Let’s return to the concept of the corrupt social structure that Celestia set in place. In any other reasonable society, one’s population would never allow such a system favouring social dominance to become the norm. But one has to remember that the society in the beginning of the Classical Era was anything but reasonable; it was indeed quite weak. This wasn’t because of Discord and his policies that still had an influence on early Classical-Era society of course, no, it was because of Celestia’s forced indoctrinations.
As I have stated before, Celestia immediately had to create a cult of personality revolving around her to ensure the longevity of her regime and the ponies’ loyalty towards her. An example of this can be seen in her actions against the Church of Faust, an ancient religion predating to the Pre-Equestrian Era, in which die-hard religious ponies, or Faustiebers,[59] believed that the second coming of Faust (as foretold in the now-lost “Show Bible”) was the only thing that could save the show pony society from eternal damnation. While the powers of the church seemed to waver during the Discordian Age, its influence was completely eliminated under Celestia. Religion would compete against the idolization she desired, and as such, the Church along with a few but slightly significant Faustiebers, were forcefully re-educated.
With the elimination of the remnant powers of the Church of Faust, it seemed like Celestia’s cult of godhood was complete. With continued subtleties such as this, and, following the rebuilding of Equestria, a national public education program, one can easily see how Celestia implanted the idea of unicorn superiority into the minds of the population. As I had previously stated, while this unfair class system was implemented for Celestia’s agenda only, it had an unexpected positive side effect (for the unicorns only of course). Increased significance placed on the glory of the unicorns caused their culture to benefit exponentially, and allowed for the establishment of a bourgeoisie, an upper tier of rich unicorns, which formed as quickly as two years after Equestrian reconstruction efforts.[60]
This upper unicorn class caused the unicorn focused capital to grow more grandiose, eventually creating an image of a high-class city, with taller and grander buildings by the year. Interestingly enough, while a castle was created for their false gods to live in, at the time, it was more of a formality than anything. The royal sisters would use it as a second home of sorts, choosing to conduct most of their business in the ancient castle of what used to be the royal castle of the unicorn tribe. While one would think that their lack of actual presence in Canterlot would be a detriment to their pro-unicorn agendas, the fact they were living in a castle that historically belonged to the unicorn tribes only served to further the idea that unicorns held superior blood, and that they were their gods’ purest descendants. Typical unicorn stupidity aside, I simply attribute their choice of continuing to live in the ancient castle (which of course, was renovated from its previous decaying state) as a result of their childhood nostalgia; they probably lived in the remains of the castle as youngsters, and therefore had a greater preference for the place.
Getting back to the unicorn class thing, the unicorn aristocracy also caused an influx of financial spending, as they tended to enjoy purchasing unnecessarily expensive things, such as diamond encrusted toilets, an idea that was certainly helped by Canterlot’s rich mineral stores in its crystal mines (along with the fact that unicorns ate more fiber than a parasprite in a Fiber One factory). This increase in spending by the rich, as well as the established public education system, caused a long-lasting boost in Equestria’s economy, as well as an upsurge of new thinkers and ideas in the country. Through this, one can certainly see why some would consider this to be Equestria’s Golden Age,[61] but I hold true to the fact that the facetious nature of Celestia’s “improvements” would contribute to the country’s eventual radiation poisoning (yes, I’m sticking with that metaphor).
For example, the establishment of a unicorn aristocracy, as I had stated, caused racial differences to intensify to a great extent. The most up in arms (or legs? hooves?) over this, the pegasi, were proving to be a potential problem to the regime.[62] You might expect the Earth Ponies to be a vocal majority in this as well, but most of them were mostly just admiring the fact they had working outhouses.[63] Keep on shining like the superior pony race you are, guys.
Anyways, in an attempt to quell their anger, Celestia established a military structure from the basis of her secret police (the Celestia…Watermelon thing. I forgot what it’s called. Honestly, I’m just making this up as I go along) completely dependent on pegasi in an attempt to give them more rights and power, as well as to make them feel like they had a say in things. Surprisingly, the pegasi were somehow satisfied by this false impression of power, and filled the ranks of the Equestrian military with pride like the idiots they were. The earth ponies, of course, were much more intelligent, and didn’t fall for any of Celestia’s ploys (probably because they didn’t need to, they were still admiring the whole outhouse thing).
While it might have been foolhardy to assume that giving the pegasi a monopoly over the military would not have any repercussions in the long run, Celestia had so much of the public’s support for her reign that it did not prove to be a problem for a long time to come. And if that’s not evidence supporting the fact that indoctrinations existed, I don’t know what is.
Celestia exploited the idiocy of the pegasi by “graciously” providing them a “unique and specialized role of weather and cloud management”.[64] By giving the pegasi such meaningless titles such as this and forcing them to do government work for free, “to support their new goddesses”,[65] Celestia had given the pegasi a false sense of belonging, identity, and most importantly, superiority; effectively eliminating their desire to revolt against the pro-unicorn system. To put it into plainer words, Celestia had pretty much twisted the pegasi around her finger.[66]
With her temporary solution in quelling racial unrest, it seemed like Celestia had the world on a string. She even managed to deal with another of Equestria’s long-lasting problems, the frequent monster attacks. In fact, interestingly enough, as soon as Celestia rose to power, the monsters became less and less of a threat. This was especially prevalent in areas that she (and her sister) had recently visited.[67] Experts in pony-monster relations state that this was most likely due to their fear of Celestia’s power; after all, she was the one who defeated Discord, a creature (to them), that possessed more power than they could ever hope to muster. So perhaps Celestia’s “rule by fear” was what caused monster aggression to subside.
…Or maybe they just started dropping dead from monster STIs. I know I dedicated entire freakin’ chapters to discussing the strength of Celestia’s godly image, and how out of nowhere and “asspullish”[68] this theory may seem, but I have the best kind of evidence to prove this wild claim.
No evidence whatsoever.
What I’m trying to say here is that while there’s no evidence to prove this theory, there’s no evidence to disprove this theory either. So therefore it must be possible, right? And don’t none of you report me to the Fallacy Police. I know they’re watching me. Whenever I take those smart pills I can sense their presence. Their cruel, unblinking eyes, watching and penetrating areas of me I didn’t even know existed. Just waiting for me to slip up in logic. But luckily for me, I haven’t had any such fallacies or leaps in logic so far. It’s all thanks to my superior intellect.
But I’m on to you.
I’M ON TO YOU.
You know, I’ve had enough of this long, paragraph-spanning blowjob to Celestia and her supposed “successes”. I mean, sure, I can talk about how Equestria made several technological, social, and economic advances under her rule, and sure, I can talk about how she managed to solve the dragon problem (providing the dragons jewels from the crystal caverns underneath Canterlot in exchange for their eggs in her secret program, Jewels4Babies©), but nopony cares about that kind of thing. I find it wayyy more fun to talk about her failures. And besides, that’s what you came here to read, right? Unless you’re my prof, and in that case, [70].
So let’s jump 200 years later to the event that marked the beginning of the end for the Classical Era (thank Smooze) and another one of Equestria’s turning points; the Crystal War.