“Gummy Sings the Blues”
Gummy did not approve in the least of the recent and tragic events that had befallen his small but mighty kingdom, which was comprised mainly of the loft apartment above Sugar Cube Corner. Unfortunately, Gummy didn’t have the faintest idea of how to go about fixing things.
He knew from whence the problem came, though. Oh, yes, that he knew all too well. All of Gummy’s current troubles traced back to a single source. Oh, yes, indeed. Everything and anything currently wrong in his life was all the fault of the Blue Intruder.
The evidence was incontestable. When the Pink Provider of Food forgot to give him his dinner, inevitably it was because she was out gallivanting somewhere with the Intruder. When the Pink One woke him up from one of his dozen daily naps, inevitably it was because she was laughing at something that had been uttered by the Intruder. And when Gummy had taken the high road and attempted diplomacy, by climbing into the bathtub to make nice while the Pink One and the Blue Intruder were bathing together, he’d been kicked out! Not just kicked out of the tub--which would have been bad enough all on its own--but kicked out of the bathroom altogether!
It was an unacceptable state of affairs, to state the case very mildly.
Logically, after diplomacy had failed, Gummy decided that all-out war was the only remaining viable option. Over the course of several weeks, he carefully and painstakingly planned his ambush. When fateful day came, he was ready. He stood perched above the doorway to the loft apartment, every sense on high alert, prepared to strike out like a tiger.
Well, not really like a tiger. More like … more like a toothless alligator, really. But a fierce, intimidating, majestic toothless alligator.
Then, the door to the apartment slowly creaked open, and in walked the Pink One with the Intruder in tow. Gummy flung himself forward and attacked with all the fury his tiny little body could muster.
There was a fatal flaw in his plan, however, as he soon discovered. It was hard to bite a pony’s head off when you didn’t have teeth. He thought maybe he could dissolve his target’s flesh with his digestive juices, perhaps, if he just held on long enough, but the Pink One quickly snatched him away.
“Gummy, no!” She shook her head at him, her voice positively brimming with disappointment. “You should be nice to Dashie! She’s our guest.”
The Blue Intruder, meanwhile, glared at him with hatred burning in her eyes. “Just you wait, Toothless,“ she muttered, just loud enough for the alligator to hear but not so loud that the Pink One could. “You’re gonna get what’s coming to you. Just you wait.”
So finally it came down to one final, desperate option. Gummy wasn’t born yesterday, after all--his birthday wasn’t for another seventy-four days, in fact--and he knew a futile situation when he saw one. So with a heavy heart he set out one dark, gloomy evening, past the cheery walls of Sugar Cube Corner, a lone vagabond finding his way though a cold, lonely world. He stopped by Carousel Boutique, of course, on his way out of town, to bide farewell to his beloved Opalescence, who took the news surprisingly well.
He wondered anew if Opal was dallying with that unspeakably horrid Winona. He decided it was best not to dwell on such distressing possibilities.
Instead, he continued on his way and ventured forth into the wider world. After many hours of wandering and adventuring, he found himself in a deep, dense woods. It wasn’t very welcoming, truth be told, but he supposed it would have to do. Gummy searched out a place to spend the night and located a small cave not too far into the forest. Once inside, he curled up into a tight ball, in an attempt to retain body heat, and drifted off into a light, fitful slumber.
He was awoken the next morning by a loud, echoing growl.
Immediately Gummy’s eyes snapped open, and he found himself staring right into the enraged face of a huge green dragon. In an instant, he saw his entire life flash in front of his eyes. The color pink featured prominently. So did streamers and punch bowls.
He silently offered an apology to the Pink One, for being unable to give her a proper farewell.
Then, just as the dragon lunged towards him, a blue blur came out of nowhere and smashed into the side of the dragon’s muzzle. The dragon shook his head, momentarily stunned, and Gummy took the opportunity to waddle off, underneath the dragon’s belly and hopefully out of the dragon’s line of sight.
The blur of blue, as it turned out, was the Intruder. She hovered right in front of the dragon’s face, scowling. “Why don’t you pick on someone more your own size, huh? Ya big bully!”
The dragon let out another blood-curdling roar, and the Intruder flinched, ever so slightly.
With a snarl of anger, the dragon opened his gaping maw and snapped at the Blue Intruder, missing by mere inches. The Intruder darted, weaved, and bobbed, always just a step ahead of the larger but slower dragon. Loathe as he was to admit to the Intruder possessing any good qualities, Gummy nonetheless had to admire her for her speed and agility.
But the Blue Intruder was not infallible, alas. After dashing out of reach of one of the dragon’s claws, the dragon managed to whip his tail around, lightning-quick, and his aim proved true. He hit the Intruder dead on, and she went flying backwards. She smacked against the wall of the cave and slid down, collapsing on the cave floor in a pathetic heap of blue fur and blue feathers.
Gummy watched in horror as the Intruder just laid there, perfectly motionless but groaning softly. The dragon advanced on his fallen foe with a throaty chuckle. Involuntarily the small alligator imagined the look on the Pink One’s face if she were to come here and discover the Intruder lying dead and lifeless. As clear as day he could see the tears spring in her eyes, could see her hair hang flat and straight, could hear her sobs as she would weep over the Intruder’s cold body.
And just like that, Gummy knew what he had to do.
