//------------------------------// // TIIIIIMMMBBERRRRR!!!!!!!! // Story: Spellbooks, Dating and Why Humans don't like the Arcane // by Emerald Oracle //------------------------------// "No! Bad Holly! No attacking Blueblood!" Kenny yelled, smacking the hardwood of the wolf's snout. "His snobbery will give you a stomach ache." It had been relatively easy to train Holly, she had grown particularly loyal to Kenny since the day he saved her. Eager to please him, she was quick to pick up on what pleased him and what didn't. Attacking Pony equals hard raps on the snout, like she was getting now. Eating anything but the food in her bowl equaled a stomach ache and more hard raps. Pooping anywhere that wasn't grass equaled raps. Being nice to Pony equaled treats. Being nice to Big Blue Pony equaled more treats. Golden Pony was a coward and scaring him, but not hurting him on command equaled amazing pets and treats. Holly had amassed this database of information over the course of her 'breaking in' at the hands of Kenny and Luna. Once Kenny had convinced Celestia he could train the beast, Luna had been quick to help, her work with psychological manipulation being immensely helpful in training Holly. Using Luna as a stand in, the first thing they taught her was not to attack the general populace. Once she stopped trying to maul Luna, the rest was much easier. And yet, Holly still attacked Blueblood on a regular basis. Kenny tried his best to make her stop but nothing was working. Luckily the Prince was never hurt, which only confused Kenny more. What no one knew was that Blueblood wore a exotic cologne made by the master alchemists of Zebrica, from Zebrican Timber-Wolf flower. The same flower that bloomed during mating season. Holly wasn't attacking Blueblood, she was humping him. Of course Kenny didn't know this. Kenny magically stripped the Timber-wolf off a jaded Blueblood. Twenty times this had happened, he barely even cared anymore. He just got back up, dusted himself off, and left. Holly let out a low whine, pining for Blueblood, held back only by Kenny's firm hand on the leafy scruff of her neck. The interesting thing about Holly was her size. She was at least double the size of the timber-wolves on the show, not counting the super timber-wolf. Holly was easily as large as Celestia was tall. This combined with Kenny's own intimidating height over the ponies helped the public image of being a general bad-ass in all things. When news got around that Kenny had tamed an over sized timber-wolf, pony's flipped. A game was announced to be made in his honor as the image of a species of what was undoubtedly an impressive and powerful race of warriors. It was gonna be called Exodus Earth. Kenny was even asked to attend an interview later that week so they can toss around more ideas to put in the game. Kenny guided Holly back to her room/kennel. It had a reinforced, oaken door and the walls were cast with a warding spell so Holly wouldn't try to claw through them. The room's furniture was replaced with shrubbery and logs for Holly to play with. Kenny found she handled herself well on her own, a strange quality for a pack animal. The guide he had retrieved about timber-wolves had said that lone timber-wolves were rare and often even more dangerous. Little was known about them, meaning that the book could only speculate why these wolves were isolated. Some experts believe that they are rejected from their packs at an early age and, having survived to maturity on their own, never seek out another pack to join. These wolves are often short-lived; without their packs to aid them in their hunting and defense. Another unusual thing about Holly was her size. Timber-wolves are known to merge, a defense mechanism for instances where mere numbers isn't enough to overcome a threat or kill a prey. This would easily explain her size at first. Timber-wolves don't stay merged for long, and the merges have only been reported between male timber-wolves, Holly has been this size for at least a week and has been thoroughly confirmed as female. To make matters more confusing, Holly shouldn't have been able to merge in the first place what with lacking a pack to call her own. She was an anomaly. Kenny locked the door behind him as he walked into Holly's room. Holly was quick to start playing with a rope toy made from cord as thick as Kenny's arm. She layed down on her belly gnawing on the plaything. Kenny sat next to her, resting on her wooden side. It wasn't as comfortable as he would've liked, but Holly loved having him around. That was the thing about Holly, she seemed absolutely devoted to Kenny. Luna thought that by saving her life Kenny had invoked upon himself the same unconditional love that all pets have for their master's. Females always bow to the alpha male in packs. so Kenny being the only male she considers in her pack, Holly