Ed, Edd, n' Eddy: Equestrian Mis-Edventures

by Barracuda cyborg


Pilot pt2

Humble Ed-ginnings pt.2

“Why don’t you have chin?”

“Animation budget cuts.”

“Who would do such a thing?”

“Canadians.”

“Canadians are weird.”

For the Eds, Sugarcube Corner was heaven. Sweets of all shapes and sizes adorned the wall, and gave the air a wonderful scent. On the way to this beautiful place, Double D regaled Applejack of their personal blunder today, though Eddy and even sometimes Ed would cut in in case their friend got off topic or if he went too deep into detail. When they had arrived here -which funnily enough the story somehow ended when they did- Applejack introduced them to her bouncy friend Pinkie Pie. She had a sort of 'Willie-Wonka-and-the-Chocolate-Factory-but-if-Willie-Wonka-was-replaced-by-the-Joker' vibe to her. She proved to be overly-friendly, and even Ed and her were engaged in a conversation, though it came to a screeching halt when Applejack asked, “So do you think you can help them Pinkie?”

“Sorry Applejack! I wish I could, but I just don't have enough room to house three others with the Cake family, me, and gummi. It’s just too crowded here.” Pinkie said in an apologetic tone knowing she wanted to help house new friends. She put a hoof to her chin and asked, “Can I at least give you something before you go?”

“I don’t see why not,” said Applejack. She turned to the Eds and asked, “Do you fellas want a snack before we hit the road?”

The three got into a football play circle and began whispering. When the answers were given it was a unanimous, “JAWBREAKERS!”

“All righty-o!” Pinkie turned her head to Applejack and asked, “Do you want anything AJ?”

All the cowpony did was shake her head. Pinkie smiled, “Three jawbreakers coming right up!”

It seemed like a second she was gone and another she was back. When the Eds saw her they put their hands in front of them. What they got, however, made Eddy less than happy .

“Hey, what gives!? You said you were going to give us Jawbreakers, not gumballs!” Eddy questioned, examining the small ball the pink pony had given him. The other two, however, seemed okay or even downright content that they received their sugary orbs of salvation by not doing any of their harebrained scams. Dreams do come true.

Pinkie giggled, “No silly, those are Jawbreakers! You must be talking about the Jumbo-delicious-Jawbreakers-that-literally-break-your-teeth, but I can’t give them away," She said with a bit too much enthusiasm, "The Cakes want me to actually sell them.”

Eddy rubbed his chin, “Double D, take a note to self.”

Double D shook his head, “Eddy, it’s not a note to self if you don’t-”

“Find some way to get quarters so we can get Jumbo Jawbreakers.”

Reluctantly Eddy popped the small orb into his mouth, as did the other Ed's, and they followed Applejack out the door to her next friend, who happened to be a block away.

Turns out the friend that was a block away from Pinkie was a rather disappointing turnout. The alabaster unicorn named Rarity had let them into her boutique to look around while she talked to Applejack. Turned out she had an extra bed. She would’ve given it to one of them too if they hadn’t submerged her cat 'Opalescence' in the bathtub, granting them one free “Get out before I try to give you a bath!” Suffice to say, they promptly hightailed it out of there and were now on the way to yet another one of the farm pony’s friends. On the way there, Applejack thought it would be a good idea to ask them what they just did.

“Why did you three have to do that to poor Opel?” She said in her thick country accent.

“I didn’t know the cat hated water!” Eddy defended, “We were just trying to give it a bath so we can get some quarters from that friend of yours!”

This argument could’ve, would’ve, and should’ve gone much longer had it not been for the fact that they were now in front of a large tree, whose branches seemed to hit the sky. It had a door, and even a few windows peppered around the estate. Why anybody in their right minds would build a house inside of a tree rather than just atop of it was anybody’s guess. Applejack let her hoof rasp on the door and in a matter of seconds a purple alicorn poked her head out of and smiled.

“Why, hello Appleja-”

That is, until she saw the three bipedal things next to one of her best friends. She could’ve just asked what they were, but slamming the door in front of their faces has to be some sort of avocation for “What the heck did I just see?”

“Is it a custom for you ponies to slam doors in peoples faces when they knock on your door?” Double D asked.

Applejack laughed nervously, “Hang on just one second.”

Applejack entered the house and what followed could never really be described. There were no voices coming out of the house, merely a wide collection of sounds resembling things being broken and shattered. All went quiet for a good moment until Applejack opened the door, let the Ed's in, where the pony promptly apologised for her rash action and introduced herself. She called herself Twilight Sparkle, and said that she was an esteemed student under their ruler, Princess Celestia.

She frowned when she spoke to the Ed's, “Sorry, but I only have one extra bed. However, I will try to find someway to get you three home, but in the meantime you should see our other friends. I’m sure they can help.”

Eddy turned to his friends, “Why don’t you stay here Double D? It seems like you two can have a good conversation, or whatever it is that Eggheads do.

Upon hearing that both Double D and Twilight replied simultaniously, “I am not an Egghead! I’m well read.“ They looked at each other and began to laugh.

“I’m going to miss you Double D! Now I’m never going to see you again!” Ed wailed, tears falling to the wooden floor.

Double D saw his friend’s sad face and patted his back, “There there Ed. We’ll see each other tomorrow, just not for the rest of the day. I can promise you that.”

“Oh boy!” Ed embraced Double D in a hug, the strength of it taking the air out of the poor guy. Ed began to walk out, shouting at Double D, “Bye Double D! I’ll see you tomorrow!”

Eddy did the same, albeit with a little lighthearted sting to it, “Catch ya later Sockhead!”

