//------------------------------// // Chapter 11: Unfinished Business // Story: Becoming a Monster // by Telgin //------------------------------// ...screams... ...whispers... “Where am I!?” something said. “Help me!” something else said. I was cold. So, so cold. Cold... it was all I could feel. Attempting to move, to twist and look around... I felt nothing. Just the ever present chill that seeped down to my bones. Eternal blackness. All around me, it was all there was. In the distance, flecks of green and purple light danced around. Another scream rolled past me like a slow breeze, bringing with it a wave of frigidity and a flow of faint golden light. Terror grew within me. I thrashed and spun around, desperate for any tactile sensation. Where was I? What was this horrible place? Why couldn't I remember how I got there? “...please... let me out...” something whispered behind me. I wheeled around, but nothing was there. I couldn't even see myself. Just more darkness that stretched on forever. More terrifying screams of every imaginable creature echoed in the nothingness. I flailed, trying to feel myself. Nothing. “Where is this place!?” I shrieked. To my relief and astonishment, I actually heard it. I could talk! “Let me out! Where am-” ...my mouth filled with water. My eyes snapped open, and all around me I saw the shimmering and flowing diffracted surface of stone. I moved my arm, feeling the sluggish drag of water. Water... water... I was under water! Involuntarily, I opened my mouth to draw breath, and sucked down more liquid. I was drowning! I thrashed and tried to right myself. My body felt heavy and weak, but after a coughing and fighting fit my claws found purchase on stone. I was so tired... unbelievably tired, but I pulled and dragged myself up onto a gritty ledge. The stone was cold. Everything was so cold... That didn't matter. I was out of the water! I rolled onto my side and coughed, spraying water all over the stone. My chest still felt heavy, but I wasn't out of breath. That was odd. I took a deep breath, feeling the water swirl and percolate in my lungs. Shouldn't I have more of an urge to cough it up? In fact, as I took another breath, I felt something strange. I could breathe better, and something was running down my chest. I looked down to see water draining from a fist sized hole to the right of my heart. At first, my mind refused to admit what I was looking at. There was no pain, so surely there couldn't be a hole through my lung large enough for a pony to stick their hoof through. That would be silly. It was also silly that I could breathe. Kind of breathe anyway. I took another breath, and more water squirted out. Well, it was mostly water. There was some sticky, blackish green sludge mixed in with it. That probably wasn't good. I reached down with my right hand to pick at this hallucination of a mortal wound, and froze. The slick white of wet bone almost glowed back at me through the darkness. Scraps of tattered ligaments covered the joints of a skeletal hand, and a little patch of discolored meat slipped off of a forearm to land with a plop in front of me. With wide eyes, I tried to slide out from beneath the corpse that was atop me. The arm came with me. I flexed the fingers on my right hand. The bones moved in sequence. My eyes tracked back along the bony limb, from finger tips to wrist, to mid forearm where rotten meat appeared, up to the shoulder. My shoulder. Panic shot through me. I screamed and rolled to my left, away from the horrifying thing attached to me. Bare bone clattered against stone and I shrieked again. It was still there! That bony arm that wasn't mine was still attached to me! I squealed and half-kicked the ground to hop backward, slamming into the wall as I stopped. Then I saw my legs. My right leg was mostly fine, except for the putrescent flesh near the hoof, exposing two bones covered in blotchy pink and red meat. My left leg was skeletal from the knee down, aside from the hoof. I gasped and stared. Wh-what was I looking at!? Th-this wasn't me! What... how!? I was alive! How could I have a hole in my chest like that and skeletal limbs and still be alive!? How-how could I even move them without muscles!? This didn't make sense! My entire body trembled and shuddered. Impossibly, even the bones. Fear... indescribable horror and fear welled up inside me, followed by intense nausea. I held it for only a moment before I threw up, spraying the ground with putrid, discolored water. Some even rolled down my right cheek... through a hole big enough for my tongue to fit through. Overcoming the paralysis and terror, I forced myself to my hooves and stumbled over to the water. A feeling of strength washed over me, growing stronger as I drew closer. It felt familiar somehow. Warm. Calming, and inviting. That is, until I stopped at its edge, and took a good look. The water was stained a light red. From blood? Had I bled that much? How was I still conscious? There was something small and rod shaped at the bottom... a crossbow bolt? I traced my dead hand up to my chest, and remembered. I'd been shot. Almost immediately afterward I lost consciousness and fell into the pool. Who shot me? Why? Some pony. Some pony shot me, but right then, that didn't matter. I was too busy looking at myself. My reflection. My dead hand reached up to touch the hole in the side of my face, which I could now clearly see was where the scar had rotted through. Teeth were visible through the torn skin, skin which was now pale and greenish. Blotches of discoloration pockmarked my previously pristine gray scales. I could see muscle and bone through the skin in a few places... and my wings... they were barely more than scraps of ragged skin hanging between the bony digits. I pressed my good hand to my chest, next to the hole and where my heart should still be. I waited, and waited, but I felt nothing. For minutes, I held my hand there, waiting for a heart beat. Nothing. I held my breath. No matter how long I refused to draw breath, I felt nothing. ...I... I was dead... Slowly, I panned my eyes around the cave. Was this it? Was this what happened when you died? This dark, cold, lifeless place... was it where I would spend all eternity? Alone? What had I done to deserve this? Was it just because I died here? Was that it? Life