//------------------------------// // Tying It Together // Story: A Touch of Chaos // by Written Out //------------------------------// Deep breaths of air passed through Twilight’s lungs as she stared at the view in front of her, her trembling emotions threatening to get the better of her. Fluttershy, one of her closest friends, was tied up and unconscious on top of a large burning pile of wood. Every ounce of her being wanted to rush to Fluttershy’s side, to immediately rescue her from the inferno, but there was one thing holding her back.   A large changeling stood between Twilight and Fluttershy, his stance making it clear he had no intention of letting her pass. He was nearly half as large as any of the other changelings, and Twilight knew he would be a hard fight.   “So, you’re the Element of Magic?” he asked. She couldn’t see his eyes behind the sunglasses he wore, but he appeared to be sizing her up. Whatever he was looking at, he seemed to find lacking. “Somehow, I expected more than just another unicorn.”   “Why don’t you move out of my way, or I’ll show you just how much I am not ‘just another unicorn’,” she threatened, her voice barely above a growl. In truth, she was struggling to calm her fraying nerves. Acting rashly would only make things worse. Magic was a finicky beast, and trying to cast spells while under emotional stress was one of the most dangerous things a unicorn could ever do. Add her broken horn to the mix and there was a very real possibility of a misfired spell blowing her horn right off her skull.   “Of course you’re not just another unicorn,” the large changeling said, his voice never changing an octave. “Let me guess, you’re going to beat me into submission with the power of friendship and your pretty magical rainbow. And then you’ll write some nonsense to your pretty pony princess about how friends give you irreplaceable memories.” He gestured to the pile burning pile of wood behind him with a jerk of his head. “Well, here’s to warm memories.”   A loud screeeetch reached Twilight’s ears, a horrible scraping sound that put all her fur on end. It took her a split second to realize it was coming from her own jaw, enamel scraping against enamel as her jaw locked. Her entire body tensed as she dropped into a battle stance. He’s going down, she thought. Nopony made fun of her friends like that! Her hooves scraped long furrows in the dirt as magic spread through her body and into the ground beneath her. Her awareness spread through the earth, reaching and spreading out with fine tendrils that sunk ever deeper into the surrounding soil. She could feel her power spreading out throughout the earth and, in return, she could feel the power of the earth spreading through her body, suffusing her very body with strength.   She could hear the sounds of conflict as her friends fought through the swarm of changelings, but willed herself to block it out. Her focus narrowed and shrunk, slowly cutting out all unnecessary distractions until the only ones in her world were herself and the larger changeling.   Channeling her magic from her horn and using her hooves as a focal point, she pushed her magic down into the dirt. The ground willingly responded, taking the form of a great wave of soil that launched itself at her adversary. His wings buzzing rapidly, the changeling avoided her attack by quickly taking to the air.   Gotcha, she thought with a smirk.   Firmly planting her hooves into the dirt and bracing her will, Twilight forced a large boulder almost twice her size to pop out in front of her. With a sharp jerk of her head, she shoved her magic into the boulder as hard as she could, catapulting the massive rock at the airborne changeling.   A wavering green flame covered Innocent’s Sin’s horn, quickly spreading to cover his entire body. The boulder struck the blaze and shattered, crumbling into dust. Twilight launched a tendril of magic at the pyre while he was distracted, intent on getting Fluttershy out of there as quickly as possible. Innocent Sin quickly put a stop to that with a wave of his horn, severing through Twilight’s purple magic with his own green-tinted hue.   A hiss of air escaped from between Twilight’s teeth as she felt the magical backlash shear through her body, her concentration wavering for a second before she recovered. A green flash was all the warning she had before she felt something strike her chin and knock her back, the very air hardening into a weapon around her. As she leapt away, she focused her magic into her foe’s spell, reading it and understanding it.   “An air control spell,” she muttered under her breath. Her foe was solidifying the very air and striking her with it. “Easy.” With a sharp inhale, she grappled with her opponent’s spell for a second before grabbing control of it, turning it against its wielder. The changeling had only an instant to look surprised before he dropped out of the sky. His wings buzzed furiously in a futile effort to keep himself aloft, but there was no air to support him. He would suffocate in mere seconds.   