Wake up. See this. What do? - Part 2: Raise the Flag (comment driven story)

by RazortheAwesome

Strange, I've never seen them act like that before

Bronze Statue, in this, Daedeltheus is the second most powerful being in the universe (a co-writer[sort of]) an as such, can GM all he pleases. Razor gets the final word as he is the all powerful WRITER GOD OF JUSTICE.

But what are the chances of that happening? Sheesh. I'd say it's infinitely improbable for something like that to happen. It's like finding the answer to life, the universe, and everything. It just doesn't happen.

i'd say that its infinitely improbable... and the answer is 42.

What? How is that THE answer?

you were doing so well. Then you failed.

No, No, No. You failed. Because Deep thought said that you have to know the question to understand the answer. Now, what is the question?

But we still know that the answer to the question is 42. Whether we know the question or not, we know that the answer is now considered a universal constant. The question was on one of my videography tests though. The answer to a question was 1942, which was not one of the multiple choice answers. The correct test answer was none of the above. We were discussing it one day before the test, and none of us knew the answer, so I said 42 and the teacher said that it was actually right. If I can find the test I will post the question. It was probably the question about when the standardization of public television broadcasting was initialized. An important and momentous occasion in our worlds development.

You were doing so well.

Then you failed.

The correct question, which the massive supercomputer that was so advanced organic life itself became part of it's matrix was created to determine, is: "What do you get when you multiply six by nine" If you did not know this, you prove that you have not read the six-book trilogy, and thus you have failed.

That was the product of random character generation. It was simply chance that allowed it to form properly functioning words for so long. That would never come out with the true question. Also, the proper question is now impossible to attain because of 3 things.
1: the earth was destroyed 5 minutes before read-out, leaving only Arthur Dent working on the problem without the other billions of ancillary components required for proper computation.
2: the mice had already been tweaking the system, changing human development so that any question produced would have been corrupted by their tampering.
3: because other alien species had visited Earth, abducting people and messing with things, the program would have been corrupted by their inclusion and interactions as well.

In the multiverse, the true critical moment of read-out was in that classroom when the question was asked, then answered, then discussed. This has revealed that the true meaning of life is the proper broadcasting of television programs to the universe at a minimum standardized level- namely 30 frames per second and 525 lines per frame.

As long as that was the right question. It may have been the invention of recording and permanent storage equipment...

NUMBER THREE IS FALSE!

It would have been messed with because of the crash-landing of all the unnecessary people from some planet in space. The phone-cleaners and the telemarketers and their ilk. Not from aliens tampering. The aliens became modern humans and killed off the ones that would have evolved via accidental introduction of viruses.

As for that, personally I think that the discovery of the true meaning of life would give us a grasp at the universe's true nature, which in turn would cause the universe to simultaneously implode and be reborn as something even more complicated and insane than it is now. Then again, some have theorized that this has already happened.

By all that is holy unholy and in between could both of you PLEASE JUST SHUT THE F*CK UP!!!

IN THE BEGINNING GOD CREATED THE UNIVERSE! THIS HAS MADE A LOT OF PEOPLE VERY ANGRY AND HAS BEEN WIDELY REGARDED AS A BAD MOVE! THEN THOSE IDIOT MICE MADE DEEP THOUGHT IN ORDER TO CALCULATE THE ANSWER TO LIFE THE UNIVERSE AND EVERYTHING! AND DEEP THOUGH GAVE THE ANSWER 42 CAUSE IT DIDN'T KNOW WHAT THE QUESTION WAS!

THE FACT THAT PINKIE PIE VISTED KIRK AND HIS BUNCH 42 SECONDS BEFORE VISITING BRAEBURN AND LITTLE STRONGHEART WAS JUST A CLEVER REFERENCE I MADE SOLELY FOR HUMOROUS PURPOSES! SO PLEASE, JUST PLEASE! SHUT THE F*CK UP AND STOP ARGUING ABOUT IT!!!

Are we done with that? Good. Lets get back to our show.

(Actual Author's note: I'm not actually mad at either of you guys at all. I just saw what you were doing in the comments and thought it was too good to pass up. So yeah. Don't worry about a thing.

Also just another quick reminder. There isn't going to be an update Friday because I'll be answering the questions from the Ask Any Character Anything blog. Questions close today so yeah. If you have any last minute ones, go now cause I'm not taking any more after today. Side story authors, I'll send you your questions after this chapter goes out via PMs.)

