//------------------------------// // Every Pony Hates Tutorials // Story: Character Unlocked: Button Mash! // by 4428Gamer //------------------------------// “How?! How is this even possible?!” As my mom paced the living room floor, with me and the pug sitting on the couch watching her, and Apollo eating some food in the kitchen, she tried putting all of this together. Me somehow taking this way better than her. “I don’t know…” And a lot of good I was doing too. “I just...woke up and I was Button Mash.” “Button Mush? What?! Is that what you’re calling yourself?!” My mom asked as she turned towards me. Angry that I was making up a name for myself at this problem. “You get turned into a chocolate colored horse with a spinning hat, and you’re going to give yourself a name?!” “What? No! I’m not making it up! Button Mash is just what this pony’s called. I didn’t pick the name or anything!” I told her with a shake of my head. “Ponies…Wait a second, you look like one of them don’t you? One of the characters on that show you watch. My Little Pony.” “Yeah, I am…” Sadly enough, my parents were the only ones that knew about that. No one else knew about it, and it was purely accident that she knew. You see, I have my OC as my computer wallpaper. I figured if I liked the show, maybe I should get one just for the heck of it. But recently my computer needed to be reset thanks to viruses and she saw the picture. I tried to just keep my mouth shut about it, but since she was paying for my computer, she held it against its will until I told her the whole thing. “Still, I don’t know what happened! We got home at three in the morning, I went straight to bed, and I woke up as Button Mash! That’s it!” I guess at this point, I should explain just what I was doing that night. You see, me, my mom and my uncle all work as a family business as wedding photographers. The last three days have been the worst though. Monday, we had a military ball to take couple’s pictures that took until eleven or midnight. Tuesday, we had two different engagement shoots to take care of. Spending all day to do and wasting any time I could’ve spent on video games. And on Wednesday, we had a whole wedding to photograph. We were supposed to be there until midnight then ride back home, but the wedding had a few issues that made us get home at three in the morning. Now four hours of sleep later and I’m a colt half my original age. “Wait...My Little Pony...I know that name from somewhere.” “Well, you should mom. The show and it’s toys were around when you were born...I think…” After a quick glare from her from my smart mouth-err-muzzle, she continued. “It was on the news… On Sunday. Something about New York, but I didn’t pay much attention to it.” “Wait, a news broadcast? When did this happen?” “Again, on Sunday. You were so busy playing one of the new games you just bought that you didn’t hear me trying to call you into the living room.” “Oh yeah, hehehe…” I tried chuckling that part off, but it didn’t help the embarrassment go away. “Anyway, it was something about two of these human sized unicorn-things. They talked about harmony coming to New York, but I thought it was some kind of advertisement for the show, so I focused on editing pictures.” “Harmony? Two big unicorn-things?” I gasped. “Maybe they’re the Princesses, Celestia and Luna! They probably know what’s going on! We should go to New York too!” “New York? Zeke, we live in Florida. We don’t have much spending money at the moment, so how could we afford a flight or road trip? We still have a scheduled wedding tomorrow, and I don’t think they’ll believe ‘We’re sorry. Our son was turned into a small horse with an out of style hat.’ Finally, how do we know that would help anything? I don’t remember something like that being mentioned.” “What?” I deadpanned. “But...But I’m a pony! How are we supposed to just ignore this?!” I might’ve been the pack mule for carrying all the equipment for weddings, but that didn’t mean anything! “You know that’s not what I’m saying.” She told me, frowning at me. “I’m saying that we can’t go to New York. It’s just not worth it. Now, I’m going to try and set up a doctor’s appointment. Maybe they’ll be able to help us out with this problem. You don’t have to go to school, and you don’t have to do any chores. For now, just stay put and do not leave this house. Don’t even go towards the windows. Our neighbors might call animal control or something if they see you.” “R-really?! Mom, I’m the size of Gremlin right here!” I told her, gesturing to Gremlin, who just stayed next to me. An oblivious look on her face. “I could pass off as a dog! With a propeller hat! We volunteer for the Humane Society! Why would they ever call animal control?!” She started closing curtains around the house. “I’m just worried they might realize you’re not a dog. Stay inside.” She