He stepped forward and, with every ounce of strength he possessed in his small reptilian body, he bit down on the dragon’s tail. The dragon whirled around, his red eyes glowing through the dim light in the cave, and Gummy prepared himself to enter the afterlife. He lifted his chin and nobly blinked his eyes at the dragon in cheeky defiance.
But suddenly there was another flash of blue, and then he was somehow in the Intruder’s grasp, as she sped out of the cave while holding him tightly against her chest. He gazed up at the Intruder in surprise and wonder, but she merely stared straight ahead with narrow, determined eyes.
Finally, once they were safely out of the woods and had reached the meadows, the Blue Intruder landed. She let go of the alligator as soon as all four of her hooves touched the ground, and he fell to the earth with a soft thud.
The Intruder glared down at him. “Do you even realize how worried she’s been over you? She hasn’t eaten a single cupcake since you left! Not one!”
Gummy’s attention perked up a bit. The Pink One worried about him? The Pink One … missed him? He couldn’t help wagging his tail a bit in joy at the realization.
With a sigh, the Intruder looked away, back towards the woods they’d just exited. “But, uh, anyways ... thanks. For helpin’ me out back there. And, um … yeah.”
Intrigued by this turn of events, Gummy tilted his head and patiently waited for the Intruder to continue. He knew she would, if he just waited long enough. After all, this creature did seem to love the sound of her own voice.
“Look, here’s the deal, Toothless. I love Pinkie. You love--well, actually, I’m not sure that you’re even sentient, let alone capable of feeling emotion. But for the sake of argument, let’s just say that you love Pinkie too. So, since we both love her, we should stop fighting.” The Intruder finally looked back at him, and her voice turned pleading. “For Pinkie’s sake. What do you say?”
The alligator very seriously and very carefully deliberated over this. The Intruder had offered him many insults over their shared acquaintanceship, and she had committed countless unforgivable acts against his person. But then again, the Intruder had just saved his life. But then again, again, he had saved the Intruder’s life in turn.
It was terribly confusing. He started to feel a bit dizzy from all his mental exertions.
“For Pinkie Pie, Gummy. C’mon? Please?”
Ah, the Pink One. It all come down to the Pink One, didn’t it? Gummy did not understand--would never understand--just why she favored the company of the Blue Intruder, but it was undeniable that she did. The Blue Intruder, as utterly detestable as she was in every conceivable way, made the Pink One happy. And the sad fact of the matter was, Gummy could not be happy if the Pink One was not happy.
With a silent sigh, he gazed up at the Blue Intruder and blinked his eyes.
“Is … is that a yes?” The Intruder scratched her head. “Uh, I’m gonna just go ahead and assume that was a yes. All right, then. Let’s go home.”
She scooped him up again, and he nestled against her chest as she flew the both of them back to Sugar Cube Corner. It was not a long flight. As soon as they’d entered through the open second-floor window, Gummy found himself snatched away from the Intruder.
“Gummy!” His entire field of vision was obscured by pink as kisses began raining down upon his head. “Oh, Gummy, I was so, so worried about you! Don’t you ever run away like that again, mister!”
A snort came from behind. “What? No kisses for the pegasus who went and found him for you?”
The Pink One lifted her head, and Gummy could see tears sparkling in the corners of her eyes. “Oh, Dashie,” she said, smiling as huge as he’d ever seen her smile. “You’re the bestest fillyfriend ever, and thank you, thank you, thank you!”
“I fought a dragon, too. Did I mention that?” The Blue Intruder began preening a bit, as she stepped down from the windowsill. “Dragon was totally gonna make Gummy into his morning snack, but the Dash said, ‘Not today, fire-breath!’ Kicked that dragon right in the face. It was pretty awesome.”
“Really?” The expression on the Pink One’s face melted like a cupcake left out in the sun for too long, and Gummy grabbed the opportunity to scramble out of her crushing embrace. He knew exactly what was coming next, and he knew he didn’t want to be around for it. He began tottering towards the bathtub. The bathtub should provide a good enough hiding place.
“Heck, yeah!” The Intruder strutted up to the Pink One with a fierce grin. “And y’know what? I’d totally do it again. I’d face, like, a gazillion dragons to save Gummy for you.”
“A gazillion is a really, really big number,” breathed the Pink One, her eyes wide and adoring. “Oh, Rainbow Dash …”
From the safety of the tub, Gummy could hear those gross smacking sounds that meant the Intruder and the Pink One were mashing their muzzles together in that weird way they sometimes did. He could never understand it. At first, he’d thought perhaps the Pink One was trying to eat the Intruder--which was something he could understand and something of which he highly approved--but that never seemed to be the case. After their little muzzle-mashing sessions, the Blue Intruder always remained whole and ungobbled.
Oh, well. With a tiny mental shrug, Gummy settled down in the cool confines of his bathtub and began plotting how he would be revenged upon the Blue Intruder now that premeditated murder was out of the question. Perhaps if he could somehow recruit that sociopathic bunny who lived in the cottage just outside of town …
==================================================================================================
Author's Notes: Well, here we are. It's been a month and a half since I've added anything to this little collection of stories, and what do you get? A story about Gummy trying to murder Rainbow Dash.
I don't even know, y'all. I DON'T EVEN KNOW.