//------------------------------// // ... Vici? // Story: Planet of the ponies // by Weeeman //------------------------------// Chapter 3: ...Vici? Everything was covered in darkness for Robert, his senses providing zero information of his surroundings. All he could feel was pain. Pain and darkness. Suddenly, darkness lead to something else, a vague stimulus to his sight. Was he dreaming, was he dead? He didn’t know. All he could do was observing the subtle changes in the darkness. Time passed, it could have been a second, a minute, or a whole day. Then he heard the voice, too low to be understood. It screamed, whispered, laughed and cried while it spoke. He listened to it for an unknown lapse of time until it abruptly stopped. Robert woke up, his eyes still closed. He covered his neck with his hand, remembering why he had fainted. He felt bandages, which covered all his neck and part of his face. Then he noticed something else: he was covered with something. He opened his eyes and realized that he was laying on a bed, covered with sheets. The place was dark, but he could distinguish some things. First, he was inside some kind of room. Second, there was furniture. Third, there was a window with the curtains closed. He tried to get up, but he stopped when he felt an intense pain in his torso. ‘This is what a broken rib feels like?’ he thought. Then he heard voices again, this time very real. Voices of women below him, speaking loud enough for he to understand what they said. “How did you find this... whatever it is, Lyra?” said the first voice “I was taking a walk near the Everfree forest, I always do that when I have composer’s block. Then, I heard a very strange noise, like some kind of explosion, coming from the forest. It sounded twice. I decided to investigate, so I went into the forest. I trotted for... Fifteen minutes? until I found him. He was unconscious, soaked in blood. There was a dead diamond dog beside him, too. I noticed he was still breathing, so I covered his neck wound with a bandage I found in a weird sack next to him to stop the bleeding, then I brought him here. It was already late after Fluttershy managed to stabilize him so I decided to sleep here. Then I went to the library and you know the rest”. “You wandered into the Everfree by yourself? That’s very brave” said the purple unicorn. “Now, do any of you know what he is?... Ok, I'll go to the library, maybe I can find something in the books”. The sounds of whatever was talking about him leaving was the last he heard before falling asleep again. His slept felt like he had only blinked, as he didn't have dreams. Slowly, he managed to get up while avoiding to feel more pain than necessary. He started walking the distance between the bed and the window using the wall as a support. Before he could reach his goal, he hit something with his arm. Said thing fell to the ground and made the unmistakable noise of glass breaking. Shortly after he heard noises below him, so he deducted that whatever had brought him here was about to arrive. The noises didn’t resemble footsteps at all, it was more like the sound of horses walking on wooden floor. ‘Hoofsteps?’ thought Robert. He traced the noises as they ascended to his level and approached the door. He looked around, trying to find his weapons or something that could be used to protect himself from a possible enemy. The last thing he had done was killing some kind of sentient half-dog half-gorilla thing, which was called diamond dog by the incoming creatures, so he didn't know if they would react with violence 'they wouldn't have healed me if they wanted to kill me... Maybe they want to judge me or experiment with me?'. The hoofsteps stopped and the door opened. Robert saw two horse-like creatures, one with wings and the other with a horn. The winged one was yellow with a pink mane, while the one with a horn was mint green with a shorter, cyan and white mane. Their heads were huge when compared to their bodies, and they were at his elbow level, more or less. If he tried to ride one, he would probably touch the ground with his feet. They stared at him with their big eyes. The first thing Robert thought was ‘their uncanny valley level is over nine thousand’, as he found their pony body combined with their human-like expressiveness very creepy. He tried to ask them if they spoke his language, but he discovered that he couldn’t talk, and trying resulted in pain. “Oh my...” said the winged one. “You shouldn’t leave your bed already, you have to recover from your wounds”. ‘Another English-speaking creature, great. How is it even possible?’ he thought. ‘At least I’m not dead and these ponies seem more friendly than the gorilla dog. Their voices sound more human-like, too. I could swear they are young women talking. They have wings and horn... Pegasus and unicorn, then?’