was cruel and uncaring, and so was the afterlife? Utterly crushed, I sank to the floor and placed my face in my hands. Tears started to form in the corners of my eyes. Oh, good. That much of me was still working. My trembling voice was cracked and distorted. Raspy. I wanted to cry out and scream and demand an answer for why this was happening to me, but really, I couldn't remember anything other than dying. Everything leading up to that moment was just gone. Everything leading up to that unicorn casting her spell, then that pegasus shooting me. Wait... unicorn? Pegasus? Memories began to form through the veil of blackness in my mind. I remembered standing next to the mana basin. Wait, I remembered it! That's why I felt strong near it! But, didn't it used to hurt to be near it? I didn't have a headache. In fact, I felt no pain at all, despite my gruesome appearance. Anyway, I was standing next to it, after they drove me up there. They... they'd invaded the cave. This was my home. There were others with me. They ran away. Zeal. Revelry. That was their names. My brother and sister! I remembered now! This wasn't some horrible tomb for my soul... it was my home. They'd fled, no doubt realizing to stay would mean their deaths too. Where were they? Could I find them? I stood, feeling my exposed joints pop and crack in a most unpleasant manner. It didn't matter. I had to find them, and find out what happened to them. So much was still a mass of confusion and broken thoughts in my mind, but if I found them, maybe it would start to make sense again. Maybe they were still alive. Please... please still be alive... Even the short trip through the cave back to the main chamber was enough to return many memories to me. I was beginning to remember everything. The bed of leaves was where I had spent ages, mostly intensely sad about one thing or another. I remembered I had another brother who had been killed, whose name was Antic. My lover Fealty had also been killed, not long after. I remembered the pain and sorrow well. I also remembered that I once had a lot of spell books. They weren't there anymore. I wasn't sure what had happened to them, but I had a pretty good guess. Those invading ponies had probably stolen them. Or, well, I guess it would be more appropriate to say they took them back. None of the books were rightfully mine anyway. Even the book Antic stole from that pony snooping around in our old cave wasn't rightfully mine, and it was missing too. There was something about the way those ponies spoke, of what I could remember, which made me think this was no coincidence. Bone Chips. That was one of their names. How likely was it that a spell book fascinated with death and dying had ended up in our cave not long before a unicorn with that name showed up, knowing about us? No, he'd come looking for his spell book, and found more than he expected. I stopped in the main chamber and thought back to those moments. Revelry's wing was broken, wasn't it? She couldn't have flown out. Right... that's right. She would have had to have fled down the underground caverns where we hadn't explored. Maybe they led up to the surface, or maybe she was still hiding down there. Maybe Zeal was with her. In any case, it was the only sensible option, so I doubled back and trotted down the passage. Shallow puddles of cold water splashed under my hooves as I went, leading me deeper and deeper into the unknown. Around the first corner, I found a patch of blood sprayed against the uneven rock to my left. Pony or draconequus blood? I had no idea, but felt a renewed sense of urgency and broke into a run. The sounds of my hooves crashing into the water was almost deafening in the silence. If there were any creatures down here, they had to know about me now. I didn't care. Nothing mattered except finding my brother and sister. As I went, I tried to reason and rationalize my situation more. In almost every sense, I was clearly dead. My heart wasn't beating. I didn't have to breathe. I wasn't even getting tired from running. I had to be dead. Pretty much all of my blood had to be in that basin right now, and even if it wasn't, nothing could survive with so much... flesh missing. I was dead. Yet, here I was, thinking about it. The dead couldn't do that. The dead couldn't run through a tunnel and make noise and think about being dead. Two deep purple beetles of some variety skittered away as I sloshed by. I clearly wasn't just some spirit roaming the world. Things were reacting to me. I was real... somehow... For an hour maybe I ran along the caves, taking random twists and turns as I went. Occasionally I had to backtrack and find another path, but finally I found myself in a gargantuan open cavern housing an underground lake of impressive size. But, what caught my eye was the trickle of a small stream coming from a path leading upward. Getting up there would be very difficult without wings, but it was possible. It was the only way out. Maybe Zeal and Revelry went that way? I hadn't found their bodies or any other signs of a fight, so they must have gotten out somehow. Without a thought, I spread my wings and flapped them. To my shock, I lifted from the ground effortlessly, despite the fact that decrepit and torn wings like mine couldn't lift anything, much less something as heavy as I was. And yet, upward I flew, suspended in a field of magic. It felt... trivial. I reached deep inside to probe the depths of the magic and couldn't find an end to it... ...it was incredible. More power was at my finger tips than I even knew was possible. I must have absorbed some of the mana from the basin. It was the only explanation. But this, this was so much more than should have been possible... I brushed the thought aside and flew up to the passage, feeling a faint gust of wind brush past my face on the way up. Wind meant an exit. I was headed the right way! The surface was only minutes away, and I crawled my way through a tight passage to emerge into early afternoon light. Long leaves of some sort of fern brushed my head as I fought my way out of the narrow hole, and my hooves nearly slid from beneath me on the damp leaves and grass that filled the little depression I found myself in. Above me, light peeked through a bush to highlight a steep climb up to the actual surface, which