//------------------------------// // ---- Bonus: Dash's Journal, prequel edition ---- // Story: Dash of Humanity // by Kaidan //------------------------------// This is going to be so awesome! I was at the Wonderbolts air show in Canterlot with my season tickets, so I headed back stage to tell Spitfire what an awesome stunt she did. Then, I walked into the locker room and Soarin was in the shower. I was so embarassed! I don't think he noticed, but I totally got a look at what's he is packing and damn! He's quite a stallion. So I managed to sneak out of there and find Spitfire in her office at the stadium. She was thrilled to see me, said they'll finally have an opening on the team for me and I should be hearing from them for tryouts soon! But to make it even better, Soarin walked in! I was blushing so much, he must have thought I was just some fan girl. So he started talking to me and I realized I didn't even hear what he was saying, I was so excited. So I went "Yeah, sure!" And then he says, "Alright, next Thursday it's a date!" And Spitfire had to catch me, me, Rainbow Dash, because I started to pass out! This was so embarassing, but so awesome! I totally got a date with Soarin! I've always wondered, but never been brave enough to ask. What will I cook? What will I wear? I'll have to go see Fluttershy and get a good salad recipe. Maybe Rarity can make me a sexy maid's outfit or something. Nothing could possibly go wrong! Ohmigosh ohmigosh ohmigosh ohmigosh ohmigosh! Nothing could possibly go wrong! This is going to be the Best Date Ever! -Dash I got caught with my hoof in the cookie jar today. Or, I guess it's more accurate to say it's the library's 'adult' section. I mean, sure Rarity likely has a few pointers on how to make my night with Soarin 'extra special'. However, I don't want to admit to her that I, the awesome Rainbow Dash, need advice on how to please a stallion! Except... maybe I do. It's been a long time since Flight Camp and well, I figured Twilight has to have a copy of the Pony Sutra in her library. I mean, imagine the look on his face if I was able to pull off the Inverted Cowpegasus or a Triple Bareback Unicorn. So there I was, in the middle of her locked, 'adult' section, when in strolls Twilight to put away a book somepony had returned. It was awful! I had been touching down there without even realizing it, and she saw everything! I could barely speak, and then she gives me this grin. This 'I know exactly why you're looking at that book, you minx!' look! I bolted past her before she could say a word and flew out of the library. I've been hiding in my room ever since. I've never been so embarrassed in my life... luckily I got what I needed. I've found the perfect way to bring Soarin to his knees on our date. I had better go practice. Five more days until soarin gets here. I'm excited! I finally went over to see Rarity and get her advice. Somehow she already knew. . . Twilight must have mentioned she caught me snooping, what a little snitch! By now, the entire town probably knows about me and my plans to give Soarin his own personal Sonic Rainboom. That's neither here nor there though! Rarity said she could help! She ensures me that she has the perfect outfit for me—sexy maid, just like I guessed! Apparently guys love maids, which is better than Neighpanese schoolgirls at least. Hey, and it's not like I hate looking girly, it's just impractical when you're as awesome as I am! I totally dress up for the Grand Galloping Gala and stuff... and I actually bet I'll look really freaking hot in the outfit! So I told Rarity to make sure I don't get cold hooves. I might change my mind when I see all the frills and stuff, but if anypony knows how to make lingerie, it's Rarity. She also promised to give the outfit a 'trigger spell'. She says all I'll have to do is put my hoof into one of the socks, and the outfit will put itself on! That sounds really useful. You have no idea what a pain in the flank it is to get dressed in frilly stuff as a pegasus. Unicorns think we just magically put clothes on, but there's a good reason I don't run around in clothes! At least the Wonderbolts suits are a one-piece. Somepony in Cloudsdale has half a brain. Well, not much to do now I guess. Fluttershy will show me how to make a salad later. Perhaps I can stop by Zecora's hut and see if she has any 'performance enhancers'—oh Celestia, I still feel so naughty just thinking about it. It's Rarity's fault, really. She just had to tell me about this plant that makes 'an orgasm absolutely marvelous, darling.' I'm starting to wonder if this is how stallions feel. Then again, I'm in heat so I'm totally not gonna take any responsibility for my actions over the next couple months. It isn't my fault nature has decided to torment me night and day with thoughts of dripping horse c—sorry, I keep forgetting I'm just writing in a journal. I uh, need to go take a long bath and try to clear my head out. It's really hard to think with this dang itch. Diary, does this make me a whorse? Nah, no way... I mean, he's Soarin! Every mare in town would love to take him for a ride. They'll all be so jealous when we get together and start a family! Gah, that was the hormones, I swear! But he would give me such strong foals. . . I ran into Applejack today. Sometimes I wonder what I'd do without a journal. It's not like I can admit this stuff to anypony. Anyway, she actually gave me advice for the sack. Yep, Applejack the 'honest', family-oriented, never done anything dirty in her life pony, gave me some kinky ideas. Does everypony in this town know about me and Soarin? I mean, it's the first date! It's not like I'm easy I'm just excited, you know? There aren't many stallions in Equestria so a girl has to be prepared to stake her claim! Anyway, I was just napping on a cloud and it drifted near her apple