told me. Leaving to cover up the rest of the windows in the house. “Ugh! I can’t believe this!” I yelled out as I fell back into the couch. I went from seventeen to, what, seven years old?! I had a whining voice as opposed to my deep-ish voice. I didn’t have a beard anymore. And most importantly, I don’t even know if I can play any of my video games anymore! ...Oooo-kay, so maybe that wasn’t the most important thing there was. Still, it was pretty messed up! I needed something to do right now, but what? Outside wasn’t an option. My friends were all at school. I couldn’t use the remote with these hooves. Nothing to do! rumble… Well, maybe there is one thing. I was starving. And never got to eat anything except breakfast and no school lunch yesterday, and I didn’t even have time to drink that diet coke I was trying to get earlier. And if I wanted to get food, I needed to get it myself. Too bad I wasn’t used to being Button yet. I crawled up the doggy steps to get away from Gremlin. Mom carried me into the living room despite my arguing. The only time I had actually done something was rolling out of bed. So with my new objective in mind, I scooted towards the edge of the couch. Stepping onto the foot rest that was in front of the couch, I looked towards the ground. Becoming fast friends with it as I leaned too far in. Crashing onto the wooden floor face first. “Ow…” I muttered as I made my way to all fours again. Walking slowly wasn’t much of a problem. As long as I kept the pattern going, I’d be fine. Front left moves with back right, and vise-versa. Since my head was a whole five inches off the floor, I wasn’t afraid of falling over too much. So I went ahead and tested out my walking. Going from the living room, to the kitchen, to the dining room/office, they used that room to edit the pictures we took, and finally back to the living room. These three rooms were built in a way that was like a circular track. And following the track for a few laps, I got walking down pretty quick. I even tried running the last one too. Except I ran over Gremlin who was getting up from the couch at this point. “Well...I think that’s good enough anyway. Now. Snacks...Snacks…Where are the snacks...” I said, looking around. Only to see that the cabinet the snacks were in were way too much out of my reach. Which was just perfectly ironic if you ask me. I was out of school, but I still needed to solve long and annoying problems to get something. I guess I’ll get the snacks the same way I got them when I was seven as a human. Because when I was seven, I ate the snacks as if it was a race against time. Knowing just what I did ten years ago, I went into the dining room/office and found an office chair that didn’t have any bags on it. And knowing that my mom was probably busy secretly having a heart attack, I knew that I wasn’t getting any help. So I put my head against the pole that connected to all four wheels and started to roll it back into the kitchen. The only problem was that the stupid chair was locked or something. So it wouldn’t swivel around like a normal office chair. Making me ram into the side of the doorway and hurt my head since the momentum carried through the chair and into my head. “Dang it! I’m gonna get a concussion over a Pop-Tart!” I rubbed my head in pain before pushing the chair again. This time, getting the chair in place. “Got it! Now I need something to open the cabinet… A string or something that I can hook onto the handle...Wait a second, that’s it! The controller!” I had a Gamecube controller in my room that I always kept over the years. It came with the first ever game system I got, the Gamecube obviously. I had to be even younger than seven when I first got it. Maybe five or something. Still, it was something I treasured. Even after the Wii and Wii U came out. I had to get rid of my Gamecube since it broke when we moved. Dumb movers. Still, I refused to lose all of it, and kept the controller. For nostalgia reasons, you know? And since it was the only corded thing I could get right now, I went for it. I could’ve gotten my phone charger or 3DS charger, but I decided against it. Would you try and unplug something from an outlet with your teeth? Anyway, I knew the controller was on top of my desk, so that just left climbing up to it. So getting to my old worn-out computer chair, I swiveled it around and carefully jumped on it. Keeping Gremlin in mind since I moved around just like her now. Funny. I guess the student has become the master. Well done Grasshopper Gremlin. I then climbed onto my desk, careful not to step on my laptop as I got in position to try and balance myself on my hind legs. It was on the built in desk shelf that was a little higher than the desk part itself. Carefully, I pushed myself on my hind legs to reach the back scratcher. Only to over shoot it and fall backwards