Entering the Exit
Like the day before, Scootaloo opted to use her wings as much as possible to get around school today. As much as she wanted to make herself suffer by walking, she could hardly stand while putting weight on her injured hoof. At least not on this bucking hard ground. She felt a pang of sympathy for ponies who couldn't walk on clouds. As usual she spotted Sweetie Belle and Applebloom chatting with the rest of her band in their normal before school meeting spot. She just then realized she hadn't hung out with them the morning before. She casually flew over to the group.
"Hey guys. What's up?" Sweetie Belle turned around.
"Hey Scoot, where-GOOD WOW WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?!" The entire group turned to look at Scootaloo and their jaws dropped. Scootaloo gave a nervous chuckle as she landed and lifted her injured hoof. She wished Lightning was with her.
"I guess I've got some storytelling to do, huh?"
After Scootaloo finished explaining the events of the last few days, her friends were completely speechless. Not even Sweetie Belle or Applebloom had anything to say. Which is why it was incredibly unfortunate that Kitty was the first to speak up.
"Wow... the thing with your ear... that was hardcore!" Her brother's hoof almost immediately collided with the back of her head. Everypony else settled for a facehoof. Sweetie Belle wrapped Scootaloo in a hug.
"Scoot, you know we're here for you if you need somepony. Even Kitty, although she's a bit of an idiot." Scootaloo rested her head on her friend's shoulder.
"I know. You guys are the best friends I could ask for. Even if one of you is slightly less than intelligent." Kitty didn't hear the jokes being made at her expense. She was far too busy trying to kill her brother to notice. The group laughed. Shepard, always the quiet one, spoke up last.
"Scoot, where's Lightning? Doesn't he follow you everywhere?"
"He's at my house. He got suspended so he's spending the next week with us playing role model for my brother."
"What did he get suspended for?" Shepard asked.
"Yeah, Ah thought Lightnin' was always some sorta model student," Applebloom added. Scootaloo blushed and gave the ground a sheepish stare.
"He walked out on a class we share when I didn't show up so he could find me and make sure I was alright."
"Wow. That's one heck of a good coltfriend." Jimmy managed to speak up while keeping his sister levitated just off the ground. Being two years her senior, he was far more developed magically than his sister.
"Let. Me. Hngh. GO!" Kitty struggled against his hold. Jimmy laughed.
"Not with that attitude, Kat." Scootaloo and the rest of the group was in tears from the comedy of the fight they were watching. Especially after Kitty struck back. Where Jimmy had always been stronger with magic, Kitty had always been far more creative. Unbeknownst to Jimmy, a small mound of sod had lifted off the ground and was headed straight for his hindquarters. As it shot right up his unguarded backside, he dropped his sister and began bouncing around uncontrollably in a vain attempt to remove the sod.
"Now that's what I like to call sodomy!" Kitty exclaimed with a grin.
"Kat. That is the most disgusting pun ever," Sweetie Belle said flatly. "I LOVE it." The whole group burst into laughter.
"What's going on here?!" At least one member of the school staff had to pay the small group of friends a visit every morning.
"Jimmy and I were having a magic fight and I shot sod up his ass." Kitty didn't see any reason to hide this from the teacher. The teacher opted to roll her eyes and leave the group of young ponies to their own devices. After a while Jimmy managed to work the sod out of his hind end and decided that his sister won that particular fight, though not without his two bits worth.
"Kat, that was the lowest blow you have ever dealt. I will have my revenge."
"Maybe so, but for now I'll enjoy my victory." As per the norm with these morning meetings, the young ponies threw insults at each other until the bell rang, signalling that it was time to start class. Scootaloo noted with pleasure that the small group threw a good deal less of their usual sarcastic comments her way that morning. Where she could always take a joke, she sure didn't want to at the moment.
The moment Scootaloo left the front porch of the Dash home, an evil smile adorned Spitfire's face.
“I bet you think I'm just gonna let you get away with touching my daughter with your penis huh? Well guess what buddy! My wedding dick will DESTROY your morning wood! Oh yes, it will be spectacular, it will be terrifying, it will be-”
"Mom? Why are you talking to yourself?" Lightning gave Spitfire an odd look. Unbeknownst to Spitfire, she had been mumbling everything she had been saying. Fortunately for her, it was just below the volume a pony's ears could comprehend speech at.
"No reason." Spitfire gave a warm smile, but Lightning could see something was hidden behind it. Something sinister...
"Steel? Steel, are you in there?" Lightning gently tapped on the door to Steel's room.
"Go away." Steel did not want to see Lightning. He was still shocked and appalled at the display from earlier that morning.
"Steel, we should talk about what you saw."
"No, we shouldn't."
"It won't go away if you just bottle it up."
"Yes, it will."
"You'll be doing the same thing with a mare when you're my age." Lightning listened intently for Steel's response. He was almost concerned when he didn't get a response. He was very concerned when he did get one in the form of a long, high pitched scream from Steel's bedroom. Lightning kicked the door open.
"What did you do?!" Spitfire yelled from the kitchen.
"I tried to give him the "Birds and the Bees" talk! I guess I did it wrong!"
"You don't say?!" Sarcasm seemed to drip from Spitfire's mouth. "Watch the stove, I'll handle this." Spitfire pushed Lightning aside and sat next to Steel.
"Mom, do you EVER stop cooking?"
"When I'm working or screwing Rainbow. Besides, this is for Fluttershy."
"I thought Fluttershy was up to cooking again."
"She is. This is a gift for her birthday party. Now go watch the stove and make sure it doesn't burn while I calm the storm you've created." That was enough to convince Lightning to clear the room.
Five minutes later Spitfire left Steel's room. She calmly walked over to Lightning.
"He calm now?" Lightning asked.
"Yeah. Took some effort but he just needed a mare's touch. You stallions are far too blunt."
"She says to the stallion that got him to open up in the first place."
"Yes, but that was before he caught said stallion with his tongue intertwined with my daughter's." Lightning swallowed. He had hoped Spitfire wouldn't find out the extent of his session with Scootaloo that morning.
"I... um... I..." He never finished his stammering. Far too quickly Spitfire had descended on him and shoved a long, narrow object into his mouth. Spitfire held it in place with her hoof.
"Lightning, I like you. You're a great stallion for my daughter, and I can handle the whole tongue hockey deal from this morning. But I intend to let you know the consequences of your VERY erect penis making contact with my daughter a second time." She pulled the object out of his mouth and paused for dramatic effect.
"And those would be?" Lightning could barely keep his voice from breaking. Spitfire leaned in and whispered.
"Next time it'll go up the other end. Clear?" Lightning nodded his head. It was all he could manage for a response in his fear-stricken state. It was no wonder Scootaloo's parents had scared off four of her past coltfriends. What amazed Lightning is that the other four had the balls to stick around after meeting them. It amazed Lightning that he himself hadn't been scared off by them. He quickly made his way back to the room he was sharing with Scootaloo. Once inside he sat on his haunches in front of the door.
"That mare is psychotic."