These are excerpts from a private diary, which belonged to a mare from old Ponyville from seven centuries past. Normally, it would be bad manners to reprint a lady's deeply personal thoughts for all the world to see. But this diary belonged to a pony who was in a position to gather all the gossip and secrets in old Ponyville – that of the town hair stylist. Please note in translating this work out of Middle Equestrian, I had to change some narrative terms, and kind of altered the writing style a bit, almost making it sound like my own. Anyway, I hope you enjoy my translation, though I can't say the original author had a good time writing it...
Tornado Firehooves
Dream Castle Historian
A beautician's woes
Have you ever had something go totally wrong, diary? Something that just seems to turn a perfect day into a disaster? Well, this kind of thing happens to me all the time, and it was today, dearest diary, that was a perfect example of just how bad these days can get...
"Marvelous, simply marvelous work on my splendid mane!" a mare exclaimed in delight. "Daffeydazey, you've done it again!"
Another satisfied customer trotted out of the shop, her mane done up in a style she's delighted with, and a feeling she's been properly pampered and made to feel special. As another mare came trotting in through my door, I proudly reflected on how my special brand of delicate love and care can make a little worry and stress melt away like butter on a hot stove. It is my special talent, after all... making sure the earth ponies of this town are feelin' good, feelin' good!
Oh my stars, I'm getting way ahead of myself! My name's Daffey, and I'm the chief mane stylist and beautician of Ponyville. I run The Petal Parlor, a sweet little beauty salon that puts together the hottest styles in the land! As a white mare with a yellow and pink mane, I might not look like much myself... but the ponies all love my stylin' so much, I even get the unicorns and Pegasi flyin' into this place!
"Hello, Daffey Darling!" a blue mare with a rainbow mane greeted me, the bell above my door ringing as she trotted into my shop. "I'm here for the usual, think you can fit me in, darling?"
"Sure, Rainbow Dash!" I called from one of the tables, as I swept away the blonde, pink, and purple clippings left from cutting Sunny Daze's mane. "Just let me take care of my next customer here, and I'll be right with you."
"Oh, take your time, darling." My many-colored-maned friend laughed, took a seat, and grabbed a magazine. "I don't have to be back at the dress shop for a few hours, so I have plenty of time to kill."
I merely nodded, and went back to sweeping up the clippings. Ever since I was a little filly, I knew that being a beautician was my special calling. That's what that blossoming flower on my flank represents – the beauty I can craft from an uncut and unwashed mane – 'tis my art to snip and cull away at a pony's pastel locks, my true passion! Only by diving into a mare's hair with shears and comb in hoof, can I feel truly feel alive!
I apprenticed under the town's previous beautician as a teenager, and took over The Petal Parlor when she retired. I may not be the prettiest pony myself (In fact, I really don't think I'm pretty at all) but I can give all my friends the cutest haircuts Ponyville has ever seen!
On one side of the salon, Sweetberry and Sparkleworks were sitting under two hairdryers with their manes up in curlers, waiting for their perms to get done. In the back, my assistant Amberlocks was washing Razzaroo's hair, getting her mane ready for the next big birthday party she's planning. She's such a good little assistant, that Amberlocks. She told me she wants to open her own shop in Unicornia, The Celebration Salon, after I've taught her all I know.
"Hey boss, I finished the shampoo!" my pink apprentice with the orange mane called up. "Razz wants conditioner number six in her mane, should I give it to her?"
"No, don't use that one!" I yelled back, getting the chair in front of me ready for it's next occupant. "Razz has a mane that easily tangles, use number eight on that scruffy mess!"
"Awww, you're no fun, Daffey!" Razzaroo snorted back to me, annoyed. "I wanted the lilac-scented one, yes yes yes!"
"That one'll make your mane an even bigger mess! Oh no no no!" Turning back, I spun the pink barber chair around to face a mirror, and looked over at the ponies seated in the chairs nearby. "Next!"
"All right Daffey!" a green mare with a candy cutie mark said, laughing. "I think it's my turn to go next!"
"A-all right...if you say so, Minty." I replied nervously, as the green pony hopped into the seat. As I began to comb her mane over, I tried to push my worries out of my head. Sure, Minty may be the klutziest Pony in Ponyville, but that doesn't mean she's going to mess up the shop again like the last time I tried to cut her mane, right? "What'll it be this time, Mints? The usual?"
"Nah, give me a ponytail, with some ribbons this time." She giggled again. "Make 'em green, of course!"
"You got it, Minty." I clapped my hooves together. "Snippy, bring me my shears, please."