on my computer chair. “Darn it! It’s right there! Just a little further and I can get the dang cord!” And the moment I said that, I just realized. I’m trying this hard to get a friggin’ controller! I mean, really?! This is pathetic! I can’t reach it without stepping on my laptop! I need a stick to get the controller! But there’s nothing in here that can claw my way up there! Claw? Claw...A claw...Claw hand-er, no… “A C-Claw Hammer!” I yelled out, looking around my room to spot a black bag beside me and the desk. I quickly jumped down and dug through the small bag, pulling out a few things. “Screwdriver? No. Pliers? No. Half eaten cracker?” I said confusedly. But smelling it, I realized it wasn’t a cracker but some cheese. “EW! How did cheese get in my tool bag?! Aha! Hammer!” I yelled in victory. Pulling out a hammer a little shorter than my small little leg. The handle was pretty small that I could manage it in my hooves, but it was too heavy to hold it like that. Guess I’ll just use my mouth like in the show. *One Minute Later* “Ugh! Pfft! Ptwi! Cough-cough! Ugh...” I kept spitting again and again, licking the ice that had been forming in my mini-fridge over time. The ice on the side of a fridge didn’t taste good mind you, but it tasted WAY better than who-knows-how-old cheese! “Okay...Cough! No using my mouth to carry anything unless I clean it with a rag or something…” At this point, I was getting pretty ticked off. All of this work, and I still haven’t gotten a snack. I wasn’t stupid though, I knew that I needed to get used to this. If I was gonna get used to being Button Mash, then I needed to learn how to be him. So not wasting anymore time, or tastebuds, I picked up the hammer with my hooves and tucked it under my arm to keep it from falling. Then, I made my way up to the chair. Then the desk. Then, sitting in the right spot, I got the hammer ready in my hooves. Raising it up to the top of the shelf before the weight made it face downwards in my hooves. Finally catching a break, I hooked the controller and brought it down. The light piece of plastic hitting the desk and falling to the floor. As for the hammer, it nailed me right in the face. Giving me a painful hit to the head as I tripped off the side of my desk and onto the floor. “Owowowowowowowow…..” I repeated over again, rubbing my head in pain. At this point, I couldn’t tell if I was lucky to not be a unicorn, or unlucky to be an earth pony. Still, I finally got myself the cord I needed. Now I could easily go and get myself a snack. But picking up the controller, I realized that it wouldn’t fit in my mouth all too well. If anything, it would either hurt my teeth or slip out of my mouth. I couldn’t get on that chair and then the counter with it in my mouth, so I had to get a bag. Luckily, that wasn’t so hard because I just looked at the black bag I got the hammer from. It was a black saddle bag. Any tools I had, screwdriver, hammer, tape, cheese apparently, was all on one side, and I usually packed something fun to do in the other. I wanted a saddle bag instead of a tool or messenger bag because you could set saddle bags anywhere. On railing, the back of a chair, a windowsill, anywhere that normal bags couldn’t. It had equal weight so it wouldn’t bring a chair down with it, and it didn’t need flat surfaces. Which was now perfect for me since I was a pony in need of carrying stuff. So I quickly put the hammer and controller into the bag, the side without the cheese. I wasn’t born yesterday...But I guess I was born today, kind of… Then I went under the two bags. Getting them in place before working the strap under me and clicking them together. Fastening the bag and keeping it from falling off. Which was good since the bags were a little big for me, but not by much. “Okay world! Time for round two! Now let’s see just how hard this is going to be! No mercy!” I yelled out in battle cry. Feeling prepared to take on every little problem the world had for me. “Zeke? I realized you didn’t eat anything yesterday. Do you want me to make you something to eat?” Hearing my mom call me from the kitchen, I slid from all four to the ground. Annoyed that the world just made me do all of this, and make me yell at it like an idiot, for no good reason at all. “I give up…” I said, muttering to myself before getting up to leave my room. “Yeah...Thanks Mom…” I sulked back into the living room, sad about all this. With how easy everything was going for me, it felt like I was on easy mode. Too bad I didn’t know just what I was in for. Because this was going to be anything but easy! In fact, this was going to be an adventure bigger than Legend of Zelda! More serious than Elder Scrolls! And…Um...And randomer than…Randomer...Dang it, I had a good monologue going too! Oh! And randomer than an Indie Game! This was my story! And it was just beginning!