follows him. Kenny had kept her out of a combination of things, first and foremost being the guilt he had for the burns that still adorned her body. The blackened wood was the seal on Kenny's imaginary pack to redeem himself for nearly killing an innocent animal. The second part was that in all honesty, Holly filled that hole he has had since he was a child, the desire for a puppy. Holly may be a gigantic, fully-grown, wooden wolf, but in Kenny's eye's she was that cute pup his parent's never let him have. The last part was found on their way home after the fire. Kenny only had enough energy to teleport them to a nearby road, and was dead tired afterwards. He was much to large for Flash to carry and so the pegasus got an idea. He carefully placed his charge on Holly's back and lead the wolf to Canterlot. Holly never minded, so Kenny considered her his mount, jokingly calling her a 'timber-worg'. Scratching the leaves behind her ear with one hand and holding the Explorer's Guide to Timber-Wolves Kenny relaxed, waiting for Flash to finish 'catching up' with Princess Edith. He had reached the part about timber-wolf mating habits when Luna let herself in. "Morning Kenny." Luna said with a little cheer. "I hope you and Holly are doing well?" "We are, I guess." Kenny responded as he read. "Still don't know why she keeps jumping ole' Bluebutt's bones. I'm starting to think he smells like a pot-roast to her." "What's a pot-roast?" Luna asked. "Nevermind..." He said, looking up from his book. "The point I'm trying to make is that it isn't Holly, it's Blueblood. She doesn't even attempt to hurt him when she pounces. All she ever does is sniff him like a, well, a dog! Something about Blueblood intrigues and attracts her." Kenny returned to his reading and Luna joined him in lounging on Holly. Holly had ignored Luna's prescence until that point, where she looked up from her toy to inspect Luna. After giving her a wary glance and earning a tongue as her only response she went back to destroying her toy. Luna sighed as she leaned against Kenny, eyes drooping considerably. It took little more than a minute for Kenny to notice the snores. Luna had fallen asleep right on his shoulder. He mentally shrugged and went on reading. Things were fine right up until Luna fell off his shoulder and in to his lap her muzzle landing in the most inappropriate of places. She woke with a start and Kenny panicked, shoving her away. "Huh! Oh... Sorry." Luna said with a tired yawn. "I'm awake now." "Why are you so tired?" Kenny asked. "I should really stop stayin up all day playing video games." Luna pondered, oblivious to Kenny. "But they're so much fun!" "Luna you're scaring me." "Oh, hello Kenny! Give me some sugar!" Luna sloppily mashed her face with Kenny. Kenny was now sure Luna had lost her mind. He disentangled himself from Luna, much to her tired protest. He set the mare down in front of him and she assaulted with a pouty face not seen for a thousand years. Before the gaze could impact him Kenny asked his question, "Are you okay? Have you been getting enough sleep?" Luna sighed. "No." "Why not?" Luna snuggled up closer to him before answering. "Because you aren't awake at night. I can't force you to change your sleeping schedule just for me." "What?" Kenny asked a little bewildered. Luna bopped him on the head for his sheer stupidity. "I do my work at night. So I sleep during the day. I stay up to hang out with you." Luna said with a little frustration and that look you get when talking to a less than intelligent person. "I stayed up playing videogames yesterday so now I'm dead tired and would appreciate the nap without interruption." With that Luna curled up next to him, placing her head back on to his lap like a dog would. It wasn't long before she was quietly snoring again, unaware that she had heaped a ton of guilt onto her boyfriend with her blunt wording. "God damn it, Luna." "Are you sure he won't mind?" Twilight asked her mentor as they walked down the hall. She had just gotten back from Rarity's competition in Manehattan and had stopped in Canterlot to ask Kenny for help in getting Flash to go out with her. It had taken a ton of guts to admit to her friends and teacher. Now she hoped Kenny wouldn't find it awkward. "I know for a fact that he has been looking for a mare to woo young Flash, Twilight." Celestia reassured her with a warm smile she saved just for her student. "He'll be glad to help." Celestia chose to withhold that Flash had struck out with miss Merry Weather only a few weeks earlier, unsure how Twilight may react to the information. After all these years, Twilight was still a bit of an enigma to her. "Here we are!" Celestia said when they reached Kenny's room. "He's usually in here. If not just ask around and someone will be bound to know where he is. Now I have a meeting to attend so I'll see you later