There's a Gamer in All of Us

by Konseiga


Game On

“What is it about these things that have you so… captivated?”

Luna sighed, slipping off her headset and setting down her controller. “’Tia, this is the fifth time today you’ve asked me that.”

Princess Celestia, with an easy smile on her face, settled on the Royal Gaming Couch next to her little sister. “I’m genuinely curious,” the white alicorn said. “Why are these ‘video games’ so fun?”

Luna rolled her eyes. “Somepony like you wouldn’t understand.”

“Then explain.”

Sigh. Luna floated her controller up to her sister, dancing it in front of her face. “Well, first of all, there’s a serious competitive edge to almost everything I play. There’s a certain satisfaction in trouncing whomever you’re playing against, and trouncing them good. Secondly, the world that these take place in,” she jerked her head over at a mountain of rectangular plastic cases, some of them green and others stone grey, “can be much more entertaining than Equestria.”

“I don’t see how that’s possible,” Celestia scoffed, disbelief written all over her face. “I meet amazing ponies amongst my subjects every day, and I never grow tired of what I do.”

“Well, we’re different ponies, dearest sister,” Luna said, her voice dripping with cynicism. “You’ve always been the one best suited for public interaction, anyways.”

“Only because you never gave it a chance,” Celestia muttered quietly. “But I digress. Continue with your explanation.”

“There isn’t much more to explain beyond that,” Luna said with finality. “Each different game has its own different universe. Some are soothing,” Luna smiled viciously, “and some are violent.”

“Fascinating,” Celestia said, examining the glowing black-and-green box that was hooked up to The Royal Gaming Plasma Television. “And all these worlds are in this little box?”

“Don’t play dumb, sister.”

Celestia pouted. “What were you playing just now?”

Luna gave a self satisfied smile. “Equestrian Effect 3.”

“Oh, the new game that came out a week or so ago?”

“That’s the one.”

“What’s it about?”

Luna raised her eyebrows. “How long do you have?”

Celestia stretched her wings lazily. “Well, I only had to raise the sun an hour ago. So I have pretty much all day.”

That wasn’t the answer Luna wanted to hear. Her eyes flashed with annoyance as she slipped her headphones back on. “Sorry Dash. Celestia sends her regards.”

A static-filled voice emanated from the Royal Gaming Plasma Television, “No problem, your highness. We were in between rounds anyway!”

Celestia raised her eyebrows. “Is that Rainbow Dash?”

Luna nodded. “Dash, remind me again what you play as?”

“Soldier, duh! And I’m gonna naturally be a pegasus. So much mobility!”

“And I’m an Adept. A Zebra Adept.” Luna grinned. “It’s fantastic, really. Such aggressive magic.”

Celestia’s head was spinning, but she nodded along. “I see.”

“You’re a poor liar,” Luna retorted, focusing her vision on the vivid screen. “You ready, Dash?”

“Ready as I’m gonna be.”

“Awesome,” Luna grinned again. “Let’s get this show on the road.”

Celestia watched the screen with fascination as a striped Zebra clad in some sort of armor darted around the screen, glowing and throwing screaming ponies over bridges and off into ravines. Luna would occasionally giggle and snort if something particularly notable happened. Such an event happened when Luna’s Zebra threw a pony into a group of hostiles, tumbling them all like bowling pins. After they landed in a heap, a flying friendly (assumedly Rainbow Dash) fired a grenade into the middle, blasting rag doll pony bodies every which direction.

Luna frowned, however, when a group of menacing-looking machines waddled onto the screen. “Dash, you got any grenades left?”

“Negative, your highness,” the rainbow pegasus pony replied. “All I have is assault rifle ammo, and all the caches are behind these mechs.”

“Fantastic,” Luna muttered. “Any plans?”

“Guns blazing?”

“Good enough,” Luna replied, her Zebra dashing into the fray.

The battle was quick. Celestia applauded the Zebra and Pegasus team’s valor, even as they were quickly downed by the blazing mechanical walkers.

“Damnit,” Luna muttered. Celestia heard a similar oath come from Rainbow Dash. “Well, it was fun while it lasted.”

“True facts, Princess. True facts,” Rainbow Dash replied. “I think I’m going to get off for the day. Gotta go stretch the wings, get some exercise in. A pegasus pony doesn’t get the hottest body in all of Equestria by sitting around playin’ video games!”

“Element of Loyalty, not Humility,” Princess Celestia muttered.