Twilight sighed in relief as the changeling’s unmoving body struck the ground. A tiny voice in the back of her skull warned her that she should feel bad about killing a living creature so easily, but it was squashed by her worry for Fluttershy. Besides, it wasn’t like it had been a pony, right? At least, that’s what she tried telling herself.   “Fluttershy!” Twilight yelled, running towards the unconscious pegasus. It was becoming difficult to see through the ever-increasing wall of smoke, but a flash of pink mane told her where her friend was. A small smile of relief appeared on her face as she stepped onto the wood pile… then all she knew was pain.   Twilight groaned. Dirt and grass fell out of her mane as she lifted her head. There was a long furrow in the ground leading up to her body. Was that… me? she thought, her thoughts a confused mess. Trying to stand up on unsteady legs, an unwilling shout of pain escaped her mouth as a sharp ache shot through her face, dropping her back down on the ground.   What happened? She lifted a hoof to her face, brushing against the coat of fur that covered her muzzle. The fur crinkled and crumbled, burnt black by a blast of flame. Movement in front of her drew her attention, and she looked up to see the large changeling standing above her. A slight glow was wrapped around his twisted horn as he stared down at her.   “It’ll take a lot more than that to kill a changeling,” he said emotionlessly. The green glow surrounding his horn suddenly blazed to a burning brightness, launching a blast of pure magic at her. With no time to throw up a defensive, Twilight screamed as she threw her hooves over her head in a futile attempt to protect herself from the pain.     Rainbow Dash grunted as her hooves lashed out behind her, striking another changeling in the head and felling it instantly. Applejack’s weight shifted on her back and the sporty pegasus saw another changeling get lashed by the farmpony’s rope before being slammed against the ground. Lifting her hoof to her shoulder, she smiled as Applejack bumped her own hoof against it.   “Not bad,” Dash said with a smile, looking out at the changelings surrounding them. The ponies had gotten separated shortly after the fight had begun, and more than half of the changelings had gone after the athletic pair. Over two dozen changelings stood in a circle around the duo, and any that ventured too close quickly found themselves the victim of either heavy hooves or a well-controlled rope.   “Not bad yersel- DOWN!” Applejack, pressing her hoof against the back of Dash’s skull, forcing the cyan pegasus to the ground as a bolt of green energy tore through the spot both had just been standing. Applejack’s tail lashed out again, and another changeling was summarily brought down.   Dash spat out a mouthful of dirt and grass as she stood up. “Oh, blech. You couldn’t have warned me in some other way? Like, any other way?” she grumbled, scraping at her tongue with a hoof. “Ptooie.”   Applejack shrugged, not tearing her gaze away from the changelings around them. “That way seemed fastest.” The changelings had backed off slightly, giving the mares some breathing room. Applejack twitched her tail threateningly, causing the changelings to back up another few steps.   “So?” Dash asked, spitting out a large wad of saliva and grime. “How are the others doing?”   “Pinkie’s just over there,” Applejack gestured towards the pink mare with her chin. “Looks like she’s doin’ fine.”   Indeed, the perky pony was doing more than fine. She had yet to attack once, but the area she was in was filled with dazed and stumbling changelings. Even as Dash watched, Pinkie somehow popped out from behind one of the changeling’s heads. All of the other changelings in the area whirled towards her, firing blasts of magic from their horns. She giggled before disappearing again, letting the changeling she had appeared behind take the blasts instead. The poor changeling staggered before dropping heavily to the ground as Pinkie appeared behind another changeling, snickering quietly to herself as the confused changelings tried to find her.   “Can’t they just sense her emotions?” Dash asked, cocking an eyebrow at the sight. “That’s a thing they do, right?” On her back, Applejack shrugged. The farmpony’s tail lashed out again, the rope wrapping around the neck of another changeling that had ventured too close.     Rarity mumbled around the tail in her mouth, quickly stepping to the left to avoid bumping into one of the many changelings scattered about the area.  The changeling didn’t see her, but Rarity didn’t desire to test if Zecora’s little trick could fool their sense of touch as well. The zebra had ordered Rarity to bite onto her tail before pulling out a glass vial filled with a strange orange liquid. Whatever Zecora had drunk, it worked. The changelings were ignoring them completely; it was like the pair weren’t even reflected in their blank blue eyes.   