Breakfast was, indeed, the most important meal of the day to Sweep. However, his breakfast was usually scheduled during other people’s dinner. Having it in the daytime was quite the switch up. He would have to come up with crazy new meals to satisfy this insanity, like linner or brunch.
After a quick rummaging through his sole food cupboard, he discovered his incredible ineptitude to even think of a good breakfast food. The “breakfast” he was accustomed to varied little to his other meals.
“Pancakes sound like a breakfast food, right?” Sweep asked himself. “I mean, people are always talking about them like they’re the real deal.”
“You don’t even know what a pancake looks like, and you’re wanting to make some?”
“I’m feeling adventurous.”
“Let’s stick with cereal, sweetheart.”
“Sure, ‘sweetheart’,” Sweep mumbled, pulling out a few boxes of assorted grain cereals. “Aren’t I over this talking-to-myself phase? Why are you still here?”
“Because I like watching you sleep,” he replied.
“Okay, that’s creepy. I know I’m adorable, but that’s my business.” Sweep sighed. “Now what cereal is superior to the other? Honey Bunches or Corn Flakes?”
“Well, someone looks like they should be eating their Wheaties.” He mentally coughed. “Looking a bit scrawny there, hm?”
“Hey, I’m fine with my shape.”
“That makes one of us.”
Sweep contemplated this before emptying the contents of the Wheaties container into a bowl. “Buzz off, I’m hungry.”
As breakfast went on and the chewing of cereal became more tedious, he grabbed the newspaper he had placed yes beside him on the table. Most of the pages were dull and meant little to him, but a few advertisements caught his eye.
“‘Pawn Shoppe buying antiques at all-time high prices’. Oh, come on. That amulet just had to break on me.” Sweep rolled his eyes.
“It also gave you a ticket to the Castle, in case you forgot in those few minutes from when I mentioned it last.”
“Can’t I complain in peace without you bothering me? I’m quite the spoil-sport, huh?” he groaned. His other voice didn’t reply. “Thank you.”
The process of bringing the spoon into the cereal, out of the cereal, and into his mouth continued on without much deviation. With every bland bite, he began to realize why he never ate cereal.
“This is so boring,” he groaned with a mouth full of Wheaties. “How do ponies just eat this stuff and not go bonkers?”
He glanced at the box of Wheaties which sported a picture of a unicorn holding a bowl and a spoon in the air with his magic. Sweep glared moodily at this happy unicorn with envy until an idea came into being.
Magic would spice the meal up, he thought. With his new alicorn horn, he probably had some sort of extreme magic ability like the princesses. With practice, he mused, he could bend space and time to his will.
Foregoing any sort of thought into the intricacies of calling upon magic, he began to concentrate on the simple task of moving the spoon out of the cereal bowl. Nothing happened, so he tried this time while holding his breath. Again, nothing happened.
The process of trial and error went on long after the cereal had become soggy and indistinguishable from the milk. Sweep would not be deterred, however, and persisted with his process.
“Come on, damn you,” he muttered. Instantly, the bowl caught fire and began spewing out what seemed to be tiny fireworks. Understandably startled by the sudden occurrence, Sweep held his hooves over his head as he ducked under the table.
He waited a few minutes after the explosions had stopped before peering above the table. The bowl was all but destroyed, milk splattered everywhere across the room. A tiny rainbow sparkled over a pile of bowl pieces.
“Best breakfast ever,” he said happily. “I amaze even myself at times.”
“Maybe it’s about time you head over to the castle and get rich? Just a thought.”
“Now it’s time to head to the castle and get rich,” he said, ignoring his inner voice. Seeing as there were no dishes to clean, Sweep left his home with a skip in his step.
Ponies going about their everyday business stopped and stared at the humming alicorn as he left his home and trotted casually down the street. Sweep paid no mind to the ponies as they tried to decide between bowing before him or going about their meaningless activities.
“I feel like flying. It’s always good to practice, right?” he asked himself.
“You just turned your breakfast into a firecracker. Might just be paranoid, but maybe we should lay off the new powers.”
“Buzz. Kill.” Sweep enunciated. “That’s what you are. When there’s a party going on, everypony ducks for cover because you’re such a buzzkill.”
During his three hour trek through the city, Sweep learned a lot about himself. For one thing, he was probably mentally unstable and would need to get that voice in his head looked at. Second, he wasn’t quite cut out for walking long distances with nothing to do but think about how there was nothing to do.
