//------------------------------//
// 2 - A Talk at Twilight 
// Story: Carpe Diem 
// by Helrael 
//------------------------------//



Carpe Diem


Chapter 2 - A Talk at Twilight





The private dining hall of the royal sisters was quiet that evening as the two princesses enjoyed their supper in each other's company. Rather, one was enjoying her food, while another idly picked at it with a silver fork.
 
The length of a small rectangular table separated the sisters, the majority of the spotlessly white tablecloth adorning it covered by the centerpiece of the day: a plethora of flowers arranged in a fan-like bouquet that painted the image of a beautiful sunset. It was an impressive feat, one no doubt meant to lift her mood, Celestia knew, but it failed. It took only a glance to her left to make her heart drop. At this time of day, the panoramic view beyond the window to her left would usually bathe the dining room in the pink and golden rays of her sunset, but today, the sun was drained of its color. It was a pale, almost lifeless thing, the same sun that had blemished the sky for three weeks now.
 
A clatter of silverware snapped Celestia's attention back to the meal at hoof, and she turned her gaze on Luna. While she herself was struggling with her appetite, her sister was scoffing down her food at a rate that would raise more than a few eyebrows had they been in the company of Canterlot nobility. The soup had come and gone without Celestia sampling more than three spoonfuls, and apart from pushing around a single leaf of lettuce on her side dish of salad, she hadn't touched the main course at all. Luna, on the other hoof, had made short work of the salad and was finishing her second spinach quiche, devouring it as if she hadn't eaten in days.
 
The clatter of silverware turned out to be Luna scraping her plate clean of any remaining crumbs, and the lunar princess soon finished her meal with a contented sigh, leaning back from the table and allowing another silence to settle within the dining hall. It would usually be Celestia leading the conversations at dinner, but that too had changed after the invasion. Lately, she had been even more silent than the reclusive princess of the night.
 
"I would have appreciated thy help with the parasite sweep today," Luna offered when she found the silence had gone on for long enough.
 
"Your," Celestia corrected her sister dully, barely listening to her words.
 
"Your help, then," Luna amended, undeterred by Celestia's tone of voice. "Equestria longs to see her princess, sister."
 
"They see plenty of you," Celestia replied stubbornly. It took her a moment before she winced at her own words. "I'm sorry, Luna. I-I didn't mean it that way."
 
"I know," her sister assured her. "I have walked the streets of Canterlot for three weeks now. I suppose it has lifted the spirits of our subjects. Some of them... But they need still see the princess who was laid low," she insisted. "There is talk amongst the peasants that thou art... that you are bedridden. That you are badly hurt."
 
"Maybe I am."
 
Luna scoffed and wrinkled her nose. "Thy pride, perhaps!" She leaned forward, parting the floral decoration with her magic so as to better lock eyes with Celestia. "Sister, thou hast never professed to be a mare of battle. The parasite surprised thee, and she bested thee. 'Tis as simple as that."
 
"It's not," Celestia replied. "I have never failed so disastrously, Luna! I did everything I could for my little ponies, and she laughed at me!"
 
"Everything?" Luna echoed, raising an eyebrow questioningly.
 
Celestia's eyes narrowed. "Yes."
 
Luna nodded her head in understanding, looking thoughtful. She leaned back in her seat again, turning her head toward the feeble sunset to her right. "With the power I put into raising the moon, 'twould not be far beyond me at all to sustain a concentrated burst of energy. A simple spell of that manner could easily slice through‒"
 
"We've been over this already," Celestia interrupted her pointedly. "I couldn't kill her. Neither could you."
 
"We could," her sister pointed out. "But I know. You would never stoop to such. I can only hope the same would go for me, had our roles been reversed."
 
The lack of sincerity in Luna's voice didn't go unnoticed, but Celestia decided not to pursue the matter. "Perhaps then you would understand my problems," she said instead, pushing aside her quiche before its rich scent made her sick.
 
"Had our roles been reversed?" Luna asked, and Celestia nodded. "I have known defeat, sister," she reminded her. "I thought you of all ponies would remember."
 
