“Early in the morning!”
Nigel shouted the last line of the sing merrily, grasping the ship’s wheel with both hands. The jolly shanty had appeared to have done its job, the ship’s sails had been unfurled and they had begun to move forward, a strong wind propelling them rapidly across the sea.
The human hummed to himself as he observed his newly acquired vessel, the sturdy boat small but fast. He couldn’t wait to search for treasure, maybe board a transport or two. It was impossible for an unknown race of coloured Equines to exist in UIP space without the knowledge of the Empire, meaning that he had either somehow travelled to another planet or universe or he was high beyond measure.
‘Note to self, find out where the hell we are’ Nigel thought to himself. He nodded his head as another point was raised, ‘also, if high find out what the hell caused it… and obtain more.’
With these goals in mind he searched for any nearby ponies, the aft deck where he was standing was empty save for himself. While the Commander was pleased that his crew were dedicated to their jobs he needed information. He peered over the wheel, an easy task considering it barely made his chest. Looking down onto the middle of the ship, Nigel not knowing the specific name he searched his crew for a suitable candidate. He spotted a lone unicorn standing amongst a group of normal ponies.
Nigel assumed that the unicorns acted as higher-ups of some sort, their fancier clothes and air of superiority leading him to this conclusion. The unicorn he was looking at was supervising the normal ponies as they cleaned the remains of the late captain.
“Hey, magical talking horse with the aqua coat and green mane,” Nigel called out, “get up here!”
The unicorn froze at Nigel’s words, all of the crew halting in their tasks as they stared at the chosen pony. The selected equine appeared to swallow a lump in its throat before it slowly walked towards the aft deck, shaking slightly as it climbed the steps to stand in front of Nigel.
“Y-es Captain?” the mare, judging from the unicorn’s voice and long eye lashes stammered as she trembled where she stood. Nigel let go of the wheel, the human activating a latch to prevent it from rotating as he turned to face the mare.
“Magical sapient equine, what is this planet called?”
The mare seemed to relax a bit at his question, the unicorn taking a few deep breaths before replying.
“Nepoznata, Captain, why do you ask?” the mare asked as she braced herself, expecting the strange creature to attack her for the question.
“Just making sure I won’t get in trouble from my boss if I start a war,” Nigel stated casually, “I’ve never heard of ‘Nepoznata’ so I’m guessing that you ponies aren’t spacefaring?” The mare scrunched up her face in confusion as the Captain’s query.
“Space… faring?” she responded, looking questionably up at the head of her new leader. The monster’s blank black face caused her to shiver, the mare wondering how it was able to speak without a mouth.
“That answers that question, it looks like this vacation shall be a fun one” Nigel chuckled, pleased that he essentially could do anything now without getting in trouble as even if he did start a war these ponies would be unable to strike back at the UIP, not that they would be able to do anything if they tried.
He focused his attention back to the unicorn in front of him, the mare having sat down on her rump. Her large green eyes stared at the Captain in worry, un-nerved by the biped’s words and the feeling that something bad was going to happen in the future.
“Congratulations Wizard pony, for your assistance I feel that you should be rewarded, as of now you hold the rank of ‘First Mate’ and are my second in command. Now I need to think of an appropriate name…”
“Uh, Captain I already have a name and I’m not a ‘Wizard pony’ I’m a ch-unicorn” the mare said, muddling up her words as she was trying to figure out what had just happened. Nigel paused his thinking to look at the seated mare as she spoke, not catching her slip-up.
“I doubt that your name will be half as good as the one that I’ll come up with.”
“What’s wrong with Sea Biscuit?”
Nigel froze, fighting to retain control as laughter threatened to overwhelm him. He turned away from the mare for a moment as he faced the starboard side of the ship, forcing himself to take long, deep breaths. When he thought himself to be reasonably calm he turned back around, the mare having not moved from her position.
“Nothing, it is a perfect name and it would be a crime against Existence to take it away from you. Revel, revel in your name First Mate Sea Biscuit as you are surely destined for great things!”
The Captain’s sudden declaration startled Sea Biscuit, the mare toppling over onto her back at the sound of the Captain’s shout. The creature made to return to the wheel before he paused, staring at the main mast or rather the bloodied pony tied to it.
