//------------------------------// // Are there whales on the moon? // Story: Crisis of Infinite Twilights // by defender2222 //------------------------------// Spike and Scootaloo stared at the capricorn version of Twilight, each swallowing nervously as she approached them. Her fan tail, sharp enough to cut through sinew and bone, swayed back and forth and her strange, draconese eyes were narrowed as she slowly made her way forward. Her lips ever so slowly slid back, revealing her sharp teeth, designed to rip out hunks of fat and muscle from her prey. Spike had always known that Twilight was powerful and there were definitely times when the baby dragon was afraid of his friend. But that fear had always been of the elemental and mystical powers that Twilight held; her magics and her control over them. This, however, was different. This was physical, vicious power. Raw and primal. "Uh... hey Twilight..." Spike said with a gulp. "What big... uh... teeth you have." 'Twilight' paused, eyes narrowed. "Are you trying to get me to say 'The better to eat you with, my dear'? Because that is lame, even by your standards." "Wait..." Scootaloo said, watching the capricorn Twilight carefully, "you know him?" "Of course I do, Scootaloo!" 'Twilight' said, rolling her eyes, all appearances of danger and death wiped away. "Has everyone gone mental?" "No, they haven't," Tydal said, leaping down into the arena. "There is much you do not know, my dear." "Lord Tydal!" 'Twilight' said happily, hurrying over to the sea god and nuzzling him. Tydal raised an eyebrow but did not betray his confusion at the familiar way 'Twilight' was treating him. "What is going on? Why is everyone acting like they don't know me?" Going on a hunch, the old sea king looked down at the 'Twilight' and smiled. "You tell me, my faithful student... look at the battle field and tell me what is wrong." The capricorn female looked about the arena and began to rattle off all the odd things she noticed. "Have you noticed that these adventures have stopped being funny?" Spike asked. "Huh?" Scootaloo said. "Funny?" "Yeah. In the beginning it was all cute Twiley stuff and Discord matching wits with a baby... now it’s kinda serious and educational." Scootaloo frowned. "Are you honestly complaining about things making sense?" "A bit," Spike said. "I am too!" Twiley declared, trotting up to them. "See, even Twiley a...grees..." Spike did a double take. "Wait..." "Twiley," Scootaloo groaned, "what are you doing here?" "Cutie Mark International Travelers! YEAH!" The filly pumped her hoof in the air. "It finally dawned on me, Scootaloo! We haven't gotten our cutie marks because we've been trying to get them in Equestria! We need to go to other countries to get them! We are going to sooooo get cool, foreign cutie marks!" Scootaloo rubbed her temples, the beginnings of a headache already blossoming. "Your dad is so going to kill me." "No he won't!" Twiley said with a devious grin. "I came up with a way to trick him.... he'll never know I'm gone." ~MC~MC~MC~ "Does Twiley seem to be acting odd?" Agent Coltson asked Twicora as the two of them passed the little table Night Light and Velvet had set up for the filly. There were crayons and pieces of paper scattered all upon it. The zebra-stripped mare look over at 'Twiley', who looks suspiciously like a bag of flour with a Twilight Sparkle wig attacted to it. Someone, clearly filly-age, had drawn a crude face on the bag with crayons; one eye was bigger than the other and the mouth had a weird grin going on. A roll of toilet paper had been taped to the bag right where Twiley’s horn would be. Propped up against the totally-not-a-bag-of-flour was a sign that read 'Vow of Silence Cutie Mark, YEAH!". "It is clear to even the fillies and colts, that Twiley thinks we are all dolts." "Hey Twiley!" Cadence said happily, waving to the not-a-bag-of-flour. "Looking good!" The princess hummed to herself as she skipped away. "...maybe she has a point," Coltson stated. ~MC~MC~MC~ "How did you even get here?" Spike asked in confusion. "I hid in Luna's saddle bag." Twiley crinkled her nose in disgust. "I don't want to go back in... the princess put Baby Me's dirty diapers in there." "Ba ba ba!" Baby Twilight complained, riding on Luna's head as the princess walked over to them. "She says yours don't smell like roses either," Luna said with a dismissive sniff. "Scootaloo, Spike, I wondered where you went to. I thought for a moment that my sister had banished you to the moon." "Uh... the Princess doesn't do that... she only did it to you," Spike pointed out. "Right?" ~12 years earlier~ "And when I am free... oh, when I am free!" Nightmare Moon ranted, circling the same crater she’d been marching around for the last 15 days (time moves slowly when you are on the moon). "First I will kidnap my sister... then I will create some easily escapable traps that 6 mares with attitudes could conquer... then I'll NOT wipe them off the face of Equestria! No no, using my insane, godly magic against them would be too easy! Instead I will taunt them and give them time to regroup! Maybe knock a guard around but not enough to hurt them! Oh, and I will definitely not go to Canterlot and claim the throne... better to wait... wait until I’ve set up some traps that will teach innocent ponies lessons about friendship!" Nightmare Moon cackled. "I am so evil!" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" "Oh crud." Nightmare took a step to her left just as a stallion in a red collared shirt and matching hat slammed down to the moon's surface. The dark alicorn trotted over to the stallion and poked him. "So... what did you do?" The stallion groaned, glancing at the evil alicorn but deciding he was already screwed so no use panicking. "I asked Princess Celestia if she wanted some coffee to go with all the sugar she was pouring into her mug." "Ah. We get that one about once a week." She pointed to a far-off ridge. "Head over there... I built an apartment complex and there should be a few empty rooms. Just ignore Rita Repulsa, we all do." "Screw you, Nightmare!" the evil villainess screamed. “You’re just jealous of my big hat!” The witch turned towards the earth and scowled. “JUST LIKE ZORDON, THAT CHARLES XAVIER WANNABE!” Rita stuck out her tongue and flipped off the earth. "I wouldn't want to be married to that..." Nightmare said. "I mean... again." She chuckled. "That was a wild weekend..." Nightmare shrugged. "Oh, almost forgot: the "Welcome to the Moon Song"! It’s a tradition. Boys?" A bunch of stallions, dressed as sailors, popped up and grinned. Stallions and Nightmare Moon We're whalers on the moon We carry a harpoon! But their ain’t no whales So we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune! ~MC~MC~MC~ Spike stared at Princess Luna. "Sometimes I understand why Twilight likes banging her head on tables." “Wha’s on ‘oon!” Baby Twilight gurgled. "So, what are we doing?" Twiley looked around the arena. "Gladiator battles? Cutie Mark Spartacus! YEAH!" "No, we aren't doing that," Tydal said, trotting over with "Twilight' beside him. "Seafoam Tremor, I’d introduce you to everyone but honestly I find it easier not to become attached to things I might need to use as living shields.” He turned to the group (of which only Twiley was happy to be called a living shield… ‘Living Shields Cutie Mark, YEAH!’) “Apparently her world saw me never turned to stone and thus she became my student instead of Celestia’s." "No offense, Lord Tydal, but I simply can't imagine being Miss Prissy's student." "Miss Prissy!" Luna cackled. "I have to remember that one." "I see we picked up another one," Tydal said, looking down at Twiley. "I suppose it would be no use trying to send you back?" "Uh huh." "Fine," the sea god grunted, "but only because you are cute and I know your power of cuteness will prevent me from saying no to you." "Yes!" Twiley said in glee, pumping her hoof in the air. She bounced over to Seafoam and inspected her. "Ok, you are so much cooler than Zebra Me!" "Ba ba ba!" Baby Twilight complained; she clearly knew SHE was the coolest. Scootaloo frowned. "Are you sure this is wise, Lord Tydal?" "No, but I figure it is safer have the Twilights with us then letting them roam free." He glanced at the infant, filly and capricorn versions of the purple alicorn. "I just hope we continue to manage-" "Sir!" one of the guards called out, rushing into the arena. "We need you... we have found the weirdest catch!" "And by weird you mean..." Tydal began. ~10 Minutes Later...~ Scootaloo watched as a great purple whale with Twilight's mane broke the water's surface and released a spout of water. A few meters from Twilight Orcle a Twiphin leapt out of the air, letting out a clicking laugh before diving under the waves. A Crablight scurried past them, clicking her purple claws as she passed, saying hello to the Twilipus that was swimming just a few meters from shore. "Well..." Seafoam said, tilting her head as she watched the sea team with Twilights. "I... uh... Lord Tydal?" "Don't look at me, I'm as freaked out as you are!" “Actually I’m scared and I’m hungry… I think I want to eat myself.” Spike opened his mouth to say something, only to shut it when he received a stern look from Luna. The god of the sea tugged on his beard as a Great Purple Shark broke the waves and flashed them a toothy grin. "Hello!" the Twishark said happily. "I"m hoping you can help me... I was with my friends Flippershy, Kelpjack, Pruney Pie, Rainbow Carp and Swimity but now I've completely lost them!" the Twishark grew nervous. "I hope they are ok... we're suppose to meet with Princess Sealestia to learn about a threat to Oceanna!" "I've seen what Discord can do when at full power and STILL this is more screwed up than anything I've encountered!" Spike exclaimed. "Still want things to stop being boring?" Scootaloo asked. "I take it back, I take it back!" Spike exclaimed. "You know, you look like a remora I know..." Twishark said, looking carefully at Spike. "I TAKE IT BACK! I TAKE IT BACK!" ~Meanwhile, somewhere a little less absurd...~ "I didn't want to do that," a pale thestral said dully, watching as the rough looking stallion that had tried to attack her fell to the alley floor, clutching weakly at the gaping wound on his neck. Though the two puncture marks were quite deep no blood gushed from them... for there was no blood left in his veins to leak out. The bat-pony had seen to that. "I have been working to not attack ponies for so long... but without my beloved Sweetie Bella to keep me on the path of goodness I... I can not stop these urges!" The thestral let out a dramatic sigh... though it didn't sound that dramatic since her voice was utterly wooden and her mannerisms drier than 12-year old paint. "You want to see your Sweetie Bella, my dear?" a dark alicorn whispered, emerging from the shadows. The bay-winged alicorn whipped around and stared at her doppelganger. "Now now... don't be shy... we are, in a way, sisters. What is your name?" "Twilight Twilight," Twi-Twi said, subconsciously licking her fangs. "Well... I am Nightfall Eclipse... and I am putting together a group..." “Will it help me find my young filly lover?” Twilight Twilight asked. “Even though I just met her, I know she is the love of my life and I must stalk her and make her give up her entire life so she can be with me.” Nightfall frowned and muttered, under her breath, “I’m evil and still you creep me the (censored) out…”