Appledashery

by Just Essay


Tall Orders

“Mrmmmph…” A skinny clerk with bags under his eyes stood hunched-over at a desk, scribbling across a spreadsheet. “Name and destination, please…”

“Rainbow Dash.”

“Alright, Miss Rainbow, do you have the Equestrian Zip code for the town of ‘Dash?’”

“Hey…” Rainbow blinked. “Stamps.”

“Because we need specific details in order to send your package to where you want it to go,” the bony stallion grumbled. “If you paid attention on your way in, you would have noticed the instructions listed across the wall--”

“Stamps it’s me!” Rainbow exclaimed in a hoarse whisper. She leaned forward. “Ms. Awesomeness Extraordinaire! Remember!”

Stamps froze. Slowly, he looked up, blinking in the dim light of the hustling and bustling parcel center. “Hmmmm… either it’s really you, Rainbow Dash, or my hangover hasn’t gone away.”

“You should consider laying off the cider, bucko.” Rainbow grinned with a slight glare. “It’ll do wonders for your noggin’. Trust me.”

Stamps blinked. With a sigh, he leaned back and blew a lock of sandy brown hair out from over his brow. “After all these months… years?” He blinked wearily. “You come back to my office, and for what? To give me a lecture straight from Alcoholics Equestrian?”

“No.” Rainbow Dash shook her head. “I came looking for a job.”

Stamps raised an eyebrow. “A job…?”

Rainbow’s teeth glinted. “Yup!”

“Like as in… a delivery job…?”

“Yup yup yup!”

Stamps sighed, flexing his shoulder as he grumbled into his spreadsheet. “Now, why in the wide world of ponydom would I be dumb enough to fall for that?”

Rainbow’s teeth almost caved in with the sheer grimace she endured. “Huh?”

“There’s a reason why I never came crawling on my hooves and knees to get you to return after all these months, Rainbow,” Stamps said in a dull tone. “Quite frankly, things are a great deal more relaxing with you gone.”

“I know!” Rainbow leaned forward. “So let’s fix that!”

“Unnnngh… Rainbow, I have no positions available,” Stamps grumbled, looking up at the mare with cardboard eyes. “And even if I did, I certainly wouldn’t give one to you!”

“Why not?”

“You’re not exactly punctual--”

“I’ve shown up early for weather flying schedule everyday for the past consecutive eight months!”

“You get distracted too easily--”

“I’m a bearer of the Element of Loyalty!”

“And you and Listing would always take time to fly off and get distracted with nonsense--”

“I don’t know where Listing Breeze is anymore,” Rainbow grunted. “And, quite frankly, I don’t care to.”

Stamps squinted harder at her. “...you never wear the aprons.”

Rainbow fidgeted, glancing left and right. At last, with a nervous shudder, she said, “A mare can ch-change, right?” She gulped. “No matter the lameness she’s forced to go through.”

“Mmmf… You see? Right there.” Stamps pointed. “I can never fully read your attitude. It was always a problem before, Rainbow. The only reason I tolerated you was because--”

“Heads up!” a young stallion’s voice cracked as he dropped a brown package from a rolling crate in the background. Like a blur, Rainbow zooped around, scooped the package up, planted it back on the cart, and flew down in front of Stamps again--smiling--all in the span of two seconds.

“...you were fast as Hell.” Stamps shuddered. “Horseapples, girl! Do you ever get old?”

“Trade secret.” Rainbow leaned against his desk. “But I’m not here to give secrets, but instead services. Come on, Stamps…” She slyly blew her bangs out from before her forehead and smirked harder. “I’m giving you a golden opportunity here. I was the best you ever had, and I can be the best again… your best. Don’t forget who made you Top Supervisor of the Month three times in a row!”

Stamps blinked at her. “Either you’re a glutton for punishment or you’re starving for bits.”

“Eh heh…” Rainbow rubbed her hoof and pretended to examine it coolly. “I’m not one to back down from a challenge, no matter how crazy.” She cleared her throat, blushing slightly. “But yeah, the latter is kinda-sorta true. Eheh.”

“And since when were you the only mare in Equestria desperate for a job?”

“Since we both realized I was the only mare in Equestria who could earn those bits right?”

“Rainbow, let’s stop being juvenile for a second. This is the real world, after all.” Stamps sat up straight with a glaring expression. “It’s not like I’m about to miraculously toss a job opening at your hooves, just like that!”

“Hey Stamps!” A pony with a five o’clock shadow leaned into the office, panting for breath. “Our last chariot is busted and we gotta deliver to Trottingham before three o’clock!”

Stamps’ eyes twitched. He jerked towards Rainbow Dash like a wind-up golem. “Rainbow Dash, h-how’d you like to have a job at your hooves?”

“Oh please, Trottingham?” Rainbow rolled her eyes. “Pfffft. I could fly to and from there twelve times before three o’clock in my sleep!”

“Don’t pretend that this is an opportunity to prove anything!” Stamps pointed. “The Mayor of Trottingham needs imported Dream Valley salt licks by mid-afternoon or I’m losing bits out my ear!”

“Yeesh, no wonder you’ve been hitting the cider so hard!” Rainbow Dash blinked wide. “You’ve been stressing this hard without me, huh?”

“Rainbow, I’m not joking here…”

“How about this…” Rainbow paced before the desk, flexing her wings. “Since you’re so desperate, I’ll be generous. I’ll do this sudden, last minute, miracle delivery for you…” She paused and squinted at him from over her blue shoulder. “At half the pay than when I last worked for you.”

Stamps mouthed those last few words in silence. After a second or two, his brow furrowed. “What’s the catch?”

“You agree to hire me on for the next three weeks at a starting pay.” Rainbow Dash turned towards him, grinning. “And assuming I prove myself to you today and the next three weeks--which I will--then we’ll take off where we left off.”

“You mean--”

“My previous salary. It’ll be like old times!”

“Who are you to dictate anything to me, ya over-seasoned turkey?!” Stamps growled. “You’re just an unemployed air trickster! You ditched Banner Company on your own volition!

“I was going through hard times then, Stamps.”

“And what about now?”

“I’m doing awesome.”

“Rainbow Dash--”

“And I wanna share the glory!” Rainbow Dash leaned forward. “How about it, old bones? Those friggin’ licks aren’t getting any saltier!”

Stamps stared at her. He took a deep breath, scratched his muzzle, and sighed. “Fine.”

“Wooohooo!” Rainbow Dash backflipped.

“But on one condition!”

Rainbow Dash froze upside down in mid-air. She blinked. “Yeah…?”

Smirking, Stamps raised a yellow scrap of reflective canvas material. “You have to wear the apron.”

Rainbow’s body slumped straight down, pratfalling. An agonized second or two later. “D-deal...” her voice wheezed.