. Robert gesticulated, but his sudden arms movement scared the pegasus, which covered it’s head with it’s hooves. Then the unicorn spoke. “Don’t be afraid, Fluttershy. He can barely stand, how could he be dangerous now?” Robert stopped gesticulating and looked around, ‘where are my things?’, Then he noticed he was still naked. He felt embarrassed and covered his private parts with his left hand while he gesticulated again with the right one to draw the ponies attention. “Fluttershy, you have more experience dealing with Everfree creatures. What does he want?” asked the unicorn. “I don’t know”. Robert stopped trying, he was awful with mimicking things. He went to the window, ripped the curtains and used them to cover himself before the ponies could stop him. He noticed it was early in the morning due to the sun position before the ponies drew his attention again. “Why would yo do that? You broke Fluttershy’s curtains!” exclaimed the unicorn. They hadn’t moved from the door frame, maybe scared of the unknown creature. “It’s fine, Lyra. I... wanted to change them anyways.” said Fluttershy with a timid voice, “it looks like he likes to wear clothes”. “Well, I would wear clothes too if everyone could see my... You know.” said the unicorn, a bit embarrassed. “Anyways, what are you going to do now that he’s not sleeping?” “I should go ask Twilight. Maybe she has found something in the library”. “Go now, I’ll watch over him while you return”. “That’s very kind of you. Thank you.” Fluttershy smiled with gratitude as he left. Lyra then stared at the human. “Can you understand me?” she asked. Robert nodded, feeling no need in lying. “Can you speak?” Robert nodded again, but signaled his neck and made a pain face. “You can speak, but now you can’t because of your injuries?” Robert nodded, “You are very lucky then, if I hadn’t found you so soon being mute would be your last concern”. ‘So this is the pony that found me and healed me. I’ll have to be a good guest for now to show my gratitude’, he thought. ‘Now, where are my things?’ Robert had been looking for his belongings for a while, but if they were in the room they were hidden. So he tried to ask Lyra for them. After a minute of unsuccessful gesticulating he gave up. “Can you write?” asked Lyra with a sudden inspiration. Robert nodded. “Great! I’ll be right back”. As soon as Lyra left Robert feel an imperious urge: he had to urinate. ‘Do these ponies have toilets? Let’s find out’. He left the room and found himself in a corridor, with stairs leading downwards at his right and another door at his left. He opened the door and found a bathroom which lacked a toilet. The similarities with a human house were impressive. He then decided to descend the stairs, wincing as his broken rib (or ribs, he wasn’t really sure) gave him jolts of pain with each step. In the ground level there was a big living room, where Lyra was looking for paper. There was a kitchen behind a half-closed door, but he didn’t see any toilet. ‘Where do ponies shit? Do they shit marshmallows or what?!’ “What are you doing?” asked Lyra, worried, “you can’t leave your room with those injuries!” Robert performed the universal “I have to pee, NOW!” gesture. Lyra seemed to understand what he meant. “Oh, that. There is no toilet in the bathroom, right?” she asked. “I don’t know where Fluttershy... Evacuates, so I guess you’ll have to do it in the wild.” And then, Robert witnessed something that made a English speaking pony look normal. Lyra’s horn began shining with a golden light, then the door was covered by the same light and opened by itself. ‘WhatthefuckWhatthefuckWhatthefuckWhatthefuckWhatthefuck’ he thought as he stepped back. “What’s wrong?” Robert pointed at the door and the horn, with a shocked expression. He was so confused that his left hand left his provisional robe, which felt to the floor. “What is it?... Oh, the magic” Lyra realized, “you have never seen magic?” Robert shook his head, still shocked by the magic display. He tried to reach his robe again but he couldn’t reach the floor due to his injuries. Then the robe shone and put itself on Robert’s hand. ‘This is the weirdest place ever’ he thought as he covered himself again. “See? There’s nothing to worry about. Now you can go and do your business”. He opened the door and observed his surroundings. There was a chicken coop, a small orchard and many birdhouses. A small river with a bridge crossed the place, and a forest covered the zone behind the house. He spotted a bush which would have the honor of being his toilet. He noticed Lyra was looking at him from the house door, but he didn’t mind. When he finished he cleaned his hands in the river ‘These ponies seem so girly, I better avoid causing a bad impression’, and went back to the house. Lyra gave him a sheet of paper and a pencil with her magic. He grabbed them with care, he was still a bit afraid of magic. He sat on a sofa, wrote “Hello, my name is Robert. Nice to meet you” and showed the message to Lyra. “I don’t understand anything. What kind of letters are those?” she asked. Robert facepalmed, then he tried writing the entire alphabet. “Nope, I have never seen any of those”. He tried with some Chinese characters, but Lyra didn’t know them, either. “Don’t you know Equestria’s alphabet? I will show you”. She grabbed the