“Oh yeah,” he absentmindedly remarked, “I should probably get that pony down before it bleeds to death.”
_________________________________________________________________________________________
The majority of the crew watched as Sea Biscuit cut through the final rope with her cutlass, the blade suspended in a green aura. The tan normal pony fell to the ground, the mare having passed out from the prior whipping.
“Is she dead?” a normal pony stallion asked, one of the twenty male equines on the ship. Nigel moved over towards the un-moving pony, crouching down so he could proceed to poke it with a finger.
“Yo, are you dead?” Nigel asked, the mare drawing in a sharp intake of breath as her eyes opened. Her face was contorted in pain and blood was still trickling out of the gashes in her back as she lay on her side.
“Well, it looks like only one pony has died today on this ship so far. Where’s the doctor?” Nigel asked, looking around the assorted crew.
“Sharp Shot was the only unicorn who knew healing spells,” Sea Biscuit said timidly “and she was-”
“-the unicorn mare who was the captain that ruptured when I entered her?” Nigel finished, picking up on Sea Biscuit’s use of the past-tense ‘was’. The First Mate winced at the memory of the event, having received a dis-membered kidney to the face.
“Yes, she was the only one with medical knowledge,” Sea Biscuit confirmed as she glanced down at the injured tan pony with a hint of pity. “It would probably be best to give her a quick death, without a unicorn healer she’ll only die in a few days anyway. The closest port is a week away and most unicorns won’t help Earth ponies anyway.”
The ‘Earth pony’ mare looked at Nigel in fright, tears forming as the Captain reached put for her. He gently picked the wounded pony up in his arms with no effort, his suit easily handling her weight.
“Who needs the magic crap, you’ve got me around!” Nigel exclaimed as he walked over towards the captain’s cabin, a wooden table bolted to the deck near the doorway. The crew followed the captain curious to see what the biped had planned, the interest in the proceedings overriding their fear.
The mare whimpered as Nigel placed her belly down on the table, her ravaged back facing up towards the sky. Sea Biscuit made her way through the gathered crowd, the pirates parting as the First Mate approached the table. Nigel stood up straight once the wounded crew member was firmly settled, remaining still as a statue.
“What are you doing?” asked Sea Biscuit, Nigel holding up a hand in response.
“Shhh, I’m reading the owner’s manual, I swear that the good professor mentioned something about medical tools. Aha! There we go!”
The surrounding ponies jolted back as a light blue light emitted from the Captain’s right arm, a multitude of different tipped metallic tools popping out of a compartment that had opened. Captain Chalmers looked at the many different instruments that had emerged from him, Sea Biscuit utterly amazed by the multiple silver limbs that looked so alien.
“This may sting a little,” Nigel addressed his patient, placing the end of one spindly tool into a bleeding gash, the mare letting out a pained hiss. A loud beep rang out, a syringe attached to a large metal limb filling half-full with a clear liquid. Captain Chalmers withdrew the probe as the syringe moved down towards the patient’s right flank. Without warning Nigel plunged the syringe deep into the flesh, injecting the contents into the mare’s bloodstream as she let out another pained cry.
“What did you just put in her?” Se Biscuit asked, she like the rest of the crew utterly fascinated by the strange operation.
“A cocktail of pain killers, immune-strengthening agents, anti-septics and blood-production boosters, she’s going to need them for the next part” Nigel answered as an instrument arm with a hollow barrel glowed red at the tip, the air shimmering with heat around the glowing point.
“What are you going to do?” Enquired Sea Biscuit as Nigel checked on the mare finding that the Earth pony’s eyes were unable to focus accompanied by a dopey smile confirming that the mare was out of it, the potent pain-killers having done their job.
“You ever heard of stitching up wounds?” Nigel replied as he lined up the glowing tool with a large bleeding gash, earning a nod from Sea Biscuit.
“This is just like that, except with a laser. Lasers earn you five-thousand extra badarse points.”
As he finished speaking a beam of bright red light flashed out of the tip of the object, the air filling with the sound of sizzling as the faint scent of burning hair and flesh filling the air. The crew attempted to block out the smell as the Captain sealed up the wounds with expert precision, the mare not feeling anything due to the drugs she had been dosed with.
