//------------------------------// // An empty death // Story: That Which Makes up a Rainbow // by maxxxxxx //------------------------------// “It's time Rainbow Dash.” Shield spoke menacingly. Her every thought became overrun with mortal fear. 'No. No! I don't want to die! “No!” She ran as fast as she could away from him, her body moving on instinct alone. With a flap of her wings she became airborne, flying faster than she had ever felt she could, although she didn't feel the rushing of air around her body. Still however, she could fell death licking at her back legs. It was cold and empty. I don't want to die, I don't want to die! I don't know what I have left but I don't want to die! Shutting her eyes tight she flew even faster. She could finally feel Shield's presence weaken, she breathed a mental sigh of relief. Still keeping speed she turned her head back to where she left Shield, relieved to see nothing but the dark void. “you can not run Rainbow Dash!” She whipped her head back in front of her, Shield was only inches from her face. She let out a terrified shriek, her eyes wide with panic and terror. Her wings locked up and she plummeted to the floor, landing with bone crushing force. She opened her mouth wide to yelp from the pain but no sound came. Looking upwards, she saw Shield slowly descending towards her, eying her like bird of prey would a mouse. Fear overcame pain and the desire to flee surged through her once again.... No! I can't move! I can't move a muscle! Oh Celestia he's coming and I can't move! “No! Stay away! Please, I don't want to die!” She couldn't even turn her neck to face away from him. He landed and walked slowly towards her, enjoying each dragged out moment of her fear. Then he stood, looming over her with his dark grin. “Now now Rainbow Dash, I thought you wanted to die. It's what you deserve and you know you have no hope for the future. There is nothing left inside of you but pain, guilt and trauma. Even if you went back you could never care for your friends. You would only use them to lie to yourself.” “I- I don't know why, but I don't want to die. I know I have nothing left to live for but I want to live!” She looked at him, pleading, begging with her tear filled eyes. Shield's face became stoic for a moment, then his smile spread across his face. “It's nothing but base instinct now. All you are clinging to is a programed desire to live, no matter who you hurt. I will crush that part of you Rainbow Dash, you will die here. I have only to show you one last truth.” The darkness transformed. The were in Dash's old home. Even though she could not raise her head, the scene played inside her mind. **************************************************************************************************** “I hate you!” The young, filly shouted angrily. “I said no Rainbow, you can't go out until you clean your room.” The mother said. Her voice exasperated from the many fights she had been having with her daughter. “This, this was the memory you showed me when I first arrived here. The fight with my mother.” She spoke weakly, still trying to get her body to move. “Yes Rainbow Dash, this day was your greatest trauma. This was the day I was born. Now watch the whole truth of this day, and let the last desire you feel to live ebb away.” “You can't tell me what to do!” “Rainbow Dash, why don't you ever listen? Would it be so hard just to clean your room?” Her tone softened with caring, but the angry filly was unfazed. “Because I don't want to and you can't make me! I hate being here and I hate you!” “Rainbow, I had a talk with your father. The way you've been behaving lately, he and I agreed that you won't be going with him to Manehattan to see the Wonderbolts next week.” Dash's jaw dropped in shock. “Y-you cant do that!” “Rainbow, you've been getting into too many fights at school and you never listen to either of us. Now if you don't go and clean your room I'm going to take all your toys as well.” She looked at her daughter with an assertive gaze, but Dash did not back down. “No!” Her voice was now hoarse with rage, she was trembling. Rainbow Dash watched with a deep pain in her heart. Don't do it kid. You'll end up here. She knew it was too late for her though. However this memory truly played out, she knew it wouldn't change her fate. Her mother shook her head in disappointment and turned to go into her fillies' room, but before she could she felt a sharp pain in her jaw followed by the sound of hoof against flesh. She slowly turned to her daughter in disbelief. “I hate you mom and I hope you die!” She screamed. Suddenly her mom winced in pain, bringing her hoof to her head. “R-Rainbow” She stuttered as one of her eyes and one side of her mouth began to droop. “Mom? Are you okay?” A tone of worry replaced her anger. “What's happening to...” She