“Doctor, are you sure we haven’t turned evil?”
The Time Lord looked up from the cape he was trying to iron and sighed. Apparently capes were the current fashion trend in the Crystal Empire and the royal tailor had brought the Doctor and his family elegant ones to wear at dinner. “Yes Derpy, I am sure.”
Derpy’s wings fluttered in agitation. “But are you kinda sure or not really sure or ‘Bwahahaha, I am lying and we are really evil!’ sure?”
“I am sure sure.”
“… is sure-sure a kind of evil…”
“Derpy,” the Doctor said. The pegasus managed a weak smile at the way he seemed to linger over every letter of her name; the Doctor only did that when he thought she was being especially silly. “We are not evil.”
“But it feels like we are evil,” Derpy stated. “We are having dinner with King Sombra.”
“Yes, Derpy, I understand-“
“Of course, I don’t remember Rainbow Dash or Princess Twilight ever mentioning King Sombra being so polite and articulate. They said he sounded more like Batstallion with a mouth full of candy. You know, “Mwahahahahaha! Garble garble garble!”. This Sombra sounds much better.” Derpy pursed her lips in thought. “Do you think when he attacked the Crystal Empire he had a head cold? Those things can really make you sound silly.”
“Yeah!” Dinky said, trotting into the room wearing a blue cap and, of all things, a fake mustache. “You sounded really weird when you got your head cold, Doctor! Remember, when Applebloom made you buy all those apples? You didn’t have your accent!”
“At least they weren’t pears,” the Doctor muttered. “Why are you wearing that?”
“You told me we had to wear the capes,” Dinky said. “All royal guests wear capes when attending royal dinners. You told me that, Doctor!”
“Not the cape,” the Time Lord said, “the mustache.”
“Oh!” Dinky said with a grin. “Because we’re evil now!” Dinky reached up and twirled the fake facial hair. “Bwahahahaha! I will tie you to the railroad tracks as part of an old-timey way of defeating you, innocent mare who is no match for me!” She paused, tilting her head in confusion. “Are there railroads in the Crystal Empire?”
“I’ll go check!” Derpy said happily, only for the Doctor to spin her away from the door. “Or I will continue getting dressed!” Derpy walked over to the makeup mirror and began to apply some lipstick, making fishy-faces as she did so.
“I understand how awkward this is, but we don’t have all the facts.” The Doctor walked over to a full-body mirror and adjusted his tie. He nodded towards Dinky and the filly trotted over to him, sitting down so he could try and tame the unruly hair she’d inherited from her mother. “Yes, this king is named Sombra, but there have been five King Sombras in the history of the Crystal Empire. There was Sombra the First, also known as Sombra the Great who while loved in his time historians now view as the weakest of them all. Then there is Sombra the Second or Sombra the Lesser who is anything but and is hailed as the greatest by the Empire. Titles are funny, aren’t they? Did you know that the Daleks call me the Oncoming Storm?”
“And they call me ‘No, not you, aarrgh I’m burning alive!’,” Derpy said, flailing her forelegs about as if trying to shield herself from an invisible attack.
“That isn’t a title.”
“Then why do they scream it every time they see me?”
Dinky giggled. “Mama has a point.”
The Doctor rolled his eyes. “Fine fine, whatever you to say. Now then, after the Greater and the Lesser who should have their titles reversed there was Sombra the Young who actually had a proper title since he was made king on his 8th birthday. Then there is Sombra the Fourth who has no titles because, quite honestly, there is nothing rather impressive about him. Kind of the plain cake donut of the dynasty. And the last is King Sombra the Fifth…”
“The Dark,” Derpy said, trotting over to Dinky and looking down at her neatly combed hair. “Oh, you’ve messed it up!” She began to tousle the mane, trying to get it all wild again.
