The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 9 Dan Vs. …
Chapter 67: Dan & Pinkie Vs. Unexpected Trip
*****
“I’m still not sure why you all insist on coming to these places.” Elise stated, glancing at her husband and staring at Pinkie and Dan on the other side of the booth.
Chris shrunk away from his wife slightly as he continued eating from his giant stack of pancakes amongst his other dishes. The mostly empty plates speaking volumes regarding his purpose for coming along.
Dan didn’t even bother to look up from his turkey sandwich.
“Ah, come on, Elise!” Pinkie replied cheerfully, wearing her pink dress and small blue jacket. “We always have so much fun!”
“You two have fun!” Elise corrected, pointing in Pinkie’s and Dan’s direction. “Chris and I are mostly happy just to get away before the cops show up.” Elise scanned the Lenny’s. “Frankly, I don’t get what keeps you two coming back time and time again. You seem to hate the ambience, the drinks, anything that’s baked…”
“But they serve breakfast, all day!” Pinkie protested as she dug her fork into her hot sauced drenched eggs and sausages.
“Also, the fact that we hate it makes it easier to terrorize,” Dan added.
“Yeah, that too,” Pinkie agreed, nodding vigorously before taking a bite of her food.
“And look!” Dan motioned out to a familiar, blond haired, California tanned waitress. “Familiar faces!”
The waitress, in turn, glanced over and glowered at the table as she continued taking the order of a rambunctious family, mumbling something barely audible about an inability to escape her tormentors.
Elise sighed. “Well, it would just be nice if we could eat our food and leave. Rather than have to flee the premises, for a change.”
“Awww, but running away is half the fun!” Pinkie declared.
Chris swallowed a large bite of pancake. “Maybe you guys can let Elise have this one, we don’t have to set off a syrup bomb or steal shelving to construct functional, medieval siege weaponry.”
“Don’t have to, but should anyway,” Dan replied.
Chris opened his mouth to speak again, but paused, instead looking past Dan and Pinkie.
“What are you staring at, jerkface?” Dan asked. “Did Pinkie splatter food all over me with her crazy slurping again?”
Pinkie put a pout on her face. “But, I was showing restraint this time!” She protested.
“No, that’s not it…” Chris said, continuing to stare out behind the couple. “Isn’t that…uh…the guy?”
“There are lots of guys here, in case you didn’t notice, nimrod.” Dan stated flatly. “You know, world is about fifty percent full of them? It’d be pretty terrifying if the world was, say…mostly females by some sort of crazy high margin.”
Pinkie giggled nervously.
Elise squinted, looking past Dan and Pinkie. “Hey! I think you’re right!”
Pinkie and Dan turned in their booth and looked behind them.
At another booth across the restaurant, a man with Dan’s stature sat and carried on what looked to be a happy conversation with a woman across the table from him. His hair was a cut similar to Dan’s, though much better kept. Similarly his face was cleaning shaven, save a triangular soul patch. His eyes were also blue instead of green with a much softer look. He wore a light blue button up shirt and a pair of jeans.
Dan flinched.
Pinkie smiled and giggled. “Hehehe…Hey, he can be your twin.”
“Yeah, my evil twin.” Dan stated.
“Huh?” Pinkie uttered in a confused tone.
Elise cleared her throat.
Dan turned back in his seat to see Elise and Chris giving him a pair of bemused looks as if they were saying ‘Seriously?’ with their expressions.
“Eviler twin.” Dan corrected, shooting a glare at Chris and Elise.
The married couple’s expressions remained unchanged.
“What!?” Dan protested angrily. “He tried to steal my identity and got me thrown in jail! That’s got to count for something!”
“Wait…” Pinkie said. She turned back in the booth and looked at Dan. “That’s the guy who impersonated you?” She asked with wide eyes.
“I swear on my Grandma’s grave.” Dan replied.
“Dan, you and I both know that doesn’t count for much.” Pinkie responded.
“I uh…” Dan thought for a moment. “I swear on your Grandma’s grave?”
Pinkie gasped. “Granny Pie?!” She immediately stood up and exited the booth and started walking over to Dan’s doppelganger.
“Uh-oh…” Elise uttered.
-
“Well… I just enjoy giving back to the community, so much…” The man in the blue shirt said to the woman across from him who continued to smile and nod enthusiastically. “Just a quiet, simple life of helping others, making friends.” He grinned warmly. “I mean, stirring up the pot just leaves room for something to come back and bite you when you least expect it.” He chuckled. “Not that I’d know anything about that…”
The woman paused, as Pinkie walked into view. Looming over the couple’s booth.
“Uh, hello…I don’t believe you and I have had the pleasure of meeting, yet, I mean…I never forget a face, and you look like someone who’s clearly put a lot of thought into their image.” Dan’s look alike said with a warm smile as he extended a hand to the mystery woman in a pink dress. “I’m Dan.”
