The pink thing stared up at the three towering aliens, the anticipation on its face melting slowly away to be replaced with a gradual look of fear. Silence filled the cargo bay, tension rising along with it. Zoe, never taking her eyes off of it, did her best to keep a private conversation with Mal and Wash.
“Mal, this thing... what the Hell is it?!”
Mal kept his voice as hushed as Zoe’s, his eyes on the near-whimpering creature below him also. “Damned if I know.”
Wash leaned inwards towards the thing; it shuffled backwards slowly. Maybe Twilight had been right...
“It... It sort of looks like a... horse, or a dog.”
Mal glanced up briefly at Wash. “You ever seen a dog lookin' like that before?”
Wash faltered. “Well... maybe somebody dyed it. And gave it a mask... And... taught it English...” He trailed off at that point. The answer was obvious, yet impossible. Even speaking the word would be some sort of taboo; it would shatter some unbreakable natural law and state of mind that had continued, blissfully uncontested, for dozens of centuries.
There followed a horrible period of intense silence, broken almost thankfully by Zoe. “Mal... As impossible as it might seem, we could be looking at...” she struggled to find the right words to say. “Is it at all possible that we might be looking at some... experiment? An Alliance experiment?”
Wash shot up away from the cowering creature to face Zoe. “Really?! You really think the Alliance could pull something like this?!. Not to mention the planet we’ve crashed on doesn’t show up on any databases... Do you really think the Alliance could hide a whole planet, too? Come on, Mal, this is ridiculous, right?” He turned to the captain. “This is ridiculous, right?”
Mal didn’t answer. Could the Alliance create something like this? Mutate a creature to the point where human qualities could develop? The thing had spoken in English, that was one point.
Okay, so maybe the Alliance had done experimentation of this nature before. The fugitive on his ship was proof enough of that fact. River Tam was either intuitive beyond previous human capability, or a genuine mind reader. Mal saw more evidence for the latter. But even with that fact in mind, was it even possible to create a thing such as this?
Mal looked down at the creature. The base anatomy resembled some sort of equine, but pretty much all similarities ended there. He looked into its face, and felt a pang of guilt within his gut. The thi- the... equine may not have been human, but the look of terror on any creature was universal. That was another thing. If this creature was some sort of mutant experiment, it didn’t show. There was no sense of... wrongness. No sign of deformity or unnaturalness. Science had come far, but not that far.
“...Mal?”
He turned to Zoe, who had broken his train of thought, and Wash. “It’s not an experiment. Haven’t a clue what it might be, but Alliance it most likely ain’t.”
Zoe looked over at the pink mound huddled against the furthest wall, still edging towards the exit as if hoping to leave without being spotted. “But... Mal, are you really saying that it’s an..." Zoe's voice caught on the last word. "...Alien?”
Wash followed Zoe’s gaze, also deep in thought. “Uncharted planet appears out of nowhere... Impossible, never-before-seen creatures that show intelligence?! What else could it reasonably be?”
Pinkie shot a hasty look over at Twilight. The purple pony was still hiding in the shadows outside the ship. She had been petrified ever since Pinkie had rushed in without a second thought; now she wasn’t sure what she’d do next without Twilight. The aliens had been talking about her, she understood that much. But from the minute she’d ended her hurried introduction, she had felt the mood grow cold and dark, and tense. Reason had finally kicked in, and the gravity of the situation had hit Pinkie like a brick. She had shuffled backwards, catching only snippets of the aliens’ hushed conversations. Something about an experiment?
Pinkie started signalling wildly at Twilight by waving her hooves in the air. Twilight snapped out of her fear-induced trance with a shake of her head, just as Pinkie heard heavy footfalls behind her. Turning her head, she gazed up at the tallest alien with the brown fur flaps that trailed behind it.
She froze in horror as the creature opened its mouth, as if ready to eat her, or to breathe fire at her.
“...Umm, hey there.” I don’t believe this... I’m talking to a pink, anthropomorphic HORSE.
Something seemed to click in the pink creature just then. The look of fear once present in her face was now absent.
The fact that this creature, no matter how intimidating it might have seemed beforehoof, was not only speaking in an understandable language, but was also greeting Pinkie blew her caught her completely off-guard. As if that wasn’t enough, the alien’s face was capable of expression similar to a regular pony.