I set to immediately. I saw claw marks and hoof prints in the mud between the shrubbery. I was headed the right way! As I ascended the near vertical climb, I finally convinced myself that this wasn't a dream. No dream lasted so long or was so vivid. I was almost certain it was no hallucination either. How could it be? If I was still drowning and bleeding to death in that basin and this was just some sort of death vision, it wouldn't have lasted so long. A couple of minutes at the most, but this had gone on for nearly two hours. It was real. It was real. Entering daylight also brought a new realization to me. My eyes stung and my vision was washed out as I blinked them to readjust. There hadn't been any light in the cave, yet I could see. This wasn't a dream or vision of some sort, but something was definitely wrong. It only took a look down to my arm and legs to remind myself of that, of course, but... I just still could make no sense of any of it. There was rhyme and reason to what I was experiencing, but it was just beyond me at that point. So much of my memories and thoughts were still jumbled and fragmented... it was no surprise. After it all came back to me, I was sure I would understand. Except, I had no idea what to do then. I looked around, seeing only trees, ferns, bushes and puddles of water and mud for as far as my vision carried. There was a vague path, but what were the odds that my siblings had just followed it? How far did it go anyway? How would I ever find them now? My heart sank, as much as it could, and I plodded along. I was out of the cave, but now I was still alone and with nowhere to go. What could I do? I stopped and looked down at my hands, wondering what my siblings would have done. Zeal would have taken charge. I had no doubt of that. He'd have tried to lead Revelry off somewhere safe. But where was that? Another cave? Would he have rather stayed near water? I balled up my fists and stamped the mud, making a little squirting noise and splattering droplets on my legs and tail. I didn't know! If only I had a spell to tell me where they were! ...a spell. A spell! It was an extremely long shot, but I did know a spell that would detect life. It was part of a refinement I had tried to make on the sentinel spell, and one of the few experiments that actually worked. There was an immense amount of plant life around me, and probably a lot of animals I couldn't see, but it was my only option. Reaching deep inside to draw out the mana needed, I raised and swept my hands through the motions. The spell ended with an outstretched finger against each temple, and with a flash the entire world shifted colors. Everything looked gray and dreary, aside from little pinpoints of white. Bugs and insects covered everything, hiding under bushes and in the trees. I saw what looked like a few birds roosting in the higher branches, and far, far off into the distance a few small mammals of some kind danced between trees. It worked! All I had to do was fine tune it a little to exclude the small things, and I'd have a tiny glimmer of hope. The world shifted to a darker color, and the insects and birds disappeared. On the horizon I could see pinpricks of distant life, many times farther out than I'd ever managed to accomplish before. I didn't feel tired, either. I reached inside to feel my mana supplies again, and couldn't even tell if they had been depleted at all by the spell. Good. Excellent. I could keep this going for hours and hours if I had to. I picked what looked like the nearest target and trotted off again. I had no idea how much time had even passed, and so had no idea how far away Zeal and Revelry would be, but this looked like the best option to start with. It was good that I could keep the spell going. This could take days... My search was not fruitful. Creature after creature turned out to be just animals of one kind or another wandering the woods in search of food and generally distracting me. A bear. A coyote. A huge snake. Another coyote. Not my siblings. I was beginning to lose hope as the day began to wear on. Even into the night I continued to search and follow the closest sources of large life, but again and again I only found animals bedding down for the night. At least I didn't run into any ponies or griffons. By morning I'd returned to the cave exit to try searching in a different direction, where I lingered for some time. Somehow, I wasn't tired. I wasn't weary from my body refusing to go on. I wasn't hungry, or thirsty or sleepy, even after many, many hours of searching. I was just losing hope. Again. An entire night of stumbling through the woods and coming no closer to being reunited with the only living creatures in the world that cared about me was beginning to take its toll. It was as I sat against a stone in a sea of muddy soil that a terrible realization struck me. Would they want me back? Throughout the night, more and more of my memories returned to me. By this point, I could remember everything up to perhaps a few weeks before... well, I died. I remembered the terrible things I did and said to Revelry, and everything about Antic. I hadn't hurt Zeal personally like that, but would he want me back? I was probably holding them back, and it was only a matter of time before I did hurt him. Or Revelry again. Or I did something awful that got one of them killed too. Could they possibly want me back after that? They thought I was dead. They had to know. Should I just leave them to themselves and let them think I was gone? I raised my dead hand and looked over the still very chilling sight. How could they want this back? What if I was in their position? How would I feel? ...I'd probably be scared. At first. How could they not be scared to see their half-decayed sister walking up to them? But... no matter what had happened to Zeal or Revelry, I'd never turn them away. In a situation like this, they'd need me. Just... just like I needed them. With considerable trepidation, I rose and started off again. This time I was headed off toward the canyon where our old cave was. If I didn't find Zeal or Revelry, I wasn't sure what I'd do, but at least then the odds were pretty good that a griffon would spot me. One way or another, I wouldn't have to worry about being alone for long. My hooves were heavy, and a