stopped, she felt so much pain and sadness fill her heart. It was suffocating, it felt like she had a huge weight in her chest. Her tears began to flow freely. “M-mom?” Her mother reached an unsteady hoof out towards Dash before collapsing onto the floor, her body jerked and convulsed. The filly stood over her, her eyes were quickly becoming dull and her gaze distant. The after a short while, her mom's body stopped is violent tremors, tapering off to an eery stillness. She gently prodded her mother with her hoof. “Mom. Mom...Mom” Her expression never changed from the initial worry, but tears poured down her face. She began backing away from her mother, shaking her head. Then, she spun around, running out the door she took off into the sky. The young filly flew through the sky. The speed at which she flew blasted the tears off her face, her eyes were dull and empty. *************************************************************************************************************** “No...” Her voice was high and chocked with sadness. “My mom... oh mom.. mom.” She could feel her tears pooling around her head, they were cold and bitter, but they burned as they left her eyes. What have I done? I- I hurt everyone.. I lost my own mother.. I killed my mom. Oh Celestia I killed my mom! Mom.... Mommy I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! She lay on the ground, crying like a foal. All she wanted to do was curl up into a ball, to hold herself, but she couldn't. She felt as thought her pain and sorrow and shame were completely exposed. “Yes Rainbow Dash, you killed your mother. Not just by abandoning her, but with your own hoof!” Shield stomped on the floor and the darkness changed. They were in a hospital. **************************************************************************************************************** The young foal sat curled up on a bench in the hospital hall way. Her eyes were clouded and distant. The silhouettes of two ponies could be seen from behind a pale window in the door near her. “I'm sorry Mr. Dash, she's on life support right now but the damage to her brain was too severe.” “I- I just don't understand how this happened. She was so healthy and active.” He forced back his tears. “We think, the trauma sustained to her head, coupled with severe stress triggered a dormant clotting disorder. The blood clot went to her brain and caused a cerebral thrombosis. It lodged in her cerebral arteries causing a stroke. The lack of oxygen servery damaged the parts of her brain responsible for involuntary muscles, essentially disconnecting the brain from the heart.” The doctor spoke in a cold, calculating manor. He tried to be reassuring, but the technical aspects of what happened did nothing to ease the shock. “Y-you mean my Daughter.. She... Oh Celestia. If only I had been there!” He slammed his hoof into the door. The young Rainbow Dash only curled up tighter and closed her eyes, her expression was calm. She went somewhere else in her mind. “Doctor, was there any pain? Could she feel it?” His voice trembled. “I'm afraid.. for a brief time, yes. She could feel it. But it was over quickly.” “Enough!” Dash screamed, everything went dark. The crushing sorrow snuffed out the last ember of her desire to live, she felt it suffocating before it died completely along with her the last of her strength. “Enough.. Shield.. I've had enough. I don't want to go back anymore, I just want it all to go away. I- I can't do it anymore.. I cant, I cant live with anything I've done. Shield.. please, just end it... Kill me.” “Gladly.” Rainbow Dash watched as a shield easily the size of a house began to materialize over her. With a broken smile she laughed painfully to herself. It's almost over. Soon I won't have to feel anything. Soon, I'll be dead. Thank you Shield. You've always been the one to take away my pain. Now, when I die, neither of us have to suffer. 'Brian activity dropping, pupils unresponsive. Were losing her!' 'Rainbow Dash! Don't die, please!' Twilight? Twilight is that you? Twilight... I'll never see her again.. I'll never see the girls, or Ponyville. I don't deserve them.. I can never go back. That's not fair. Suddenly, a hot and powerful feeling burned in her chest. it's not fair. It's not fair. It's not fair! The massive shield was completely formed, with a large ornate eye painted at it's center casting it's gaze down at her. She gritted her teeth and glared right into it. The sensation that started in her chest now burned in her limbs. 'This isn't right! I never wanted it to end this way! I wont die here alone!' The shield fell down towards her, it seemed to move in slow motion. 