“Yes, the Dark.” The Doctor gave up trying to tame Dinky’s mane while Derpy tried to untame it and set about pacing back and forth. “The one that nearly destroyed the Crystal Empire… twice.” The Doctor bobbed his head from side to side. “That’s actually impressive, when you think of it. How many villains can say they almost destroyed the same Empire twice? Usually you get defeated the first time and that is it; turned to stone or made good again or transformed into grape pudding. Actually no, I take it back, not that impressive at all. You know what would be impressive? Actually destroying the Empire you are trying to destroy. I mean, think of how sad that is! You try and do something, fail to do it, wait around a few centuries, give or take, and then do it again and what happens? You get defeated by some bloke tossing his girl off a balcony? That has to be disappointing… imagine the knock to the old self-confidence Sombra must have taken after that. I mean yeah, he was probably more concerned with being atomized but if atoms had feelings his would probably felt very sad.”
“Doctor?” Derpy asked, kissing Dinky on the forehead and giving the filly’s mane one final tousle.
“Yes?”
“Which Sombra are we dealing with?”
The Time Lord looked up at the ceiling, nodding his head. “Well, let’s think this through, ya? Can’t be Sombra the Great since the Crystal Palace wasn’t built when he was alive. Funny thing, really, the Crystal Palace was actually built to be Sombra the Great’s tomb but in a rare bout of intelligence the simple folk realized that having a giant building in the middle of your capital city only act as a tomb was rather silly so they threw his casket into a ditch. Then the intelligence ran out and they just made it the royal estate. I would have made it a squash court but that’s me. Love squash, both the game and the veggie.”
“Sombra the Lesser than?” Derpy asked.
The Doctor waved her off. “No no, that’s impossible. They didn’t have those cobbled roads during Lesser’s time or the Young’s, now that I think of it. That narrows it down then!”
Dinky scrunched her nose. “He’s Sombra the Dark, isn’t he?”
“Of course he isn’t!” The Doctor laughed. “I mean yes, that bubble trap only came into existence 4 years before the 5th was born so that kinda rules out the 4th so… yes… yes.” The Doctor looked at the two nervously. “We are dealing with Sombra the Dark.”
Derpy nodded. “Ok, standard ‘we need to get out of here’ protocol.”
“I’ll go steal some towels!” Dinky said, making a beeline for the bathroom.
“Oi! No stealing! We don’t steal in this family.”
“You stole the TARDIS!” Dinky called out from the bathroom.
“I borrowed her and I am going to give her back…” under his breath he muttered, “despite what she says.” He wagged his hoof at the bathroom door. “But that doesn’t matter! We can’t go off on a panic!”
“Why not?” Derpy asked, tilting her head. “We do that best! We won a medal for it!”
“That was a joke and we aren’t doing that because we don’t know if we are in trouble yet. Yes, this is King Sombra the Fifth, but we don’t know where in his history we are. This could easily be the beginning of his reign, before he went mad and power hungry! Or maybe we’ve all gotten it horribly wrong all these years and it wasn’t really King Sombra that attacked the Crystal Empire.”
“What could have done all that then?” Dinky asked, dragging several bathroom towels and stuffing them into an empty pillow case.
“Oh, plenty of things! A Ganger that gained sentience, a Teselecta… maybe something happened like with the windigos and Clover the Clever or he was possessed by some sort of brain slug. On Gallopfrey we even had stories about this weird thing that could take on the identity of other beings, copying their abilities and then attempting to steal their lives. Admittedly we told those stories at Time Lord Summer Camp… ok, back to the point, back to the point! We have no idea if this Sombra is evil or not and even if he is it won’t hurt to have dinner with him. I try and be a bit open minded, give even the most cruel a chance to be friendly.”
“So… what do we do then?” Dinky asked, jumping on the pillowcase in an attempt to get all the towels scrunched down. “Oh! Can we tie him up and tickle him till he admits the truth? And then get cookies because I like cookies.”
“No to the tying up but yes to the cookies if we can find some,” the Doctor said. “We need to just act normal, have a lovely dinner, and they decide if we stay the night or head back to the TARDIS.”
Derpy frowned. “Our normal or every other pony’s normal?”
“Haven’t found any yet!” Dinky called out, her parents looking up to find the filly dangling from the crystal light fixture. “Cookies! Where are you?”
“… other pony’s,” the Doctor said.