No one had stopped him, for reasons beyond him. In fact, it seemed almost as if they were slightly bowing their heads and waiting for him to go on past. It struck Sweep as strange.
With the castle gates within sight, he sighed with relief that his journey had come to an end. Two ponies in golden armor approached him, spears drawn.
“Halt, citizen!” one of them ordered, pointing his weapon far too close into Sweep’s personal bubble. “Grounds are currently closed to all visitors. Please file any appointments in the court with our Customer Service representative.”
“I, uh,” Sweep stammered.
“I demand to be let into that castle.”
“I demand to be let into that castle!” he repeated.
“Not if me and Stabby has anything to say about it,” the guard said.
The other guard sighed. “He named his spear ‘Stabby’.”
“Ah. Gotcha.” Sweep said, trying to direct Stabby away from his face with his hoof. A pegasus guard flew down from the wall and landed next to his fellows.
“I’d back off, guys,” the pegasus said. “He looks like an alicorn. You know, like the princesses and everything.”
“Darn it, Brick. You know this helmet’s too big on me. I can’t see squat with it on,” the first guard said, taking off his headpiece. “Well, I’ll be. You’re right.”
“There isn’t a male alicorn in the Royal Family,” the second guard said. “The closest thing they’ve got to that is Blueblood.”
“I am a relative of the princesses, forgotten long ago.”
“I am, uh, a relative of the princesses, forgotten a long time ago.” Sweep said, following his inner voice’s lead.
“What kind of cutie mark is a broom for a long lost prince?” the guard asked.
“Well you see, um… I am able to communicate with the dead and lay them to rest so they don’t haunt ponies in their nightmares and homes.” Sweep said. “I am Clean Slate, Cleanser of The Other Dimension.”
The three guards looked at him incredulously.
“What kind of shit lie was that?!”
Improvising! If it’s far-fetched enough, they won’t deny it, Sweep responded silently.
“Really?” The pegasus’ eyes glimmered with some sort of newfound hope. “Could you show us, your Majesty?”
“Um, yes. Of course!” he replied and feigned fervent concentration. “Has anypony here lost a friend or family member? Or know somepony who did?”
The pegasus raised his hoof slightly.
“Yes, you! In the armor,” Sweep pointed at the guard. “I was getting a strong signal. This pony passed on recently?”
“Uh, twenty-five years ago.”
“That recently!” Sweep said. “Then I’m going to have to be extra sensitive with this one.”
The three guards looked on with awe as Sweep slowly paced from left to right as he communicated with the imaginary spirits.
“I’m getting an ‘M’. Is there an ‘M’?” he asked.
“His name was Bow Zipper.”
“Mister Bow Zipper?!” Sweep pointed once again at the startled pegasus guard. “This pony died of natural causes, yes?”
“H-he was exploded in a magic incident.”
“So naturally he’d be dead.” Sweep nodded. “Hm… Bow says that he is very proud that you became a royal guard and that you should let me into the palace and give me whatever I want.”
“He said that? That’s amazing!” the easily excitable pegasus beamed. “I’ll take it from here, guys. Clean Slate, your Highness, please follow me into the castle.”
Sweep did as he was told and followed the gullible guard past the gates into the courtyard. He couldn’t quite believe that his lie had actually worked.
“How did you- why did he- does he really believe that?!”
Sweep did not share the voice’s concern, however, and therefore paid the broken question no heed. Though not one for art, he took considerable interest to the fountains in the courtyard. The flowing water reminded him of his urgent need to find a restroom.
He felt awkward wanting to ask the pegasus where the nearest lavatory was, lest it diminish his facade of regal superiority. But the flow against the floodgates proved too much for even his unconquerable will.
“Hey, I need to find a stall. Now. Now now now,” Sweep said, heaving with every step. “Where is it? Where is it?”
“Let me think…”
Sweep groaned impatiently. “I’ll just go exploring.”
Whether it was his heightened urge to go or just his horn gradually becoming more potent, he had no idea. All he did know was that in a flash of lemon light, he had teleported himself into a bathroom stall.
Too concerned with more pressing matters, Sweep ignored his newest magical ability and experienced the nirvana of bladder release.
“Are you done yet?” the voice asked after a few minutes had passed.
“Shh. This is a happy place,” Sweep said. “Crazy-free zone.”
“Whatever.”
“Did you see how I teleported? Did you even notice how cool that was?” he asked.
“Mhm.”
“I’m telling you, brother. This whole alicorn thing might not be such a bad thing, after all.”
“I’m a mare.”
“You’re a what?!”