pencil and paper with her magic and used it to write some letters. They were forty or so. Robert had never seen something similar to them. He pointed one and looked at Lyra, moving his mouth as if he was talking. Lyra pronounced it, it didn’t sound like any English letter. He asked her to pronounce everyone, then he tried writing “Hello” with the new letters. “Juil? What is a Juil?” A few minutes later he realized that the letters were pronounced differently according to many variables. He surrendered, ‘I will need a lot of practice to learn how to write’. He left the paper and the pencil in the table in front of him and leaned on the couch. Lyra looked very confused. “I have never seen anypony else sitting like that." She then climbed on the couch and sat like Robert. ‘How can a pony sit like that?’ he thought. “What, are you going to laugh at how I sit, too?” she asked. Robert maintained his poker face. He decided it was better to ignore that, as he had a good idea. He drew his clothes, the technoglove and the weapons and showed it to Lyra. “Those things... They were where I found you. Were they yours?” she asked. Robert nodded. “They must be still in the forest. I couldn’t carry you and all those things at the same time, so I hid them in a bush. About that... What happened to that diamond dog? He had very strange injuries, I have never heard of a creature that kills by making small holes in the body like those." Robert thought it wouldn’t be wise to explain to the pony that he had shot the diamond dog. If he did she would never let him recover his weapons. So, he shrugged. “Okay, you don’t know that. Do you know what made those awful noises? They sounded like explosions. In fact, I found you following the noises." Robert shrugged again. “I find your ignorance hard to believe. If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s okay.” They sat in an awkward silence for a minute, until Robert’s stomach growled. He then realized that he was hungry. “Are you hungry? What do you eat, anyways?” Lyra asked. ‘As far as I know ponies don’t eat meat, I will have to eat veggies for the moment’ he thought as he got up. He went to the kitchen and opened the drawers, looking for something edible. He found bread, some vegetables that he doubted a human could eat, and some others that he knew from Earth. He also found eggs, dairy products, oil and cookies. It was early in the morning so he decided to have breakfast. He found glasses and dishes, so he was soon sitting in a chair with a glass of milk and cookies in the table in front of him. “Those hands of yours sure are useful. It’s as if pony furniture was meant to be used with them... Can I take a better look at them?” she asked with a hint of shyness. Robert began eating with his right hand while he left his left one on the table for Lyra to observe. She put her forelegs on the table and looked at his hands. Then she grabbed it with her hooves and flexed his fingers. ‘She’s so soft... I have to pet this pony! How can be hooves so soft, aren’t they supposed to be huge nails?’ Then he noticed that she wasn’t touching him with the hooves, but with the pasterns. He was about to finish eating when she tried to bend his index finger backwards. He removed his hand before she could hurt him. “It doesn’t bend that way?” he shook his head. “Oh, sorry”. Robert moved his hand towards Lyra’s head. She recoiled a bit and Robert stopped. Then she returned to her original position and Robert moved again. He touched her horn, it was hard but smooth. “It’s very rude to touch an unicorn’s horn, you know?” He stopped touching it. He stroke her mane and felt like a girl with a cute kitty. He didn't see ponies uncanny and creepy since that very moment. She was about to tell him to stop, but then he began to scratch her behind the ears. “Oh... That feels so good...” she blushed when she heard herself. “Hey, you are taking too many liberties. Stop doing that”. Robert remembered playing with the puppy his parents bought him when he was 6 years old. He loved to pet it, but this pony made petting a dog seem like petting sandpaper in comparison. He had to use all his willpower to stop scratching her behind the ears. ‘What is wrong with me? Petting aliens you’ve just met is a no-no’, he thought. They both turned as they heard the door opening. Two ponies stepped into the house. The first one was Fluttershy, the second one a purple unicorn. The unicorn had a purple and green lizard-like creature on her back. “So, Fluttershy, where is your guest from the Ev...” the unicorn trailed off when she saw Robert. “Holy Guacamole! What is that thing?” shouted the lizard. ‘Oh, come on! All the freaking animals in this world can talk or what?’ Robert thought as he slowly got up. “Oh my, why did you let him go out of bed? He must have his rest or he won’t recover” said Fluttershy. “Well, he had to pee and we couldn’t find a toilet so I let him go out.  