'I hate this! I hate myself, and I hate Shield! I wont die like this! It was only her body length away from crushing her. “Shield!” She screamed in pure rage as it slammed on top of her. But, it stopped. Shield's expression became that of surprise as he was taken aback by what he saw. Rainbow Dash held the shield above her with only one hoof. The blackness dissolved and the and a network of neurons and their connections came alive, sparks of multicolored light shooting between them. Her hoof became alight in a rainbow colored fire. She felt a new drive now, one of pure ferocity. Her new drive, her potent impetus that pushed her forward now, was nothing short of revenge. Reprisal against Shield, against herself and against her own life. She tapped into a lifetimes worth of locked away rage and pain. It had only one direction now, one target. Shield. The shield above her exploded, as the dust and smoke cleared, there stood Rainbow Dash, both her front hooves ablaze with rainbow fire. “Shield!” With a powerful battle cry she exploded forward at him. She reared back on her hind legs mid flight, the flames concentrated into glowing hot rainbow colored blades suspended just above her hooves. It was only a matter of seconds before she closed the distance between herself and her tormentor. She swung her hooves at him, the blades leaving a rainbow trail in their wake. Just before they made contact they bounced off a shield that appeared in front of him. “Why are you still trying Rainbow Dash? You have nothing, nothing at all.” “Shut up! I know I have nothing left to live for but I'm not dying with all this rage! I'm taking you down first!” Suddenly she felt a heavy and hard impact hit her side, knocking her to the ground just as a shield swung above her, grazing her mane. She looked up to see a tan earth pony with a gray mane and tail with streaks of white, his face all but expressionless. “Logic?” She asked, dumbfounded. Shield only glared at him. The space between them grew without any movement, putting them at a safe distance for the moment. “You are finally starting to feel the truth Rainbow Dash. You have found a reservoir of strength, now use it, unleash the anger you have been locking away. It is all this is left of your soul. I can do nothing against Shield but I to would like to see him obliterated before we die. Finish him Rainbow Dash, then we can rest.” He faded away, leaving Rainbow Dash and Shield alone, staring each other down. With a loud battle cry she shot forth at him. Before she could get half way to him her produced another shield. This one was big, the size of a mountain at least. It flew towards her, but she didn't stop. The two opposing forces met each other with a loud boom. Dash managed to hold the gargantuan shield off with only the tip of her blade. Her anger mounting, growing fast within her. It felt like she would explode if she didn't release her rage. She swung her free hoof across the surface of the shield, cutting it in half. She flew through it, a sonic rainboom tearing it apart behind her. “Shield!” She closed the remaining gap between them, landing right in front of shield, her blade at his throat. “What do you hope to accomplish? You will still die. Once you destroy me you're anger will be gone and all you will have left is the truth of what you have done. You, who killed your own mother, who hurt her friends time and time again. You who killed your own heart and soul. You have nothing to live for! I was what kept you alive all these years, I am what is left of your heart, soul and mind. You are nothing, you are the one who resides in me! You kill me, you kill yourself!” Rainbow Dash glared at him with the same look of hate and rage she had seen from him and Trauma and Guilt. It was pure anger, anger towards herself. “I'm fine with that.” The tip of her blade exploded into a prismatic shock wave that enveloped them both, and quickly expanded, destroying everything. This is it... isn't it? ********************************************************************************************************* She blinked, a bright, ever stretching white was all that she saw. All that she saw but one thing. She looked down at it, her eyes softened and the fire on her hooves faded away. She walked towards it. “Stay away! If you come any closer I'll hurt you!” The small, rainbow maned filly shouted. Her voice was full of fear and bravado. She backed away from Dash with each step that she took towards her. “I said stay..” She was cut off as a pair of hooves gently wrapped around her, pulling her close. She struggled, banging her small hooves against Dash's chest. But with each hit, she didn't feel pain, only waves of sadness and loneliness. She hugged the filly tighter, pulling her against her chest. She brought her head low, resting it against the fillies'. She closed her eyes and whispered to her. “I forgive you.” She her struggling became weaker, but persisted. “I forgive you.” She whispered again to the filly. She continued