Jason, first ask them about what the craziest thing to ever happen in their lives. After hearing them tell about the craziness that's an everyday thing in Ponyville - which explains why nopony blinked an eye at the things that were happening when Twilight first summoned you - tell them something like that is happening, but its a bit more serious and a bit more dangerous. Something that can threaten all worlds is trying to do something, and it's apparently your job to stop it. Basically, give them as much truth as they can handle without scaring the road apples out of them.

this. Use the most intense/insane/sanity-rending Ponyville event as a baseline, and don't go more than, say, 150% that level at the most.

Anyways, try to break it to them subtly, don't just flat out say, "I have superpowers now and there's going to be this elder god who will kill us all if I can't stop it", That won't be a good idea.

So now that you have some time with your two housemates it's time that you three catch up. After all, you have yet to explain yourself to them. You don't need to be afraid. They're your friends and they live in this crazy town longer than you, so what's to worry? Oh, and Lyra might ask of you how you powers work.

You... After thinking about it for little more than half a second, you realize that you don't need to hide anything from them. They're your friends, probably your only real best friends here. They have as much of a right to know as the others. Still...

"You might wanna take a seat Bon Bon," you say to her. "This is gonna take a while to explain." At that Bon Bon just gives you a worried look, as does Lyra. You suppose you can't really blame them though, everything was just fine when you walked in the door. Bon Bon doesn't really say anything as she walks back over to you, drops her things on the coffee table and hops up onto the couch. She sits there for a few moments without saying a word, and neither does Lyra. You look back and forth between them for a moment to see that both of their eyes are on you. You guess you're gonna have to start this.

You let out a loud sigh and try to think of the best way to start a conversation like this.

"Look," you finally say. "What's the craziest thing that's ever happened to either of you?" you ask them. They don't really give an answer right away. Bon Bon puts a hoof to her chin while Lyra looks at the ceiling for a moment.

"Well....." Bon Bon began. "There was that one time when we had a parasprite infestation and they started eating all the buildings."

"Or that one time Pinkie Pie cloned herself and her clones ran rampant around the town for a little while," Lyra adds.

"Or that one time when Trixie came back and took over the town for a little while," Bon Bon adds. You remember hearing about that from another pony earlier.

"Or that one time a changeling impersonated me to try crash Shining Armor and Princess Caedence's wedding," Lyra says.

"Or that one time Nightmare moon returned the night of the summer sun celebration," Bon Bon adds again.

"Or the time when Discord came back and tried to turn Equestria into a world of pure chaos," Lyra says.

"Thank Celestia Twilight and the others reformed him," Bon Bon adds. "Oh, and there-"

"Yeah yeah, I get it," you say with a wave of your hand to make her stop. Christ, this town was already insane enough before you even got here. Now that you think of it though that kind of does explain why no one here batted an eye when you suddenly appeared. Much weirder things have happened. Hell, maybe this isn't the first time Twilight went mad like that. Still.... how to tell them now? "Okay," you begin again. You stop for a moment though to try and come up with the correct words. "Lets just say, something like that is happening to me right now, but only a lot more serious and possibly even more dangerous." At that, the two of them freeze for a moment.

"Jason," Bon Bon says, suddenly worried. "What were you doing today?"

Alright Jason here is what you do: Tell them you learned some new things today, some good... some bad... some strangely neutral, but leave it as vague as possible.

"Well," you reply. "I guess you could say that I learned some new things. Some good, some bad, and some strangely neutral, but..." You stop at that, and it's at this point that your mind starts to draw a blank on what exactly you want to say to them. Do you really wanna tell them that an outer god that you thought was fictional is here and is trying to kill you?

Before your mind can wander any farther on that, your thoughts are distracted by Lyra reaching over and grabbing your right hand with her hoof before putting her other one on top of it.

"Jason," she says with an extremely worried look on her face. "If something is happening, please... tell us." That... that look.... she really is worried about you. "After what you showed us in the hospital we...." she stopped after that, like something was lodged up in her throat preventing her from saying what she had to. You looked over to Bon Bon, she had the same worried look as Lyra. That... was all you needed to see. You take in one more deep breath, god this is going to be painful to tell them.

"I think something here in Equestria wants me dead," you say to them. You wanted to break it to them gently but... something like this.... that's borderline impossible to do. Both Lyra and Bon Bon have noticeable looks of shock on their faces, which you pretty much expected. "The demonic clown thing that I showed you back at the hospital, I don't think it's alone, in fact, I think there might be something much, much stronger than it here, and I don't think it has the best intentions for me or this world."