strange feeling like butterflies and nausea settled in my stomach. If I did find them, even still I wasn't sure what I would do. I mentally chewed on that for the next few hours, arriving at only the most tenuous of plans. There was no way to know until I found them. When I did, I really, really wished I was better at that sort of thing. It had been two or three hours by my best estimates, but the life sensing spell led me straight to them this time. They were near a stream, just like I expected. With the spell going I could pick out their shapes through the trees well enough to be sure it was them. One was lying on the ground, not moving very much. The other was strolling their way, and I could easily make out the long serpentine body, tucked wings, tail and hooves. Definitely draconequuses. It had to be them! I stepped closer and cringed as wet leaves rustled beneath my hooves. How should I approach them? Should I just walk up and wave? No... there was a much better way. I drew deep on my magic and worked an invisibility spell, confident that my endless supply of mana would hold out for long enough. The trees, branches and leaves melted from my vision to be replaced with almost pure blackness. I was shocked at first that I could still see... something. Two purple, wispy blobs were where Zeal and Revelry had been. That was peculiar, but I could worry over it later. I flashed the next spell and running specks of color returned to bring the world back to me. I didn't feel tired. So far, so good. With a flap of my ruined wings I lifted into the air and silently drifted closer. The first thing I could make out was muffled crying. Revelry. I floated around a tangle of trees to get a better look, and found her lying on her stomach along the river bank, crying into folded arms. One wing was folded up like normal, but the other was resting awkwardly outstretched at her side. It was still broken. Of course. How could it not be? She must have been in extreme pain... Zeal crouched next to her and looked over the injury. “It's okay, Rev, I'm here. Is it any better today? Do you think you can get up?” “I don't-I don't know,” she said, wiping her eyes. “It still hu-urts. A l-lot.” Zeal nodded and sighed. “Take your time, but we need to move as far as we can today. Do you want help?” She mumbled something I couldn't hear, and Zeal slipped his arms under her. She took in a sharp breath and clenched her eyes shut. With a single but not fluid motion, Zeal raised her from the ground. Revelry held it in for but a second, but a shrill cry turned into a scream halfway up. She twisted and wrenched free of his grip, lashing out with a hoof to strike him solidly in the gut. He fell back with a grunt, and she collapsed against a tree with another wail. Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks, and she whimpered over and over again in her attempts to straighten up. “Zeal, I-I'm sorry! I di-did-idn't mean to...” He rolled over and cursed under his breath. “It's alright,” he moaned eventually before descending into a coughing fit. It took him an agonizing length of time to get up to his hands and knees, and when he did he remained curled up with a hand to his stomach and his forehead to the ground. She couldn't have hit him that hard. He wheezed and used an adjacent tree to pull himself up to his hooves, and it was then that I saw the huge gash running from his left shoulder down to his right hip. It was scabbed over except for a bright bloody spot where Revelry's hoof struck him, but even from where I was I could see the discolored white blotches. It was infected... but he soldiered through the pain and turned to face Revelry. “Do... do you think you'll be able to stand?” She nodded. “Good.” The two were silent for a while, each propped against their own tree and fighting through pain and I could only guess what else. It was Revelry who broke the tension by asking, “Zeal?” He took a deep breath. “Yeah?” “We... we're going to die. A-aren't we?” “No.” Zeal was firm and decisive in his response. “No, we're going to make it. We've got food and water.” She shook her head. “No. I-I mean, no m-matter where we go, it... it's not going to matter, is it?” She choked and gasped. “The ponies and griffons will come for us.” “Don't talk like that.” “It's true!” She raised both hands and whimpered. “Th-they killed Antic! And Fealty! A-and now they killed Cantrip and her whelps!” My what now? I was too busy processing that to notice Revelry rising to her hooves, but she was creeping toward Zeal. He shook his head. “Don't give in to it, Rev. That's what they want.” “Give in to it? Give in to it!? It's true!” she screamed again. “They killed them, a-and they're going to come for us next! J-just like they killed Antic and Cantrip and her babies, they-they're going to find us! And-and they'll kill us! And c-cut our wings off and throw us to the birds!” “That's enough!” Zeal shouted back. He stamped a hoof and twitched his tail, glaring at Revelry hard enough to make her retreat back against the tree. “They're not going find us or hurt us anymore. I'm not going to hear anymore of this!” Revelry sank to the ground, covered her face and started crying again. Between her sobs she shuddered and whimpered, “I don't want to die...” I wanted to go give her a hug and show her that I was okay and that everything would be alright, but I couldn't. Not yet. Zeal scratched his claws down the tree. “You're not going to die.” He looked torn on what to do next, but opted to grab the sword propped against another nearby tree. “I'm going to get washed up. I'll be right back.” She sniffled. “O-okay... b-be quick.” I could see in her eyes that she desperately didn't want him to leave, but off he went anyway. With Zeal slipping away into the woods, I was left with a choice. Which one did I want to show myself to first? I didn't have to think long about it. Revelry was clearly beyond wits' end, and seeing... whatever I was... would probably push her over the edge. I didn't want her to hurt herself any worse! That left the only remaining choice: Zeal. He was probably almost to his breaking point too, but even before what I'd just seen I expected that he'd be able to stand this a lot better. With that in mind, I floated after him, winding our way through the trees to a little secluded