______________________________________________________

“Look Eddy, chickens!”

Eddy looked to where his limbering friend was pointing a yellow finger to. Evidently, there was a chicken coop in the distance along with a chicken walking around it. It seemed to be looking for food the way it harshly pecked at the dirt, always coming out empty. To Eddy, it seemed as if Ed was looking into Nirvana, and in an instant he was gone.

Eddy turned to Applejack, “I didn’t know you ponies had a petting zoo.”

“We don’t,” Applejack answered, “This is Fluttershy’s cottage. She’s a caretaker of animals.”

“So a babysitter?” Eddy asked, pointing at the farm pony.

“Like a veterinarian of sorts.”

Applejack approached the cottage and knocked on the door. For the two, they didn’t seem to notice Ed coming back from the nearby chicken coop, destroyed fence in his wake and his arms holding more chickens than he can carry. The knock was quickly answered by a yellowish pony with a rather long pink mane, closely resembling Pinkie’s coat. She asked very weakly, “Hello Applejack... what brings you here?”

Applejack took a step back and showed Fluttershy the remaining Eds. Truth be told, no matter how well she hid, she was surprised. They looked like some sort of strange looking chupacabras. The one that looked the strangest, however, was the towering one dressed in green. He seemed to have captured all of her chickens and is now petting one of her chickens repeating the same phrase over and over again, “Pet the chicken, pet the chicken.”

“Please let them go,” Fluttershy pleaded, “They need to breath.”

“Aw,” Ed lowered his head letting the chickens fall to the ground and scatter, “But I love the chickens!”

“We know Ed, we know.” Eddy responded, giving Ed a pat on the back.

“Do you think you can give these two housing Sugarcube?” Applejack asked her friend, “They need to get home to their own land, but in the meantime, they're stuck here in Equestria.”

“Oh, of course I can!” Fluttershy answered. She could never really deny learning about a new animal and their ecosystem, “Just that with all of my animals I only have enough room for one.”

Eddy was about to claim this bed, but the chickens who were still around were giving him a stare that made his blood freeze, “You know what Lumpy? Why don’t you stay with this nice pony. I don’t like the way the chickens are looking at me.”

With Applejack and Eddy descended the steps of the cottage and on to the dirt road, Ed yelled, “Bye Eddy! See you tomorrow!”

Eddy just waved as him and Applejack went to her next friend and hopefully last.

They now found themselves in the center of the village, aptly named Ponyville, waiting for Applejack’s supposedly last friend. When a blue blur sped on past them, Applejack yelled, “Rainbow Dash!”

In an instant, the blur came back and slowed down to a halt. The cyan mare had the weirdest mane color of rainbow, with her cyan wings brandishing from her middle.

“Oh, hey AJ! What’s up?”

“This fella needs a home until we can get him and his friends back where they belong. Can you please help him?” Applejack asked, pointing a hoof to Eddy. All he did was make the puppy eyes, the most dreaded thing known to decision making.

“I don’t know AJ,” answered Rainbow, “ I do have a extra bed in my house, but I don’t think this short fry is cool enough.”

What followed was her and Eddy’s greatest conversation known to man.

“But I am,” said Eddy.

“No you’re not,” replied Rainbow

“I am.”

“You’re not.”

“I’m not.”

“You are.”

“I’m not!”

“You are and you’re gonna stay at my place and like it!” Rainbow screamed.

“OK,” said Eddy, smug grin plastered on his face. All Rainbow did was slap her hoof to her face.

The ride to Rainbow Dash’s house was rather uneventful. Before hand, Applejack had told them she was headed home as her family was probably worried, so Rainbow took hold of the yellow shirt wearing human. Eddy explained what his name was and how they got toarrived, though the truth may have been fabricated quite a bit to make it look like the three Ed's were cool. It made things worse when Rainbow learned he couldn’t fly, because she had to carry him and boy was he heavy. Luckily, she got him to the clouds easily, but when he walked over to the entrance of the large house she was confused.

“Uh, Eddy?” Rainbow asked.

“Yeah?” Eddy asked.

“How are you standing on the clouds?”

Eddy looked down and upat his feet, “I don’t kn- “ Eddy then proceeded to fall from the clouds and began to plummet to the ground. Thinking quickly, Rainbow dived below the clouds and tried to spot Eddy. Luckily, she was able to spot the yellow blur steadily falling and even more so she was able to catch him before his face welcomed the ground. Slowly descending to the ground Rainbow commented, “We’re gonna need to see Twilight.”

***

“Here,” Twilight said, levitating a white medicine bottle to one of Eddy’s stubby hands, “These are a spells inside a pill form. You just have to swallow one every day and you’ll be able to walk on the clouds.”

When they entered the library, it seemed as if Double D had made himself at home. Labels reached as far as the eye can see and made the place look like a label sea. It seemed as if only Twilight was there, except she went on a crazy label spree and badly added to her OCD problem.

“Ugh,” Eddy complained, sticking a finger in mouth and making a fake gagging sound, “I hate pills.”

Twilight smirked, “Yes, but I’m sure you hate falling to your death even more.”

Eddy opened the bottle without much difficulty, placed a small multi-colored pill and poped it in his mouth. Swallowing, he said irritated, “There. Happy?”

“Very,” Twilight replied a small smile on her face. Rainbow and Eddy waved goodbye to Twilight and began to head home, but not until they heard Twilight’s voice piercing the library with, “EDD! WHY DID YOU LABEL ALL THE BOOKS ‘BOOK’!? COME FIX IT THIS INSTANT!”