Fluffle Puff is in the library.
Fluffle Puff is bored.
Fluffle Puff eats cake.
Fluffle Puff is still bored.
Fluffle Puff leaves the library.
Fluffle Puff closes the door and kisses it goodbye.
Fluffle Puff walks through the town.
Fluffle Puff finds Derpy.
Fluffle Puff says nothing.
Derpy says nothing.
Fluffle Puff says nothing.
Derpy says nothing.
Fluffle Puff says nothing.
Derpy says nothing.
Fluffle Puff says nothing.
Derpy says nothing.
Fluffle Puff says nothing.
Derpy says nothing.
Fluffle Puff says nothing.
Derpy says nothing.
Fluffle Puff says nothing.
Derpy says nothing.
Fluffle Puff says nothing.
Derpy says, “Muffin!”
Fluffle Puff gasps.
Derpy eats a muffin.
Fluffle Puff wants a muffin.
Derpy gives Fluffle Puff a muffin.
Fluffle Puff eats the muffin.
Derpy is happy.
Fluffle Puff is happy.
Derpy flies away.
Fluffle Puff walks toward the Everfree Forest.
Fluffle Puff enters the Everfree Forest.
Fluffle Puff finds a bear.
Fluffle Puff hugs the bear.
The bear dies.
Fluffle Puff is sad.
The bear explodes.
Fluffle Puff is no longer sad.
Fluffle Puff leaves.
Fluffle Puff finds a nut.
The nut is crazy.
The nut runs away screaming.
Fluffle Puff is confused.
Fluffle Puff walks.
Fluffle Puff finds a clearing.
Fluffle Puff finds a thing in the clearing.
The thing is large.
The thing is red.
The thing looks like a sex toy.
The thing looks like fun!
Fluffle Puff jumps around the thing.
Fluffle Puff licks the thing.
Fluffle Puff is the thing.
Fluffle Puff is not the thing.
Fluffle Puff humps the thing.
The thing humps Fluffle Puff.
Fluffle Puff is a car.
Fluffle Puff goes beep beep.
Fluffle Puff puts Fred on Fluffle Puff’s back.
The thing is Fred.
Fluffle Puff gets crushed by Fred.
Fluffle Puff is in the center of town.
Mayor Mare is there.
Fluffle Puff gasps.
Mayor Mare dies.
Mayor Mare gets up.
Mayor Mare’s legs look like sex toys!
Mayor Mare looks sexy!
Mayor Mare is a zombie thing.
Fred calls Mayor Mare a Necromorph.
Mayor Mare can hear Fred now.
Fluffle Puff can hear Fred too.
Mayor Mare kills Fluttershy.
Fluttershy is a Necromorph now.
Fluttershy kills everypony.
Everypony is now a Necromorph.
Chrissy comes out of the bathroom.
Fluffle Puff waves at Chrissy.
Chrissy looks at all the Necromorphs.
All the Necromorphs look at Chrissy.
Chrissy starts to run.
The Necromorphs jump on Chrissy and hold her down.
Fluffle Puff jumps on Chrissy, and they have sex twenty-seven times in a row.
The Necromorphs join in.
Fred joins in too.
Then the power of love blows up Fred.
Fred dies.
Everypony goes back to normal.
Everypony has more sex.
Then everypony has ana—
“This is the worst piece of literature ever,” said Chrysalis.
“Have to agree with you there,” said Twilight, taking both copies and giving them to Spike, “it just plain... sucks, for lack of a better word.”
Fluffle Puff sighed.
“Spike, take a letter.”
Spike saluted and picked up his quill and scroll.
“Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned that some ponies can’t write. Fluffle Puff is one of those ponies. I am enclosing the only two copies of this vile, putrid, horrendous attempt at literature. Please banish them to the sun for all of eternity. Your faithful student, Princess Twilight Sparkle.”
“...Twilight… Sparkle…” echoed Spike. “Is that it?”
Twilight nodded, glaring at the despondent Fluffle Puff.
Spike breathed out his magical dragon fire and sent the letter to the princess.
“Vile, putrid, horrendous attempt at literature?” said Celestia, glancing at the enclosed papers. She removed the thick steel chains from the papers and open up the short story.
She read the story.
“Sister?” called Luna, dancing impatiently. “Quit hogging the bathroom! You know that this is the only throne that can accommodate my royal ass!”
The pony guarding the door tried not to smile, but he failed miserably and let out a short laugh.
Luna crossed and uncrossed her legs repeatedly. “Come onnnnnnnn!” she moaned, “I don’t know how much more I can take!”
The door unlocked and out walked a haggard-looking Celestia. Her mane no longer flowed majestically, it just hung limply around her neck. Her eyes had dark bags around them, and the whites were bloodshot. She said nothing, but stood in the doorway, preventing Luna from reaching sweet release.
“Read this,” she wheezed, levitating the page over to Luna.
“I don’t have time!” squealed Luna, pinching herself closed with her magic and holding her tail out of the way of the impending tide, “I need to get in there!”
The guard tried really hard not to stare. Really, he did. Really hard. Like so hard. Like hard as wood. Rock hard. Like as hard as his shaft—the shaft of his spear. His armor became uncomfortably tight against his waist because... well, and he was really glad that he had decided to wear the optional crotch protector today.
Celestia sighed. “Here,” she mumbled, lighting up her horn. She cast a spell and Luna no longer felt the urge to go.
“Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…” sighed Luna. “What spell is that?”
“Just a simple teleport, somepony is going to have a bad day.”
“Mom! I’m all wet!” cried the foal, running indoors.
“What happen?” asked the parent upon seeing the state of her daughter.
“The sky made me wet!” the brat wined.
“How?” asked the mom. “There’s not a cloud in the sky.”
“I don’t know, but it smells funny!” she whined, wrinkling her nose.
“Well then go take a shower, Diamond Tiara.”
“Fine,” she groaned, trudging up the stairs.
“Now read this,” said Celestia, shoving the paper in Luna’s face.
“Fine,” groaned Luna, grabbing the paper and holding it at a more respectable distance.
Luna read the story.
Luna looked up at Celestia. Celestia looked at Luna.
Luna fell over dead. Celestia cried out in agony and committed suicide.
“And that’s how I got my Cutie Mark!” shouted Pinky Pie, springing away.
“...What,” stated Applebloom.
“...I don’t even…” said Scootaloo.
“...Soooo, that happened,” said Sweetie Bell.
Fluffle Puff made motor sounds and carried the Cutie Mark Crusaders to the library on her back. “Pflbebeblm pflbebeblm pflbebeblm!”