"It's not the same," Celestia retorted. "I'm sorry, Luna, but it isn't!" she insisted as her sister's eyes flashed with outrage. "Nightmare Moon fought me because of her jealousy and anger. I defeated her because I defended what was right; I defended Equestria, ponydom, freedom, and all the virtues of Harmony. That is why I won, and that is why I thought I would always win.
 
"I stood up to the queen when she revealed herself," Celestia muttered sadly. "I defended Equestria, it's people, and their freedom from her deceit and greed, but I failed. In the battle between good and evil, I failed."
 
"You are not all that is good in this world, sister," Luna comforted her, picking her words carefully. "Why, because of you, we are many who champion it today. And in the end, the day belonged to two such heroes, not the parasite.
 
"We quashed the invasion, captured a dozen of the creatures, and I do believe we have rid our entire city of their presence," Luna summarized proudly. "Today's was the sixth consecutive sweep we have made of Canterlot without discovering any changelings."
 
"Is that a good thing?"
 
"But of course," Luna replied, slightly off-put by Celestia's continued lack of enthusiasm. "We are combing the city of Canterlot for its lice; by sweeping the city every two days, we are keeping the population to a minimum. Given the thoroughness of our searches, I daresay there are none left. I have instructed the royal guard to keep up their good work, however. Only once we have completed ten sweeps without incident will I be satisfied."
 
"And what do we do after that?" Celestia challenged her sister. "Cease the detection spells? Continue? This invasion has left us paranoid and mistrustful of each other. There is no victory."
 
Luna didn't respond, but Celestia could tell she was frustrated with her. The younger alicorn fixed her gaze on the sun setting in the west once more, her frown only deepening further as time passed. Finally, her patience ran out, and she rose from her seat.
 
"I am sorry you feel that way," she said curtly, making it to the door in only three quick strides. "And I am sorry if you are disappointed with the manner in which I have performed yo‒... my duties."
 
The door was slammed shut behind Luna before Celestia could say anything, and she let out another deep sigh instead. Without even realizing it, she had been taking out her frustrations on her little sister, the pony who had been working day and night to restore order while her elder sister lounged about the castle, wallowing in self-pity.
 
She turned her head away from the window and the sunset beyond it in disgust. No matter where she went, she seemed to be always surrounded by mirrors. She rose from her seat, but waited a moment so as to not run into Luna on the way out. After half a minute, she opened the door leading out of the dining hall and fled the sight of her bleached sun as she had fled the statuary. As soon as she exited the room, however, she found herself enveloped in somepony else's magic, a tingle she had recently become very familiar with spreading throughout her body.
 
She turned her head toward the royal guard standing at the doorway just as he finished his detection spell. The stallion nodded his head at her and bowed. "Princess, I was told to inform you that Twilight Sparkle had arrived at the palace a few minutes ago. She has been scanned, and she is currently waiting in the royal library with an escort of royal guards."
 
"Twilight?" Celestia's brow furrowed in confusion. It was a rare occurrence for her student to visit without Celestia requesting her to, and rarer still for her to come unannounced. "Thank you," she told the guard. "I'll go meet her. Did she say what she wanted?"
 
"Only that she wished to see you," the guard revealed, leaving his post in front of the dining hall to follow after Celestia. "At least, that's what I was told."
 
"Very well," Celestia answered, still confused. She did remember her student being more than a little reluctant to leave her side after the wedding. Perhaps Twilight had been ‒ as Luna put it ‒ one of the 'peasants' that believed she was badly wounded, and had come to check up on her. That would, of course, be despite several false assurances from Celestia's side that she was just fine, but it wouldn't be unthinkable that a pony like Twilight would worry herself regardless.
 
"I know the way to the library myself," Celestia told the guard gently, trying to dismiss him, but he only shook his head.
 
"Princess Luna's orders. Neither of you are to be left out of sight at any moment. You'll have to take it up with her."
 
Celestia frowned slightly. "And what do you think my chances of convincing her are?"
 
"Slim," the guard replied with a chuckle. "She's a very... zealous captain, I'll give her that."
 