Zecora led the way around another changeling, Rarity quick-stepping to keep up with her. It’s working! the unicorn mare thought excitedly. Don’t worry about a thing, Fluttershy. I’m coming for you. She felt the hairs of Zecora’s tail grind between her teeth. If those brutish changelings so much as harm a hair on your head, I swear I’ll tear down their home brick by brick for you.   Rarity heard a scream coming from ahead of her, and looked up just in time to see her fellow unicorn disappear in a blast of green fire. “Twilight!” she shrieked, her mouth falling wide open. A cacophony of hostile hisses rose up around her, and Rarity realized she had accidently released Zecora’s tail. She smiled sheepishly at the flat look Zecora was giving her.   “Oopsie.”   What? I-I’m okay? Twilight stared down at her hooves in disbelief. The grass was charred all around her, either burnt away or scorched black by the heat of the changeling’s attack. But as for her – her fur, her mane – remained completely untouched by the flames that had washed over her. Her hooves slid over her body, confirming what she already knew; she was completely unharmed.   How? There had been a hint of… something she had felt when the flames had first washed over her. It had been a strange tingly feeling, running up and down her spine. I know I’ve felt that before, she thought, chewing at the inside of her cheek, but where…?   An odd itch unexpectedly spread across Twilight’s body, the palpable sensation creating a unnatural tingle. Before she could do anything more than then make note of it, the feeling sharply flared. She had to swallow down a scream at the pain as it felt like her body was being torn apart. The dancing flames spread across her eyes, completely blotting out her sight of the world. Darkness grasped at the edge of her vision, threatening to drop her in an empty abyss. Her mind felt like a rubber band tensed too tight; frayed and ready to snap.   What’s happening to me? she wondered frantically. One hoof shot up to her throat, pressing against her neck as she gasped for air. I-I can’t breathe! Every gasped breath was a struggle, and she felt like the fire dancing across her body was burning the insides of her lungs. The darkness slowly spread, blotting out everything until only a single pinprick of light remained.   The last thing Twilight felt before completely succumbing to the darkness was the feeling of her own hooves scraping against her throat.     “Hello…? Is there anypony there?”   An empty void stretched around Twilight, spreading in all directions for as far as she could see. Oddly, she was able to see her own body perfectly, like she was glowing with a slight inner light, but everything else was lost in absolute darkness. She felt like she was standing on something, but she was completely unable to see whatever it might be.   “Can anypony hear me? Hello?”   Twilight’s voice was lost in the void, devoured by the uncaring abyss.   “Is there somepony there? Please, can you hear me?”   She continued to call, but there was no response no matter what she tried. Lost and alone, she curled up in a ball and pulled her tail up over her head.   “Please… I’m scared…”   A masculine laugh cut through the darkness. “Scared? What’s there to be scared of?” Amusement and smugness suffused the voice, overlapping with malice and suppressed anger so thick she could feel it on her skin. “Oh, I know! Maybe you’re frightened because you’re feeling the effects of the seal on you. It’s really quite a terrible seal. I mean, it would take a rather depraved pony to do something like this to somepony. Wait, my mistake. That’s exactly what you did.”   Twilight poked one eye out from under her tail, inhaling sharply at the sight awaiting her. “What are you doing here?!” she coughed, choking on tail hair.   Discord, spirit of chaos and disharmony, bent low at the waist as he gave her a sweeping bow. His mismatched pegasus and bat wings fluttered at his sides, keeping him aloft. “Me?” he asked rhetorically, his unequal pupils staring unblinkingly into her eyes. She broke her gaze away him, knowing about his ability to twist minds through eye contact. He chuckled deeply and patted her head, rubbing his claw-like talons into her mane. “Now, is that the best question Celly’s student can come up with? Surely there’s a far better question you should be asking?”   Twilight slapped his hand aside, glaring up at him briefly before locking her gaze somewhere around his midsection. Discord wasn’t going to give her any straight answers, so she’d just have to figure it out on her own. “You can’t have escaped. You’d make sure your escape was something flashy. We’d know already. Which means… this is all inside my head?”   “Bravo!” Discord enthusiastically applauded her. “Give the girl a cookie! Maybe if I give you enough time, you’ll be able to figure out the rest, too.”   