"On it, chief!" The little pink Breezie zoomed up, bringing my scissors with her. "You want the electirc razor, too?"
"Nah, Minty's mane doesn't call for it," I tell her, throwing a cloth over Minty to keep the hair off of her shiny coat. "Now, what have you been doing, Mints?"
"Oh, you know… burning cookies in Pinkie Pie's kitchen here, knocking all the books off the shelves in Storybelle's library there," she replied with a nervous laugh, as I started to trim her mane. "Just my usual silly mess-ups, ya know?"
"Oh Minty." I sighed, pushing my glasses back up my muzzle as they began to slide down. "Do you always have to be so klutzy?"
"Oh, come on now, I'm not really that bad," She added defensively, rambling as usual. "Well, I mean I'm not all that bad, as least compared to other ponies. I mean, don't we all have our goofy moments? I mean sure, my foul-ups might be the foulest of the foul. But my errors are the erroriest and my mistakes aren't the mistakiest. I mean, look at you whenever you don't have your glasses on, Daffey. You become the clumsiest, most-"
"Oh, she's nothing compared to you, darling," Rainbow Dash butted in, as she stepped up to my shop's Twist and Twirl machine. "Or have you forgotten how you 'helped' me by dyeing my favorite gown green."
"Hey, I think it looks prettier!" The green pony snorted indignantly. "Besides, that rainbow dress was clashing with your rainbow... well, everything else."
"Wow, what a comeback, darling." The blue earth pony sighed, as her mane was twisted up into the machine, and Amberlocks went to work styling Dash's new curls. "Tell me darling, how do you put up with the awful and terrible burden of being Minty?"
"Awww, you're just jealous, Dash," Minty replied with her usual giggle. "And it's me who should be jealous of a wonderful pony like you. Can't you see I'm simply green with envy?"
The four of us burst out laughing at that – none of those jabs had been serious, of course. I've never seen a pony get mad at another pony in this town, even the males manage to control their temper around here (except that silly hubby of Fiesta's, I really wish he'd keep his nosy snout to himsel- ahem, anyway...)
And it was at this point, that all the trouble began.
Minty began flailing her hooves around as she laughed, and knocked my glasses off my face. "Whoa-oa-ooa!" It sent me stumbling backward... right into the button for the twist and twirl machine.
"Rainbow Dash, Look out!" Amberlocks shrieked, quickly diving out of the way. "Or you'll get one bad hair day!"
"Darling, what are you-" Running at full power, the machine suddenly sucked her mane up into it's innards, picking the poor mare up off the ground, and spinning her through the air like a helicopter.
"A-i-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" I heard Rainbow Dash wail, as her mane tore free, and sent her flying into the unoccupied hair dryers. The machines began to sizzle as Dash's skull connected with the wiring, and our poor dressmaker suddenly lit up, as the voltage shot and sparked through her body.
"Ahhhhhhh" -zap!- "Aieeeeeeee!" -zot!- "Agahhhhhhhhh!"
"Whoah, cool!" Spakleworks exclaimed, as she and Sweetberry jumped out from under the dryers. "She's all lit up like one of Sunny's video games!"
"Oh my stars!" I shrieked, slipping my glasses back onto my face. "Rainbow Dash, are you all right?"
"Oh, fine, fine... just fine darling." The blue pony pulled herself out of the frayed electrical mess, her torn and haggard mane sticking out in every direction, and her eyes rolling around in her head like billiard balls. "I just have one question, darling..." *cough* -zap!- Her mouth sparked like a lighter. "Did someone get the number of that carriage that ran me over?"
Rainbow Dash then collapsed into a heap. Panic spread though the salon, as we all crowded around poor Dashie, to make sure she was all right. Minty hopped out of the barber's chair with her half-cut mane, and once she saw Rainbow was going to be fine, slowly backed her way out the door.
"Ohhh, hey, look at the time... I have a batch of green shamrock juice to mix up. " The green mare whinnied nervously, before making a break out the door. "Sorry Daffey, I'll have to finish my mane cut later bye seeya!"
As Minty galloped her way out the door, a white mare with a magnifying glass cutie mark came trotting in after her.
"Allo, Miss Daffeydazey! I'm 'ere for my usual perm and curler job!" Puzzlemint exclaimed as she came through the door. "Blimey, was that Minty who just went gallopin' outta 'ere? An' why does somethin' in 'ere smell like really badly charred meat?"
And that, dear diary, was how things went so terribly, terribly wrong today...