"She isn't running you too hard, is she?" Celestia asked with concern. As far as she knew, Luna brought all unicorns able to cast the changeling detection spell with her on the sweeps of Canterlot. The guard walking beside her had most likely just come back from trudging through every last part of the capital and casting his spell countless times, yet he was still on duty.
 
"It's quite a few steps up from our usual duties under Shining Armor," he admitted, "But compared to her, it looks like we have it easy."
 
Celestia sighed guiltily, her pace slowing somewhat as her conscience was further burdened. "How does she seem to you?"
 
The stallion shook his head. "I don't know. She doesn't look tired to me. She flies around the city at a pace almost none of the pegasi can keep up with, and she scans entire city blocks at a time. And she just keeps going. We'd never be able to complete the city sweeps without her."
 
"And before that, she deals with all the petitioners worried about the changelings," Celestia muttered sadly. "And by the end of the day, she raises the moon."
 
"Your Majesty?" the guard questioned nervously, sensing the bitterness in Celestia's voice.
 
She only shook her head at his concern. "I'm sorry. I've had a lot on my mind lately."
 
"Anything you'd like to share?" the stallion offered helpfully, and Celestia shook her head again.
 
"Thank you, but it's difficult to explain. I fear if not even my sister understands, nopony will."
 
"Perhaps Twilight Sparkle will." They both stopped at the doors leading into the royal library, and, after scanning the two guards standing at the entrance, Celestia's temporary bodyguard opened the doors for her, leading the way in.
 
The main hall of the royal library spanned two stories and had several entrances, and so it wasn't immediately apparent to the princess where her student was. Having entered into the second floor of the library, which consisted mostly of a broad walkway running along the walls of the enormous oval hall, Celestia went to its edge, casting her gaze out across the main hall. Twilight was nowhere to be found, but a guard near the far side of the hall noticed her and nodded his head at the princess before vanishing into the maze of fifteen foot tall bookcases.
 
Meanwhile, Celestia made her way toward one of the two sets of stairs connecting the two floors, and as she went down the steps, Twilight emerged from among the bookcases. The two met near the center of the library, and Celestia bent her neck down to accept an affectionate nuzzle from the little unicorn.
 
"My most faithful student," Celestia greeted her as she raised her head again. "I hope I did not keep you waiting too long."
 
"We're in a library, Princess," Twilight assured her with a giggle. "I can wait a loooong time."
 
"What brings you to Canterlot?" Celestia asked curiously, motioning for the two to sit at a nearby table. As she spoke, the one unicorn belonging to Twilight's escort cast his detection spell on her, and she did her best to ignore the tiresome tingling. "I was surprised to learn you'd arrived."
 
"I'm sorry," Twilight apologized quickly. "I was already on the train when I remembered I hadn’t had Spike send you a letter, and I’d just left Ponyville, so… ugh." Twilight shook her head at her own forgetfulness as they both seated themselves, becoming almost immediately surrounded by the five guards that had escorted the two mares. "I hope I'm not here at a bad time. I was just... worried."
 
"I'm happy to see you," Celestia assured her before the unicorn could wind herself up. "And I'm quite alright; no need to worry yourself."
 
"But there has to be something wrong!" Twilight insisted. "The sun's all pale and sickly!" Her eyes widened suddenly in realization. "You aren't sick, are you?"
 
"I'm fine," Celestia assured Twilight again. "I'm just feeling... a bit down at the moment. I'm sure it'll pass."
 
"What's wrong?" Twilight asked with concern. "Does it have anything to do with the invasion?"
 
Celestia shook her head, smiling at her student's worry. "It's nothing. It'll pass in due time."
 
"With all due respect, Princess, 'nothing' doesn't stop the sun from shining."
 
She didn’t want to let the matter go, it seemed. Instead of immediately answering, Celestia took a moment to simply look at Twilight, gauging the emotions hidden behind those big, purple eyes. Worry. Fear. Sympathy. Confusion. Unease...
 
