am."
I jumped and turned around to see a young stallion from the mob with a determined look on his face.
"Bwuh!?" I replied with the eloquence you'd come to expect.
"Have you seen a changeling run through here, sort of a big bug, but pony shaped?"
"N-yeh-" I stammered, wobbling around. I almost tripped on my own hooves, but the stallion caught me and pulled me back up to a standing position, his expression softening.
"Had one too many ciders? I think it's best that we get you home, ma'am, you can hardly walk." He said, "You should know better than to wander around inebriated like that, ponies here don't take kindly to public drunkenness, especially here were everybody and their cat carries a firearm. You aren't from around here, are you? Do you have a place to stay?"
"...No?"
The sun set completely and was replaced by the moon and a full set of glimmering stars. The night was clear and nice. Ponies began to disappear into their homes, saying goodnight to their neighbors.
Heheh. NEIGHbors. I amuse myself.
He was able to find me a little inn, I realized that ponies went to bed at that time, and they had spaces open. I didn't have any bits (currency was also another new concept to me, but I would become very well acquainted with it later on if you know what I mean) but I was allowed to stay if I would mop the floors the next day. How nice of the mare at the desk. I'd just take someone else's form and leave without doing anything the next morning. Ha. In your face capitalism. Or whatever.
The stallion said goodbye and joined the mob again to search for me. Thanks for the help, sucker.
The mare at the desk showed me to my room and handed me the keys. I had no idea how to work keys. It would be an embarrassingly long while before I realized that the door could not be opened, and another long while for me to realize that I had to use the key to open it. I eventually managed to wrestle the key into the slot, and tried the door again. Nothing. I then repeatedly slammed my hooves against the door, expecting something to happen, and nothing did. I slouched down with my back against the door and humphed indignantly. I began to play with the key in the door, when it turned, and made a clicking sound. I pushed the door open. Damn, I felt stupid.
The night passed, and I discovered the joys of going into a coma for seven hours and experiencing vivid hallucinations while being unable to voluntarily control my body. The being knocked unconscious thing before felt different somehow. Gotta love sleep.
The next morning, I woke up and just walked out, not even bothering to take the form of a pony. I somehow didn't notice the slack-jawed expression of the pony at the desk as they stared at me walking out of the inn. Nor did I notice the fearful expressions of the other ponies checking out of the inn.
I stepped out of the building and began to traverse down the steps when a glint of morning sun hit my eyes, making me misstep and sending me hurtling down the few steps and sprawled out on the unpaved road. I stared up into the sky, and the silhouetted form of the sheriff loomed imposingly over me.
"Uh, hi." I managed to stammer out.
He grabbed me and pulled me up with his front hooves.
"How do y'all want to do this?" He asked, his voice deep and gravelly.
"Do what?" I asked, genuinely puzzled. He gave me a quizzical glance and hit his head with a front hoof.
"Duel!"
He hoofed a metal object over to me.
"What is this?"
"That there's a revolver. A weapon. You pull back the hammer on the back of the device, and you pull the trigger to fire." His tone was condescending, like he was speaking to a foal.
"Why are you giving it to me?"
"Duels are supposed to be fair. I can't shoot an unarmed pony. Here, we fight like ci-vil-ized folk. No barbarism."
I understood now. I was going to fight for my life. I gritted my teeth. I was going to make this happen, to show him that I have earned his respect, and my right to exist.
"So I can't use magic or fly?"
"No."
"OK."
"We'll stand back to back and both take ten paces, then we'll turn around. No shootin' until we make eye contact."
We took the steps. It seemed to last forever, the early morning sun shone in my eyes, a crowd gathered around us, the ponies murmuring quietly to each other as we made our way slowly away from where we started. I took the last step, gripping the gun in my hooves, and turned around to face the sheriff. Our eyes met. He narrowed his eyes into slits, mine mirrored his. The silence was palpable.
A tumbleweed blew between us.
Just hours ago (at least I think it was hours) I had gained self awareness, will this pony in front of me be the one to take it away? No. I would not let this happen. I could not. After years(?) of being a mindless slave, I was finally free, but to what end? To be killed? What would be the point? What kind of dumb-ass, unfulfilling story would that be?
The sheriff drew his gun, I drew mine.
A loud crack echoed through the air.
Our audience gasped collectively. I trotted over to him. A bleeding bullet hole sat squarely between his eyes, his blood stained the dusty dirt path. His hat had fallen off of his head, and his badge was on the ground nearby, embedded in the soft ground. I picked up his hat and placed it on my head.Adjusting it, I turned around, the crowd parted, and I walked through, my head held high. I had won.
...
That's what happened.
...
Y-you don't believe me?
I put so much work into-
Ugh.
OKAY FINE. I LIED. HAPPY!?
What really happened was that as soon as I bumped into the sheriff, I flew away, and he shot at me. I got away, but just barely. It was kind of embarrassing and not as cool as the story I told. I'm just trying to be interesting.
Yes, I know I'm a coward.
...
You don't have to laugh, you know.
...
Soulless bastard.