Chapter 10
Twilight backed away as Gaston leaned in close to her. "So Twilight, would you like to massage my feet. I know this place isn't as cozy as my rustic hunting lodge, but I it will suffice.
Twilight jerked in discust at Gaston's pervy suggestion. "Wait, What! Who are you?"
If you wan't my little friend "Lefou could sing you a wonderful song about me, but he's not here right now!"
Just than Lefou and rest of the drunks from Beauty and The Beast barged in and began to sing the Gaston Song.
No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's
As Twilight and AppleJack tried to chase the strange assembly of newcomers out of the house, Frollo's eyes were transfixed upon Rarity. He reflected upon the hours he spent by his fire place (which can magically act as a computer) looking up naughty clop pictures in secret, longing to be with this mare. In his mind he saw this as the Lord giving him a second chance, so long as he didn't try and burn this one at the stake in an attempt to control his unbridled lust.
"My your as regal as Notre Dame herself." he said. "Quazy thinks I'm a weirdo for looking up porn of you, but what does he know? That bitch Esmeralda turned him down like she did me. But I know your different."
He placed his bony hands on Rarity's mane as he put on his signature "rape face"
Rarity slapped the zealot pervert with her hoof. "We're not even the same species darling." she shouted, causing Spike to slouch down in disappointment. "Plus what are you like, 65 or something?"
Frollo grabbed her. "Listen, here. If you show me love, the Lord won't see this as an act of bestiality and I won't have to go back to hell. Now you will french kiss me at once or I will have my soldiers burn down this farm."
"Honestly darling," replied Rarity. "Your really need to do something. I'm flattered that you like me, but burning things isn't going to get you laid."
Frollo turned to Gaston, still holding Rarity "I knew I should have slept with Panty. Gaston, how are things on your end."
Frollo answered his own question when he realized Twilight was electrocuting his friend.
"You witch!" cried Frollo as he drew his sword. "You will do Gaston or face fiery judgment."
"Um." shouted Rainbow Dash. "What about stopping that evil king dude that called me gay."
Gaston looked up. "Wait! That means AppleDash isn't canon. This is a disgrace!"
Gaston unbuttoned his vest and used his manly chest hair to repel Twlight's magic back at her. He walked over to Dash and pointed a finger.
"Listen here Dash." he said angrily. "The fannon consensus is that you are a fillyfooler, or a the very least are bi with a preference for mares. If your straight, all my favorite stories on FiM won't be cannon anymore. If you don't make love to Appledash right here, right now, I'm going to shoot Spike."
He raised his musket and pointed it at the Dragon, who was still sulking about Rarities earlier comment. "Go ahead, he said. There is nothing left for me." he said, eyes wanting.
"Easy there squirt!" said Gaston as he lifted the gun up in the air. "Trust me, my monster hunting days are over. This gun isn't even loaded."
To prove his point, Gaston fired his gun, only to have it go off and blow yet another hole in the already destroyed ceiling.
"Gaston you idiot." Frollo said as he pointed his bony ring finger at Gaston. "You could have killed someone or somepony."
"Oh, like you killed that poor women trying to protect her child. Jesus even I wasn't that evil of a villain!"
"You tried to have an innocent old man institutionalized in order to force his dauhter into marriage."
"You are such a hypocrite." yelled Gaston. "You killed tons's of gypsies off screen and tried to burn a girl alive just because she wouldn't have sex with you."
"Don't make me go supper sayin again." yelled Frollo. "Cause if you wan't to finish that last fight we had, be my guest."
"Everypony stop!" Screamed Doctor Whooves, who the author just remembered was in this story after such a long hiatus. "Listen, our kingdom is under attack by the evil forces of this King Harkininan. We don't need anymore drama from anymore random humans.
Just then the Hotel Mario and Gay Lugi burst in the room.
"Rainbow Dash." yelled Mario holding up a letter. "Look!"
Rainbow Dash flew over and grabbed the letter.
"It's says it's from some Dr.Rabbit. Fluttershy, did Angel get a dental degree or something."
"I'm not sure!" replied Fluttershy.
"Maybe Angel gets a dental degree in Season 4. But I think the writers would make a male Alicorn character happen."
Rainbow Dash shrugged off Pinkie Pies nonsense (assuming that this fic actually follows logic), and began to read the letter aloud.
Dear Peaky Fillyfooler,
The Children and I, have kidnapped that stallion you like. That stallion is now a permanent patient at one of my seven Rabbit Clinics, I dare you to locate him if you are able/
Rainbow Dash finished reading and grunted. "Sorry guys, but that nice guard pony needs my help."
"But Rainbow," yelled Twilight. "We need you to use the Elem..."
"Sorry, but I need to go save my friend." I'm sure you can defeat that king guy without me.
In a blink of an eye, Rainbow was gone, leaving Twilight with a frightened Apple Family, a time lord, two Italian plumbers, a group of drunken French men, and two arguing Disney Villains that wanted to do her and Rarity. All the while two evil kings were conspiring to destroy her home. Hell, one of them literally did destroy her home!
"What are we going to do?" yelled Fluttershy
Mario lifted his fingers, "If you need instructions on what do next, check out the enclosed instruction book."
"Equestria is doomed." thought Twilight.