to struggle, but tears were building in her eyes. Hugging her tighter, and rubbing her muzzle against her cheek she said it once more. “I forgive you.” The filly stopped and looked up at Dash. She began to break down and her tears began to flow. “H-how?” She sobbed, her words were heavy with pain and grief. “How can you forgive me? I.. I killed my mom.. I hurt so many ponies. I' m bad.. I'm bad.. How can you forgive me?” “Because I know. I know how much you've been suffering all alone. You didn't have any help or a hoof to hold. You took all that pain because you felt guilty. It's too much for anypony though. That much hurt.. it's too much. You did the only thing you could, and you did it alone. You wrapped yourself up in lies because it hurt, you kept everypony away because you didn't want to share that horrible pain. You're a good girl and I forgive you.” The filly was stunned silent, her mouth agape. Then, she caved. “I'm so sorry!” She buried her face in Dash's chest and wailed. Dash could feel her hot tears soaking into her fur. She gently stroked the fillies' mane. “I'm so sorry! Mom, I didn't mean.. I didn't mean what I said.. Mom.. mom I miss you!.. Mommy I love you!” She wailed into Dash's chest, and Dash stroked her mane and her back comforting her. She could feel the pain and guilt leaving her with every tear the filly cried. “Can I ask you for something?” Dash asked, looking down at her. She looked up, her eyes puffy from crying. She looked so weak and vulnerable. “W-what is it?” Rainbow Dash smiled at her as she to began to cry. “Do you think.. you could forgive me?” The filly looked at her in surprise. “Forgive you for what?” “I- I left you all alone, I made you become something awful because I didn't want to deal with the truth. I hurt a lot of ponies. I hurt my closest friends and the one pony that truly mattered to me, the only one who saw the real me and I hurt her. I've.. I’ve done so many horrible things... I- I don't know if I can forgive myself though.. I don't deserve it.” She felt those tiny hooves wrap around her, they were warm and gentle. She pressed her face against Dash's chest, this time she was comforting her. “I forgive you, because your a good girl.” Rainbow Dash lost it. She burst into tears and sobs. Squeezing the filly tight, she cried into her mane. The filly gently rubbed her side, her small legs too short to reach her back. “I forgive you.” She repeated, her voice was full of compassion and empathy. All of her guilt and hate flowed out of Dash's tears, she felt her body becoming lighter with each sob. There was no trauma, no bravado or guilt or lies, just compassion. She felt warm and... alive. “Rainbow Dash.” She turned slowly around to the source of the new voice. There, standing behind her was... herself. She looked exactly like Rainbow Dash, but she had an air of tranquility and strength. “Are you... my soul?” she nodded slowly, smiling a kind smile. “Yes I am.” ''Brain activity rising. Body responsive to stimuli.' Rainbow Dash looked around. “What was that?” “It's time for you to go Rainbow Dash.” Dash looked up at her with somber eyes, still holding tight to the filly. “I don't think I can. I've hurt them so much and I have nothing left to love or care with. My friends... are better off without me.” 'Pupils responsive' 'Rainbow Dash! Rainbow Dash, can you hear me?!' A fleeting white light obscured her vision. “There is another way Rainbow Dash.” In her heart and mind, she knew what the other her meant. She nodded. “I accept.” The other her ignited in an all consuming bright white light. The filly looked up at Rainbow Dash. “I'm scared.” dash hugged her and held her head against her chest, obscuring her sight. “So am I.” She closed her eyes and blissfully smiled as they began to dissolve in the pure white light “I'm with you this time.” ***************************************************************************************************************** She slowly opened her eyes, her vision was blurry. The first things that she could make out was a lavender blur. “Rainbow Dash! I'm so glad your okay!” She wrapped her hooves around her, hugging her tight but carefully avoiding her chest. The others soon gathered around her. “You gave us quite a scare.” “But Twilight managed to keep your heart going the whole time with her magic! It was amazing!” She shouted excitedly. “Were all just glad yer okay RD” “I- I was so worried!” She slowly rubbed her head and looked at them one at a time. “Who are all of you?” She asked. The five ponies faces became grave, especially the purple one. “R-Rainbow Dash, It's us. Your friends.. Remember?” She looked at her hopefully but on the verge of tears. The next thing she said left everypony heart broken and stunned silent. A small piece of them all died the next moment. “Who is Rainbow Dash?”