today, goodbye Twilight!" "Goodbye Celestia!" Twilight hesitated at the door. She was unsure about this, and a million scenarios ran through her head of what could go wrong. She stopped herself and remembered what Rarity had said on the train here, It is better to have lost then to never to have tried in the first place. Her resolve hardened she pushed open the door. The smell her first, the smell of sweat and a mixture of other, unfamiliar, musky smells. Then she saw the bed, more importantly the two shocked individuals caught mid-coitus. Twilight saw Flash Sentry on top of some random gryphon, the sheets thankfully covering the worst of it from her eyes. Twilight slowly backed out of the door, the image forever burned into her mind. Flash watched with a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. "I'm so fired." He said, his pride deflating quicker than a balloon (if you know what I mean). Twilight ran through the halls, unaware of the drops of salt-water falling from her face. Kenny and Holly were in the castle courtyards, Kenny having just dropped off Luna in her bed. "Stay Holly. Good girl." Kenny wrapped the measuring tape around her barrel, writing the number down on a notepad of his. It was the final measurement before he sent the numbers to perfect fit to get a saddle made. If he was going to ride her, he was going to need something between his privates and the hardwood and twigs of Holly's back. He gave the notepad to a servant and checked Holly for any loose branches and dead leaves. Satisfied she was in the best shape he could hope for, he turned back to the black scars spread over her entire body. He powered up his healing spell and went to work. It was considerably harder this time, the scar tissue was less than agreeable and took some work to get rid of. Holly flinched when the fibers began to re-weave themselves into their proper positions. The scars had shrunk considerably by the time he ran out of mana. "At this rate, we'll be done by the end of the week." Kenny scratched behind Holly's leafy ears. "How about some lunch?" He took Holly's long sweep over his face to mean 'yes'. He hopped aboard and kicked his heels into her sides. She bounded off towards the castle gardens where Kenny fed her rats that were caught on castle grounds. Initially they fed her fish, but Kenny found she enjoyed her meal more if she could chase it. So Kenny set up live-capture traps for various varmints that skulked the massive castle and released them in a enclosed section of the gardens. When they reached the spot he hopped off and headed for the cage hidden in the bushes. He found the string that opened the gate and readied to open it. "Okay Holly, ready?" He said to the eager timber-wolf who was wagging her tail off. "GO!" Five rats the size of cats scampered out of the cages. An unlucky one was instantly snapped up in Holly's jaws. She slurped the tail like a noodle and ran after the rest. "You better find them all!" Kenny shouted to her as she vanished in the brush. He sat on a nearby bench and waited for her to arrive. To his surprise, Twilight walked into the clearing, downtrodden and crying. Without ever looking at Kenny she sat on the same bench and continued to wail. Kenny stared in absolute befuddlement at the scene before him, unsure what to think. He reached out a hand to console her. "Don't touch me!" Twilight yelled without looking up, still bawling. Kenny's hand made a hasty retreat back to the established safe-zone by his side. After a while Twilight stopped crying and simply sat there sadly, looking at the ground as if it were the answer to all her stallion troubles. Kenny opened his mouth to ask if what was wrong. "I'm paaatheetic-ic-ic-ic." Twilight yelled with a fresh volley of tears, her hooves wrapping around Kenny for support. She buried her tearful face into his chest as she spoke. "What kind of princess can't ask out a stallion!? A pathetic one I tell you! Pathetic! I don't deserve someone like Flash! I'm never going to get a stallion-friee-hend!" Then the hiccups started. "And now I'm *hic* crying like a filly on *hic* you! I'm so *hic sorry for how I'm acting. *hic* I understand *hic* if you want me to leave. It's just so..*hic* so..