Celestia released the unicorn of her gaze, and heard the unicorn breathe a small sigh of relief, as if she had been holding her breath. "Sorry," Celestia told her, reminding herself that not all ponies were particularly comfortable with the awkward silences that had surrounded her as of late. She sighed in surrender and eyed the guards around them. "Could we... have a moment alone?"
 
She received the answer she had expected. "Luna's orders," her guard repeated apologetically. "Afraid not."
 
Twilight gave the guard and then Celestia a puzzled look before returning her attention to the guard once more. "But Celestia's the princess too! She has as much authority as Princess Luna does!" she protested, looking to Celestia for confirmation.
 
"Please?" Celestia asked of her guard, widening her eyes at him and pouting endearingly. However, either she was out of practice or the fact that she was taller than him even when sitting weighed against her, for the guard shook his head.
 
Celestia sighed and turned away from the guard, giving Twilight a subtle, mischievous wink. "No matter. I suppose princesses don't always have to ask permission." A bright light spread from the tip of her horn, enveloping herself and Twilight and forcing the surrounding guards to shield their eyes. By the time they were able to return their gazes to the table, the princess and her student were gone.
 
The two appeared within a secluded grove of apple trees walled away behind hedges nearly three times taller than either of the ponies. There were no pathways cutting through the surrounding greenery, rendering the whole area practically inaccessible to anyone without wings. Within the center of the grove was a small pond, shimmering faintly in the light of the dull sunset.
 
Celestia allowed her student little time to take in the new surroundings before she ushered her in under one of the nearby trees. "We're in the palace labyrinth," she told Twilight before the question could leave her mouth. "Few know of this place, so if we stay beneath the trees, it should take the pegasus guards a while to find us."
 
"Why are we running away from them in the first place?" Twilight asked worriedly, glancing up at the hastily darkening sky as if she expected a squadron of pegasi to divebomb her any minute. "Why won't they listen to you!?"
 
Celestia put a reassuring hoof on Twilight's shoulders and bent down so her eyes were level with the unicorn's. "Calm down, Twilight," she told her student. "Luna has taken on the position of Captain of the Royal Guard while your brother is away on his honeymoon. She commands the guards both as their captain and princess, meaning she holds a little more authority over them than I do."
 
While answering one of her questions, the answer only seemed to confuse Twilight further. "Why is Luna the captain? Doesn't Shining have any replacements?"
 
"He does, but it seems Luna doesn't trust them," Celestia explained, shaking her head sadly. "Life in Canterlot has been rather chaotic since the wedding."
 
Twilight nodded her head in understanding. "You must have been busy cleaning up around here after everything that happened. I saw ponies still working on repairing the roads when I arrived, and I must've gotten scanned six times by the royal guards before I got to talk to you."
 
"They're worried for their princesses," Celestia defended her guards halfheartedly, looking back at the palace just visible above the tall hedges.
 
"And what are you worried about?" Twilight pressed, trying to steer the conversation back to its original topic. "The sun's been getting paler and paler since the wedding, and if you're not sick, something must be really bothering you, right?"
 
Celestia sighed again, and a brief silence settled between the two ponies, the larger one gazing at the smaller one through the corner of her eyes. If anypony would understand her predicament, and it wasn't Luna, it would no doubt be her most faithful student, the one pony in Equestria that had known the princess since she was a filly. It was a fact that served both to encourage and deter Celestia from confiding in the unicorn. If Twilight didn't understand, nopony would. If Twilight didn't understand, Celestia would be alone. She would be disappointed, and Twilight would be hurt by that disappointment.
 
"I do not wish to burden you, Twilight," she finally said, offering them both one last chance to avoid the conversation. Neither of them were willing to take it, though.
 
"I don't mind, Princess," Twilight insisted, trotting up to stand next to Celestia. "I came to see if I could do anything to help."
 
Celestia smiled at her student's concern and removed her gaze from the palace. When her eyes met Twilight's, however, the smile faded as she realized just how worried the unicorn was. "You're right," she relented. "This is... this is about the invasion." She looked down at her hooves as she pawed at the ground nervously. "What did you... When I... When..." She gave an exasperated sigh at her lingering unwillingness to breach the subject. "Wh-when that tiara sailed through the air... when I was thrown off the altar, and... and when the changeling queen won... What went through your head?"
 