Luna winked at her sister. “See ya Dash.”

“So you actually do play with other ponies,” Celestia muttered as a little notification blipped on the screen: Wonderbolt_HopefulRD has signed out.

“Well, yeah,” Luna said, her controller doing a little somersault in the air as the darker alicorn deliberated on what she should play next. “I think almost everypony has played a video game at one point or another.”

Celestia looked at her hooves. They were, well, hooves, and didn’t have the necessary equipment for maneuvering the delicate joysticks. “But…how do…earth ponies and pegasi…”

Luna shrugged, floating over a different neon green case. It read Hoof of Duty: Equine Warfare 3. On the front of the case, a pony garbed in battle wear had a gun cocked towards the sky against a dark background. “Beats me, sister; they just do.”

“And what, pray tell, do you do in this game?” Celestia asked as Luna popped it in to the glowing green box.

“Point and shoot,” Luna smirked. “And, with any luck, the most pro pony I know should be on right now. And you’ll never believe who it is.”

A notification blipped up on Luna’s screen. Sparkling_Protégé is playing Equine Warfare 3. Luna’s grin widened. “Perfect.”

Celestia raised her eyebrows for what seemed like the tenth time. “Is that my Twilight?”

“The one and only,” Luna replied impishly. “And she is quite the gunner.” Fiddling with the controller magically, another notification blipped onto the screen. Party invite sent.

Ba-ding!

“Luna!” Even through the haze of static, Celestia could clearly identify Twilight’s voice. “You wouldn’t believe what just happened.”

“Knowing you, Twilight, I probably would.”

Twilight launched into a lengthy and excited explanation that was mostly technical jargon, as far as Celestia could tell. The words she could understand, but they were strung together in such a way that the white alicorn could only guess at their meaning.

“…and I was so close to a twenty-four killstreak,” Twilight was wrapping up her story, “and since I had my specialist bonus on, I had hardline, too, so I only needed twenty-four kills for a MMAB…”

Celestia shot a quizzical look at her sister and mouthed, “MMAB?”

Luna flicked the mute switch on her headset. “Massive Magical Air Bombardment. It kills all the players on the other team.”

“Oh…”

“…but some noob decided that his hoofer shotgun was called for, and totally wall-banged me!”

Celestia’s ears went red. “Did she just say?”

“Wall-bang is a term when some enemy player shoots at you through a wall,” Luna explained, “and ends up killing you with almost pure luck.”

“Anyway, Luna, do you want to play?”

Grinning, Luna flicked her headset back on. “Absolutely, Twilight.”

“I can’t believe you two can discuss things like this so easily,” Celestia accused her sister. “Have you two been desensitized or what?”

There was a brief silence on Twilight’s end. “Was that Princess Celestia?”

Luna’s grin covered her entire face. “Yep.”

“She knows this is just a game, right?”

“Yep.”

“Alright then…what’s she doing there with you? Doesn’t she have royal duties to attend to?”

Princess Celestia coughed. “Today, I decided to spend some time with my sister, get a feel for her hobbies. Shouldn’t you be studying the magic of friendship, Twilight?”

Another brief silence. “Princess Celestia,” Twilight responded slowly, “how about I write you a letter about all the lessons of friendship I’ve learned from playing video games?”

Celestia mulled it over for a minute. “That would be acceptable,” she said finally. Luna had to shove a hoof in her mouth to keep from busting out laughing. “I’ll expect it by the end of the week.”

“You won’t be disappointed, Princess. Now, Luna, what type are we gonna play?”

“I don’t know, Twilight. How about you pick?”

“Demolition!” came the resounding reply.

Luna chuckled, flicking one of her analog sticks on the Royal Gaming Controller. “Demolition it is!”

Celestia sat with open mouth and wide eyes as Luna dove into an extraordinarily-realistic looking battlefield. “It’s extremely vivid,” she remarked.

Luna chuckled. “An amazing blend of magic and science, isn’t it?”

Celestia nodded mutely.

The bottom of the screen started filling up with a bunch of little letters. “Er, Luna,” Celestia started, pointing a hoof at the letters, “is that good?”

Luna glanced at it, grinned again, and then devoted her attention back to the screen. Her character was crouching and making her way slowly through a burned-out building, occasionally taking quick shots at any other characters passing by. Any time she scored a “kill”, a “+50” would pop up on her screen. “Cleaning up, Twilight?”

Twilight snorted. On the Princess’ end, it sounded like a rush of static. “These nubs are no match for m- FUCK!”