pond fed by the stream. Zeal stopped at the bank and stared into the water. I floated around in front of him, hovering over the water where I could observe him for a moment. I had to be sure he would be ready. If Revelry snapped on me she'd probably just run off. If he snapped on me, things would probably end up a lot... messier. He crouched and covered his face. “Can't... give up now.” A ball of water rose out of the pond, encircled by the glow of his magic. The glow shifted to a deep blue, and the impurities in the water rose to the surface to fall back into the pond. With a wave of his hand, the water ran down the gash on his chest and belly, taking some of the pus and grime with it. He cringed. “Getting worse. We've got to hurry...” He fell back into a seated position and looked back toward Revelry, who was too far away to see and obscured by trees anyway. “...can't go on like this. I... am going to die.” His voice trailed off into a soft whimper as he said, “...soon.” ...that was it. I was seeing Zeal give up. The one person I thought would fight to the bitter end, no matter what had been thrown at him, was giving up. But, it was going to be okay. He didn't know it, but I was here. I could- Zeal put his face back in his hands and sniffled. He... he was crying. I'd never seen him cry before except when in agony. He was in much worse shape than I realized. I'd seen enough. There was no way I was going to watch them suffer anymore, whether I had any idea how to reveal myself or not. I drifted over to the bank and dismissed the invisibility with a wave of my hand. The world flashed strange colors and returned to normal, and I folded my wings to land with a small crunch in the leaf litter. Zeal heard it, as I expected and hoped, and snapped his head around. His eyes widened slowly as his jaw slackened. Well. What was I supposed to do at that point? I don't know. I know what I did do though, which was to just make a little nervous smile and say, “Hey Zeal.” My voice was still distorted and scratchy sounding. I was never going to get used to that. In a single fluid motion he leaped up and back onto his hooves, and with a frantic whimper he snatched his sword up and pointed the blade at me. A string of incomprehensible starts of questions from his trembling mouth assaulted my ears as he searched my body with wild eyes and stepped back. “It's okay!” I tried to assure him, raising both hands unassumingly. “I-I know it looks bad, but it's me. I'm... alive.” He kept inching back but never took the shaking blade away. “Y-you-you can't be... I-I saw your body.” “I don't understand it either,” I began, following after him step-by-step. “But, somehow I-” “Stay back!” he shrieked, slashing the sword at me hard enough to blow a few stray hairs into my face. How could I convince him that he didn't need to be afraid of me? I looked horrifying enough, I admit, but I was still me! “Wh-what did the ponies do to you?” he asked, lowering the sword a hair to get a better look at me again. “They didn't do anything to me.” I couldn't be sure of that, but by this point I was starting to get a decent idea of what happened. The memory was fuzzy, but I remembered casting a spell on myself from that pony's spell book. Bone Chips. What kind of magic would a pony like that have? It had to be the explanation. I raised a hand toward Zeal and started to explain, “It was-” I should have known better. He lashed out again, whipping the sword at the movement and catching my arm halfway down to the elbow. The blade struck bone and effortlessly snapped my arm off at that spot. Intense burning pain shot through the rest of my limb and I fell to my knees, clutching at the severed extremity and howling in my twisted voice. Tiny embers of green and violet magic licked from the exposed wound and I felt the magic leaving me, but shockingly the pain began to fade almost instantly. Zeal gawked and staggered backward. Whatever internal debate he was having ended a moment later, and he turned and bolted in the direction that he left our sister. “Revelry! Revelry, we've got to get out of here!” No! No, no, no! I was not going to lose them because I looked like a monster! Ignoring my bony hand twitching among the leaves, I rocked back to my hooves and pictured the opening where she was and where he soon would be. The magic came to me naturally as ever, and in an instant I was yanked through nothingness to reappear in the air mostly where I hoped I would. I landed and spun in a small circle to get my bearings, just in time to see Revelry noticing my abrupt appearance and Zeal bursting through the trees. “Revelry, run!” he commanded, brandishing his sword yet again. She squeaked something and backed against a tree. “Wh-wh-wh... C-Cantrip?” “Cantrip's dead! This is a pony trick! Run!” He slashed at me twice, driving me back with each swipe. Revelry whimpered and did what she was told, running for the nearest opening in the tree line. No! Forgive me, but I wasn't going to let this happen! I reached out with my magic and tried to grab her, but in my haste I just tripped her. She barreled over and landed with a shrill scream, which at least stopped her! Now for- My left side erupted in searing pain. I looked back to see Zeal's sword impaling my chest, spraying flecks of multicolored magic from the wound. “Stop it you idiot!” I screamed, before I thrust my palm at him and knocked him clean off his hooves with a burst of magic. Vile tasting thick blood filled my mouth and ran from the wound as I extracted the weapon, but just like with my arm the pain vanished almost as soon as it appeared. Zeal tried to get up and run, but with another swipe of my remaining hand I pinned him to the ground. He thrashed and shouted desperate curses and demands for me to release him, but that wasn't going to happen. Not until they heard me out! I looked over and saw Revelry failing to get up amidst frantic squeals. She'd landed on her bad wing again, and no doubt the excruciating pain was enough to keep her down. With a flick of my wrist, I pulled Zeal up and over to set him near her. Another flash of magic should have erased Revelry's pain, and she quietened down. “Now, shut up, both of you, and listen to me!” Zeal and Revelry turned out to be pretty good listeners. That was helped a lot by me holding