~DH~DH~DH~
“My King, my Princess,” the butler declared, “May I present the Doctor, her lady ‘No, not you, aarrgh I’m burning alive!’ Derpy Hooves, and their daughter, Dinky.”
The Doctor glared at his wife, who merely smiled.
The grand dining hall of the Crystal Palace was considered even in modern Equestria to be one of the greatest wonders in the world. In its prime though the hall had no other rival. It was tall enough that a good size dragon could have stood upon his hind legs and not even brushed his head against the great chandeliers made of gleaming sapphires. The walls were the finest marble with the history of the empire carved into their surface and lined with veins of emeralds and rubies. At each corner of the hall there was a fountain nearly 8 feet tall with water enchanted to change colors depending on the hour of the day. The floor was made up of interlocking tiles of various shades of gray and black that seemed to shift and move if one stared at it too long; the royal family had seen more than one visitor become entranced by the pattern and become lost to the world.
The Doctor, Derpy, and Dinky sat at the majestic white wood table, looking at the wide array of dishes set out before them: crystal berries, north grass salad, maple bread, rose petal stew, and artichoke heart steak. Beside each of the guests and the two royals stood a unicorn servant who, without even blinking an eye, began to use their magic to levitate bits of food towards their mouths.
“I must say, I’ve never quite dined this way,” the Doctor said, leaning forward to take a small bite of the maple bread that hovered in front of him.
“I have always found it quite unfair to the pegasi and earth ponies that they are forced to root around their plates like pigs seeking out truffles while unicorns use their magic.” King Sombra paused, sipping a spoonful of soup before continuing. “I am of course not looking down upon either of you. 90% of my subjects lack wings or a horn and they are, in my opinion, the greatest ponies on this world. I merely find it unfair. You do not see earth ponies forcing their guests to compete in feats of strength to earn their meals or pegasi hanging plates from the ceiling. And yet we with magic flaunt our skills all the time in front of the rest of you, then sneer at your ‘poor manners’?” Sombra scoffed. “Pitiful. That is why I have hired these ponies, to help all who eat at my table.”
“It does not matter if you have magic or not,” Princess Solsra said politely, sensing the question Dinky was about to ask, “all are treated fairly.”
“As long as they hover cookies towards me, I’m good.” At the princess’ raised eyebrow Dinky stated, “I was promised cookies.”
“Hmmm,” Solsra said with sly wink, “if I had know I could have gotten cookies by holding out I wouldn’t have agreed so quickly to come here.”
“I’ll share,” Dinky said happily.
“Thank you.”
King Sombra smiled as he watched Solsra and Dinky chat. He took a long sip of his wine before turning his attention towards the Doctor. “I must admit that I am intrigued by you, Doctor. You are clearly not from my kingdom or from the south… where do you call home?”
“I am not surprised that you know we are not from your Empire, as I would expect a king like yourself to know all his subjects. How do you know we aren’t from Equestria?” Derpy asked politely, a teasing smile on her face. The Time Lord wondered how the snootier ponies in Canterlot would react to seeing the mare they always looked down upon as being backwards showing poise and grace while dining with a king. While she was most days a fun loving mare that let her mind wander and drift Derpy could, when she wanted to, focus like no other. The Doctor still hadn’t discovered where Derpy had learned the rules of etiquette that she had, but the mare was a natural among the elite… and knew how to get them talking.
King Sombra laughed. “My dear, your question alone proves that you are not from Equestria. My neighbors to the south may try and claim that they are a land of peace and unity but they are not that far removed from their darker, war-like days. The three tribes were at each other’s throats when I was a boy and I have found that it takes more than a few years for a pony to change their ways, let alone a society.” He took a great bite of artichoke, savoring the flavor before continuing. “An earth pony and a pegasus married with a unicorn daughter? I mean no offense but you would never have survive long enough to make it to here had you been from the southern kingdom.”
The Doctor leaned forward, sharing a quick look with Derpy. Dinky was happily chatting with Princess Solsra about their favorite desserts, letting the adults focus on King Sombra and the mystery he posed. “You don’t hold a very high opinion of the southern kingdom.”