"Jason..." Bon Bon says worriedly. "What are you talking about?" At that, you can't help but sigh again. You consider showing them your thoughts again like you did at the hospital to speed this up, but after what you showed them last time, you don't really think that they'll be in the mood for that again.

"This is going to take a while to explain," you reply.

"So in short," you tell them. "I need to find my great grandfather because if there is anybody out there who knows anything about how to stop this guy, it's him, and this Discord guys is the only lead I have, so we're going to Canterlot tomorrow." Both Lyra and Bon Bon just stare at you slack jawed, like they don't even believed a word you just said. To be fair though, if someone said this to you, you'd probably have the same reaction.

"Jason..." Bon Bon says. "I.... I...."

"There were other humans in Equestria all this time," Lyra says aloud. "And I-"

"One other human," you correct her. "Possibly two. Nyarlathotep is....." God it still hurts you to say that name aloud. "Something else entirely."

"Wait wait wait," Bon Bon says, putting her hooves up. "You still have those superpowers right, can't you just use those to defeat him? I mean, we saw what you did."

"Yeah, and how do those even work exactly?" Lyra asks. "It's not like any magic I've ever seen."

JASON! Here is my message to you… say a Latin phrase that will make you equal to Nyarlathotep: "Non potest laedere me immortals" That means 'no immortal can harm me'. It'll make things MUCH easier for you. Try to keep it active as long as you can.

"Yeah, I still have them," you say to them. "But remember my great grandfather also has these powers, and he had a whole group of followers who also knew how to do this, and they still couldn't defeat him." You already had loads of ideas about how you could use these powers to defeat Risen Flagg while you were messing with them, but then your inner Batman and Doctor reminded you, if much more experienced men than you had these powers, why couldn't they have defeated them? "But yes I do still have them, in fact I've been experimenting with them all day. As for how they work.... it's complicated, I really don't know how to explain it myself, but it's not like any form of magic I've seen you ponies use. As far as I understand, all I have to do is think of something, say a corresponding phrase in latin, and I can make it happen."

"So it was you that made it rain earlier," Lyra says as she brings her hoof to her chin.

"Lyra don't be ridiculous," Bon Bon says. "I mean, yes he does have some form of magic now, but he's not a pegasus, he can't-"

"Yeah, that was me," you say before Bon Bon even finishes her sentence, which causes her jaw to drop yet again.

"Wait, really!" Lyra bursts out. "I mean I was... I I I..." You can't help but chuckle a bit at that and pat Lyra on the head, she seems to like that.

"ARG look, that's beside the point right now," Bon Bon bursts out as she moves in a bit closer to you. "You said you all were going to Canterlot tomorrow to talk to Celestia? Do...." she pauses for a moment at that. The look on her face suggests that she is unsure of what she wants to say. "Do you want us to come with you?"

"Yeah," Lyra says, her former seriousness back again. "I mean, we can help if you need us to, we-"

"No," you say before either of them can finish, which causes both of their jaws to drop again. In all honesty, you have been thinking about this, in fact, you've been thinking about this ever since you first walked through the door and realized you hadn't told them anything. About whether or not they could help you.... "Do either of you..." you begin. "Look, do either of you have any relatives outside of Ponyville?" Before either of them can say anything, you also add. "Ones that wouldn't mind letting you stay for a while." At that, both of them go silent again. They don't really seem to be thinking about this at all, in fact, it seems like that is the last thing they wanna think about.

"Well...." Bon Bon says. "There is my cousin in Trottingham?"

"That's great," you say before she can say anymore. "Do you think you can-"

"Woah woah wait a second, hold up," Lyra suddenly interjects. "You want us to leave?" It takes you a few seconds to answer that.

"Yes," you say to them. "Preferably tomorrow, when we all leave for Canterlot."

"Why? Lyra asks, a mixture of both confusion and worry in her voice. "I mean, we could help you, we could-" she's stopped again by your hand on her head petting her again.

"Look," you say to them. "I'm not going to lie to you. I have a really bad feeling about what's coming, sh*t's about to go down, I know it is, and well, to be completely honest.... I'm scared." It takes you a few moments to speak again after that. "I'm scared as hell right now. I have no idea what I'm up against or what I'll find, and.... I'm just scared all right. Sh*t's about to hit the fan, I know it is, and...." The next words get caught up in your throat a bit, but you manage to force them out. "I don't want to two of you to get caught up in the crossfire." Neither of them say anything to you for a few moments after that, but then Bon Bon inches forward a bit more and droops her forelegs over your leg.