Celestia flicked her ears. She looked positively shaken. “T-twilight?”

“Oh, sorry Princess Celestia,” Twilight muttered, angry undertones evident in her voice. “I forgot you were listening.”

“Wh-what should that have to do with anything?” Celestia demanded at the microphone.

“Nothing, I guess. Hah! Payback!”

“Twilight Sparkle! Are you even listening to me?!”

“’Tia, I think it’ll be okay,” Luna put a comforting hoof on her sister’s shoulder, ignoring as the pony on her screen met an explosive end.

“I’m sorry Princess!” Twilight called out, the sound of furious button mashing clearly evident through her microphone. “I just get really into thi-CELESTIA DAMNIT!”

“What am I damning?” Celestia said quietly.

Luna chortled good-naturedly. “What happened this time?”

Twilight sighed. “I was one away from specialist bonus,” she said foully. “But apparently, this stupid javelin foal decided to shoot it in a bucking BUILDING and kill himself. His stupid martyrdom killed me.”

Luna winced. “Harsh.”

“Yeah. I got it again, though,” Twilight giggled.

Luna whistled. “I’m impressed, Twilight. That was eight quick kills.”

Twilight made a pshah noise. “I’m like a steamroller, Luna. Foals just line up and get knocked down.”

“Are you sure Rainbow Dash isn’t still playing?” Celestia muttered. Her sister snorted.

“SON OF A-“ Sparkling_Protégé has signed out.

“My, my, she is quite the raging pony,” Luna muttered. “The game just ended, too.”

“What happened?” Celestia turned a quizzical look on her sister.

“That, as we call it, was an infamous ‘rage quit’. Twilight got so mad at something that happened in the game she just up and left. Probably shut off the console.” Luna snickered softly. “She’s always been like that.”

“Oh dear.”

“What should I play next?” Luna mused. “I’m kinda getting tired of these war games…”

“Can I pick?” Celestia raised a hoof, looking innocent.

Luna sighed. “Sure. Why the hay not?”

Celestia floated a dozen game cases in front of her, looking over their titles with a critical eye. “What in Equestria is ‘[PONYTYPE]’?”

“That’s my steam vent,” Luna said. “I get pissed off, I put that it, and I just slaughter stupid NPC’s for hours.”

“Er, NPC’s?”

“Non-player characters.”

“Oh, well how about this one?” Celestia pointedly looked at another one. “’Equestrian Outskirts’?”

Luna stuck her tongue out in disgust.

Celestia frowned. “I’ll take that as a no. How about ‘Brony Hawk’s Pro Skater’?”

Luna opened her mouth to refuse, and then thought about it. “Alright,” Luna said slowly. “I actually haven’t played this game in a while. I wonder if the multiplayer is still any good…”

Ba-ding!

“Oh?” Luna frowned. “Who do I have on my friends list that still plays this archaic game?”

Jack_Of_All_Apples has joined your party.

“Well, hay there Princess!” a certain orange pony’s voice reverberated through the speakers, “Ah thought ya were playin’ yer fancy shoot-‘em-up games with Twi’.”

“Oh, I was,” Luna smiled, “but she got upset and quit.”

“Ha, yeah, that pony’s quicker tah anger than a rattlesnake that just got hoofed all over.”

Luna rolled her eyes as Celestia called out worriedly, “Has Twilight been getting this upset very often?”

“Is that good ol’ Princess Celestia?” Applejack let out a laugh, “Naw, Princess. Yer pro-, er, favorite student only gets her tail in a knot when she’s ah-playin’ her games.”

“Well, I guess that’s good to know,” Celestia muttered.

“Anyway, Luna, where ya lookin’ to do a bit o’ skatin’?”

“Absolutely,” Luna replied through the headset. “Let’s get right into it.”

Once again, Celestia looked in awe as Luna manipulated a pony on a board that resembled a scooter with no handles over thin pipes and ramps of all sorts. Various number values popped up on the screen as Luna did something daring that, more often than not, would turn red and fall of the screen as Luna would crash and burn. Applejack’s character, however, managed to fly across the screen in amazing acrobatic feats, landing nearly all of her tricks perfectly. Pretty soon, the point counter heavily favored the orange earth pony. “Dang, Applejack!” Luna giggled. “Is this all you play?”

“This is th’ only game we got here on th’ farm, Luna!” Applejack’s reply was cheery.

“You’re good!”

“Awh, shucks, Luna. Yer too kind.”