the two of them down with my magic for a while, but after a minute or two of assuring them that I wasn't going to hurt them they both settled down. If they didn't, I wasn't going to let them go, so maybe they just realized it and gave in. Either way, it let me finally actually talk to them, which was starting to make some progress. Revelry was sitting next to Zeal across from me, staring wide-eyed at me and making absolutely no noise. Her wing was hanging limp at her side, obviously broken in at least two places, but the magic I'd cast on her was keeping her from feeling it. Zeal looked much less comfortable. The scuffle had reopened a stretch of the cut across his belly, but the blood had reclotted already. He was clearly in pain as he shifted back up against the tree he was propped up against, and he sucked in his breath before asking, “So... you just... woke up?” I nodded. “It was like a strange... nightmare. The next thing I recall was inhaling water and fighting to get out of the basin. I can't really explain it much better than that.” He didn't look too pleased with the answer, but made a small nod. “The ponies... their magic...” He went silent and took a deep breath, averting his eyes. “I killed one of them in our escape. Just as soon as he went down... the unicorn with them... he cast a spell. The pony stood back up, plain as day. I'd run him through with my sword. Hit both lungs. Nothing could get back up after that.” He looked back. “I... I didn't believe it at first. I just kept running with Rev.” Revelry blinked. That was an improvement. She raised a trembling hand up and pointed at the exposed bones in my arm, still lacking a hand. “Th-th-they-they did the s-s-same to you?” “I... I don't think so. Not much point.” Zeal growled. “Who knows why the ponies do what they do.” His eyes scrutinized me for the thousandth time. “But... they clearly did. Does it... hurt?” “No, not really.” I was feeling a dull ache throughout my body now. Something like a mild fever, but it wasn't more than I could stand. I'd figure it out later. Revelry blinked again. “What... what about your babies?” ...there was that again. “Huh? My what?” The two of them exchanged uneasy glances. “Your whelps,” Zeal reiterated. “Weren't they with you? Were they still with you when you woke up?” “You... you two remember that I lost my eggs right? When Antic brought the ponies back to our cave? That was months ago.” Revelry blinked yet again. “Uh. Um... Cantrip, don't you remember your next clutch? They... they hatched a couple of weeks ago. Don't you remember? You named your sons Fealty and Antic?” This was not a joke I was appreciating or understanding. “This isn't funny. What are you talking about?” They exchanged profoundly worried looks, but Zeal raised a hand. “Uh... never-nevermind.” He shushed Revelry when she started to ask a question, and told me, “That doesn't matter now. What matters is that you're here now. We were heading back to the old cave, hoping one of your spell books might still be there. We were going to try to use that to heal ourselves, but frankly, I don't think we were going to make it. The books are surely gone anyway.” Revelry squeaked, but he added, “That doesn't matter now though. You... you can still heal with magic, can't you?” “Yeah. Yeah, I think so.” Why not? I could use all of my other magic. Even missing a hand I should be able to. “Hold still.” He shook his head and pointed at Revelry. “She's hurt worse than me. Help her first.” That was fair. “Okay, hold still Rev.” I raised my remaining hand and worked through the spell. It came just as easily as any other magic, thank goodness, and soon both she and I were wrapped in a golden haze. Her wing thankfully hadn't set in the bad position, as best I could tell, and with a little magical manipulation I put the bones into places. Another burst of magic prompted the breaks to reknit, and in a few seconds she was as good as new. “How's that?” She sighed deeply and flexed her wing before tucking it away. “Much better, thanks.” “Now you,” I said to Zeal, moving my hand over. His wound was infected, but still much simpler to treat. Golden yellow magic infused the gash, and before our eyes the wound closed and flaked off clotted blood. The infection might need another treatment later, but that would do for now at least. He took a deep breath, flexed a few muscles and twisted around. “Thank you. Really...” He brushed his front off and added, “Uh, what about you? Can you... heal yourself? Or your arm?” ...the idea hadn't even occurred to me. “I don't know. Haven't tried. Um, I probably should... go get my hand. I... I might be able to reattach it.” Zeal nodded and pulled himself to his hooves. “...sorry about that.” “It's alright. I understand.” I was being pretty generous there. He cut off my hand, but I really did understand. I'd have been scared out of my mind if he just showed up looking like a corpse. As long as I really could reattach it, it wouldn't be that big of a deal. Like I said, it didn't hurt anymore. The three of us made our way back to the spot where I dropped in on Zeal. I wasn't about to return here alone while they waited. I was pretty sure they wouldn't just run off without me, and even if they did I could find them, but I didn't want to even tempt them. Three pairs of eyes would find my skeletal limb faster than one anyway, but in the end it was me who saw the bleached white lying atop the leaves in an obvious spot. I scooped it up, which earned a blanch from Revelry, and held it to the stump. The bone had shattered and crumpled partially, so it didn't fit quite right, but I hoped it would work... The healing magic felt strange. Two cold spots where the bones met gradually warmed under the influence of the golden aura. Cracks shifted and closed, and within a few seconds the fissures and missing chunks of bone vanished. Feeling returned, and one at a time, I flexed my fingers. “It worked...” Zeal looked relieved. “Good. What about the rest of you?” “Here goes...” I reached deep inside and drew as much mana as I could. The magical haze covered my entire body, growing thicker and denser with each ounce of energy poured into it. I felt strange... like my organs were being twisted around in my body. Something welled up in my throat, and despite my attempts to hold it