//------------------------------// // Part 8 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Ordinary Week: Chapter 66: Dan & Pinkie Vs. Vampires // Story: The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie Saga // by Justice3442 //------------------------------// The Wheel and the Butterfly A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga Part 8 Dan & Pinkie Vs. Ordinary Week  Chapter 66: Dan & Pinkie Vs. Vampires ***** Music version here. ***** “Dan!” Pinkie exclaimed excitedly. She snatched the wagon handle and quickly ran over to her blood splattered boyfriend, the vampire crowd parting to avoid contact with the pink haired, red coat wearing sickness inducer. “Pinkie!” Dan replied opening his arms wide as Pinkie lunged into his grasp and wrapped arms around him. Pinkie placed her lips against Dan’s as he happily returned the affection, keeping his arms wrapped around her while taking care not to stab her with the bayonets in his hands. The two shared a long deep kiss, almost oblivious to the dark crowd around them. The crowd, in turn, kept its distance from the couple. “Meow?” Mr. Mumbles called out. Dan and Pinkie broke their kiss as Dan took Mr. Mumbles into his arms and gave her a hug. “Mr. Mumbles!” “Merow!” Pinkie looked around, having just lost her hugging partner to his cat. She reached down and pulled a bayonet out of one of the fallen vampire’s torsos. The vampire cried and pain, and quickly found his situation going from bad to worse as Pinkie picked him up and took him into a tight embrace. “Random injured vampire number one!” Pinkie exclaimed as the vampire she hugged foamed at the mouth and slumped limply in her grip. Dan reexamined his surroundings and allowed Mr. Mumbles to climb onto his shoulder. “Cratey!” He exclaimed as he threw his arms around his ex-coffee table turned battle crate. “…” “Random injured vampire number two!” Pinkie repeated the process of removing bayonet from injured vampire torso, and hugging said vampire until it was limp in her arms. Dan broke his embrace with his crate as Pinkie allowed her latest victim to slump to the floor. “Dan!” “Pinkie!” Once again, the couple embraced. They held each other tightly as they pressed their lips against each other’s once more, enjoying another long, uninterrupted, passionate kiss. Pinkie broke the kiss to take a look at Dan’s handiwork on the ground. “Dan, did you have to stab these vampires?” Pinkie asked, her happy demeanor quickly giving way to concern. Dan chuckled, “Hehe, yeah…” “Daaaaaan…” Pinkie said in a somewhat chastising tone. “What!” Dan protested. “They’re evil creatures of the night! Besides, I didn’t hug them until they passed out!” He countered. Pinkie began to pout. “It’s not my fault all these vampires get sick around me!” “I don’t!” A voice called out from the crowd. “No one cares, Ed! NO ONE!” Another voice replied. “Awwwww…” “Wait, you mean this has happened before?” Dan asked. “Yepper!” Pinkie replied. “I think there’s been like…seven so far that got sick around me…the other three I dropped big spikey rocks on…” “Pinkie!” Dan exclaimed tone of genuine surprise. “I am so proud of you!” Pinkie closed her eyes, grinned sheepishly, and rubbed the back of her head. “I didn’t mean to…” Pinkie opened her eyes and smiled at Dan. “So, what have you been doing all this time?” Dan shrugged. “Eh, I decapitated a fairy.” He answered in the same tone one might use to explain that they just had lunch. “WHAT?!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Hey, she tried to get Ninja Dave and Becky to off themselves and make me fall in love with her with magic!” Dan explained defensively. “Oh…okay!” Pinkie replied, with a smile. “Wait…where are N.D. and Becky?” Dan shrugged. “What am I? The ninja and nerd keeper?” “You had them last!” Pinkie reminded. “I had to let them go on while I fought the fairy!” Dan explained. “They were getting all glowy eyed and glamored by her! Do you want dead friends, or live friends?!” Dan added in an irritated tone. “Well, live of course.” Pinkie replied. Her voice turned maternal, regardless. “But, if you can’t keep track of our friends, I’m not sure I’ll be able to let you take them into dark, spooky, vampire tunnels by yourself anymore!” “Ok, first off: It was Becky’s fault we get separated in the first place. Second off: I rather be with you anyhow.” Pinkie’s eye’s widened slightly. “…Awwww!” She exclaimed as she wrapped her arms around Dan and gave him yet another, deep, passionate kiss. “Are you two done yet?” Cruor asked in an incredibly irritated tone. Pinkie ignored