"But why?" she asks. "You'll take the elements of harmony into battle with you but not us, why?" At that, you just let out another breath again and put your other hand on her head, petting her too.

"Because you're my friends," you say to them. "And I don't wanna see you get hurt."

"But what about-" Bon Bon is about to ask, but you know what she's gonna say.

"Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Spike," you say. "Yeah, I can call them my friends I guess, but they're not like you guys." You say as you pet them both. "To be completely honest here, if something happened to them, yeah I'd feel bad for it, but it'd probably wouldn't bother me enough to keep me from going on, but if something happened to either of you because of what we're getting ourselves into, I.... I just wouldn't forgive myself." You tell them. That is true, yeah they were your friends, but Lyra and Bon Bon did more for you than any of them combined. You would feel like sh*t if you lost either of them. "So please, for me." You say again to them. "Tomorrow, just try get out of Ponyville for a few days." Neither of them say anything at that, but you don't expect them too. It's a lot to ask for after all.

"Wha... what about the party?" Lyra asks. "Pinkie Pie's party for you tonight. Can we still go to that?" At that, you just can't help but smile.

"Yeah," you say. "Yeah we can still go to that."

"I...." Bon Bon begins. "I have some things I have to do." Right as she says that, she gets up off of the couch and walks over into the kitchen. Lyra gets up and leaves without saying anything a few moments later, leaving you by yourself again.

That was a hard thing to sit though, but you're glad you did it. You really don't want anything to happen to them.

Jason: Once you tell Lyra and Bon-bon about what's going on, find out as much as you possibly can about Risen Flag/Nyarlathotep. Newspaper articles, books, birth certificates, everything. Odds are you'll find some skeletons in his closet. Use your powers to speed-read if you have to. If you can't find something in Ponyville today, try again tomorrow in Canterlot. If you still can't find, say, a birth certificate or something like that, or if there's nothing before a certain date, take note of that. It might be important.

The thought occurs to you to try and look more into Risen Flagg... a bit you purposefully neglected to mention to either Lyra or Bon Bon. If they knew that the ultimate evil you were talking about was right here in the town with them, who knows how they'd react. As much as you want to look up more information on him though, you know that there's really nothing more you'll find here. You've pretty much gotten all the information you can. You'll see what you can get when you get to Canterlot tomorrow though.

Be reminded of the time when the Party starts. It's not something you wanna miss. Well, at least you strongly feel that way. Then again, knowing Pinkie Pie and her parties, that's a definite. What time is it again? You have been out meandering through Ponyville for a while. Clear your head for now though Jason, and maybe get some food.

With nothing else to do though, you pull out the party invitation that Pinkie Pie left for you and open it up. You probably don't even need to read it to know that it's at Sugarcube Corner again, but you do need to know when it starts. So, you open up the hand.... hoof, made card and read it.

You can't help but laugh a little bit at that last part. So that party's at 7:30. That's great.

You look up at the clock on the wall, it's 5:50 right now. So you've got some time to kill before the party starts.

What do you do?

Wilford Brimley needs to be included.

Yeeeeessssss.

Ask and ye shall receive.

This is one of my favorite stories

Ah thank you.

Hearing that makes me feel all tingly inside

-One Side of Town-

-Ponyville-
GF: So... uhhh, Party Time?

McC: It would certainly help with the stress levels we've been having.

Z: A perty by Pinkie Pie is one you surely don't want to miss, unless regrets your older self wants to kiss.

S: It would be illogical to ignore the invitation, as it would arouse suspicion upon our group.

K: Alright. We'll go. In the mean time, scout the area. I want us split up, Spock, you're with me. McCoy, Zecora, go with Gordon. Meet me in town square an hour before the party. I want eyes out for anything strange. Especially something that could block communications.

All: Got it.

*Kirk looks at the invitation given to him by the strange, pink, party pony for a moment before putting it in his pocket.*

Gordon Freebrony: So... uhhh, Party Time?

McCoy: It would certainly help with the stress levels we've been having.

Zecora: A party by Pinkie Pie is one you surely don't want to miss, unless regrets your older self wants to kiss.

Spock: It would be illogical to ignore the invitation, as it would arouse suspicion upon our group.

Kirk: Alright. We'll go. In the mean time, scout the area. I want us split up, Spock, you're with me. McCoy, Zecora, go with Gordon. Meet me in town square an hour before the party. I want eyes out for anything strange. Especially something that could block communications.