“They haven’t done anything to earn it,” Sombra stated. “Equestria is young… a foal among countries, and yet they act like they are some grand realm that should be worshiped. While their three tribes feuded with each other we were breaking bread with all different ponies. Our empire has always been a shining example of harmony in the entire world and I do not appreciate the southerns believing they know better than us because their so-called alicorns managed to defeat a being I am not entirely convinced existed.”
“Discord,” Derpy stated.
“You have heard the legends too, I see,” Sombra said. “The patchwork spirit of chaos… a boogeyman created to frighten the foolish and the naïve. He is a convenient excuse to cover up their sins. They claim the capricorns fell to this ‘spirit of chaos’ defending the princesses; the capricorns’ disgust with Equestria is greater than my own, so why would they do such a thing? It is just enough lie the Equestrians have made to make us feel fear. Most likely the capricorns have merely retreated to their undersea cities… they have done it before, sometimes disappearing for 40 years before returning. They could also be fighting another one of their bloodless wars with the perytons; they are known to do that as well. I highly doubt that some cobbled together chaos bringer turned them to stone! This Discord is no more real that Smooze or changelings.”
“Well, actually…” the Doctor began.
“Of course, it is hard to believe in anything evil here,” Derpy said, interrupting the Doctor before he could continue. “The Crystal Heart is the greatest weapon against enemies of harmony. That is why we traveled from Griffland-“
“So you are from Griffland,” Sombra said with a smirk.
“Are we?” Derpy said, confusion written on her features.
“You just said you were, so no use denying it now.”
“If you say so,” Derpy said. The Doctor forced himself not to drop his jaw and stare at Derpy; only she could mix elite manners with her own brand of teasing confusion in an attempt to trick a king who would one day become a Dark Unicorn… and get it to WORK. “I do wish to see it though before we leave.”
“I am afraid that I must disappoint you, Mrs. Hooves,” Sombra said sadly, sampling another spoonful of soup. “The Crystal Heart is no longer available for public viewing.”
“Father, may Dinky and I be excused?” Solsra asked. “She was promised cookies, it seems.” The filly flashed her most angelic smile while her parents shook their heads. “I am done anyway and you will be able to converse more freely with our guests.”
“If her parents do not mind…” Sombra said, looking towards the Doctor and Derpy.
“Dinky, what is Rule #1?” the Doctor asked.
“Don’t do anything you would do.”
“Yes that’s… wait, what?”
“Good girl,” Derpy said with a smile. “Have fun.”
“Bye mama!” Dinky said happily, rushing away from the table with Solsra fast on her hooves.
“You have a very giving daughter,” the Doctor said, watching as Solsra chased after Dinky.
Sombra smiled sadly. “I am blessed. I wish my dear wife was alive to see the strong, beautiful mare Solsra has become.” The King of the Crystal Empire shook his head. “Everything I do now, I do for her, to keep her safe.”
“What do you mean?” the Time Lord asked. Though the concern in Sombra’s voice seemed genuine, the Doctor remembered well that the stallion before him would, one day, become a threat so great that he nearly destroyed the Crystal Empire and issued in an age of darkness. While many would be unable to connect the Sombra before them with the cackling monster he’d become, the Doctor actually found that this new piece of information, that Sombra had a daughter, made it easier to believe that the cultured, polite king could become the terror he did. Foals changed everything… especially when they were your own.
Sombra looked at the two of them and sighed. “You must have noticed that we are on high alert. There are more guards out in the streets and my poor subjects feel the weight of fear upon them. What happened to you today was not the first time an attempt has been made to kill me.” At the Doctor and Derpy’s confused looks the king shook his head. “I am only telling you this because you became involved and saved my daughter… I owe you the truth. The southern kingdom is trying to kill me.”
“Why would they want to do that?” the Doctor asked.