A smile slowly crept its way across Pinkie Pie’s face. “Uh, hi!”
What was a smile of endearment to Pinkie Pie was, to Mal, near enough amongst the most unnerving thing he could remember seeing. And he had seen some unnerving things in his life.
Zoe and Wash watched silently from behind Mal, fascinated by the conversation that was taking place.
“Uh, what exactly are you,? ...If you don't mind my asking.”
Confusion swept briefly across the face of the pink creature, before being replaced by the beaming smile that had previously been present. “Huh? I’m a pony, silly!”
“...Of course...” Right at that moment, Mal felt all the pain of his recent wounds assault his mind at once. Waves of nausea surged against him, as the full scope of the situation finally revealed itself.
“-al... Mal!” The voice was muffled, and barely recognisable as Zoe’s above the constant ringing in his ears.
The stars in his vision faded, and Mal found himself staring into two large, blue, worried eyes. The cold metal grate was pulled away from his face as two pairs of arms drew him back up to his feet, the ringing fading from his ears.
“Mal, you okay?”
“Yeah, just had a rough time today.”
Wash moved his gaze briefly from the ‘pony’ to Mal as he piped in. “You had Simon check you out, right?”
Mal nodded. “Doc said I seemed fine.”
Zoe and Wash shared a look which did not go unnoticed by Mal. “I think you might need a second opinion, Captain.”
“Zoe, don't you think we’ve got more pressin’ issues right now?”
So much had happened in such a short amount of time; it was a struggle to keep a coherent train of thought. In all his years as a Captain, nothing like this had ever happened before. Not even close. One thing at a time.
Mal raised his head back up to the pink pony-creature, noting that the other one had stepped forwards enough that the ship’s light revealed its colour: Purple. Mal noticed a pattern begin to form here.
“Right. Pinky, you speak English. What’s your name, what planet are we on, and what the hell is going on?!”
The pink one broke out into a blind grin as she (Mal figured it was female, or as close to it as these aliens got) spoke. “Well, myname’sPinkiePieexceptyoujustcalledme ’Pinky’ but Iguessthatwasbecauseofmyfurwhichactually is pink (inhale) becauseyou’re aliensand we’venevermetbeforesohowcouldyou (inhale) knowmynameunlessyoucan readminds-“ She gasped suddenly “Canyoureadmindsbecause thatwouldbe awesome butalsokinda scarybecausesomeponiesmighthave scary thoughts (She inhaled yet again, her breath not even ragged) thatcouldgivesomeponynightmares justlkethattimethat (gasp) Twilightgotthatnewbook (Mal wondered what proportion of her body was actually occupied by her lungs) andtried to hide it from me butIfounditandreaditanywayandit hadweirdwordsinitlike ’throbbing’ and ’marehood’ andnowIneversleepwithout a night-light! Soanywaycanyoureadminds?!” She ended her lengthy monologue by beaming up at Mal inquisitively. The Captain stared back dumbly.
“...What.”
It-... She opened her mouth to speak yet again, but Mal was saved by the purple alien-thing, who stepped, or rather trotted, forwards up the ramp to interrupt their friend. “Uh, hi there... excuse me...” This one was apparently female too, and seemed much less excitable than her pink friend. She still seemed fearful of the three, but that was probably understandable.
“Hi, uh, sorry about my friend... She’s kinda... weird.”
Mal nodded. So not all these alien-ponies were batcrap crazy. He found it disturbing that he was already drawing parallels between these creatures and humans. The fact that he was already engaging in perfectly normal conversation with these ponies did nothing to help.
“Not a problem. You mind answerin’ my ques-“
His eyes were drawn to the small purple horn that protruded from the head of the purple creature. Wash and Zoe had already been staring at it.
Oh great. Of course. This was definitely going to help.
The purple... (Mal groaned inwardly with all his mental power) Unicorn seemed to take no notice, and spoke anyway. “Well... this is Equestria. You’ve, umm, landed in a meadow just outside Ponyville.”
What. It was all Mal could do to refrain from screaming out that word for a third time. Instead he nodded with all the patience of a man who was not going crazy. Wash failed to suppress a snigger behind him. Zoe remained completely silent.