He hasn’t complained so I think he’s not so badly hurt” replied Lyra. “About the toilet... Where is it?” “Oh... Hm... It’s...” Fluttershy mumbled something under her breath that nobody understood. “Sorry? I didn’t hear you” said Lyra. “Save that for later, we have a more important matter on our hooves” said the purple unicorn, staring at Robert. “State your business, unknown creature” she said with a severe tone. “Hm... Twilight... That would...” began Fluttershy. “He can’t speak, his neck is very damaged” said Lyra. “Well, then let's hope he recovers soon. I haven't been able to find information about him, it's like he appeared out of thin air. I haven't been able to examine him properly without my equipment. We should take him to the library” said Twilight. “Is it really necessary?... I mean... He’s just awoken and he has many injuries” Twilight groaned, but accepted Fluttershy’s argument. Then she made a weird face. “Fluttershy, is he wearing your curtains as a skirt?” asked Twilight. “Yes... He doesn’t like to be naked”. “That’s weird, why wouldn’t he?” “Well because of... Oh my... because of that” said Fluttershy, blushing and averting her gaze. Twilight faced Robert again, just to see his genital area, which was just at her eye level. “Okay okay, I get it! Cover yourself!” she angrily said. “Do we have something that he can wear without him having to hold it still with one hand?” “His things should still be where I found them, I could go and-” began Lyra. “Yes, you and Fluttershy go there and bring his things, I want to examine them, too.” said Twilight with a happy face. “Bring Spike, most of the Everfree creatures won't go near you if they smell a dragon”. “Are you implying that I should take a bath, Twilight?” asked Spike with a frown. “Yes, no!... Maybe? Well, you could bath more often, but that's not what I meant” she said with an apologetic smile “I meant that your dragon hormones scare monsters”. Spike considered her answer for a moment until he got off her with a smile and followed Lyra and Fluttershy to the Everfree. As soon as they left Twilight faced Robert with a frown. “I’ve never seen something like you. You understand what I’m saying?” Robert nodded, he felt like he was doing it all the time, which was probably true. “Good. I've never seen anything like you, and Lyra told me that she found a dead diamond dog next to you. My friends seem to think you aren't dangerous, but I'm not so sure. If you lay a hoof, I mean hand, on anypony you will be punished, understood?” 'This pony means business' he nodded with a severe face. “Where are you from? Wait, you can only answer with yes and no... Are you from the Everfree forest?” ‘Should I let them know that I’m extraterrestrial or will it be a bad idea? … I think I will tell the truth’. Robert shook his head. “Are you from another country?” another negative, “then where did you came from?” she said a bit frustrated. Robert pointed upwards. “The roof?” He facepalmed and pointed upwards again. “The sky?” He pointed upwards another time. “... Space?” He nodded. “You expect me to believe you came from space? That’s crazy!” He shrugged, ‘if they don’t want to believe me it’s their problem’. “Can you do magic?” Negative “Then how did you reach space? You can’t do such thing without magic, hey, where are you going?” He went for his paper and pencil and drew a spaceship. ((I wanted to draw it myself, but I don't have a scanner T_T)) “What is that thing?” He drew a happy human face inside the “window” of his rocket. “It looks like a firework... You can’t travel in one of those, they explode! Also, you need magic to make them fly and you said you couldn’t do magic”. Robert facepalmed, ‘if only I could talk... Or write, for that matter. Hm... I wonder...’ He showed his alphabet to Twilight. “Hm? What is that? It looks like an alphabet... Sorry, I have never seen those letters before. I will search in the library, though”. ‘I haven’t tried with numbers... It’s worth a shot’. He drew all the numbers plus a few mathematical symbols. “What are those?” He drew a few single operations: 0+0=0 1+1=2 1*1=1 2+2=4 1+0=1 2*0=0. He was interrupted by Twilight. “Those are your numbers?” he nodded, “so these symbols here are numbers and these operations” he nodded again. “Interesting, but we can’t communicate with numbers”. Robert was exhausted, he had forced himself to ignore the pain until he was more or less sure that these ponies were inoffensive. Now that he wasn’t afraid of being mistreated while he slept, he got up from the couch and headed to the stairs. “Where are you going? I have more questions!” He turned and made the “sleeping” gesture, then he tried to climb the stairs, but their strange proportions, meant for quadrupeds, made him stumble and fall backwards. He readied himself for a hard impact, but he suddenly felt a force stopping him and a purple light clouding his sight. The force put him on his feet and vanished. He stammered a little but managed to stay afoot. “Be careful, you don’t want to hurt yourself more”. Robert smiled and gave her a thumbs up. ‘This magic thing is amazing. I wonder how Earth would be if humans could do all these things’. As soon as he covered himself with the bed’s sheets he fell asleep.