Chapter 13--Canterlot
It’s strange when I look over my journals and realise that it seems that interesting things happen to me around every turn but in actuality there are many days in which very little happens. One particular day that comes to mind is when I went to Canterlot for the first time. And by that I mean actual Canterlot, not the palace. Unfortunately, this was not one of the uninteresting days.
I woke up to the sound of branches falling. Upon looking out my window--which was supposedly made unbreakable due to Dash’s continuous crashing through it--to see ponies pulling down branches from trees that weren’t there the day before. I got up to investigate. “TWILIGHT!!” I yelled through the building. Of course she didn’t answer because she was outside helping with the destruction of trees. I went out to ask her what the fuck was going on. She blushed at the sight of me. Probably because I wasn’t wearing anything but my underwear. In my opinion, as long as my dick was covered, I didn’t give a fuck if people--referring to any sentient being--saw me. “So, what’s going on here?” I asked her.
“Huh? Oh, um, the pegasi missed a scheduled drizzle last week so we need a heavy rain storm to make up for it,” she replied. “And of course heavy rain comes with lightning and wind so we’re taking down all the loose branches to ensure they don’t get blown around dangerously.”
“Whatever, what’s Spike up to, I don’t see him helping?”
“He’s getting ready to go to Canterlot. Princess Celestia called him out for something.”
“Can I go with him?”
“I suppose, but you’ll have to ask Princess Celestia first.”
“Sweet.” Any excuse to get out of helping. I went to track down Spike and found him in the library proper, grabbing a few books to take with him. “Hey Spike, could you send a letter to Celestia real quick?”
“Sure thing Síor,” he replied.
I cleared my throat and put on my best formal-voice impression. “My dearest Celestia, It would be ever so kind of you to allow me to accompany young Spike to Canterlot. I have yet to explore the wonderful capital city and I find this the finest opportunity to do so. With highest regards, Síor.”
“Really?” he asked when the letter was finished and sent.
“What, I’m not allowed to have a little fun with my letters?”
He just let out a sigh which turned into a burp as the reply came. “Síor, Please cease with the mock-formality. I will allow you to come but I would appreciate you not bringing Qene. He drives fear in my subjects and I do not much like that. --C. Well, I’m ready if you are.”
“Let me put on some more public appropriate clothing and then we’ll go.” I did so and when I got downstairs he sent a letter to Celestia telling her that we were ready for teleportation. As soon as it was sent, we were teleported away to the front of the palace. After a few seconds, I suddenly felt extremely nauseous and fell to the ground.
“First long-distance teleportation?” Spike asked. I nodded. “Yeah, it’ll pass.” And sure enough, it did and I stood back up. “See? Well, I gotta go see Princess Celestia. I’ll meet you in her sitting room tomorrow morning, I was told this would likely take all day so we’ll be sent back tomorrow.”
“A full day and night in Canterlot? Time to get wasted! Wait...fuck, no booze. Ah well. I’ll find some way of entertaining myself.” And with that we went our separate ways.
I wandered around for a few minutes until I saw someone who didn’t seem to be doing anything. I started walking over to what I assume was a him before two guards ushered me away saying something about ruffians not speaking with the prince. So that was Prince Blueblood. If he is this intolerant of commoners then he’s even more of a dick than I thought he was. Oh well.
I looked around for someone else. My eyes settled on a white unicorn mare with messy electric blue hair and purple shades. She looked like a party girl; just the kind of person I was looking for. I went to go talk to her.
“Well, well, well, if it isn’t the famous human,” she said when she saw me coming over.
“The one and only. Name’s Síor,” I told her.
“Vinyl Scratch, though most ponies know me by my stage name DJ Pon-3.” We started walking down a nondescript street. “What brings you to Canterlot, I thought you lived in Ponyville?”
“I do. The whole town is doing some community cleanup bullshit to prep for a storm and a friend of mine had to come here for some royal duties so it was either help clean or accompany him, I chose the latter. I despise manual labor. Too many Spring Break projects my mom made me help with.”
“At least you had a good relationship with your mom. My parents kicked me out as soon as I was legal age.”
“Dude that sucks. So what about you? Canterlot doesn’t exactly seem like the place for a DJ.”
“That’s true, I’m actually here for a similar reason to yours. Octavia decided to come a few weeks early for the Gala so she could scope out the stage to find the best acoustic spot. I told her she was paranoid but she gave me a look that told me to shut up.” I should mention that it was now early August, about two and a half weeks before the Gala. That also meant that my birthday was in a few days but there was no way in hell I would let Pinkie know that.
“So where are we going?”
“I was following you.”
“I was following you hoping you would lead me someplace fun.”
“Well, as hard as it may seem to find a fun place in Canterlot, I do know of one place that’s pretty cool. And as long as you’re with me, they should let you in.”
“Bitchin’ let’s go.”
She lead me down a few streets before turning into a dark alley. It was about noon so there was nothing overly conspicuous about walking down an alley. When we got to the end, she stopped in front of a brick wall. She stuck her horn in a hole and did some magic and a secret door open.
“That was both extremely cliche and totally awesome at the same time.”
She chuckled and said to the bouncer “He’s with me.”
The buff pegasus looked at me and then back to her before saying “Sure thing Miss Scratch.”
She thanked the guy whose name was apparently Bubbles and we walk over to what looked like a bar. She ordered some magical potion before turning to me to order. “I don’t suppose you have any alcohol?” I asked.
The bartender looked at me like I was crazy before saying “Alcohol is strictly outlawed in Equestria.” Tell that to Fluttershy. “However, we have many drinks that cause lessened but similar effects to all species thus far. I’m sure they would work just fine for you as well.”
“I won’t drink anything magical. I don’t trust magic at all but anything you got that’s not magical I’m willing to try.”
He pulled out a bottle from under the counter and poured me a shot to taste. “Try this.”
I down the thing. “Not bad, give me a glass of this stuff.” He complied and I turned to Vinyl. “I believe this is the start of a beautiful friendship.” She smiled at me before leading me over to a booth.
We talked about meaningless stuff while we drank until she asked “So, Síor, do you have a marefriend yet?”
Yellow light. “Look, you’re cool and all but I’m not really looking--”
“Oh, no no no. I’m not asking for me, I’m happily dating. I was just asking, y’know in general.”
“Well, in that case, no I do not and nor am I looking for anyone, especially not in the pony variety, no offense.”
“None taken. I understand that some species aren’t attracted to some other species. It happens.”
“Huh. So who are you dating then?”
“Funny you should ask. I’m actually dating Octavia. That’s why I was so tolerant with letting her come so early.” Lesbian, interesting.
“Huh, hey can you get me another drink?”
“Sure thing. Hey Jose, another round over here.” she called to the bartender.
“The bartender’s name is Jose?”
“Yeah, it’s an unusual name but not unheard of.”
The bartender brought our drinks. I took a swig and was immediately out.
When I woke up, it was dark. Or at least it seemed dark, as it turns out I was actually blindfolded and in a knapsack hanging upside-down from something. It was uncomfortable to say the least. I tried yelling something only to find that I was gagged as well. Fuck, I’ve been kidnapped.