//------------------------------// // Vampire Cults or Regular Colts? // Story: Compilation of Miscellaneous Typed Scribblings of A Random Guy // by A Random Guy //------------------------------// Vampire Cults or Regular Colts? By A Random Guy The interior of Fluttershy’s cottage was unusually still for a Sunday morning, which was not what Fluttershy wanted on this particular day. She needed the cottage to be moving with a hurricane of cleaning. The windows still needed to be washed, the spruce-wood floors still had to be swept, and all the various surfaces of drawers and desks still required to be dusted. Not that the visitors she was expecting would be judging her if the windows weren’t properly washed to expectations, or if the spruce-wood floors hadn’t been swept to industry standards, or if all the various surfaces of drawers and desks didn’t meet the ideal levels of dusting. In fact, the expected visitors, if they entered, would eventually leave the cottage in a state of disarray far worse that it currently was. But Fluttershy wasn’t worried about that problem. All she was worried about was making an impression that didn’t point out evidence that she was beyond a normal pony. Instead of preforming a vigorous routine of cleaning, Fluttershy was addressing a problem that pointed out evidence that she was beyond a normal pony. And she was addressing it poorly. The casual observer could have assumed on first glance that while undergoing her regular morning grooming routine, Fluttershy accidently used her infamous “Stare” against herself while brushing her teeth in front of the bathroom mirror. While this didn’t happen, similar effects overtook her when she opened her mouth. She stood wide-eyed as she caught sight of two glistening twinkles protruding from her teeth, two fangs. “Twilight forgot,” Fluttershy muttered to herself. “She forgot the fangs.” Twilight’s spell should have removed all of the bat from me, she thought to herself. If the fangs are still here, what else did Twilight forget? “She forgot,” she repeated to herself. A knock from the front door broke her out of her trance with the dental protrusions. Her morning tooth-brushing would have to wait. “Coming!” she called out to the sudden visitor. “Oh, how am I going to hide these fangs and talk to them at the same time?” Then, she came up with a clever idea. She picked out a washcloth from the bathroom closet and held it against her mouth with a hoof. This should work, she thought. As she trotted to the living room to answer the door, she realized that she didn’t get around to cleaning the cottage. It was a shame it would be left relatively dirty like this, but it would be rather rude if she started cleaning with guests in her house. Sweeping the thought of a dirty house out of her mind, and keeping the washcloth tight against her mouth, she opened the door to reveal her visitors. “Hey Fluttershy!” yelled a trio of voices, to which Fluttershy responded with a recoil from the sudden barrage of sound. After a small moment of recovery, Fluttershy looked down to see the sisters of two of her best friends. And Scootaloo was there, too. “Hello, girls,” Fluttershy muffled through the cloth. “What are you doing here this early in the morning? Shouldn’t you be home eating breakfast?” Applebloom piped up with an answer. “Well, we were planning so much last night that we didn’t sleep. We were so excited about coming to see you that we decided we didn’t need breakfast!” “What were you planning last night?” Fluttershy inquired. Sweetie Belle pointed at the washcloth in Fluttershy’s hoof. “I think a better question is why do you have your mouth covered?” “It’s for, um… well,” Fluttershy stammered. Her body tensed as she tried to come up with a convincing excuse. She winced as her fang poked her hoof from pressing with the washcloth too hard. “It’s because I have really bad breath!” she blurted. “I can’t work with the animals with bad breath like mine.” Fluttershy felt the tension release a little as the trio in front of her seemed convinced that a sudden case of halitosis constituted a need for a washcloth against the mouth. Scootaloo continued on for her partners. “We need your help raising a cult.” “Girls, I don’t think you’re old enough to be raising a colt,” Fluttershy replied, a little startled at the question. Applebloom interjected. “We did our