stand. She called me down, offering me an apple. Next thing I know, she's telling me about how a little 'rough loving' can enhance a relationship. Why, she even had Vinyl in on it! Applejack showed me how to tie a pony up the 'right' way, tying Vinyl up right there in the middle of the marketplace! Thank goodness the fillies were in school. . . because I was aroused. And what's with AJ and Vinyl anyway? Are they like. . . a couple? The thought of those two going at it right next door to the Crusaders during a sleepover. . . Mare, I need to get my mind out of the gutter! She left me some rope and gave me another of those annoying 'go get 'em champ' looks. So apparently all my friends are cheering for me. I bet you Pinkie is even planning a party for me. "Yay! Dashie got the fruit bats cleaned out of her cellar! Try some of the frosted carrot cake, it's shaped like carrots!" Heh, well I supposed I could always talk to Fluttershy about this stuff. We've always been confidants. Still, when it comes down to it I'd rather put my thoughts here where they are safe. It's not like anyone could ever talk me into sharing this stuff with total strangers. They'd have to like, save the world or something to make me do that. And luckily, the only pony around here that saves the world is me! And I suppose Twi and the gals help. And by help, I mean I mostly float there while Twilight vaporizes the bad guy. . . but I'm still crucial to the process! Hmm, I wonder if Soarin only likes me because I saved the world? Maybe I need to go get a . . . ugh. . . hooficure and make sure to look my best. Just to be safe, I mean, nopony would turn me down for a second date. He seemed nice enough when we hang out around Spitfire. . . I don't know what to say. I went over to Fluttershy's cottage to get tips for making a great salad and. . . nothing embarassing happened. We had a lovely chat, I borrowed some scented candles, and she helped me buy some fresh vegetables. Next thing I know we're sipping tea and reminiscing about old times. She showed me a few tricks to use on Soarin. I was impressed, though I didn't really want to ask how she knew these things... it is just her and her animals at the cottage after all. Come to think of it, that grizzly bear of hers was looking pretty jealous—haha! Nah, no way. That's ridiculous. . . right? Only a couple more days now and I'll have our first date. For a mare in heat, I think I'm handling it well. I only had four 'baths' today. I'll have to tell Soarin to wear protection. I don't want to go getting prego on the first date! Fifty-two weeks in the year, and he has to ask me to a first date during the two weeks I'm in estrus. What are the odds? I mean, I could ask Twilight but a Cloudsdalian never asks for the odds. Speaking of which, Fluttershy gave me some ginger roots from her garden and told me about this thing you can do with them, and it's not like I have any work to do because the forecast is sunny all week long. . . I suppose I might as well enjoy the two horniest weeks of the year and hope that Pinkie doesn't go snooping through my diary again. I can't imagine what she'd think if she'd read those notes I took on the Pony Sutra. Then again, I bet she's had some sort of freaky cupcake fetish sex. It wouldn't surprise me to find her or Derpy shoulder-deep in baked goods with a stallion shouting "Yeee-haw!" Heh, I'll have to remember that joke for later. I stopped by Rarity's today, and I'm not very happy. She didn't finish my skimpy little maid outfit in time! She apologized and offered it to me for free, but I'll have to wait until the second date to use it! I know, I'm sexy enough that I don't need it. I just wanted to be sure, you know? How many times have you heard about a mare who really liked a stallion. Then after a date or two, some other mare steals him away by putting out! Sure, my mom always told me I'm better off without that kind of stallion, but Soarin isn't that kind of stallion! I have to make sure he never forgets the name Rainbow Dash! Maybe I'm thinking about this too hard. I know last year my estrus was particularly brutal. If it weren't for my friends I probably would have gotten splinters from a barstool in my frenzy to mate. In fact, ever since I became Element of Loyalty my estrus has been rather extreme. Nah, I've got nothing to worry about. I'll just be myself, enjoy some salad, and see how Soarin treats me. If he plays his cards right, he'll be too limp to fly back to Clousdale until morning. Yep, nothing could possibly ruin our dinner date tomorrow! Oh wait—I forgot to buy salad dressing! Shit! I'm runied! The store's closed, where am I going to get dressing? does he like Thousand Isle™ or Purple Ranch™? What if he wants Olive Oil and Vinegar? Red or white? Oh Celestia, I've ruined everyt— Soarin will be here this evening, and a massive storm is brewing over the Everfree. What rotten luck! I swear, it's like fate is trying to keep me from getting stuffed! I wonder if the storm is coincidence. Last year when I went in heat, there was also a huge storm. Come to think of it, it seems like Applejack always goes into heat when the Zap Apples are blooming. . . and when Pinkie went into heat it was during the two week long Summer Sun Celebration festival! Well, I'll let the egghead figure that one out. I've got to get the weather team out there and push the storm back over the Everfree. Then, I'll have to rush home and get dinner ready. I swear with Celestia as my witness, nothing will stop this date from happening! Omigosh Omigosh Omigosh Omigosh Omigosh Omigosh. Yeah, that's it! If I'm causing this storm, then it's my civic duty to Equestria to get rutted by Soarin until the storm stops! Hahaha! I'm twice as smart as Twilight. She can go organize the library or something while she is in heat, I'm gonna make my own thunder tonight!