*hic* HAAAAA-AR-ARD!!!!!" By this point Kenny was thoroughly soaked in tears and begging for a reason to leave. It came in the form of a wooden canine. Holly came bounding back to Kenny, mouth stained with the virgin blood of overgrown rodents. Holly came right up to the as of yet unaware Twilight, and sniffed at her hair. When her curiosity had been sated she gave Twilight a friendly, bloody lick. This got the hiccuping mare's attention, her hair now streaked with the same virgin blood. Holly gave her the happiest smile Kenny had ever saw on an animal, it melted his heart. And nearly stopped Twilight's, evidenced by her subsequent fainting. She flopped to the ground like a rag doll, foaming at the mouth and paler than any Pale Horse. "Ffffffffff-" "Oh this is priceless." Princess Edith chuckled as her stallionfriend started to hyperventilate from hearing that Twilight had a crush on him. Kenny handed him a paperbag from the infirmary's stock, having already taken Twilight there. Now they were all in her room as she recovered. "It's like a fairy tale! The Princess falls in love with the dashing Knight and they live happily ever after. What a laugh!" "You know you're doing the exact same thing now?" Kenny commented. Edith was unfazed. "Not hardly. Last I check, buttloads of sex never happened in fairy tales." "Sex aside, what do we tell my sister?" A just-woken Luna asked. "She will not be pleased to see her beloved student heart-broken and recovering from a heart-attack. By the way, why was her hair saturated in blood?" Kenny nervously answered, "Uh.. I may have been feeding Holly live food..." "Kenneth!" "What? You don't see how happy she is to hunt! It's probably the only thing keeping her from eating any of Celestia's other animals." Kenny remarked. "What about the poor animals you let die?!" Luna rebutted. "A couple of rats? Like anyone will miss those!" Kenny said, voice rising. Edith flew between the two, keeping them both at bay with her talons. "Alright love birds calm down. So Kenny's monster dog eats rats, big deal. We need to figure out how to break the news to Celestia." "We could, oh I don't know, just tell her!" Kenny's voice dripped with sarcasm. Luna fixed him with a serious stare, "You wan't to tell the most powerful alicorn in history that her well loved student and friend's heart was shattered to bits, then nearly scared to death?" "Yes!" Kenny responded. "It's like you guys think she'll punish us! The heartbreaking was in no way any of our faults. If anything, I would get heat for letting Holly sneak up on her like that. If you guys are going to be a bunch of pansies about this I'll do it." Kenny left the infirmary and headed straight for Celestia's office. He knew she was there because he had seen her guards posted outside the door. They opened the door for him and Kenny walked in, ready to deliver the news. "Celestia, I've got some bad news..." Was all the guards heard before the door closed. A short five seconds later the door was whisked open again and a white blur sped past them, a powerful gust of wind following it's wake. The gust was powerful enough to close the door as well as unbalance the guards. The guards lay splayed out on the floor, slowly recovering from the strange turn of events. The door opened thrice and Kenny walked out looking a little disheveled. "All I said was Twilight's in the infirmary..." "Poor Twilight." Celestia moaned. "Flash was her first crush. She never paid attention to colts as a filly. It was just so cute to see her fawn over him. Too bad it was never to be." Celestia gently caressed Twilight's sleeping face. She was glad that it was only an emotional overload and not the unforeseen consequences of unprotected sex that assailed her student. Kenny would have to be more clear on why her student was in the infirmary. Poor Flash wouldn't be able to walk for at least several days. "Is there anything I can do to help your Highness?" Princess Edith gingerly asked. "I can't help but feel as if I am responsible for this." "No, thank you Princess Grayfeather." Celestia gave Twilight a motherly kiss on the cheek. "None but Twilight's closest friends knew of her feelings. I do not blame you, are anyone else for that matter, for what has happened. Except that you, Kenny, keep your pet from frightening ponies like you have. If this happen's again, I'll have you keep her confined, understand?" Kenny gave a nod and left Luna following suit. "If that is all, I would like to return to Flash if it's okay with you?" Princess Edith asked, breathing a sigh of relief when Celestia nodded. Edith moved to his room, finding the orange pegasus with his lower half covered by a cast. The stallion was crying. "Are you in pain?" Edith asked, worried that this was the cause of his tears. He shook his head in a yes. "But that's not why I'm crying." Flash said with a weak smile. "These are tears of joy..." "Because you kept your job?" Edith asked. "Because I must be the hottest stallion on the planet to win the favor of two princesses." Flash said with a hoof-pump. Edith punched the epicenter of his cast for his insensitive comment, causing him enough pain to start a new track of tears. "Worth it..." Luna cuddled with Kenny in his room. The sheets had been change in accordance with Flash's agreement, so as not to create an awkward situation. They were content with just laying there. Each mulled over the day's events. Kenny was the first to speak his mind. "Is all my time here going to be filled with these antics?" "Probably..."