All: Got it.

-The Other Side of Town-

+Ponyville+

*The two partners in security and secrets trotted side by side, thinking about what had just happened as they stared at their invitation*

Braeburn: Was it just me, or is Pinkie a lot wackier than the last time we met. I always thought she is more of the silly type, not bluntly insane!

Strongheart: Probably high on something. Did you see how fast she went? She said there's a party about "trauma" What's that about? Something you ponies do that I don't know?

BB: Believe me, ah have no idea. Say, didn't she say everypony is going to be there?

SH: Yeah. Why?

BB: *grins widely* What are the chances that that Doctor pony is going to show in that party?

SH: *smiles* It would save us time. Do you have your glasses? We are going to need the gadgets if we are going to be looking in a crowd.

BB: Eeyep. *pulls out a pair of sunglasses* Aint no operative that doesn't bring along these beauties.

SH: Good, because we are here.

*They stop and stare at the gingerbread house that holds the party. Ponies came in as they chattered on about Pinkie and Risen. Braeburn drools heavily*

BB: Golly, is that edible?

SH: Of course it isn't. ...Is it?

BB: We only have a few hours left 'till it starts. Reckon we come in and watch the door 'till we see our pony?

SH: Sounds good.

*Braeburn and Little Strongheart in security and secrets trotted side by side, thinking about what had just happened as they stared at their invitation*

Little Strongheart: So.... what was that again about you in that biker's outfit?

Braeburn: *ignoring her* Was it just me, or is Pinkie a lot wackier than the last time we met. I always thought she is more of the silly type, not bluntly insane!

LS: *Confused for a few moments, but rolls with it* Probably high on something. Did you see how fast she went? She said there's a party about "trauma" What's that about? Something you ponies do that I don't know?

BB: Believe me, ah have no idea. Say, didn't she say everypony is going to be there?

LS: Yeah. Why?

BB: *grins widely* What are the chances that that Doctor pony is going to show in that party?

LS: *smiles* It would save us time. Do you have your glasses? We are going to need the gadgets if we are going to be looking in a crowd.

BB: Eeyep. *pulls out a pair of sunglasses* Aint no operative that doesn't bring along these beauties.

LS: Good, because we are here.

*They stop and stare at the gingerbread house that holds the party. Ponies came in as they chattered on about Pinkie and Risen. Braeburn drools heavily*

BB: Golly, is that edible?

LS: Of course it isn't. ...Is it?

BB: We only have a few hours left 'till it starts. Reckon we come in and watch the door 'till we see our pony?

LS: Sounds good.

-The AIA Headquarters-

+AIA headquarters+

*Grey Rebl trots into the isolated room where the unknown bomb is at back with more energy, but with a need to conduct some serious business*

Secretary: You're here. I heard you went to the computer lab again.

GR: The human ship is active, but Nana is still on the Dalek ship along with the beacon installment, so we're stuck with P-mailing. And that takes hours... So, I had the computer team pick up where I left off and have the data we gathered from the Dalek ship put to use. Hopefully we would be able reverse-engineer it so that we won't have this problem later. Anyways, about the bomb?

S: As you already know, it's unarmed. It's making every pony antsy and we had been pouring a lot of energy in figuring this thing out. We had discovered a few... quirks that might seem intriguing.

GR: Show me.

S: Come. The leader of the diagnostics will give the finer details.

*They walked around towards a variety of equipment and instruments with random lab ponies filing about. Beside a computer with cables plugged to some pillars surrounding the bomb was a midnight-colored unicorn mare wearing extremely geeky glasses.*

S: Head of research.

GR: Ursa. *he nods*

Ursa: 'ello.*pushes up glasses* Y'know, I'm still wondering why I was pulled from working on the Metal Gear Equine just to scan a bomb.

GR: *smile* I'm sure that you will get back on working on that.

U: Heh, I better. That thing is so close to being done.

S: Ursa, the statistics?

U: Yeah, yeah. Look at this. *points at the monitor* Thanks to newly acquired computer tech and magic scanning augmentations, we found out that this isn't your every day bomb used to blow houses. Instead of gunpowder or spell fuses, this uses chemicals that are extremely reactive. The lab tested the chemicals just recently and found out it goes to the atomic level.

GR: Atomic? I heard of this before. Wasn't this sort of thing a project back at the Los Pegasus branch of the MagiTech facility? It canceled when they found out it was too dangerous. Nuclear Fusion they call it.