Celestia raised her head to look at Twilight, who in turn averted her gaze, biting her lip. "Please, Twilight," she plead of her student. "I've tried talking with the guests of the wedding, with the guards that were there... none of them could look me in the eye and tell me the honest truth."

"I can see why," Twilight answered, giving a nervous chuckle. Her forced smile faded as she felt Celestia's gaze remain on her, and she was silent for a few moments. "What I thought..." she mused out loud, and this time she was the one to start digging at the ground nervously.
 
"What you felt might be closer to what I want you to tell me," Celestia clarified gently, sitting down and stretching her wings. It helped make her more comfortable, but it was a thing she rarely did in public, and so it had the opposite effect on Twilight. The unicorn flinched at the sudden movement of her large wings, but it did at least serve to direct her gaze back at Celestia.
 
"I felt afraid," she admitted. "I… I'd never seen anything like it. I mean, you're... you're you, Princess! You're not supposed to‒"
 
"Fail," Celestia finished for her with a sigh.
 
"What!? Nonono, you didn't fail, Princess!" Twilight protested, trying to comfort her. "Nopony could expect you to‒"
 
"To what?" Celestia asked pointedly, her gaze hardening as she looked Twilight in the eyes. "To defeat the changeling queen? Nopony expected me to do that?" Twilight's face fell at the princess's exclamation, and Celestia's voice softened considerably. "I failed. Please, Twilight. I want your honesty, not any sugar-coated words. I've had enough of those already."
 
Her student nodded her understanding timidly. "Alright, yes, I... I suppose you did... fail. I did expect you to defeat her. You're right. Everyone did. It looked like even the changeling queen did. I didn't doubt it when you said you'd protect us, and I was sure you'd beat her without any trouble. But... you didn't..."
 
"Everything you felt, Twilight," Celestia pressed urgently. "Please, tell me."
 
"Afraid," the unicorn repeated, still locking eyes with her mentor, too scared to do otherwise. "Confused! You can't fail! It's impossible! You're like a... a god, aren't you?"
 
"That's how ponydom has viewed me for a long time now," Celestia agreed, finally releasing Twilight from her intense gaze. "Ever since I first raised the sun, ponies have been awed by my presence. For each of Equestria's enemies I defeated, for each disaster I averted, more and more ponies came to think of me as... something more than what they were themselves. As the centuries passed, I started believing the same...
 
"I didn't even know I'd fooled myself," she continued, shaking her head at herself. "Until three weeks ago, at least. Quite a wake-up call.
 
"I'm sorry I frightened you, Twilight. I needed somepony to tell me what nopony has dared say to my face, and I knew you could do it." She turned her gaze west, expecting to see the final rays of her setting sun, only to find that the sky there had already darkened, her feeble light easily smothered by her sister's night. "I needed to know I'm not overreacting."
 
"You're not," Twilight assured her, following her mentor's example and sitting down next to the apple tree. "It's a big thing."
 
Another silence formed between the two, but it didn't last nearly as long as the previous had.
 
"Sister!" the unmistakable voice of Luna called out from somewhere amongst the towers of the palace. The lunar princess was employing the royal Canterlot voice to great effect, her words no doubt carrying across half the city. "Where art thou!?"
 
"She's not subtle, is she?" Celestia remarked, scooting back against the apple tree in an attempt to avoid detection.
 
"We're not supposed to be out here, are we?" Twilight observed worriedly. "Shouldn't we get back to the palace?"
 
"I'd rather not. Besides, they know I wasn't abducted. I'm sure they'll calm down in just a few minutes." Yet again, she turned her gaze from the palace to look at Twilight. "But... you do understand?" she pressed. "Nopony else, not even Luna, understands. If anyone would... I was hoping it would be you."
 
