I reluctantly agreed to go along with Twilight and Spike to view the meteor shower. I had lain low over the past few days to avoid Photo Finish.
The photographer had been nothing if not persistent. My ears had learned to pick out the sound of a camera shutter from a hundred yards. I had begun only testing my stuff after dark.
“I've got a telescope, apples, bananas, fruit punch and my freshly baked home-made triple-decker nut-crazy vanilla cream cookies!” said Spike, counting off on a checklist.
Twilight giggled. “That’s why you’re my number one assistant, Spike.”
“Then what am I?”
“You’re my number one creepy roommate, Valiant.”
“Damn straight.”
The other ponies were waiting for us under the stars. They seemed impressed by all the cool swag Spike had brought.
We sat there for a while while the meteors did their thing for a while. While I didn’t mind the triple-decker nut-crazy vanilla cream cookies for a little while, after a while they began to cause me trouble. While the rest of the ponies stayed to watch the show, I went back to the library to while away my time being sick.
Twilight and Spike came back later. My windpipe had just about sealed shut. “I think I have a nut allergy,” I croaked.
“Good thing you’re straight,” said Spike. Twilight spun him around with her magic and made him walk up the stairs to bed. “Watch your mouth, little dragon.”
“I guess he’s been hanging out with me too long.”
She shot me a look. “Right.”
“Oh,” she added. “I meant to tell you earlier, but I sent a letter to Princess Celestia outlining some of your political theories. I think that maybe we can use a few ideas from ‘democracy’ to renovate Equestria’s political system. Maybe get some more ponies involved on a local level.”
Oh great, now Celestia knew that I wanted to topple her regime. “What was her reply?”
“She said she would get back to me. It’s strange, she’s usually so decisive.”
Well, I might as well surrender to the Royal Guards now. The pony was out of the bag, so to speak. The revolution would most certainly not be televised. I wish I’d spent my time inventing TV just so that it could be.
Nothing else to do. Either I would be arrested shortly or eventually. I went to sleep, despite my swollen throat making things difficult.
I woke up in the morning, surprisingly not in chains. I hacked a little, but my breathing was easier. Not imprisoned and not dead - it already looked like a good day.
There was an owl sitting on Twilight’s desk and staring at me.
“What’s your name?” I asked.
“Who.”
“No, Who’s on first.”
He cocked his head at me.
“You walked right into that one, buddy.”
“This is Owloysius,” said Twilight, walking in. “He’s my new junior assistant.”
I introduced myself to the bird. He seemed indifferent. A few other ponies dropped by to meet him. They all seemed to think he was cool.
I left to get a bucket of fuel for the airship. I was just about ready to make a test flight. Everything seemed to be in working order.
I walked downtown, passing the the blacksmith’s, the fireworks shop, and the kitten factory. An unused well stood near the public water well. It had accidentally hit oil while drilling. Since it was worthless to the ponies, I had been able to buy the mineral rights for a song. Pinkie had been happy to sing it as a favor to me.
With careful distillation, one bucket of oil would yield about half a bucket of useable fuel, and a quarter bucket of tar. The rest was lost as vapor, but I was working on a system to collect it.
The resulting fuel was somewhere between diesel and gasoline. The crappy engine I had cobbled together couldn’t tell the difference.
I filled the bucket with the noxious hydrocarbon and started on my way back. An older stallion stepped into my path. “Valiant, is that you?”
I stopped. The handle of the bucket kept me from speaking, but I nodded.
He broke into a wide grin. “It’s so nice to have finally found you, son.”
I waited to see what he would say next. “Your mother and I—”
Wait, he literally meant son? I dropped the bucket in surprise “WHAT!”
The oil spread out over the ground. The blacksmith, standing nearby, was startled by my outburst and dropped a hot coal into the puddle. The quick fire spread to the fireworks shop. When it exploded, it took out the building next door. The sky rained angry little cats.
“Not the kitten factory!” somebody shouted.
“That’s right,” said the pony who was speaking to me. He brushed a tabby off his shoulder before it could dig its claws in. “I’m your father.”
“I don’t even know your name.”
“Plymouth. Plymouth Barracuda.”
“No,” I said. “No way.” I fell to my rump, shaking my head. “This is impossible.”
“Sure, I know that it looked like I died in that rabid rabbit stampede back in eighty-eight, but here I am.”
“I…no. I can’t believe this. I shouldn’t even have a father in Equestria. I’m not a pony!”
“Come on, you’re just in shock.” He put his hoof around my shoulders. “I heard that you were a little loco in the head. I’m here to help.”
I brushed off his touch, standing up. “I’ve got to get out of here.” I took off at a gallop for the library.
I ran into Spike coming out of Quills and Sofas, the quill and sofa store. “Spike, come on! We don’t have much time.” I tossed him onto my back.
“What’s going on?” he asked.
“This pony claiming to be my father showed up. Also, the kitten factory exploded.”
“No! They were just about finished with my order!”
“What did you get?”
“A pair of Calicos and a Sphinx.”
“They’re gone, man. Just forget about it, we’ve got bigger problems.”
I skidded to a stop in front of the library and kicked the door open. “Where’s Twilight?” I asked Owloysius.
“Who, who.”
I facehoofed. “Nevermind.” I found her in the back.
“There’s a pony in town that says he’s my dad.”
“That’s great news!”
“Are you kidding me? I have no idea who he is.”
“Valiant, I think we need to face the very real possibility that you’re mentally ill. Who’s to say that you haven’t simply forgotten who he is?”
Dang, she had a good point. But I thought that I was right. Right? Did I really have amnesia? If I did, I wouldn’t know it. Right?
Instead of letting my head spin, I said, “Tell me what I need to do.”
She brightened. “I’m glad that you’re finally asking for help.”
“Actually, I just want to know what you want so I can do the opposite. Please continue.”
She frowned, but said, “You need to go talk to him. If he truly is your father, you’ll know it.”
“What if he isn’t?”
“Why would somepony claim to be your father if he wasn’t?”
“I have no idea.”
“Just go.” I nodded and reluctantly walked out of the library.
“Can I come?” asked Spike. “I was going to set up Owloysius for terrible crimes that he didn’t commit, but this sounds a lot more interesting.”
“While I acknowledge the genius in framing someone who can’t defend himself other than to say ‘who’ I think I’m going to go alone.”
“Good luck.”
“Thanks Spike. I get the feeling that I’m going to need it.”
This was just great. I was either in a coma-dream, had been transported to Equestria and turned into a pony, or was just a pony the whole time and was completely insane. None of those were great options.
I walked back in the direction that I had met the pony. I had no idea what I would say, what I would do. I'll admit, I was curious, but also scared to death. What if it ended badly? What if it didn't?
Well, I knew one thing, at least. Daddy had better have a darn good story. If I wasn’t convinced that he was actually my father, then he was going to go straight up to the top of the list. Move over, Twilight.