S: I looked into that already. I sent them a letter yesterday via artificial dragon flame and we are still waiting for a reply.

U: I know a colleague who works there. I hadn't been able to get on contact with him for a while. *looks at bomb* And that huge hunk of metal being here isn't making my day suck less.

GR: Hmm. Strange.

U: And the scary thing is: The nuclear fusion is easy to make. The design isn't very hard to take apart. Add some magic enhancements and we get something that can mutate life in an instant.

GR: With something as big as this, I'll bet it could extend up to miles... However, we still have that case on why it's here. Is this remotely detonated?

U: Nope. Last time I checked it's only detonated by the timer attached.

S: From what I gathered, Los Pegasus is being monitored for suspicious activity by it's own Intelligence Agency and another from their neighboring city. It's confirmed that this bomb was sent from Los Pegasus.

GR: Sounds like that place is our prime suspect. Anything else?

S: I'm not sure if this is relevant, but interestingly, there had been bombings taken place there. Some most specifically hospitals.

*GR examines the bomb, processing all the information. Just what is going on on Las Pegasus?"

S: Going off topic, had you worked on the paper work laid on your desk? They had been piling up for the past few days and we needed certain things to be signed.

GR: Err...

*Flash back, a few hours ago*

GR:Fuuuuuuuuuu- *accidently spills all his coffee on the stacks of paperwork on his desk. He stared at the mess dramatically* Damn you, Riiiissseeen!!

*back to the present*

GR: Yes.

S: Good.

Happens as is.

-Briefing Room-

-Enterprise Briefing room-
S: Alright, we need options. I've already got a message and gear to send down to the away team via a modified torpedo. There's a form of Jammar around the town, blocking all other types of communications as far as we can tell.

I want information and ideas now. Also, if you can think of anything else our away team might need, gather it now and send it down there.

Well?

*turns to hackers and RA*

Steve: *notices Chekov coming towards the group* Hello sir is there something that you need of us?

*Chekov would then lead us to the briefing room*

Steve: Um I have one question sir, since you are sending supplies down to the planet using torpedo would you mind if me and the other hackers look over your torpedo system for any possible sabotage? With all the shit going down on both the Dalek ship and your ship I think it would be wise for us to look over just about everything.

R.A.: Oh! I have a question can we also send the away team some of my cookies!? *pulls out a tray of cookies* These not only boost morale, but gives extra energy to those who eat them!

Calvin: That is called a sugar rush R.A.

R.A.: SHUT THE HELL UP CALVIN!

Calvin: ...Please just send the cookies to the away team Scotty... also could we have R.A. occupied with something till we finish looking at your computers? We prefer to not be interrupted by him when we work.

R.A.: If there is something that needs destroying I'm the guy for it!

Scotty: I doubt the cookies would survive reentry. The torpedo itself only has experimental shielding that I had to McGuiver together last-minute. I'm pretty sure our technology can handle any of the heat overspill. However, feel free to add some if you so desire. God knows they'll need morale after reading my report. As for looking at my systems, I put that thing together myself. It has self-contained guidance and propulsion, and the warhead itself has been removed. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it. IF you feel the need to doubt my abilities, go ahead. I'll have an officer take a look at it.

As for RA...

*looks over to see RA trying to hack the Enterprise's computer*

GET AWAY FROM THAT YE IDIOT! Now, I seem to have had a problem in Cargo Bay C. Woould you mind looking into it for me? AND NO DESTROYING ANYTHING withou....

Wait, I just got a better idea. You say that you want to destroy stuff?

RA: Yeeesss???

Scotty: Good. I've got absolutely nothing, and I need tyou to destroy it. It's somewhere on the ship, and you CANNOT destroy Anything on this ship besides nothing. Understand? No going through walls, no hacking, no hurting my crew, none of that. Just fnid nothing and destroy it. I've gotta whole lotta nothing, and I need it gone. What say you?

R.A.: You want me to destroy nothing? Fine I'll destroy nothing as I go check out the cargo bay, but if anything should attack me in any way shape or form I'll destroy it out of self defense. Also one final thing DON'T UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF MY COOKIES YOU IRISH BASTARD!