It was a lot of pressure to put upon a single pony, Celestia knew, and it was obvious Twilight struggled with it. She swallowed nervously and nodded hesitantly. "I think I do. At least, I hope so." She fell silent again, and Celestia was content to wait for her student to think her words through. The foliage above rustled as a an evening breeze swept through the grove, the cold wind serving only to remind Celestia of how she had shirked her duties since the wedding. The calendar said it was summer, but the current state of her sun was more akin to that of winter, perhaps even paler than that. Equestria was steadily getting colder and colder, and it was all her fault.
 
"I think, in a small way‒"
 
"I am not in the mood for games, Celestia!" Luna's voice sounded from somewhere above the labyrinth this time, cutting through the silence and interrupting Twilight, who once again flinched.
 
Celestia nodded for her student to continue, but Twilight hesitated. "Are you sure we shouldn't get back? She sounds pretty angry."
 
"Luna has always had a short temper," Celestia assured her. "She was mad as soon as we ran off from the guards."
 
"That doesn't make me feel any better. I don't want to get you in trouble..."
 
"With my younger sister?" the princess inquired, the thought alone enough to almost make her smile despite the circumstances. "I'll sort things out with her. But right now, I want you to continue."
 
"If I were trying to find Shining Armor, I'd appreciate it if he didn't hide from me," Twilight remarked, looking up through the leaves of the apple tree in an effort to spot Luna.
 
"Maybe your older sibling is a little more considerate than Luna's then. Shining Armor is off on his honeymoon with Cadance, and you're not trying to chase him down," she pointed out. "I just wish to spend a few moments alone with my dearest student. Is that any different?"
 
"We're not married," Twilight offered, still gazing up at the darkening sky nervously. "But I guess you're right." She continued scanning the skies for a while longer, but finally let her eyes wander back to Celestia. "In a small way, I think I understand what you're going through," she continued. "Because I've kinda gone through the same thing. You're... the princess, right? In everything you do, you answer directly to all of Equestria. Even now, you're just trying to have a private talk, and the entire palace is in uproar. You stand for so much more than just yourself."
 
Celestia nodded her head.
 
"And I'm the personal protégé of Princess Celestia," the unicorn went on. "In everything I do, I answer to you. At least, that's how it feels sometimes," she amended quickly. "I'm absolutely terrified of disappointing you, just like you must be worried about disappointing Equestria. Especially if they expect you to be a god."
 
"It is a heavy burden," Celestia agreed, her smile growing wider as it became more and more apparent that her student did indeed understand.
 
"You know how afraid I was of failing you," Twilight continued, chuckling nervously again. "I think Big Macintosh still has my Smarty Pants doll."
 
"Ah... Yes." It was not a fond memory of Celestia's, and now she felt even worse for having raised her voice with the unicorn back then, knowing now ‒ at least in part ‒ what she had been going through.
 
"But I guess the major difference is that I thought I was failing you, whereas you... did actually fail," Twilight said, obviously uncomfortable with doing so. "I'd have felt horrible if you'd sent me back to magic kindergarten‒"
 
"That is still one of the silliest things I have ever heard," Celestia assured her student with a smile.
 
"‒and you must feel horrible now," Twilight finished, trying not to grin at what her mentor had just said.
 
"I do," Celestia admitted, though she kept smiling. "But your company is a great help to me, Twilight. Thank you so much for coming. As happy as you are living in Ponyville, I must admit I miss you some days."
 
"I could stay awhile if you want," Twilight offered. "I'm sure I could get away with closing the library a few days if I'm helping the princess."
 
"If you are quite literally brightening my day," Celestia agreed, nodding her head. "I'd like that very much, Twilight."
 
"Art thou in the labyrinth!?"
 
"We should let Spike know!" Twilight exclaimed hurriedly, getting to her hooves. "Quill and paper... We'll need to go straight to your study, right?"
 
"You're not afraid of Luna, are you?" Celestia teased the unicorn who could only nod helplessly. "She's been handling everything around here since the wedding," she excused her sister. "I really have to make it up to her one of these days. We'll go to my study, then I'll apologize to Luna," Celestia told her student, who nodded her approval. Celestia's horn flashed brightly, and the two ponies vanished from the hidden grove in a glimmer of light.