down, I coughed up a thick fluid. Then vomited it everywhere. The world spun, my vision went dark and I felt the vague sensation of falling... “Cantrip? Cantrip, wake up!” ...Zeal's voice? I cracked my eyes and coughed again, spraying something on the ground. “Wh...at happened?” With considerable effort, I propped myself up and saw blood everywhere. The red liquid ran from the holes in my body, dripped from the corners of my mouth and pooled in my nostrils. I groaned and looked down to see fresh blood oozing from the exposed flesh of my arm. Okay, trying to heal myself like that wasn't going to work... “Are you okay?” Revelry asked. I looked up and found her standing well clear of the blood fountain I'd just sprayed onto the ground, looking ready to flee at a moment's notice. Standing was almost too taxing, but with the assistance of an adjacent tree I dragged myself up. Zeal and Revelry, understandably, didn't offer to help. “I'm... very tired now...” It felt like almost all of my mana was gone. Had I really used that much trying to heal myself? “Can you walk?” Zeal asked, sidestepping a small pool of red to get closer. “Yeah. Yeah, I think so.” I leaned against the tree, finding it very, very strange that I could feel so exhausted without being short of breath. My mind felt hazy and muddy again. “Where were you two headed again?” Zeal glanced at Revelry, then back to me. “The old cave. I was hoping to find one of your old spell books with healing magic, remember? We don't need that anymore, so... I don't know. Maybe somewhere past the canyon.” Into griffon territory? Had he lost his mind? Whatever. I was too tired to protest, and just wanted to go somewhere. I really wanted to just lie down and go to sleep, but Zeal seemed anxious enough to get moving, and I didn't want to fight him on the destination right now. I was too tired. “Okay. Ready... when you are.” I didn't have a clue which way we were going, but Zeal led the way. At first. After a few minutes, I found he was walking beside me, as was Revelry. I guess it was good that we could keep each other in sight. The rest of that day went by in a blur. We walked the woods back to the canyon, which only became apparent when the giant void in the mountains became visible through the thinning trees. I was too distracted to pay much attention to where we'd been headed. The feverish ache wracking my body had grown worse, and the feeling of extreme fatigue had only abated the slightest bit by the time the sun began to set. I was convinced by then that it was directly related to how much mana I had left. Twice we'd been forced to fly over masses of fallen trees or debris, and unlike Zeal and Revelry I couldn't fly without magic anymore. Both times I nearly passed out from exhaustion upon landing, and both times I felt better after a few minutes to let myself recharge. When we drew near the mountains, Zeal revealed that he had no intention of going through the canyon itself. I was wondering why he was taking such a seemingly suicidal path, with the ponies and griffons coming and going through the path on a regular basis, but his plan made a tiny bit more sense. He wanted to fly around the mountains, far from where the griffons and ponies were likely to be. That made a tiny bit more sense too, but I was in no shape to fly anywhere at this point. An hour of bumbling around after him and Revelry while barely being able to keep my eyes open obviously told him as much, so we picked a spot to settle down in at the edge of the woods with the plan to continue on in the morning. The clearing we chose provided a surprising amount of cover, with a large collection of boulders to hide next to and enough trees and mounds of earth to prevent anything but the most determined person from discovering us if they were wandering around. The three of us sat huddled around a small fire, but for once it wasn't necessary. The nights were beginning to warm up some, and we really only started it out of the sense of familiarity that it provided. Well, Revelry started it anyway. I was still very drained, and I wanted to save my magic. After a short discussion, I volunteered to take the first watch. My siblings seemed a bit reluctant to accept the offer, but I had gone an entire night without any sleep and had no apparent ill effects from it. I might not even have to sleep anymore. I didn't need to breathe anymore, and hadn't eaten or drank anything in two entire days. Zeal caved to that argument, and before too long both he and Revelry were curled up together next to the stone. That was the moment I'd been waiting for. Ever since I figured out what happened to me, I'd been debating on whether I should go through with this. I stood from where I'd been keeping watch and strolled back to them. They were the only things I had left in the world. I had to do everything I could to make sure they'd be alright. The spell I'd cast on myself had done its job. The extra life spell. When I died, it brought me back. Somehow. Green magic collected around my hands. If I asked them to let me cast it on them, they'd never say yes. This was for their own good. A purple haze formed and covered the green, then drifted to them. I watched the magic swirl around and enshroud them completely, then started the third and final step. It was for their own good! Even if they died, they'd be okay! Now the ponies and griffons would never be able to take them from me. The magic twisted and flowed into them, and with a final wave of my hands it vanished with a pop. I stepped back and braced myself for the inevitable reaction. If they experienced it anything like I did, this wasn't going to be pretty. My head swam and I stumbled back before falling onto my rump. That took a lot of magic... almost all that I had. I was so tired I- Revelry screamed and jumped up. She landed against and toppled over a stone, and immediately held herself the moment she was upright. Tiny frightened whimpers were punctuated by gasps for breath as she stared at me in horror. Sorry, but that was the worst of it! Zeal thrashed and rolled onto his hands and knees. His head snapped around and his chest heaved as he tried to calm down. See, that wasn't so bad, was it? He fixed me with an accusing glare and demanded, “Cantrip, what happened?” His eyes narrowed and he shifted