him completely, kissing her boyfriend while utterly mumbling, “Mwah…Mwah…” Dan turned to the vampire lord briefly. “Not yet.” He answered. “Mwah…Mwah…Mmmmmmwaaaaah!” Pinkie continued. Mr. Mumbles began to bat at the wide brim of Pinkie’s hat as his owner and girlfriend continued to lock lips. “Wait…” Dan broke the couple’s kissing season and turned to Cruor, his arms still wrapped around Pinkie as hers were around him. “Who’s this douchebag?!” Dan exclaimed, nodding towards the tall vampire in black and red. The group of vampire’s collectively gasped as Dan called their lord and master a ‘douche bag’. “Oooo! That’s the Master Vampire of Parties!” Pinkie answered. Dan paused, thinking about Pinkie’s answer. “Oh! MVP, very clever.” Pinkie smiled wide, her lips making a small ‘squee’ sounds as she pulled them as their limits. “My name is Lord Cruor.” The vampire lord informed. From behind his costume glasses, Dan knitted his brow at the vampire lord. “Your vampire name is the Latin word for ‘blood’? That’s the best you could come up with?! How old are you?” “Be silent!” Cruor commanded. “Geez, I’d just take ‘Master Vampire of Parties’ if I where you. I mean, you’re either hundreds of years old or you just like raiding Halloween stores for renaissance outfits.” Dan continued. “I will not be spoken to in this manner!” Cruor roared. Dan and Pinkie broke their embrace as Dan turned to face the vampire Lord. “Look, buddy…” The group of vampire’s gasped and recoiled shielding their eyes from Dan as he turned. “He bares a cross” A voice called out. “He’s a true believer.” Another declared. “What?” Dan replied. “You think this priest getup is just for show?” “Dan, it is just for show!” Pinkie reminded. “Oh, right…well, that doesn’t mean I don’t believe in God. I mean, who else would I evoke to bless water and my bayonets? Santa? I mean, he may be in the Bible, but he’s lousy for weapon enchantments.”   “Santa isn’t in the Bible!” a vampire called out. “Heresy!” Dan cried. He flung a bayonet into the crowd, hitting the owner of the voice. “OW! IT BURNS WITH RIGHTEOUSNESS!” The voice called out. “Alright, I’m going to let that one slide, ‘cause of the Santa comment,” Pinkie said, “but you really need a better reason to throw those around than these guys being vampires, and all.” Dan sighed. “FINE! I’ve already hit my carnage quota for the day, anyhow.” Dan turned to Cruor. The grand vampire lord kept his eyes covered as he looked under his hand, and stared at Dan’s and Pinkie’s boots. This being his best option for keeping tabs on the couple’s position. “Hey! Tall, dark, and cliché! Why don’t you just hand over our video game system?” Dan began. “Oh! And they should help us find Becky and N.D.!” Pinkie added. “Right!” Dan agree, nodding. “Help us find our ninja and nerd and we’ll be on our way.” “I’m afraid I can’t…” Cruor paused. “Would you mind removing your cross?” He asked politely. “Yes.” Dan responded. Cruor sneered, continuing to hold his hands over his eyes and glare at Dan and Pinkie’s feet. I’m afraid I can’t just hand it over.” “Oh, well…” Dan brandished a bayonet and slipped into his Scottish accident. “It’s vampire guttin’ time…” “Wait!” Cruor demanded. “I have proposition that would be mutual beneficial to all of us.” “Dornt caur, gonnae gut ye.” Dan replied. “Now Dan,” Pinkie said, placing her hands on the short man’s shoulders. “Let’s hear the nice vampire out.” Dan sighed. “FINE!” He exclaimed, irritably. “Stupid girlfriend and her mysterious power over me…” Dan mumbled. Cruor turned and faced his brood, flinging his arms up dramatically in a ‘V’. “Look around you! I have an immortal army right under one of the largest, most powerful cities in the world! Imagine it!” Cruor continued, grinning to himself as he pulled the fingers on his right hand into a fist. “My army will continue to grow, and soon it will be powerful enough to take over Los Angeles, itself! A mighty force of vampires, just destroying and eating everything in their path! And this is merely the beginning! Once Los Angeles is firmly in my control, I’ll move on to…on to…” Cruor’s pointed ears perked up as he noticed his intended audience was being less than silent. “Mwah…Mwah…” Cruor turned and glared at the couple which had returned to paying much more attention to each other’s faces than him. “You two couldn’t even give me a brief monologue?” He sighed out. Pinkie and Dan ceased their sloppy make out season and turned towards the vampire lord.   “Yeah, sorry, but your plan is just really cliché.” Dan explained, his arms still wrapped around Pinkie. “And boring!” Pinkie added. “With a capital ‘B’ and an ‘ooooooring’ even!” Cruor sighed. “Fine, I’ll get to the point.” Cruor grinned evilly and spread out his arms. “Let me turn you both into unstoppable creatures of the night and join me in my conquest of the world!” Pinkie and Dan broke contact, causing Cruor to cringe slightly and cover his eyes again, shielding them from Dan’s cross. “Hmmm…” Dan pounded the offer and smiled. “Well…we’d get to live forever, and we’d become super strong…” He mused. “Dan, no!” Pinkie pleaded. “What about sunlight!” “Pffft,” Dan said waving a dismissive hand, “sunlight is over rated!” “Well, I like it!” Pinkie declared. “And I don’t want to have to kill strangers and feed on their blood!”  She moaned. “But…strangers are laaaaaaame!” Dan whined. “Dan! No!” Pinkie insisted. “I don’t want to be a vampire!” Dan sighed. “Oh, alright…but you’re going to have to make it up to me!” Pinkie grinned mischievously and leaned towards Dan. She began to whisper into his ear. Dan, in turn, grinned a wide, toothy grin. His face flushed red as he nodded and muttered “Uh-huh?” in response. Cruor sighed, still staring at the couple’s feet. “Well?” “Sorry, but the lady says no.” Dan informed. “I thought as much.” Cruor replied. “Can we get our game system back now?” Pinkie asked. Cruor turned towards his followers. “Kill them,” he commanded. “I don’t care how.” “Hey! Not cool!” Pinkie cried, putting her back against Dan’s as the vampire’s circled around the couple. “So…this is going to escalate…” Dan mused. He smiled and glanced to the woman behind him as Pinkie reached into her coat and pulled out her gigantic pistols. “You and me against the world?” Pinkie glanced behind her and smirked. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.” The two looked over the hesitant group of vampires in front of them, and readied their weapons for battle. --♫ Dan brandished he bayonets as Pinkie pointed her pistols into the crowd. “Pinkie! Dan!” --♫skrrreeek The crowd turned toward the source of the voice. Pinkie gasped “Becky!” Pinkie said excitedly. The vampires cleared a path for Pinkie as she sprinted towards the woman in dark priest’s clothing. Dan grabbed the wagon and walked calmly behind his girlfriend, as Pinkie threw her arms around Becky. “Hey, we have our ninja back, too.” Dan exclaimed nodding to Ninja Dave who nodded back. “And lizard people!” Pinkie exclaimed as she broke her embrace with Becky and looked down the dim tunnel. Dozens of bipedal, green lizard people emerged from the darkness behind Becky and Dan. They wore clothing of tattered cloth and brandished crude wooden spears and tomahawks. In front of the group, the tallest, most muscular lizard glared out at Cruor, brandishing a large, European style long sword. “Let me guess,” Dan began, “the lizards speak Klingon,” he said rolling his eyes. Becky smiled wide. “Nope!” She replied. “Vulcan.” Dan paused. “NeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrOW!” Dan shot a glare at Pinkie. Pinkie simply threw the large, black gun she had just pistol whipped Dan in the arm with into the air and caught it by the handle. “Becky brought us a lizard people army!” Pinkie pointed out. “The least you can do is be nice!” Dan rolled his eyes. “Thank you Becky for rallying a small army of lizard men to fight the vampire menace.” He said monotone. “Small?!” Becky replied in a protesting tone. “Fine!” Dan replied. “Medium sized!” Becky sighed as Pinkie leaned in, whispering into her ear, and raised her hand to muffle her voice. “That’s probably as good as you’re going to get,” Pinkie explained in a hushed tone. “I’d just take it if I where you.” Becky rolled her eyes. “Thanks, Dan.” “You’re welcome,” Dan replied with a smirk. The vampires stared out in disbelief at what was in front of them. All, save one. Cruor raised a hand to his forehead as if he was tending to a migraine. “…And they rallied the lizard men…of course they rallied the lizard men.” He uttered as he contemplated the events that had led up to this moment. --♫ The lizard army stared down their hated enemy, as four humans stood in front of them, armed and ready to battle it out with a vampire horde they had tangled with for no other reason than a stolen video game system. --♫ The two forces tense as they prepare for battle; the lizard people brandished their crude and ancient weapons, the vampires bared their fangs and readied their inhumanly strong bear hands for battle. --♫ Ninja Dave flicked his thumb up against his sword’s guard, revealing a few inches of silver plated katana. --♫ Becky readied her pistols and pointed them at the vampire horde. --♫ Dan chuckled as he pulled the small lever in the wagon, launching Cratey into the mass of vampires. --♫ Wide eyed, vampires dodged and weaved, avoiding the crate until... --♫ ‘Pow!’ --♫ “AHHH! MY ONCE FLAWLESS FACE!” Ed screamed as Cratey collided with him, silver wire burning into his pale, granite complexion once again. --♫ Pinkie’s smile widened as her eyes narrowed. She scanned the army in front of her as her fingers tensed against the triggers on her firearms. --♫ Dan reached into his cassock, and pulled out another bayonet, once again holding silver blades in both hands. In a blur of movement, Pinkie appeared behind two of the vampires. She placed her pistols to the back of their skulls’ and fired silver rounds through the front of their surprised faces. --♫ Dan threw his bayonets into the crowd of vampires, two of their numbers collapsed as metal met flesh. He grinned madly as he reached his hands into his long, priest garb for another set of weapons. --♫ Ninja Dave surged forward and quickly pulled his katana from his scabbard, slashing his silver blade into the mass of undead in front of him. --♫ Becky fired her weapons into the crowd, raining holy water and silver pelts onto the hides of the vampires’ which smoked on contact. --♫ Cruor turned his eyes towards the lizard chief. --♫ Likewise, the ruler of the lizard people locked eyes with the vampire lord. --♫ The lizard chief pointed his sword toward the vampire army and urged his people forward. --♫ The green mass of lizard people surged forward as the pale army in black clothing rushed to meet them. --♫ The two clashed. Vampires braved ancient weapons as they crushed green limbs, heads, and torsos beneath their fists with supernatural strength. --♫ The chief of the lizard people charged forward as he cut a bloody path through the darkly dressed foes that continued to fight his people. --♫ Likewise, the vampire lord walked forward towards his enemy, calmly crushing reptilian skulls and shattering limbs with his bare hands as he walked forward. --♫ Becky tested the trigger on one gun, and then the other. No projectile or liquid exited either weapon’s barrel. --♫ She let the weapons fall to the floor, dropped her satchel, and quickly took off her religious garb. --♫ Becky let her priestly robes fall to the ground, revealing a pink tank top with the word ‘NERD’ printed in black across the chest and a pair of black trousers. She dove into her satchel and pulled out a crossbow with a slim, wooden arrow preloaded in one hand, and a stake in her other. --♫ Becky fired her crossbow at the closest vampire, hit it in the heart and reduced it to ash. --♫ She charged headlong into the melee of undead and lizard people, staking another vampire in its heart. The vampire disintegrated with a fiery spark. --♫ Dave slashed his sword upwards, catching two vampire in the neck, neatly decapitating them. --♫ Cruor allowed the lizard chief to cut into his left arm as he reached towards the lizard’s wrists with his right hand and snapped the brittle bone in a swift movement. Dan slashed his way through the vampire horde, his cat clutching tightly to his shoulder, his blades separating limbs from bodies, and the points of his bayonets stabbing through undead hearts. He made his way towards his lover in a fiery blaze of ash. Pinkie grinned wildly and fired round after round into the vampires, piercing skulls and hearts, and turning once fearsome foes into dust The two met and once again and placed their backs to each other. They glanced at each other with mad, ecstatic grins as Pinkie reloaded her weapons and Dan reached into his cassock for more bayonets. Unable to overcome faith, and the fury of silver bullets and blades, the vampires that encroached on the two fell quickly. --♫ Cruor pummeled his foe mercilessly as the lizard chief vainly attempted to fight back with his sword and broken body. --♫ After a few more solid blows, the vampire lord stood victorious over the fallen lizard chief. --♫ --♫ Cruor surveyed the battlefield to find his brood easily overwhelmed the lizard people where the reptiles still brandished crude weapons, but his children where overpowered by the lizards where the later had acquired one of the many blessed bayonets that began to litter the grand hall. --♫ He zoned in on the short man and pink haired woman who busily reduced all opponents around them to ash. Cruor rushed towards the two in a determined gait. He became a black and red blur as he fought past his dread of Dan’s cross and closed the distance between him and his target. He reached out and placed a hand over the cross, it burned against his flesh as he ripped the holy symbol from Dan’s neck, tossing the now harmless item into the fray. --♫ Dan stabbed a bayonet into Cruor’s torso, and another into his forearm as Pinkie fired wildly at the vampire lord. --Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage --♫ Cruor slammed his uninjured arm into Dan’s torso, and launched the short man into the air. Dan hit the ground hard several yards away.   --♫ The vampire lord focused his eyes on Pinkie’s. “Obey.” He commanded in a deep voice as he motioned towards the girl with his hand. --♫ Pinkie paused at the command and her eyes glazed over. “Kill him.” Cruor commanded motioning out towards Dan. Dan grimaced and quickly drew two more bayonets. He held the weapons in front of him as silver bullets slammed against the metal. --♫ Under a barrage of gunfire, Dan surged forward towards Pinkie and the vampire lord. --♫ The hammers to Pinkie’s weapons soon began to fall on empty air, her ammo expended. --♫ Crour’s eyes widened with the realization his control over Pinkie was not as absolute has he thought. “You aimed for his weapons!” He accused. Pinkie giggled. “I sure did!” she stated cheerfully. Cruor let out a frustrated roar and swatted the large Pistols out of Pinkie’s hands. --♫ “Take him out!” Cruor shouted to his brood, motion out towards Dan. Cruor’s brood complied, many of their number lunging towards Dan. --♫ Soon, Dan found himself on the ground, under a pile of angry vampires, their strength threatening to crush his body as Mr. Mumbles hissed angrily and swatted at the undead foes. --♫ “Hold tight, Mr. Mumbles!” Dan shouted. The cat complied, lowering its body and digging claws into Dan’s outfit despite the fact that vampire’s swarmed over her owner’s body. Dan flicked up his ringed middle finger on his left hand, pointing it towards the vampires. The sky-blue gem on the ring glowed brightly and a powerful gust of wind sent his assailants flying through the air. “This ends NOW!” Cruor declared, as he tightly gripped onto Pinkie, ignoring the waves of discomfort that surged through his body as he did. --♫ Pinkie’s eyes went wide as the vampire lord quickly leaned forward and sunk his fangs into her neck. --♫ Cruor howled in pain and retracted his fangs as they practically melted from his mouth, the act of biting on Pinkie resulting in a much more intense and dire consequence than the act of touching her. --♫ Pinkie grinned as she brushed the weakened vampire’s arms from her shoulder, reaching into her coat and pulling out a stake that glowed the brightness of the sun. --♫ Cruor hissed and shielded his eyes as his skin began to burn, the mystery of why Pinkie’s very touch brought pain and discomfort solved too late. Pinkie’s smile widened and her eyes narrowed at the vampire lord. “Ashes to Ashes,” Pinkie plunged the sun enchanted weapon into Cruor’s heart. The vampire lord’s body began to spark as millions points of light shot out from it. Cruor burnt up and turned to ash that fell in a heap on the floor. “Dust to dust.” The remaining vampires fled into the tunnels, the light of Pinkie’s weapon scorching their flesh as they ran. All vampires, save one. Once again, Ed grimaced as he pushed Cratey off of him and stood to his feet. His skin sparkled in the light of the enchanted stake like millions of stars across his body. The humans and lizard people stood and stared at the scene before them. Ed walked over to Pinkie and grasped her hands in his. “Now you see me in my true form.” Ed said, his voice merely a whisper. “You see why I can’t walk with you in the daytime.” He said, locking his liquid topaz colored eyes with Pinkie’s big, blue sky-blue ones. “Uh…never was really going to be an issue…” Pinkie replied, staring at the crisscross burns on Ed’s face and squirming uncomfortably with the contact from the vampire. Dan grumbled irritably and walked over to Cratey. “You’re right.” Ed said sadly. “We can never be together you and I. For my skin will always mark me as different, as a killer! As one doomed to walk this earth alone forever, no friends, no soul-mate, no love…” ‘TOING!’ ‘POW!’ “WHY IS IT ALWAYS ME WHO GETS HIT WITH THE CRATE?!” Ed exclaimed, finding himself under the silver wired covered crate. Pinkie turned to Dan and grinned, flashing her boyfriend a thumbs up. “Merow!” Mr. Mumbles mewed from Dan’s shoulder. “Video game system?” Dan asked simply. “It’s in the throne room!” Pinkie declared happily. Dan nodded and turned to Becky. “You think you can get one of these giant iguanas to help us get out of here?” Becky smile and nodded as one of the tall lizard people put a reassuring claw on her shoulder. “I’m sure we can work that out.” “Can I take my nun’s habit off now?” Ninja Dave asked as he sheathed his weapon. Dan sighed. “Fine! You big whiner.” “Hey, Dan?” Dave called out. “What is it now!?” Dan replied in a mildly irritated tone. Dave smiled. “Thanks for inviting me along. This was fun.” “Uh…sure…you’re welcome.” Dan replied sheepishly. “WE WILL HAVE VENGEANCE!” The group turned as two Vampire’s quickly fled the throne room and bee-lined for a tunnel out of the grand hall. “YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE LAST OF THE VAMPIRES!” The male vampire called, shaking an angry fist at the group as he and the female vampire disappeared into the dimness of another the tunnel. Pinkie calmly walked out of the throne room holding the video game system and shrugged. Dan smiled at her. “Alright, goofball. Let’s go home…” A group of lizard people motioned for the humans to follow them down another hall. Dave quietly made his way next to Becky. “So uh…now that we’re totally done killing vampires…” Becky smiled up at him. “Hmmm-hmmm?” “Would you maybe…uh…like to catch a movie with me sometime?” Becky grinned. “I’d like that.” She reached a hand and wrapped her fingers around one of Dave’s hands. “I’d like that a lot.” Dave smiled as the two walked hand and hand towards the exit. Pinkie elbowed Dan excitedly as she pointed out towards Dave and Becky. “Hehehehe,” she giggled, “isn’t that great?!” “Ugh,” Dan replied reaching for his girlfriend’s hand, “this mushy stuff still turns my stomach.” “You don’t say?” Pinkie replied with a knowing smile as she swung her and Dan’s hand back and forth. *** “That’s a wrap.” A voice called out from the T.V. Dan and Pinkie sat on the couch together, the flickering light of their video game washing them in a myriad of bright colors. Cratey sat upright against the wall, Mr. Mumbles curled up atop the wooden warrior. Dan grinned wide. “See! Without our video games you have trouble remembering how much better I am than you!” He said conceitedly. Pinkie merely chuckled softly and placed her controller on the coffee table in front of her. “Giving up already?” Dan asked with a smirk. Pinkie looked at Dan with hungry eyes and placed her hands over his arms, pinning Dan to the couch. “Not exactly.” She replied. Dan gulped, unsure of what Pinkie would do next. Pinkie leaned her head down and whispered into Dan’s ear. “I have a promise to keep.” “Huh, what proMMMMPHPGH?! MMMMGHPGH! Mmghph? Mmmmm…” Dan uttered as Pinkie covered his mouth with hers and his startled, muffled cries quickly changed to content, gentle hums. Pinkie’s hands released Dan’s arms as she began to curly her pink polished nails under his shirt and lift it up. Soon, Dan forgot about the game he was playing with Pinkie or much of anything else, deciding instead to reciprocate the kiss and the act of removing his lover’s outfit from her body. *** “You two are pathetic!” Steve called out, still under the giant rock that was pressing against his chest. “Ulgh…” Sarah moaned out. “You wouldn’t be saying that if she danced with you!” This is like a hundred times worse than the worst hangover I’ve ever had.” “Seriously…” James said weakly in agreement. “Yes, I’m sure it’s much worse than having your chest crushed by a giant rock!” Steve shouted out. The group paused at the sound of approaching footsteps. “Hey guys…” Ed said in a saddened tone. “Hey! Ed!” Steve said, uncharacteristically happy to see the other vampire for a change. “Could you help get this thing off of me? Oh, how we’d do by the way.” “Uh…boss is dead.” Ed informed. “Like…super dead.” “WHAT?!”  The other vampire’s exclaimed simultaneously. “That’s not even the worst thing that happened…” Ed continued. “Ed, what could be worse than the boss getting offed?” James demanded. Ed began to sniffle. “Sniff…that pink haired girl shot me down…” “Ed, you are such a loser!” Sarah said. “She shoot you down within five minutes of meeting you!” Ed sighed. “I knew we could never be together…” “Look, this is very sad and all, but can you please get this dumb rock offa me?!” “Not yet,” Ed sated pulling out a folded up piece of notebook paper, “I wrote a few poems about this whole experience I wanna share with you guys.” “…” “AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” The vampires screamed as Ed began to read dramatically from the sheet of paper in front of him.