“Applejack! Applejack!” Applebloom’s voice was nearly as annoying over electronic devices as it was in person. “Big Mac needs yer help out in th’ orchard!”

“But I just got on!” Applejack groaned. “Sorry ta cut this session short, yer highness,” Applejack apologized to Luna, “but Ah gotta get goin’ faster than a squirrel secretin’ their nuts away for the winter.”

Luna blinked. “Alright, then. Try not to work too hard.”

“Will do, yer highness.” Jack_Of_All_Apples has left the party.

“Huh,” Luna said, rubbing her eyes. “All of a sudden, games have lost their appeal.”

“Fascinating,” Celestia muttered. “It’s barely been two hours. You’re usually at this for much longer than this.”

“Insert obligatory “that’s what your mare said last night” joke here,” Luna muttered, turning off the glowing box and standing up. “You know, ‘Tia,” Luna smiled, stretching her wings, “I think I know a game that you’d be good at.”

“Oh really?” Celestia stood up, following her sister’s suit and stretching her wings. “What game would that be?”

Luna walked over to the Royal Gaming Dragonware Computer and pushed a button. The machine thrummed to life, whirring and glowing with a red light. “It’s a computer game, so you’ll be familiar with the interface. You keep that Tumblr blog of yours operating, right?”

Celestia grinned impishly. “I might.”

“Whatever, ‘Molestia’. Anyway, here’s your game,” the darker alicorn smiled and floated a box over to her sister.

Age of Empires? Are you trying to say something?”

“Not at all, sister. You build your own empire, and you keep it operational. It’s not a shooting game, and you can even set it to prevent wars. I think you’ll enjoy it.”

Celestia frowned, but sat in the Royal Computer Gaming Swivel Chair. “Alright, I guess I can give it a try.”

“Good on you,” Luna patted her sister on the back with a hoof. “I think I’m going to get some fresh air.

Celestia slipped on a pair of padded headphones, clicking on the Age of Empire’s icon. “See you soon.”

~*~*~

The sun was dipping below the horizon as Luna lighted in the Royal Gardens. What a magnificent day, she thought pleasantly. She had visited each of the six Elements of Harmony and had spent some quality face time with them. Twilight had apologized to her head over hooves for earlier. “I wasn’t planning on getting so into it…”

“Don’t worry about it, Twilight,” Luna smiled. “I’m sure Celestia won’t mind.”

Pinkie Pie had stuffed Luna so full of sugary treats that the alicorn had to wait for at least half an hour before she was confident she could fly without cramping. Applejack had offered her apples (what else?) immediately after, as an apology for abandoning their game so quickly. Luna had politely declined, explaining her encounter with the pink party pony and her sugary treats. Rarity had relished the opportunity to use the tall, slim Princess as a model, and Rainbow Dash had put them both through a fairly intense flying session.

Fluttershy wasn’t home. She had tacked a sign to her door, reading “Rescuing the Chickens”. Someone had scratched an annotation into the bottom, reading “again!”

Luna sighed contentedly, wandering into the Royal Lounging Area. It was dark, with one exception. A faint, electric glow was radiating from her computer area. Curiously, she peeked her head into the room. The sight that met her eyes made her jaw drop.

Celestia was hunched over the keyboard, clicking and tapping furiously. Age of Empires was still in full swing, and Celestia was commanding a sizable army of ponies. Empty Buckstar’s coffee cups sat around, discarded in haste, and empty chip bags littered the floor.

Celestia herself was a mess. Her mane had ceased to flow with radiant colors and was now just a frazzled mess. Her eyes were wide and bloodshot and her face was inches from the screen.

“Stupid Zebra Empire,” she mumbled. “Giving me so much trouble…”

“Uh, ‘Tia, sis?” Luna poked her sister’s shoulder.

The white alicorn whipped around. “OhhiLunanicetoseeyou’rehomethisgameiswonderfulthanksforturningmeontoitIcan’tbelievethatIneverfounditbeforeIreallylikecoffeetoodidyouknowthat?”

“I guess I do know,” Luna murmured. “You okay? You look a little…tired.”

Celestia took a deep breath. “That’s what the coffee is for, silly filly. This game is amazing, have I mentioned that?”

“I think you did…”

“Oh good,” Celestia turned back around, devoting her attentions to the screen again. “There’s only one problem I have with this game.”

Luna raised her eyebrows. “And what would that be?”

“I can’t send my enemies to the moon.”