into an awkward seated position. “What did you do?” Okay, maybe now wouldn't be the best time to admit it. A few minutes after I'd cast the spell on myself, I felt just fine. They'd forget soon enough and I'd never have to even admit to them what happened unless one of them got killed. “Uh... n-nothing. I was just going to, uh, let you know I was getting very tired.” That was true enough. The longer I sat there the harder it was to stay alert. Was I actually going to fall asleep? “I'm not sure I can stay awake much longer.” The two traded unsure looks. Zeal leveled his breathing and nodded. “Alright. I'll take over then.” “I... I'm not sleepy anymore. I can take over,” Revelry added. “Alright, you can watch with me then. Get some sleep Cantrip,” Zeal said. He stood and helped Revelry up, and relocated to the far side of the clearing. That... could have gone worse. I might have to actually explain in the morning, but they'd have some time to calm down by then and I'd hopefully come up with a better way to explain it to them. It was to help them. They'd understand. Whatever. I was growing so weary that I laid down and shut my eyes. I hadn't fallen asleep since waking up in the cave, but I sure felt like I could then. Maybe I'd just lay there and recover a bit... ...frantic chirps... …squeals of fear... ...Antic... …Fealty... ...Finesse... ...Harmony... ...Tenacity... I remembered! Zeal and Revelry were right! I did have another clutch of eggs, and they hatched! I had five whelps. All of them so beautiful and innocent, they'd been there with me... when I died. They weren't there when I woke up! Where were- I bolted upright to find myself back in the clearing. It was cold and clammy, but morning. I'd slept through the night. That answered that at least, but... my whelps! They were gone! I had to go get them! “Zeal, Revelry! You were right! I remember now!” I jumped up, noticing that the ache and exhaustion were gone, and looked around. It was foggy and still a bit dim around, but I couldn't see Zeal or Revelry anywhere. “Hello?” ...there weren't many places for them to be. I ran the perimeter of the clearing, searching the trees as I went. No sign of them. “Hello!? Zeal! Revelry!” Were they off looking for food or water? Where had they gone? I flapped my wings and burst through the tree canopy into the early morning air. I couldn't see them for all the trees, but I had magic! Faster than I believed possible, I ran through the motions of the life sensing spell, and my vision flashed into dull monochrome. There wasn't anything nearby. Wherever they were, they were a long way away. What... why did they leave? Did a pony come across us last night and scare them off? Why didn't they wake me up? Maybe they couldn't? They-they were headed past the mountains, right? Maybe that's where they went? I turned that way and scanned the horizon, but from where I was I couldn't see anything. The mountains would block the magic... I had to get around them! I immediately started that way, flying as fast as my magically enhanced but ruined wings would carry me. My heart wasn't beating, but even still, almost unbearable apprehension welled up inside me. I kept wracking my brain, trying to figure out why they'd leave me behind like that. There had to be an explanation. There just had to! Zeal wouldn't leave me behind. He always looked out for us. Back in the cave, when Revelry and I were too messed up to even take care of ourselves, he was always there! He'd never leave me behind. It was about the time that I flew past the first mountain peak that a terrible realization washed over me. That... that was why he left me. He didn't trust me. I slowed to a stop in mid air, and looked down at my ghastly body. Of course... of course he didn't trust me. I was a monster. How could he trust me? Pony magic had returned me from the dead. 'Cantrip's dead! This a pony trick!' This whole time, he thought I was going to hurt them. And the night before, when I cast the spell on them... that... I spun in a circle, scanning everywhere around me for any sign that he and Revelry were nearby. Nothing. There was nothing! I had to find them... and... and... I had to prove to them that I was still me! That I wasn't going to hurt them! They had to know! Please... There was no sign of them. There was nothing alive around me larger than a bird. I was out here alone. Alone... Were they even out here, headed this way? I was never going to find them now. ...I was alone... That was it. Everything I'd ever had was gone. The griffons had taken my mother, my brother and my lover. The ponies had taken my homes, my children and my life. And now, because of them, my remaining brother and sister were too scared of me to even risk letting me be with them anymore. Sometimes knowing someone is there for you is all that it takes to get you through the darkest moments in your life. When you don't even have that anymore... Fine. Fine! If they were going to take everything from me, I was going to take it from them!. I clenched my jaw so hard one of my worn teeth cracked. The pain meant nothing. I was going to make them pay, and make them hurt as much as they'd hurt me and my family! The griffons were closer now. They'd get the first taste of my wrath. Magic boiled up with anger inside me, culminating in a primal scream. Wind tore past me and tears streaked down my face as I soared for the nearest griffon town. They were going to pay! They thought we were all monsters just to be wiped out and made to suffer? They thought we didn't have feelings, or maybe they didn't care. They thought we were just there to inconvenience them by existing. They thought we stole from them just for the fun of it, and to make their lives harder. They never stopped to think that maybe we had to in order to survive because they treated us like animals! Or, maybe they didn't care. Flecks of flame and embers coalesced around me, fueled by unspeakable rage. I was just another monster. A monster who didn't matter to anyone. Well, they were going to see how wrong that was. We only mattered when we were in the way, or when they wanted to hurt something. They thought I was a monster? I was going to give them a monster. I was going to get in their way in a manner that their kind would never forget about so long as they existed!