Miss Purple-Unicorn-Thing continued speaking. “I have a few questions too, if you don’t mind.” She seemed to have grown in confidence as more words were exchanged. “Hmm...” A moment was spent in silence as she contemplated which questions to ask first.
There was just so much to ask of them! Twilight turned her attention to the interior of the crashed ship. She gazed at the walkways above her, gawked at the large metal boxes around her, and gaped at the outward sloping walls. She could’ve continued staring for hours longer at the fascinating work of engineering, but for the expectant looks of the three aliens in front of her. She blushed slightly, returning her mind to the matter at hoof. “Oh, right! Uh... firstly, what are you? Or rather, what do you call yourselves? What are your names? Where do you come from? How did you get here? How did you make this ship? Did you cause that meteor shower earlier? Do you ha-“
“Whoa-whoa-whoa, hang on a second!” Wash interrupted her stream of questions, only to falter as all pairs of eyes in the room turned to him. “I-I mean, you haven't even told us your names yet.” It took a huge effort to keep the authoritative tone in his voice from faltering, but he managed it. At least he could look like he was in control of the situation somewhat.
The pink pony jumped up at this, her voice thankfully more coherent this time around. “Oh, I’m Pinkie Pie! Hi there!”
...
“And I’m Twilight Sparkle! Glad to meet you, I guess...”
Mal turned back to Zoe. They shared a look. Mal turned back to the two ponies. They smiled back, albeit nervously.
Both ponies then suddenly jumped in fright as laugher echoed loudly throughout the cargo bay. Wash had doubled over, and was close to falling to the floor completely as he struggled for breath.
Mal noticed the purple pony’s- ‘Twilight’- eyes narrow suspiciously as Wash failed to contain his outburst.
“What’s so funny?”
At least thirty seconds passed before Wash settled down enough to form an articulate sentence, and he was breathless even then.
“Oh... Uh, ha... nothing.”
This response, however, failed to placate the Unicorn’s mind in any way, as evidenced by the further narrowing of her eyes. “You... don't find my name funny, do you?” The temperature in the room seemed to drop several degrees. The silence became oppressive, as Twilight and Wash locked eyes, the latter swallowing as he rose up.
“What? Uh, no! It’s a perfectly... sensible name. Very mature... very... sparkly.” Wash nodded ardently to further put Twilight’s fears to rest.
The purple pony didn’t move. The tension in the room continued to rise as she stared down Wash. Mal looked between the alien and the pilot. The situation should’ve been funny to him, but the circumstances somehow only served to increase the severity of the situa-
“Oh, silly me! I didn’t even ask your names!” The pink pony jumped between Wash and Twilight, all pressure in the air dissipating entirely beneath her oblivious outburst. She smiled up at the three humans, awaiting an answer.
Wash was the closest, and the relief he felt showed clearly on his face. He half-smiled back down to Pinkie Pie. Though still slightly nervous, he answered easily enough. Too easily. Mal was still suspicious of the creatures; the whole impossibility of the situation had just been sent to the back of his mind for the meantime. Obviously Wash had warmed to these ‘ponies’ quicker than Mal, and most definitely more-so than Zoe.
“Name’s Washburne. Most people just call me Wash.”
Mal could almost hear Zoe’s jaw set in place. Subtle signs that could only be discerned from years with a person in a warzone made themselves shown to Mal, and he could tell that Zoe was even more wary of the ponies than he was.
“What about you?” ‘Pinkie Pie’ had moved to sit below Mal now, and was now smiling up at him. Her... mane bobbed up and down erratically with each small movement she made. That was another thing that had been bothering Mal. The ‘manes’ of the two ponies were as colourful and unrealistic as the creatures they belonged to; the pink pony looked to have a mess of cotton candy placed atop her head. Mal vaguely remembered the last time he had seen the stuff. It had been at a fête, celebrating the opening of an Alliance factory. It had been fairly fun, right up until the point the factory exploded.
The purple pony’s mane seemed even more unlikely: a darker purple shade of hair/fur/whatever these aliens’ manes were made of, with two lighter dyed stripes of lavender to purple, giving the appearance that the pony had styled her mane into... bangs?
Mal could only connect more dots between these two creatures and human society, which did nothing to ease his suspicions. Zoe’s Alliance experiment theory jumped uneasily to mind. It was easier to believe than the alternative...
