***
“Well, I think this concludes our meeting for the week. I’m looking forward to chatting with you guys again next week. Fillylicker, stay back for a while before you leave. I need to speak with you. In private,” Flamingcrotchtits said cordially.
Fillylicker stood uneasily, and waited as the rest of the group vacated the alleyway individually, taking care not to be seen by any of the other members, or to be noticed by the general public. What did their leader want with him? Was it the moonbait? It was definitely the moonbait.
“Relax,” Flamingcrotchtits said, putting a hoof around Fillylicker’s broad shoulders. “I’m not gonna do anything with this moonbait collection you’ve got stashed around the clubhouse.”
Fillylicker’s eyes widened with surprise. Because of the bucket he was wearing, Flamingcrotchtits couldn’t quite gauge his reaction completely. However, he decided that it was worth pressing on.
“I’m not gonna do anything with it… yet. Say, Big Macintosh, how about you help me with a little something?”
Fillylicker’s thoughts were racing now. How could Flamingcrotchtits know about his true identity? In the first place, how did he know about the moonbait? Well, that was unimportant. At least he didn’t know about the pictures. Yes, the pictures. Those amazing, beautiful risque shots of the fine fillies and foals who attended Ponyville’s single-roomed schoolhouse.
“Oh,” Flamingcrotchtits continued, seemingly reading his mind, “and those pictures too. It’d be a shame if the Royal Guard were to find out about them. Wouldn’t it, Big Mac?”
“E-e-eyup,” Fillylicker managed to stammer out.
“So, about those pictures. I can keep quiet, but for a price. You listening?”
“Eeyup.”
***
My dearest, most faithful student Twilight,
How has it been going in Ponyville? I’ve managed to find a bit of space before the beginning of the Summer Sun Celebration this year. Seeing as it will be the only time this year that I’ll be free, I would love to meet and discuss the newest area of study on hoof. Love! Yes, my loyal student, we will study the magic of love together-
Celestia paused, and frowned at the parchment she was writing on. It sounded more and more suggestive as she read the letter over again. Ah well. She was inviting herself over in hopes of starting something more than friendship with her student, anyhow. She giggled to herself maniacally, imagining Twilight running around frantically in preparation for her visit. Yes, the way she ran herself ragged for Celestia’s sake, to put it tamely, turned her on.
***
“Are the preparations ready?”
“Eeeyup.”
“Alright. Operation Molestia is a go!”
***
“Bad news, Twilight!” Spike burst in, interrupting a tea party well under way between Celestia and her student, who were engrossed in conversation.
“What is it now, Spike?” Twilight asked exasperatedly.
“The… schoolhouse…” Spike managed to force out before collapsing.
“Spike! Get a hold of yourself! Princess, I am so sorry!” Twilight shouted hysterically as she struggled to hold back tears.
“Don’t worry about it, Twilight,” Celestia said, salivating at the sight of a disheveled Twilight attempting to drag Spike out of the doorway.
“Filly… licker…” Spike said weakly. “No… survivors…”
Hearing the word ‘Fillylicker,’ Celestia’s ears immediately perked up. Could it be? The very same?
***
“My, my, these Royal Guards really are quite useless, aren’t they?” Celestia remarked coldly as she passed by a pile of unconscious armoured stallions. “I ought to have a ‘word’ with Shining Armour about that,” she added to herself. “After all, such shameful performance reflects poorly upon the royal image.”
A flash of white passed by Celestia’s face as she advanced closer to the schoolhouse. In a sizable impact crater metres in front her hooves laid yet another Royal Guard, groaning in pain. Taking special care to step on the unfortunate stallion, Celestia kept her eyes scanning the horizon for more pony-based projectile weapons headed her way.
“Then again,” she giggled hysterically, “these guards are just so fun to punish.”
She heard the shriek of a filly somewhere in the distance, and the irregular, ragged breaths of a full-grown stallion. She was getting closer.
Reaching the doors of the schoolhouse, Celestia stepped on an unconscious cerise-coloured mare as she crossed the threshold into unknown territory. Her eyes adjusted to the dark confines of the classroom.
“So,” she said darkly, “we meet again.”
“Eeyup.”
“Well, you know what this means, don’t you? I told you I would let you off with a spanking the last time when I caught you stealing Luna’s baby photos, but this is really unforgivable. What a worthless stallion. Does your dirty mud pony mind not comprehend simple commands? Such inordinate behavior cannot go unpunished!”
“Eeyup.”
“We sentence thou to ten thousand full-grown mares!” Celestia half-giggled, half-shouted as she charged toward Big Macintosh, horn glowing a dull red.
“Ah. Only. Like. Single. Digits!” he shouted back defiantly, as he returned the charge.
***
Screams of sorrow reverberated through the cavernous torture chamber. A solitary stallion, massive in size cried in agony as a veritable herd of mares assaulted him with their affection.
“Unbelievable,” Flash Sentry said in a disgusted voice as he watched on in envy. “To think I’d pull guard duty for this weirdo.”
***