Twilight ignored his outburst, instead trying to puzzle out the problem. “But that doesn’t explain you. Are you a figment of my imagination?”   Discord huffed, crossing his arms. “A figment. That’s nice.” Flexing his arms, Discord struck an excessively fabulous pose in front of her. “Surely you couldn’t imagine something as magnificent as this. Even somepony as bright as you couldn’t conjure a figure of such spectacular grandeur. ”   “Well, you’re certainly as annoying as I remember,” Twilight grumbled under her breath. “If it’s really you, then our minds must be connected somehow. Which means…” A voice echoed inside her head, something she had heard only hours ago…   “You probably haven’t even realized the change in your magic.”   “WHAT DID YOU DO TO ME!?”   “That’s it!” Discord shouted with a laugh as he pointed at the expression on her face. “That dawning moment of realization! Priceless!”   “What. Did. You. Do?!” Twilight snarled, punctuating every word with a step forward until she reared up and placed her hooves on his chest. She glared threateningly up at his muzzle, which was still plastered with that infuriatingly smug smile.   “Me?” he asked, giving her the largest pair of puppy dog eyes he could. “Why, nothing. Nothing at all.” She continued to glare at him, and his smile broadened. “Well, now that you mention it,” he added casually, as if it was barely worth mentioning, “I suppose there was that one thing. But that’s nothing much, right? Just a complete rewrite of your magical abilities. I’m sure everypony does it.”   “NOPONY DOES THAT!” Twilight shrieked into his face, tears threatening the edges of her eyes. Her magic was her life. It meant everything to her. To have it so cruelly torn away from her…   “No? Well, then,” Discord smirked down at her, openly enjoying her anguish, “I suppose I shouldn’t mention the rest of it. That would just make you feel worse.” He stroked at his long thin beard, staring meaningfully off into the empty distance. “Ah, I’m such a nice guy.”   “What did you…” Twilight cut herself off, grimacing as a stab of pain flashed through her head.   She saw herself, lying on the ground of the Everfree forest. She was unconscious, oblivious to what was going on around her. The bipedal creature stood over her, his axe at his side as he looked down at her He was clenching the handle in his hand so tightly that his knuckled were turning white. Watching the scene, Twilight realized this must have been the moment right after he had struck her horn, knocking her out cold. As she watched, something shifted in his eyes. He bent down beside her and quickly cut the palm of his hand open with a quick motion of his axe. The vision started to fade as he shoved his hand into her mouth, letting a few crimson drops fall onto her exposed tongue.   The vision faded from Twilight’s sight, leaving behind the unwelcome sight of Discord’s smug face. “And that’s how the bond between us was made. I figured you’d like to know.”   With a quick shake of her head, Twilight shook off the last traces of the vision. “What, is that it?” she asked sarcastically. “Don’t tell me you brought that creature to the forest just to forge a bond with me. You could have just sent a letter in the mail.”   Discord chuckled. “Don’t think too highly of yourself, Twilight Sparkle,” he chided playfully. “There are a few other reasons I needed him. You’re just the main one.”   “I’m flattered. Well, congratulations. You have me.” She rolled her eyes. “Now what? Is this the part where you start twisting words against me to make me doubt everything I’ve ever done?”   “Hmm… Nah.”Reaching behind his back, Discord pulled out a large flat mirror that was three times as wide as he was and there was no way it could have been hiding behind him. Twilight decided not to question it. Setting the mirror up, he shot her an amused look. “But we can do that later if you really want.”   “Pass.”   Discord gave her an annoyed huff. “You know, you got snarky all of a sudden.”   “I’ve got to do something to keep myself entertained.” She shrugged. “It’s not like you’re funny, after all.”   Discord glared at her with all the malevolence an immortal was capable of. “I think Celestia’s been giving you a terrible education,” he grumbled. Turning away from her, he quickly finished setting up the mirror before cheerfully clapping his hands together. “And there we go,” he said brightly, his anger forgotten.   Twilight cocked an eyebrow at him “And what’s this?”   Sitting on the empty space next to Twilight, Discord let his taloned arm limply fall on her back. “It’s a little something that lets me see what’s going on outside,” he explained cheerfully. “After all, how else would I know the state of our little game-”   “Game?” Twilight cut him off, suddenly feeling a flash of real anger. “This is all just a game to you?”   “Of course it is. I mean,” he laughed darkly, “if it wasn’t a game, what would that change?” Before she could respond, he quickly answered his own question. “If this wasn’t a game, then I had been completely defeated by Celestia and her little ponies when they weren’t playing fair. In that case, I would then have to do everything I possibly could to ensure the rest of their wretched lives were absolute misery for them.” Discord’s voice dropped to a growl and his talons started to dig painfully into Twilight’s shoulder. “One by one, every one of them would lose everything valuable to them, never understanding what was going on and never realizing why nopony would help them crawl out of the wretched holes their lives had become.” His talons squeezed even harder, and Twilight started trying to squirm away from him. He didn’t notice. “Abandoned by their closest families and friends, their lives devoid of any sense of happiness or hope.” His talons punctured Twilight’s skin, a slight trickle of blood oozing from the wound. “Only when they die cold and lonely deaths, completely alone from the world and quickly forgotten by the passing of time, would I consider my revenge to be complete.”   Twilight wanted to scream. The wound from Discord’s talons was bleeding profusely now, dying her lavender coat a deep crimson hue. When Discord’s head whirled around to look her in the eyes, she was not ashamed to admit that she nearly wet herself.   “But since it is a game,” Discord said cheerfully to her, “we don’t need to worry about any of that.” The turnabout from anger to cheerful playfulness was so complete that Twilight was almost able to fool herself into believing that she had imagined it. But the blood staining her coat and the twinkle of madness deep within Discord’s eyes told all too clear a story.   “Anyway, where was… Ah.” Discord pulled up his talons and stared at the blood on it in some surprise. “Goodness, how did this happen?” With a snap of his fingers, the blood vanished. With another snap, he made the wound on Twilight’s shoulder instantly disappear. “Right, that’s that dealt with. Let’s take a look at what’s going on outside.”   He waved at the mirror and the colours on it started to shift and warp, before quickly forming themselves into a visible image.     Twilight’s empty body shuddered. Emotionless eyes stared forward as her body moved, her motion stiff and unnatural. The roaring flames around her started to pull away, clearing a large space around her.   Her gaze focused and she was able to see the changeling standing before her, looking upon her with undisguised fear and shock. His mouth moved soundlessly as he stared at her – or, more accurately, at a point just behind her shoulder blades.   Twilight craned her neck around to see what he was looking at. Two large wings sat on her back, shimmering in the green flames surrounding her. At least, that’s what she thought. The emerald green flames had wrapped around her body, taking the shape of a pair of large wings. The flames continued their dancing even in their present shape, occasionally allowing her to see through them.   The flames on her left had taken the feathery shape of a large alicorn’s wing. The green fire danced merrily, giving off a warm, friendly feeling. The right wing had taken on a dark, leathery appearance similar to a dragon’s wing. Unlike the alicorn wing, the flames that made up the dragon wing crackled with a dark malevolence, giving off an oppressive heat.   Twilight didn’t even wonder about the existence of the wings. She felt cool and detached; an observer inside her own body. She didn’t realize it, but there was a flame burning within her eyes, a flame almost the exact same hue as the changeling’s fires.   “This… No!” Innocent Sin gasped out, taking an unwilling step away from her. His front legs quivered and threatened to give out on him. “That’s impossible! You can’t be…!”   He was interrupted by a blast of purple and green magic striking him in the chest. Twilight wasn’t interested in whatever he intended to say. His chitin cracked and crumbled under the force of the attack as he was blown back into the burning pile of tinder. The crackling pyre erupted like a volcano when the changeling struck it, knocking burning pieces of wood and one unconscious pegasus into the air.     “Mmm… Hmmm…?”   “Oh, thank goodness, she’s waking up! Fluttershy, can you hear me?”   Rarity crouched over Fluttershy, her hooves wrapped tight around the animal caretaker as a slight groan escaped Fluttershy’s throat. She was so glad that she had been standing where Fluttershy had been launched when the wood pile exploded, and had managed to catch her friend with her magic. The changelings had quickly retreated after that, and Zecora, Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack were keeping watch to make sure they didn’t return.   “Fluttershy!” Rarity shouted, shaking the pegasus hard enough to rattle her teeth. “Say something!”   “Huh… Wha…?” Fluttershy blinked woozily at the unicorn standing above her. “Rar…ity…? Is that you?”   “Yes, darling,” Rarity said gently, her eyes brimming with tears. “It’s me. I thought we’d lost you,” she added, her voice a harsh whisper.   Fluttershy blinked uncertainly, her expression showing her confusion. Her eyes were still unfocused, and Rarity figured she must have hit her head at some point. “Lost me?” Fluttershy repeated. “What happened?”   “Well…” Rarity hesitated before deciding Fluttershy would not react well to hearing how close she had been to roasting. “Don’t worry about it. You’re safe now, and that’s all that matters.”   “I guess…” Fluttershy interrupted herself with a gasp, catching sight of the other unicorn of the group. “Is that… Twilight?” she managed to squeak out.   Twilight stood by herself in the middle of the road. Her mane and tail were smoothly flapping in the wind, her mane occasionally falling in front of her eyes before being blown away again. The fiery wings remained, crackling at her sides as she stared up at the sky, gazing at the unmoving sun that cast the world in perpetual twilight. She was completely still other than these small pieces of motion and could have been mistaken for a particularly colourful statue.   But it was her eyes that truly kept her friends at bay. They were devoid of any life, and she seemed to be looking at something that wasn’t even there. The sunlight that was reflected in her blank eyes gave them an empty feeling, staring off into eternity and seeing a sight beyond the pale.   “Hey, looks like Fluttershy’s finally awake,” a scratchy voice said nearby. Rainbow Dash walked over to Rarity and Fluttershy, her one good wing repeatedly curling and unfurling.   Rarity cocked an eyebrow at the new arrival. “Where’s Applejack?” she asked, noting the absence of the farm pony.   Dash nodded her head in the direction she had just come from. “She and Pinkie are setting up camp. There’re no changelings nearby, so we’re staying put until Fluttershy’s better. Also, Zecora’s going to do something to snap Twilight out of whatever she’s doing right now, so we need to wait for that as well. Said she had to account for the ‘mystical energies’.”   “I’m okay…” Fluttershy protested weakly. “…can keep going.”   “Shush, darling,” Rarity cooed. “You’ve been through a lot lately. Just leave it to me to take care of you. I’ll have you better in no time.”   “Well… okay…”   “Hey, I think Zecora’s going to do something,” Rainbow Dash interrupted, pointing down the road where the zebra had just climbed out of the tree line. Zecora had dropped off her pack of potions at some point and carried only her walking stick with her. She slowly circled the unmoving purple unicorn, stopping to wave her hoof in front of Twilight’s eyes.   When Twilight remained unresponsive, Zecora pulled her walking stick of her back and gently tapped it against the side of Twilight’s head. Twilight still did not respond and Zecora pulled her stick back before whipping it into the side of Twilight’s head as hard as she could. There was a loud crack and Twilight collapsed like a sack of potatoes as the flaming wings on her back flickered once before disappearing.   The ponies watching stared in disbelief as Zecora calmly loaded Twilight on her back and walked in the direction of the camp Dash had pointed out earlier. They stared in open mouthed silence until a single voice cut through the quiet.   “What ‘mystical energies’?” Dash grumbled under her breath. “I could have done that.”     The image in the mirror faded, leaving a blank reflective surface behind. In particular, it reflected Twilight’s shocked face, her gaping mouth hang open. “What was that?” she squeaked out.   “That?” Discord asked from beside her, finishing off a bowl of popcorn he had procured at some point before tossing it aside. “That was what I’ve done to your body. I can see you’re in a state of shock, so I’ll try to use small words.” He leaned over her, taking full advantage of his larger frame. “If. You. Lose. Control. It. Will. Destroy. You.” He grinned a self-confident smirk at her. “Thought I’d add a little spice to liven up the game. Things were getting a little stale.”   “Control?” Twilight gaped at him, waving her hoof vaguely in the direction of the mirror. “How am I supposed to control that?”   “You can’t.” Discord cheerfully said as if he relished the idea. “At least, not on your own. How fortunate for you that I’m going to teach you what you need to know to avoid being consumed by your own power. It wouldn’t be interesting if you tripped at this hurdle. What you do with this power will be, of course, completely your decision. There is absolutely no possibility that the magical power take control of you, force you to overthrow Celestia, and put your own little tyrannical regime in place.”   “I-“   Discord snapped his fingers again and a large ornate desk appeared between him and her. “Oh, make no mistake," he said as he sat down behind it, perching a pair of comically overlarge spectacles on his muzzle. "I’m not asking if I can teach you. I’m telling you. Now, for your first lesson...”