research. We didn’t find an age limit for a cult.” Sweetie Belle went in for support. “It can’t be that hard. We just need a few ponies with dedication and something to idolize. And we already have a few ponies.” “You do know colts need more than an idol? Colt raising is a very difficult process. They require lots of love, care, and responsibility. Lots of responsibility!” Scootaloo retorted. “Hey, adults mess up cults all the time. Maybe three fillies can do a better job than an adult.” Sweetie Belle spoke up. “Besides, all we need is an idol, and that’s where you come in!” “Me?” Fluttershy gasped. Applebloom responded. “You, because you’re a vampire. We saw you Friday night being all vampiry in the apple orchards. That’s something a cult idolizes, right?” Fluttershy couldn’t respond. Her mind was trying to process that her secret wasn’t a secret anymore. She was so deep in shock that she didn’t try to stop the washcloth from falling on the floor, revealing the two fangs glistening in her mouth. The trio, ecstatic that they were right about Fluttershy being a vampire, oohed and awed over her oral protrusions. Hold on, Fluttershy thought. Why was being a vampire a secret? It was just for a couple nights. All that’s left is the fangs. “Yes girls,” she replied after a few elongated moments of mental rebooting. “I was a vampire. But I only have the fangs now. Now why do you need me as an idol for a colt?” Sweetie Belle answered. “All the best cults have idols. Haven’t you read Daring Do? There are cults in that book that have idols coming out of the wazoo.” “I don’t think I would be a good idol. But I also don’t think it’s responsible to have a colt without a name.” Scootaloo chirped up. “Taken care of. It’s called…” – dramatic pause – “Nightlust!” On the other side of Ponyville, a cross-eyed pony crashed into a storm cloud, unleashing a crack of thunder that could be heard from Fluttershy’s cottage. “That’s a rather dark name for a colt.” Applebloom came in for defense. “We think it’s appropriate for a cult that idolizes a vampire.” Sweetie Belle interjected. “Guys, we need to get over to old Lyra’s place. She said she’d be getting the ritual stuff this morning.” Scootaloo jumped up in enthusiasm. “Well, what are we waiting for? We got our idol! We just need to perform the rituals in our idol’s name!” The group started to run towards Lyra’s place for their ritual stuff that they decided was important for their needs. Applebloom called back. “Thanks for being our idol, Fluttershy!” “But I didn’t… I’m not a… Please don’t go raising a cult!” But her plea wasn’t heard. Her voice wasn’t powerful enough to reach the trio’s ears as they ran down the path to Lyra’s place. “This isn’t good,” Fluttershy mumbled as her hoof rubbed the washcloth into the dirt. She didn’t have much time to wallow in disappointment, for she saw something flicker in the corner of her eye that caused her head to reflexively jerk to see what it was. Out of thin air, Twilight Sparkle appeared as if she threw off a cloak. As she made her appearance, Twilight made a mad dash for Fluttershy. “Did they do it?” Twilight cried out. “No, they didn’t,” Fluttershy muttered as Twilight slowed down. “I tried talking about raising colts, not cults, and, and… You forgot the fangs.” “Oh. That’s not good. At least you tried, Fluttershy,” Twilight assured as she sat down next to her pegasus friend. “I didn’t expect you to convince them in one visit. We’re going to have to be more direct next time.” “I would’ve done it this time if I didn’t have the fangs” “Well, live and learn. I think I can stop them at Lyra’s place.” “We could, you know, let them make the cult.” “You know why we can’t do that.” “Yes, but they’ll learn why not to on their own. And if not, maybe a little change in the future won’t hurt.” “We both know it’s not going to be good change. Vampire cults never end in good change. We can’t let cults go running about, even if it’s made by a few fillies.” “I know. Go do what you have to do. Just don’t be too harsh on them. They don’t know what wrong they do.” Twilight gave a nod before standing up. “They’ll learn.” Twilight’s horn began to glow as she began to form a teleportation spell. “Hail Celestia.” “Hail Celestia,” Fluttershy repeated. In a flash, Twilight was gone, leaving the pegasus to her stillness of the cottage. “You still forgot the fangs.”