The operation was over in thirty seconds, the medical equipment retreating back into its housing as the Captain stepped away from the mare. Sea Biscuit moved right next to the table, staring at the Earth pony’s back.
The large open wounds had been reduced to rows of thin white lines, the brown hair burnt off of the surrounding area. The First Mate was impressed; the Captain appeared to possess potent magic although how he managed to use it without a horn was strange. Sea Biscuit did not dwell on this, after all he had only been Captain for an hour and he had already proved himself to be quite… different.
“Put her somewhere to recover,” the Captain ordered as he pointed towards the Earth pony, “the drugs should wear off in a few hours but get someone to keep an eye on her.” Captain Chalmers then started to walk up to the steering wheel, a skip in his step.
“Now that that’s over, let’s get back to the hunt! Everyone back to work, I’ll be the first to admit that I’m awesome and that all deserve to bask in my radiance but we’ve got a job to do!” The Captain shouted with excitement as the crew burst into motion at his words, a fair portion of fear dissipating after the witnessing of the medical wonder that he had performed.
____________________________________________________________________________________________________
“It’s a Griffon ship for sure Captain!” the Stallion in the Crow’s Nest yelled out, “a Royal Griffonia Empire naval vessel!”
Nigel’s helmet optics zoomed in on the distant boat, the large ship roughly three times the size of the ‘Sea Drake’ and moving towards them.
The long-range scanners that were built into Nigel’s suit had picked up the ship an hour ago, the Sea Drake moving to investigate the contact with the hopes that it was a cargo-hauler. Nigel examined the inbound vessel, multiple griffons going about standard duties seemingly unaware of the pirate ship they were heading towards. The unicorn Stallion up in the nest was apparently talented with navigation, the pony knowing a fair amount of optical-focused spells which had acted like powerful binoculars. Flashes of metal spears and swords caught Nigel’s attention, the griffons appearing to be heavily armed with medieval era weaponry which Nigel scoffed at.
“Good Work Clear Spot,” Nigel complemented the Unicorn spotter, “Raise the colours; it’s our first catch of the day.”
Nigel stood tall facing the closing Griffon vessel while clasping his hands behind his back as Sea Biscuit looked at him in shock, the mare looking up at him from her position by his side.
“Are you crazy Captain? That’s a Griffon navy ship, do you know how dangerous they are!? Just how are we, a crew of fifty ponies and whatever you are going to fight a warship probably carrying a crew of two-hundred!?”
Nigel was unfazed, turning to face his subordinate as the crew members scurried around the ship, ponies clutching swords and spears in the crook of their forelegs and mouths with the few Unicorns levitating their weapons in their magic fields.
“My answers in order: Yes. I don’t care. I’m a human and don’t worry about the fighting, I’ve got a plan so cunning and tactical that they won’t know what hit them.”
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
Captain Strongbeak Ironclad chuckled as he observed the approaching pirate ship through a looking glass. His ship, the ‘Sea Bird’ would be more than capable of taking on the small pony crewed vessel especially considering that an extra fifty griffon soldiers were on-board to ensure the safe arrival of Strongbeak’s cargo. With a total crew of three-hundred-and-twenty-five armed griffons this pony pirate ship was more of a boon rather than a curse; they were in need of some entertainment. The griffons crewed their battle stations, weapons and armour donned and ready. The crew were bloodthirsty, eager for some ponies to fight. Fresh meat was rare out at sea so any opportunity to acquire some was welcome.
The small pirate ship was in clear visual range, Captain Strongbeak noticing a large bipedal creature amongst the ponies, maybe a Minotaur that had joined them? Strongbeak wasn’t overly concerned, he had killed Minotaurs before without much issue as the brutes while strong tended to lack intelligence. He smiled confidently at the opposing ship, his crew around him letting out war-shrieks as the enemy ship drew alongside them.
“Go Go Gadget Grappling Hook!”
A booming voice rang out across the gap, the bipedal creature raising a fist towards the centre mast, a grappling hook somehow exploding out from the creature’s arm. The griffon crew watched in surprise as the hook soared through the air, hitting their spotter standing in the Crow’s Nest square in the face, the metal hook punching out of the back of the unfortunate sailor’s head not even giving him a chance to scream.