Pinkie grinned and looked over the short man with slightly crazed, wild eyes. “No you’re not.” She replied.
The woman and man in the booth exchanged a quick, confused glanced.
“I’m not?” He asked.
“No, you see…I’m Dan’s girlfriend…” Pinkie’s smile grew even wider as her eyes narrowed. “…and I’m completely out of my mind.”
The man in the blue shirt expression turned worried and scanned the restaurant. He caught sight of Dan and shot him a small pleading look.
Dan merely shrugged in response.
“Uh, Dan?” The woman called out. “I’m gonna go and let you sort this out…”
“No wait…” Dan* protested.
“You might want to let her leave.” Pinkie advised. “She probably doesn’t want to see what’s coming next?”
Dan* turned back to Pinkie. “No hold on a second, we’re both reasonably people…I’m sure we can work this out.”
Pinkie glared in reply. “If you were almost anyone else in the whole wide world, that might have been an option. But…you’re you…isn’t that right,” Pinkie’s eye twitched and she ground her teeth rapidly as she smiled wide and madly, “not Dan?”
-o
“Uh, maybe she just wants to talk to him!” Chris suggested hopefully.
“That’s…not very likely.” Dan informed, as he watched Pinkie launch into what appeared to be a heated tirade.
Chris looked at Dan. “Well, she made you apologize to some of the people you’ve wronged before.”
Dan nodded. “Right, the people I’ve wronged. She made me write up an apology list and everything on the chance I’d run into any of them,” He explained. “But this guy wasn’t on that list “Pinkie added him, herself, to another list.”
Elise winced. “Does that mean what I think it means?” She asked.
Dan reached into his pocket and pulled out a small notepad. He flipped it a few times, then turned it around so Elise and Chris could see.
Chris and Elise’s expressions dropped as they looked over the page.
‘Dan*’, with ‘*Imposter’ written a bit smaller and a bit below, was dead center in the page in bright, glittery pen ink. Additionally, Pinkie had taken time to scrawl out the words ‘die’, ‘pain’, ‘suffering’, ‘death’ and sprinkled multiple renditions of each over the page, dotting each ‘i’ with a heart, and adding a doodle of a chef’s knife through each one. Underneath it all was a drawing of a straight-haired, pink pony smiling madly and holding a large, chef’s knife.
“Oh, dear…” Chris muttered.
“This won’t end well.” Elise said, shaking her head.
Dan grinned. “Says you!” He turned back towards his girlfriend and the man who was the spitting image of himself. “I’m looking forward to seeing how this plays out.”
-
“Look, uh…this is getting rather heated.” Dan* mentioned, as he looked around and realized the restaurant patrons had all started to take interest in the heated discussion between him and Pinkie. “Maybe we can take this outside?”
Pinkie’s grin grew wider as the look in her eyes grew madder. “Sure!” She replied, reading down to grab the short man by his shirt color. “You first.”
The man in the blue shirt gulped.
‘Krrriissssssssh!’
‘THUD!’
‘Tink…tink...’
Dan’s imposter moaned painfully from the sidewalk outside the restaurant as he laid in amongst the shards of broken glass from the new ex-window he had been thrown out of.
“Oh, come on!” The waitress shouted as she looked out of the broken window.
“Book it!” Dan shouted, quickly getting out of his booth and heading for the exit.
Also experts at fleeing restaurants at this point, Chris and Elise followed suit.
The group’s waitress sighed as she buried her face in her palm. “I can’t believe none of my managers will ever let me throw you all out!” She exclaimed.
“Ahem.”
The blonde woman looked up into the grinning face of Pinkie.
Pinkie, in turn, was holding a cup full of some bright orange liquid and wasted no times splashing the contents in the waitresses face.
The waitress shrieked and collapsed to the ground “WHY DOES SHE ALWAYS HAVE TO THROW SODA?!” She screamed as she clutched at her face.
*
The two sets of couples sprinted to the blue sedan, opened doors, sat down, and buckled seat belts like clockwork.
Chris quickly started the car, Elise sitting in the passenger seat, Dan and Pinkie sitting in the back.
Chris quickly pulled the car out of the parking lot and into the street.
The occupants remained silent for a bit until Dan spoke up.
“Pinkie…did you just throw that man through a plate glass window?”
Pinkie smiled a wide, toothy grin. “ I diiiiiid~!”
Dan paused. “…Pinkie, you are going to get so many smoochees when I get you alone!” Dan declared with a smile.
Pinkie giggled. “Hehehe, I thought that’d make you happy.”
“I’m not so sure that was a good idea, guys…” Elise spoke up.
Dan sighed. “Here comes the fun police.”
“Dan,” Elise continued, “you know that guy can show crazy dedication towards vengeance, putting in time, money, and effort that even you would think is extreme.”