*R.A. then runs out the briefing room towards the cargo bay*

Steve: I know he is insane idiot Scotty, but just bear with him for now. *pats Scotty on the back* Now then lets take a look at your torpedo guidance systems and see if anyone tried putting a virus in it. *proceeds to do what he said with his other hackers*

*After a brief introduction, Chekov lead the hackers to the briefing room, where Scotty was already waiting for him. Scotty dismissed Chekov to take care of other duties while he addressed the hackers.*

Scotty: Alright, we need options. I've already got a message and gear to send down to the away team via a modified torpedo. There's a form of Jammar around the town, blocking all other types of communications as far as we can tell. I want information and ideas now. Also, if you can think of anything else our away team might need, gather it now and send it down there. Well?

*Turns to face the hackers and Registered Anonymous. Steve raises his hand first.*

Steve: Um I have one question sir, since you are sending supplies down to the planet using torpedo, would you mind if me and the other hackers look over your torpedo system for any possible sabotage? With all the shit going down on both the Dalek ship and your ship I think it would be wise for us to look over just about everything.

Registered Anonymous: Oh! I have a question can we also send the away team some of my cookies!? *pulls out a tray of cookies* These not only boost morale, but gives extra energy to those who eat them!

Calvin: That is called a sugar rush R.A.

RA: SHUT THE HELL UP CALVIN!

Doc: Good, he's actually using our names.

Calvin: ...Please just send the cookies to the away team Scotty... also could we have R.A. occupied with something till we finish looking at your computers? We prefer to not be interrupted by him when we work.

RA: If there is something that needs destroying I'm the guy for it!

Scotty: *Ignores RA* That won't be necessary. We haf our own crew lookin takin care of it. It was workin fine before we got shut down so...

*Suddenly a beeping noise is heard as his communicator goes off. He takes it out and answers.*

Scotty: What is it. This better be important.

RSO on the other end: Well... sir, you're not going to like this.

Scotty: Just tell me anyway, can't be much worse than what we've already experienced so far.

RSO: Okay...

-The Cargo Bay-

RSO#1: Sir, These prints seem to suggest our... guest... left through the airlock. Record Logs show it was manually opened twice. Once outside, and once in.

RSO#2: Alright. And I take it security feeds are non-existent?

RSO#1: Yes, sir.

RSO#2: Damn. How about you, Simmons. Any luck with the crate?

RSO#3: Sir, they appear to contain.... Wow. Ummm...

RSO#2: What is it?

RS0#3: They appear to be large, mechanical spiders. sir.

RSO#2: .......... What?

RSO#4: Yo, you might wanna come take a look at this!?

*They all rush over to what he called them for.*

Crew of the Enterprise:

It would be in your best interest to check the torpedo bay. After all, you may find that the controls are severely damaged, with several major components removed as well as the torpedoes essential parts removed and ejected into the abyss of space.

*They all reach the Torpedo Bay*

RSO#1: Well f*ck.....

-The Briefing Room back in the present-

RSO: Somebody's been through the torpedo bay. Several of the controls are severely damaged and several major components appear to have been removed. Strangely enough though the torpedoes themselves are fine, but there's just no way we can launch them into space right now sir.

*Scotty's face becomes pale, and he slowly puts the communicator down on the table.*

Scotty: Do you..... I know you all just got here, but do you all think you can step outside for a moment.

Slim: If you're going to freak the hell out it's all right, trust me, we've seen much-

Scotty: Just please Ms..... please...

*Pretty much everyone except for Jim all look at Slim.*

Calvin: Ms?

*Slim suddenly gets up from her chair and walks out of the room, Jim follows her, then slowly, everyone gets up and leaves, all confused. RA skips out behind them. Then they all get outside the briefing room as the door closes behind them. With the door closed, all kinds of obscenities that no innocent ears should hear can be heard from the other side of door. The hackers just stand there like they've been through enough of this bullsh*t. All the hackers except Jim all just keep looking a slim.*

Janitor: You're a woman?

Slim: Yes. Is that a problem?

Janitor: No, not really. It's just we all.....

Slim: All what?

Janitor: We all thought you were a man.

Slim: Why would you think that?

Jim: What, you mean her giant gazoongas didn't give it away?

Steve: Wait, you knew about this?

Jim: Uh, yeah, duh.

Steve: Well if none of us knew then how could you have known unless....... *suddenly realizes* Oh my god you're a woman too aren't you?

Jim: Well, took you long enough to figure that one out.

RA: Yeah, I mean seriously, come on, how could none of you have noticed that?

*They all turn their attention to Registered Anonymous, and all simultaneously feel an immense amount of shame for the fact that Registered Anonymous could figure out something so painfully obvious that they could not.*

Jim: Man, we really need to work on our communication.