“They believe I am not worthy to rule, that I am leading the Crystal Empire in the wrong direction, all because they have accepted these so-called alicorns as their rulers.” Sombra let out a barking laugh. “Con artists and tricksters, the two of them. The sun and the moon have moved fine on their own but now that these trumped up mares appear with the celestial bodies tattooed on their flanks and I am expected to give up the throne held by my ancestors? No… no!” Sombra slammed his foreleg down against the table.
“I have caught several southern spies moving about my city, trying to sow insurgence among my subjects. Several of my most trusted advisors have disappeared from their posts; I know one who now serves the southern kingdom. The Crystal Heart itself has been attacked… I can feel its power weakening every day. That is why I moved it to a safe location, so not to frighten my subjects.” He grit his teeth in frustration. “The southerns have tried everything to weak my position, to make me appear feeble and unable to lead. And now that they have failed… they attempt to kill me.
“They have tried poison. They have tried explosives. They have tried traps made to look like common accidents. And now they have involved my daughter… my daughter!” Sombra struggled to gain control of his emotions. “Why wouldn’t they? With my death Solsra will become queen… both of us must be removed so they can claim the throne… so they can place another ‘alicorn’ upon the throne.”
“Oh… I don’t know about that,” the Doctor said awkwardly.
Derpy nodded. “At the very least they definitely wouldn’t pick one married to the captain of the royal guard!”
“I do know… oh yes, I do know this. I have seen it and I will not let it come to pass!” Sombra motioned for more wine, his shoulders slumped. “You wonder why I am telling you this… it is because though I have just met you… I feel you may be the only ponies I can trust.”
“Oh… well that’s… wonderful,” the Doctor managed to say while Derpy let out a choking cough.
~DH~DH~DH~
“I bet you’ve never seen a bedroom this big before,” Solsra said playfully, watching as Dinky trotted around the princess’ quarters. Two stories tall with a living room, small dining area, walk-in closet that led to a balcony that overlooked her bed, and a bathtub that looked more like a small pond, Solsra sometimes found herself in awe of her bedroom.
“Mine’s three times as big!” Dinky giggled, leaping onto the bed and bouncing up and down. “Bouncy bouncy bouncy!”
Solsra looked at the filly, figuring she must be joking. But the way Dinky was just hopping on her mattress, showing none of the normal signs a little one would display when trying to hold onto a silly joke, made the princess raise an eyebrow in confusion. “Really?”
“Uh-huh!” Dinky said happily. “It use to be six times but then the Doctor had to purge some space in order to help Aunt Vastra and Aunt Jenny save Uncle Strax from the Slushies so now my bedroom is under the pool.”
“Your bedroom is… under a pool? Like on the floor below?”
Dinky leapt onto a pillow and laughed. “No, silly, it’s under the pool! I get to swim down each night!” Dinky paused, considering something. “But since the pool doesn’t have water but instead low-grav vapor, does that make it a pool?”
Solsra stared at the happy little filly and latched onto the only thing she could in the entire conversation that wouldn’t cause her brain to explode. “You call your father the Doctor.”
“Yup!” Dinky said. “He’s the Doctor… always will be! Just like I’m the Dinky!” The little unicorn stuck out her tongue several times. “We go on adventures and see all sorts of ponies and griffins and Aunt Jenny and Aunt Vastra and Uncle Strax… and the Brigadier … oh, and the Ponds! I love the Ponds, they’re silly!”
“A pond is silly?” Solsra asked. “Like a pool is above your bed?”
“Not a pond, the Ponds! They babysit me sometimes when mama and the Doctor want to do sexy things.” Dinky made a disgusted look, clearly not liking anything that was ‘sexy’. For her sexy was yucky and stupid. “Mr. Pond takes me to get ice cream and Mrs. Pond plays games with me. We once went to Sweet Apple Acres to get cider… they acted weird when Little Smith… who is no longer that little, I guess… spent the whole time talking to me! They act like they’ve never seen two friends catch up!” Dinky shook her head, erasing that line of thought from her head like clearing an image from an Etch-E-Sketch. “But I like traveling with mama and the Doctor. We’ve been to Zebrica and Tigrasia… we went to Ponpan and met four of their emperors… Griffland is fun too! Aunt Vastra and Jenny and Uncle Strax live in Leodon and we are always running around helping the bobbys catch a criminal or something!”