“Awww, come on guys…” Pinkie said a bit nervously. “You know Dan and I can handle anything.”
Chris glanced up at the car ceiling briefly then back to the road. “I don’t know, Pinkie. I’m with Elise on this. That guy must have spent a small fortune just to get Dan into jail for several weeks, who knows what he’ll do because you threw him through a window and interrupted a date.”
Pinkie expression turned uncharacteristically worried. She felt a comforting hand on her thigh.
“Hey, don’t worry about it,” Dan said. “If he shows up seeking revenge, you and I can show him what real vengeance looks like.”
Pinkie placed a hand on Dan’s, smiled, and nodded slightly. “You’re right Dan. If he gets out of line, we’ll give him the ol’ Dan and Pinkie special!” Pinkie declared, emphatically throwing her free fist up.
Dan leaned over and grabbed Pinkie’s fist, and opened the hand, interlacing his fingers with her. “You sweet talker, you…”
“Let me guess,” Elise said, “The Dan and Pinkie special involves fire.”
“Lots!” Pinkie confirmed.
Dan grinned wickedly, “You know what? Forget getting you alone. I think you deserve some smoochees right now.”
Pinkie giggled and leaned forward towards Dan as the couple pursed their lips, and pressed them against each other.
“Mwah…Mwah…”
Chris and Elise smiled and rolled their eyes.
“Chris, we better get these two home before they start undressing each other,” Elise said.
“Better hurry…” Dan purred with a grin.
Pinkie tittered quietly and continued to make-out with her boyfriend.
“Mwah…Mwah…”
Chris’s expression changed to one of concerned. “I’ll drive fast…”
***
Dan and Pinkie excited the car, the two scotching out of the same side of the car, arms wrapped around each other and lips locked firmly against the others’.
“Alright, you two.” Elise said leaning her head out the car window. “Just keep your eye’s peeled for any potential retaliation from you know who.”
“Mwah…” Pinkie broke from her smooch fest with Dan to turn to her maroon haired friend. “Don’t worry Elise, Dan and I can handle anything and everything!”
Elise smirked and waved. “Just call us if you two end up in over your heads.”
“Pffft…” Dan waved his hand dismissively. “Like that could happen.”
Elise rolled her eyes, but continued to smile. “See you two later!”
Chris stuck his hand out the window. “See you guys!”
“Bye-bye!” Pinkie replied waving enthusiastically.
“Sure, whatever, bye…” Dan uttered.
The blue sedan sped down the street away from the two.
Dan turned back to Pinkie with a wicked grin. “Now were where we?”
“Oh! I know!” Pinkie replied. She leaned in and placed her lips over Dan’s once more.
“Mwah…Mwah…”
Pinkie’s eyes suddenly shot open, and she ceased returning Dan’s affection.
“Pinkie? Are you okay? Why’d you stop? We were just getting to the good part…”
Pinkie held Dan at arm’s length. “My knee is pinchy!” She exclaimed in a worried tone.
“Uh…and that means?”
“Something scary is about to happen!”
“Pinkie…something scary happens to use like…twice a week minimum.” Dan said in a slightly irritated tone.
“Sure, by normal people standards…but if my knee is pinchy it means something really bad must be about to happen...WHOA!”
Pinkie began to tremble and shake, almost violently so.
“Uh…Pinkie?”
Pinkie’s worried expression turned down right panicky. “Something big is going to happen, Dan…Something REALLY big! What if that guy comes seeking revenge! What if he really is a lot of trouble?!”
“Look, if he does come after us, we’ll take care of him. We’re an unstoppable team!”
“But he’s like…crazy smart…and well…just plain crazy!” Pinkie argued. “Maybe I shouldn’t have thrown him through that window...”
“Hey, let’s not start talking crazy now.” Dan said as he raised his palms in front of him. “Look, let’s just get up to the apartment, sit on the couch, and have a nice relaxing…or not so nice, crazy evening together.” Dan suggested.
Pinkie’s expression softened a bit. “Well…that does sound pretty good…” She quickly put her panicked expression back on. “But what if he booby-trapped the apartment?”
Dan raised an eyebrow. “He was still on the ground when we were driving off, goofball. Not exactly a lot of time to get here before us.”
Pinkie gave a small sigh of relief. “I guess you’re right.”
“Look…” Dan put a comforting arm around his girlfriend and began to lead her up the stairs. “We’re going to open the apartment door, and nothing will be in there.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.” Dan replied with a nod.
“Okay Dan…” Pinkie said weakly.
Dan shook his head. “You’re making a way bigger deal of this…here…” He reached out for the apartment door and motioned inside.
“See! Nothing in…oh…”
Pinkie screamed.
Nothing was exactly what was in the apartment; a swirling mass of black and blue void that erupted forth from the door as an angry cloud and enveloped the couple then quickly dissipated into thin air.
…and nothing was what was left behind.