The Spotter’s body tumbled into the rigging, getting caught up in the rope. The creature used this to its advantage as it swung across the gap between the two ships, landing in the middle of the griffons who had dived out of the way to avoid the impact. The black metal creature rose up to its full height, looking much more intimidating up close than Captain Strongbeak had first thought. The hook impaled in the Spotter’s face retracted, the blood-covered head reeling back in to store itself in the biped’s arm. It looked around itself, a smooth black face with no features causing a chill to run down every griffon’s spine.
“Guess I should change my name to Captain Hook,” the creature chuckled, producing speech despite lacking a mouth. “Which one of you is the Ringleader of this sad circus?”
Captain Strongbeak stepped forward, brandishing a sabre with a talon and a snarl on his face.
“I am Captain Strongbeak Ironclad of the Griffon Navy. Prepare to die Creature!”
_________________________________________________________________________________________
Nigel sized up the Griffon Captain in front of him, the creature coming up to Nigel’s chest in height, about as tall as one-and-a-half ponies. He was wearing ornate metal armour, iron most likely and this protection was highlighted with jewels and streaks of precious metals. A mass of griffons circled Nigel pointing their weapons at him, anger clearly visable on their faces. Nigel looked straight at the Captain, a barrel emerging from his right gauntlet which he pointed at the griffon.
“You have one chance you pussy,” Nigel started as he addressed the Captain, “surrender or face the consequences. Believe me, I’m not lion when I say that I’m really looking forward to killing you. I won’t be griffon any fucks about your demise, egg-specially considering your bird-brained behaviour.”
The onslaught of puns proved too much for Captain Strongbeak to take, the Griffon charging at Nigel with his sabre ready. Strongbeak had barely left his spot before a boom rang out, the shotgun Nigel had trained on him throwing a deadly hail of buckshot out which tore into the griffon’s body before the force of the shot propelled the griffon over the opposite side of the ship.
“This is my Boomstick” Nigel coolly stated as the remaining griffons stared at him in horror. With a flick of Nigel’s left wrist a powered blade the length of his arm slid out, the blue energy field that covered the blade creating a faint sizzling sound as it disrupted the air around it.
“Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of rum!” Nigel yelled as he descended upon the griffons with murder on his mind.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Sea Biscuit watched with the rest of the stunned crew as the Captain absolutely destroyed the griffons, the human using a combination of his glowing blade, his terrifyingly-loud weapon and his armoured body to slaughter any griffon that came at him. Crimson blood arced in the air as heads were decapitated, bodies were shredded and panicked screams filled the air. The most horrifying thing about the situation was not the gore or unrestrained violence, oh no.
The constant peals of estatic laughter originating from the human Captain was by far the creepiest thing Sea Biscuit had ever experienced.
Chalmers cackled like a mad-pony as he butchered the griffons on the ship, many of the remaining crew shedding their armour and weapons as they took flight into the air and away from the human. The Captain continued until there were no remaining griffons left alive on the ship, the entire engagement lasting only a few minutes. The entire crew were broken out of their trance by the loud voice of the Captain addressing them from the larger vessel.
“Oi, are you lot going to help me capture this ship or are you just going to stand there catching flies in your mouths?”
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
An hour had passed and the all of the assorted bits of griffon had been tossed overboard, multiple ponies still working on cleaning the blood soaked deck however. Nigel admired the ship they had taken possession of, the new vessel obviously military in nature with a re-enforced hull and large caches of weapons and supplies. The vessel could comfortably host roughly three-hundred and fifty beings in its massive area, the ponies marvelling at the huge boat that they had claimed as their own. The only area left un-explored was the lowest cargo hold, a team of ponies had already been sent down below decks to crack it open.
Nigel looked to his right arm, studying the shotgun barrel as it once again concealed itself in his gauntlet. It was amazing, according to the owner’s manual the suit could fabricate a range of weapons on the fly using a combination of nanotechnology and quantum mechanics, the science behind it flying way over Nigel’s head and he wasn’t exactly stupid either. Nigel promised himself that he would sit down when the chance arose and really delve into the documentation, eager to find out about what other surprises the suit may be hiding.
The hatch leading down towards the ship’s lower levels burst open, a unicorn mare poking her head out of the space. Her grey mane was messed up and she was holding a hoof up to her muzzle with a ill look on her face.
“Captain Chalmers Sir, you need to see this now!"