“You’ve traveled around a lot,” Solsra said with a sad little smile, walking towards her bed.
“What’s wrong?” Dinky said, instantly sensing the princess was feeling down. She trotted over to the crystal unicorn and, standing on the edge of the bed, nuzzled her.
“I… I’ve always… have you ever looked out your window and stared beyond the place you live and wanted to find out what lay beyond the horizon?” Solsra glanced over at Dinky and sighed. “Ok, you haven’t… but I have. Every night I wonder about what is going on outside the empire and what others must be experiencing… not just their adventures but their normal lives. So many ponies think that being a princess must be grand but when that’s all you’ve known it gets quite dull. They dream of crowns and thrones… I dream of running through the fields and stopping at the store for some bread and carrots. I want to experience so much more… but… but I guess I never will.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m a princess… Princess Solsra.” The crystal pony scowled. “I hate that name. It isn’t my real one, you know. When my father became king I became his heir and had to take my ‘royal’ name. It’s so… stupid!” Solsra stomped her hoof, for a moment acting very much like the young mare she truly was. “Princess Solsra who has to always stay tucked away… kept safe and sound… can’t go out, can’t make friends… I can’t even talk to the guards…” Dinky looked down, sniffing slightly. “Oh sweetie, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t-“
“I KNOW!” Dinky exclaimed in glee, nearly bowling Solsra over with the bellow. “I’ll be your friend! No, wait!” Dinky began to trot up and down the length of the bed, tapping her chin. “Not friend… friends go away, friends end up on different planets or leave to have babies or have their memories wiped. I’d make you my companion but the Doctor says I can’t have my own companions till my 20 and have stolen my own TARDIS.”
“Your father… wants you to have… more than one ‘companion’?” Solsra asked.
“Uh huh! He said I should have at least one stallion and one mare and maybe an alien but we’ll have to wait.” Dinky’s eyes lit up. “I got it! I got it!” She began to bounce up and down once more. “I’ll be your sister and you can be mine! Sisters are worth 20 friends or 5 companions!”
Solsra watched the filly jump up and down and couldn’t help but help but join in laughing with her. Dinky’s simple joy warmed her heart and made it all so much easier to smile… especially since, this time, she wasn’t having to fake it.
“Is that a yes?” Dinky asked, tilting her head.
“Yes… yes it is.”
“YAY!” Dinky squealed, leaping at the princess who quickly caught her and spun her around, cradling her in her forelegs. “And you know what would make this better?”
“What?”
“Cookies!”
Solsra let out another laugh, setting Dinky back onto the bed. “Ok, ok… I think you’ve been denied long enough. Wait right here… big sister will get you some cookies.”
Dinky grinned as Solsra trotted out of the room. The filly plopped down on the bed, looking about at all the shiny precious things and beautiful pieces of priceless art. And as she saw it all, she found there was only one thing to say.
“Huh… bored now.”
With those words, Dinky did what any good Time Lord, even a little one, would do: explore. She began to open up drawers and peak under the bed to look at the royal dust bunnies. She peaked her head in the cabinets to look at the princess’ mugs and bowls and opened the closet to stare at all the wonderful capes and shoes that lay within. And when she was done with that Dinky began to inspect the walls and the floor, tapping them and testing them till she found the secret latch, the one she had known to be there because all castles had secrets. She happily pulled on it to open up Solsra’s hidden little hidey hole, which was full of interesting things. Things like maps and books and poisons and letters to assassins and magical explosive crystals and harmful totems and security orbs like the ones that had trapped her family earlier that day and secret plans that all described how the princess could murder her own father and cover up the crime…
“I wish you hadn’t found that,” Solsra set, setting the plate of cookies she’d brought down. She began to walk towards the filly, eyes narrowed. “Oh Dinky… I really wish you-“
WHAM!
Solsra fell to the ground, knocked out cold, a lump forming on her forehead.
“Mama taught me that,” Dinky said, grabbing a cookie and munching on it.