What do you get when you cross Twilight Sparkle with Rainbow Dash?
Torture and inevitable suicide.
Never in her life had the most awesome pegasus in Equestria considered that she could ever loathe another pony so, let alone one of her closest friends. Never had she been this close to gouging her own eyes out with the very pencil she held in a crushing grip, straining the writing utensil to its breaking point. Never before had she consecutively beat her head against a desk 328 times... 329... 330...
Okay, okay, okay. Rainbow sat up straight in her chair, glaring daggers at the blank page of the notebook resting in front of her. Okay.
"Okie dokie lokie," she muttered aloud. "Blalalalala. Okay. Just... write."
Write what?
"ANYTHING! Just do it already!" Crossing her eyes, she gave the evilest, most hate-filled stare possible at the Dumb Wooden Writing Stick wedged between her teeth. "Well?!"
The object didn't respond, as it was completely incapable of independent movement or thought.
Of course, this didn't stop Rainbow from hurling it out the window to the ground about fifty feet below her house. After a few seconds of silence, a faint crack echoed through the air, and Rainbow grinned smugly. Dumb pencil.
Now that her attention had shifted, she momentarily put aside her recent triumph and recalled a memory from earlier that day, one which happened to be the cause of her current predicament.
"No."
Twilight blinked in surprise. "What?"
"No," Rainbow repeated. "I'm not doing it."
"Why not?"
"I don't want to."
"But..."
"No, Twilight." Turning her back on the alicorn, Rainbow sat down on the floor of the Golden Oaks Library and crossed her hooves over her chest and closed her eyes.
"But Rainbow--"
"NO!"
"Why are you being so stubborn about this?" Rainbow heard quiet hoofsteps as Twilight moved to her side, but she turned her head away.
"I'm not even good at writing, let alone poetry," Rainbow spat out the word; that dreadful, super-egghead word, which left a bad taste in her mouth.
"Well, how are you ever going to get better if you don't practice?"
"I don't need to get better!" Rainbow turned to stare Twilight in the face, annoyance clear in her eyes. "I went to school, I graduated, that's it! I've developed all I need to develop, and I don't feel like wasting any more than the twelve years I've already spent on it!"
"But writing is so much fun!" Twilight's dreamy smile vanished upon seeing the deadpan expression on the pegasus' face, and she tilted her head towards the ground, looking up at her friend with wet eyes and a quivering lip. "Please? For me?"
"Goodbye, Twilight." Rainbow began walking towards the front door, ignoring the pained sigh she heard from behind her.
"I was hoping I wouldn't have to do this..." Twilight mumbled. "Rainbow Dash, I... I order you to write this poem."
Rainbow froze, her front hoof hovering over the doorknob. "You what?"
"I command you, as one of my subjects, to write that poem." Twilight cringed noticeably at the prospect of using her royal powers to control other ponies, but did not break eye contact.
"You... you're joking, right?" Rainbow dropped back to all fours, turning to fully face Twilight.
"No, I'm not." Twilight stamped a hoof on the ground. "You're writing it, and that's final."
Rainbow gaped at her, feeling her wings fall limply to her sides. "I can't believe this."
"Well..." Twilight rubbed the back of her head awkwardly. "I mean, don't... I mean..." She flinched away from Rainbow, who let out a loud huff of disbelief. "Well, look at it this way: it's not that much different from a friendship report to Princess Celestia, right? And it's not like it has to be really long." She placed a hoof on her friend's shoulder and gazed into her eyes. "Look, Rainbow. I think this could be really good for you. Writing has always helped me express myself, and I learn new things about myself every day because of that. Couldn't you at least just... just try?"
Rainbow stared at the ground, squinting in thought. If this was really that important to Twilight, maybe she should at least try it, just this once. From what it sounded like, Twilight really did think this would help her, and Rainbow had to admit that her personality sometimes lacked a bit of the substance her friends seemed to demonstrate.
Even if it was all just replaced by awesomeness, anyway.
"Okay, fine," Rainbow sighed. Twilight squealed in delight and gave her a tight hug around the neck before rushing off to another room. She returned moments later with a thin notebook and a pencil floating above her, which she presented to the pegasus proudly.
Rainbow eyed the notebook suspiciously. "If you think I'm going to fill that entire thing with poems, you're gonna be disappointed."
Twilight gave a wry smile as Rainbow warily took the notebook and pencil from her. "We'll see."
"Can I just get this over with right now?" Rainbow asked. Twilight frowned, but nodded, leading her to a desk in a back corner of the library. Rainbow sat in a chair and tossed the notebook on the desk, already trying to come up with a topic for the poem. Speaking of which...
"Hey, Twi, what's this thing supposed to be about, anyway?"
"Well, anything you want, really," Twilight answered, shrugging. "I guess you should try to write about something that truly represents Rainbow Dash."
"Something me, eh?" Rainbow smirked. "I think I can manage that."
"Good!" Twilight turned and made her way to the kitchen, tossing a quick glance back at her. "Have fun!"
"You bet," Rainbow grumbled. Hmmm... something that represents me...
About five minutes later, Twilight was relaxing in the kitchen with a warm cup of tea when the silence was shattered by an excited (and relieved) shout.
"I'VE GOT IT!"
Twilight jolted upright in her chair, nearly flinging the beverage at the ceiling in surprise before she steadied her grip. "Well, seems like she finally had an idea--"
"Yep, and I'm all done!"
This time she actually did throw the teacup at the ceiling.
"AAH! Rainbow!" Twilight pushed the notebook away from her face and glared at the blue pegasus standing behind her. "Warn a mare before you just--wait, what?" She snatched the notebook from Rainbow's hooves and scanned over it. "How could you already be done?"
"Fastest pony in all of Equestria, Twi!"
"Yeah, yeah... Well, let's see what you... wait."
Been dreaming, I've been waiting
to fly with those great ponies
The Wonderbolts, their daring tricks,
spinning round and
Twilight stopped reading and very slowly turned to an anxious Rainbow Dash.
"What?" Rainbow withered under the alicorn's unamused gaze. "It represents me, and you said it could be short..."
Twilight shook her head, breathing out harshly. "Rainbow, I know that this is exactly what you sang at the Grand Galloping Gala. I was literally right there. Do I look stupid to you?"
...
"Get out."
So here she was, sitting at home, cooped-up inside with a blank notebook and an even blanker mind as she struggled to come up with some way to begin.
And to top it off, she no longer had anything to write with.
Stupid poem...