Slim: *hand gods to chin.* Communication...... He did say that there was something blocking all communication didn't he?

Jim: Yeah, why. *suddenly realizes, and smirks. Slim smirks as well.*

*Suddenly, both Slim and Jim leave start walking down the hallway, confused, the other hackers follow them.*

RA: Yay field trip!

Steve: WHY GOD!!!??? WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN ME!!!!!???

-The Bridge-

*All of the hackers and RA walk onto the bridge, Scotty and their escorts are nowhere to be seen.*

Slim: Okay you two. *Points to two random computer officers* Get lost, we're taking over. You *points to another.* You too.... clear out, and you *points to Uhura.* Ramirez, see what you can do about opening up a line to Bronze Statue and BRP, they're gonna need out help.

Ramirez: Yes sir, Uh, I mean mam.

Slim: Don't worry about it.

Sulu: What the hell do you think you're doing? Who do you think you are giving orders to us?

Slim: There's something blocking communications on the planet right?

Sulu: Yes... how could you have-

Slim: Your Irish friend told us, but that's not the point. I can tell you right now with 97.8% certainty that we can get through whatever it is that's jamming your little signal, but only if you let us do what we do. *There is silence for a few moments.* We're hackers, we can't work without something to hack with now can we? So you help us, and we'll help you.

Sulu: We've already found a solution to-

Jim: The torpedo bay has been wrecked if your officers are to be believed, so now, it's either this, or the silent treatment. Which is it gonna be?

*Everyone there is confused as all hell, they don't know what to think of this, they're also wondering where Scotty is.*

Jim: Me and Slim here *puts her arm around Slim* have done things you wouldn't even believe. Believe me when I say that the two of us can get through your little jamming signal problem. So I'll say it again. What's it gonna be?

-The Hallways-

BS: Oh, lordy! Some time when we catch a break, we should talk about stuff not related to a life-or-death situation, BRP. As it stands, I'd say that rushing in there without a plan gives us a 31.33 -repeating, of course- percent chance of survival in any state. I'd like some better odds before acting like my cousin Leeroy.
BRP: Your cousin is Leeroy Jenkins?
BS: Look, I know I say a lot of strange things that are meant in a serious manner. That was not one of them. So, options! So far, I'm thinking that either we 1: charge in like a couple of morons; 2: call for backup that may or may not actually show up; 3: sit here until the heat death of the universe or we die of boredom –whichever comes first; or 4: look at security footage of the auxiliary generator room, preferably a live feed.
Nana: And was that a serious comment or a joke?
BS: Serious. Very serious. We need a plan and possibly a weapon – or at least a certain piece of hardware in a highly auditory format, if you know what I mean.

Bronze Statue: Oh, lordy! Some time when we catch a break, we should talk about stuff not related to a life-or-death situation, BRP. As it stands, I'd say that rushing in there without a plan gives us a 31.33 -repeating, of course- percent chance of survival in any state. I'd like some better odds before acting like my cousin Leeroy.

BRP: Your cousin is Leeroy Jenkins?

BS: Look, I know I say a lot of strange things that are meant in a serious manner. That was not one of them. So, options! So far, I'm thinking that either we 1: charge in like a couple of morons; 2: call for backup that may or may not actually show up; 3: sit here until the heat death of the universe or we die of boredom –whichever comes first; or 4: look at security footage of the auxiliary generator room, preferably a live feed.

Nana: And was that a serious comment or a joke?

BS: Serious. Very serious. We need a plan and possibly a weapon, or at least a certain piece of hardware in a highly auditory format, if you know what I mean.

BRP: Ayeeeee...... Hugh, do you think you can get into the systems of the ship and see if you can find out what is going on while trying to avoid contact with the virus?

Hugh: No.

BRP: What? Why not?

Hugh: Because all the systems have been SHUT DOWN! Or did you forget that already?

BRP: Oh.... *embarrassed* Yeah, I guess I kind of did.

Nana: And it wasn't a virus that shut us down, it was that slender... pony... thing.

BRP: Right.... Agh, lets just get to the generator room so we can turn this ship back on and go back to eating cookies.

BS: Aye sir.

BRP: Aeeghhhhhh....

-The Auxiliary Generator Room-

*Swimming Dalek is on the floor in a fetal position. His form keeps changing every couple of minutes.*

Swimming Dalek: Ow... ow.... ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow... owwwaaahhhh HAHAHAHAHAHA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!