“Huh?” The cotton-candy-maned pony was still looking up at Mal with that same smile. Seemed she wouldn’t let up without an answer.
“Just ‘Captain’ is fine, for now.”
Pinkie Pie inhaled yet again. Mal braced for the worst.
“Ohmygosh you’rea Captain?! Areyouthecaptainofthisship -oh- but you’d have to be because what other ships are there around here? Silly Pinkie!” she giggled, playfully slapping her hoof against her forehead. “Well, exceptforallthoseothermetoersthatfelldownbecausethosemightbeshipstoobutheyfellreallyfaraway! So, did you crash your ship here? Kinda a dangerous thing to do, isn’t it?” She asked nonchalantly. “Oh, but I didn’t ask your name, did I?”
Pinkie Pie bounded over to Zoe. That was another odd thing. The purple pony trotted, limbs and joints moving in the same way that a horse’s would, whereas this pony jumped and bounced everywhere she went. Mal had to admit, the image was funny, in a cute way... Hell, it was like they were designed to be cute! There was that word again: designed.
How could evolution possibly produce a race of creatures like these two ‘ponies’?
“So what about you, huh?”
Zoe looked down at Pinkie Pie, struggling to find a course of action. After a few seconds, however, she relented.
“Name’s Zoe.”
The bluntness of her reply was lost on Pinkie Pie, who instead continued to light up the room with her smile. It was left to Twilight Sparkle to speak up before the pink pony could further... greet Zoe.
“So... what now?”
Mal took only a second to formulate a plan in his head. He turned to Wash, stony faced. “Close the door, Wash.”
Instantly, the grinding of gears reverberated throughout the room for a second time, the two ponies reacting with fright at the monstrous noise. “Wh-what are you doing?!” Twilight rushed back to the ramp, but it was too late. A terrible bellow resounded through the chamber, sealing Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie in the hold of the alien ship. “Let us go!”
Mal knelt down to Twilight, keeping careful watch on Pinkie Pie from the corner of his eye. The pink pony was distractedly looking up at the boardwalks. Twilight, in contrast, was looking defiantly into Mal’s eyes. He couldn’t help but wonder at the size of the ponies’ eyes. Looking now at Twilight Sparkle’s, he saw just how unusually large, and bright, they were. Her irises matched her coat colour: just as vivid and purple.
Malcolm Reynolds looked Twilight Sparkle right back in the eyes, and spoke to her almost as bluntly as Zoe had done to Pinkie previously.
“Now, you listen here Miss Sparkle. Me and my friends here have been havin’ a pretty rough time in recent days. Understand that we ain’t keepin’ you as prisoners; we just can’t have you runnin’ about for reasons we can’t quite disclose yet. We three here are going to have a little chat, and you, in the meantime, are going to stay here... without touching anything!” This last statement was directed at Pinkie Pie, who radiated another smile, placing her hoof over where her heart might’ve been. Could’ve been her bladder, for all Mal knew about these creatures.
Twilight, however, was less cooperative. “But- ...But you can’t just keep us here!”
Mal bore down on Twilight, maybe a bit harsher than he should’ve been. “Now you listen here, missy: I’m the Captain of this here vessel, and you're on it. I give the orders around here. So check your mouth, find a seat, and get sat down.” Twilight flinched at the penultimate word, and the Captain felt a small pang of regret echo within him. The ponies might be aliens, or the result of some terrible experiment, but even he had to admit there was an... adorableness to them. “Look, give us a few minutes, we’ll have this all sorted out. This is kinda difficult for us, y’see?”
Twilight nodded wordlessly. Pinkie was watching Mal with interest, in particular the guns at his waist. Mal ignored her, and moved back to Wash and Zoe. He wordlessly moved past them to the door opposite, underneath the centre boardwalk, and they followed suit.
Wash and Zoe chanced a single glance back at the two ponies, before the door slid shut behind them, obscuring the two groups from view. Though Mal said nothing, he secretly hoped that he could resolve this issue as quickly as possible. The less complications, the better. Let these pony things go about their business, and let the human race war between itself. Mal and co. could continue smuggling, and Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie could go on to eat grass. Or crickets. Whatever the hell alien ponies ate.
So Twilight and Pinkie sat, alone, in this cold, alien holding cell, awaiting their fate at the hand of their strange captors.