Kazooie was saddened by the very fact that she couldn’t get drunk while she had her ribbon relic equipped and she wasn’t nearly dumb enough to take it off while in Equestria. There were all kinds of magical maladies that were around every corner, she already had enough problems with being killed a few times here and the stuff like what poison joke did was sometimes less of a joke and more on the horrific side of things. Auto-life is probably the saving grace considering she had it going on at all times and since she couldn’t die of natural causes she was technically immortal as long as she didn’t need to tap into her extra lives or run out of MP to cast the Life 3 spell again.
It was kind of annoying to Kazooie to die so often, but Equestria did have some tough monsters. At least she made herself well known as an alpha among the Ever Free Forest monsters, with the exception to the sentient dragons she didn’t go near. She had the respect of all the creatures, even the slow moving Hydra’s knew better than to even approach a Spiral Mountain dweller now. Well they better damn well respect her and her friends, she’s not about to go casting Meteor again because it still strained her MP supply. She had Mumbo and Humba working on more potions to keep her in the black and white magic capabilities.
The Celestriad relic was working like it was supposed to, however it was probably the fact that she wasn’t primarily an RPG character that the effects weren’t as great as they should be. She was still quaffing magic restoring potions like crazy if she didn’t bother using the Osmose spell on the Timber Wolves. That had been an interesting sight to see, the Timber Wolves were now wary of bothering her anymore as long as she didn’t aggravate them or show aggression towards them.
Sighing to herself Kazooie made her way back to where they had set up near the dilapidated castle of the pony sisters, while stowing a bottle of booze into her backpack. Mumbo and Humba had their homes transported and located here in Equestria as well, their homes sat in many places at the same time. Both Humba and Mumbo liked Equestria so they had another spot they could exit their homes from.
Magically speaking Kazooie could feasibly enter Mumbo’s hut here and come back out at the hut at Mumbo’s Mountain if she so chose. The truth was only Mumbo or Humba could exit their homes anywhere they chose, if they truly needed assistance for emergencies in case somehow someone took out the Green the Jinjo which would be rather hard to do or if she for some reason couldn’t reach the Crystal Heart in the Crystal Kingdom this was a good back up plan.
She stopped at the large tent of fortitude between Mumbo’s Hut and Humba’s Tepee, otherwise known as camp Sabre Wulf and frankly having an animal immune tent was useful in the Ever Free Forest. She really should thank Sabreman for this tent eventually; this tent was something she didn’t steal for once and it was a good gift. Sabreman had fifty or so more animal immune tents and Kazooie hated sleeping in Final Fantasy tents that tended to explode after one night even if they did restore you to full, the explosions were a tad annoyingly loud if harmless wakeup call in the morning.
“Okay people let’s see what the ponies are cooking up today. Up and at them Banjo we need to hit the trail!” Kazooie said with glee, the groan from the tent sounded like music to her and out he came, an exceedingly large brown earth pony wearing yellow shorts. “I see Mumbo helped you fit in a bit, doubt it affected your physical strength at all big guy.”
“Kazooie… can I please go back to sleep? Honey and I were so comfortable…” Banjo whined.
“Too late for that my Bear, this nutcase just won’t let sleeping friends lie about. She’s an adventurer you know and if she’s this peppy, something’s about to go south and fast and I would love some forewarning of which direction to fly.” Honey said as she trotted up next to Banjo and stretched out her spine.
“Has anybody seen Daring recently?” Canary asked from her perch on a nearby tree, she was a tad paranoid about using the extra large Sabreman tent even if it was proven to be effective at keeping the monsters in the forest at bay.
“She’s probably still dungeon diving around the ruins of the ancient castle.” Kazooie answered, she was technically a princess even if she didn’t like the title and she did promise Daring that they would explore through some ruins she hasn’t seen before. The ancient castle of the sisters gave her a castle-vania vibe and Daring was like a kid in a candy store exploring through the place. Once upon a time Celestia said that she wouldn’t let any pony explore the castle unless they were given permission of an alicorn, as such Kazooie was able to grant Daring Do access to the castle without repercussion if she were discovered looting the place. “She’s a good adventurer and well traveled to boot.”
“Where’s Green or Mr. Fit?” If there was one person who liked to keep track of where everyone was and what they were doing it was Canary Mary, she has to be the little bird that always knows her stuff.
“I sent Green to scout out Appleoosa and get a mini map back to me of the surrounding areas… he kept pestering me for something to do. Mr. Fit on the other hand is wandering through every nook and cranny of Cloudsdale, from what I know of the place it’s kind of like Cloud Cuckoo Land only less bizarre stuff.
“Well at least he’ll feel at home there then.” Canary shook her head and then lifted into the air before hovering slowly to the ground near Kazooie. “So what’s the agenda? You said you were trying to take over the world, so when are we going to get around to it?”
“We’ll get around to it… eventually, so have a little patience. Now who’s coming with me to Ponyville?” Hearing something off to the side Kazooie saw Screwball climbing out of a Treetop Town tree house. Kazooie remembered how long it took her to uproot that tree… that took freaking forever given it was rooted to the level, nobody was missing a tree from Donkey Kong Country anyway.
Screwball smiled and held her hooves wide open towards Kazooie after she got to the ground; Kazooie acquiesced by giving her daughter a big feathery hug. Soon someone fell to ground behind them and Screwball released Kazooie to giggle at her big sister.
“You are so glad I don’t take fall damage or else I would be hurting you right about now for laughing at my suffering.” Still though, Nut Bat had comically fallen face first into the ground and the rest of her body was sticking up in the air awkwardly.
“Are any of you coming? I’m taking Screwball into town to see what they are getting up to today; I swear that flying spaghetti monster we fought yesterday was the best fight I’ve ever had.” Everyone, even Screwball, groaned at Kazooie for dragging them into that fight with the wild free roaming monster made of spaghetti and hay balls that fired slightly corrosive if still edible tomato paste.
“Pass.” Everyone except Screwball stated, Screwball wanted to see what was going on Ponyville and wanted to see if Owlowiscious and Philomena were around. She also wanted to spend time with her mom and maybe talk to Pinkie about finding her mom a special some pony… well technically it didn’t have to be a pony, it just had to be someone her mom can enjoy her time with. Mr. Cold Spot had yet to let her out of his sight as she looked up to her pet hanging in the air a good thirty feet in the air above her.
“Well it looks like it’s just the three of us Screwy, come on I have a good feeling about today.” Screwball shuddered, Kazooie smiled that she was freaking out her daughter and there was that strange sense thing she was doing where she had odd body quirks.
Somehow Screwball felt that things were about to get rather interesting and that they wouldn’t be seeing the rest of their friends for a while.
An hour later and on the cusp of defeat by the hooves of a mare name Trixie, Twilight was trying to focus and change Snips and Snails back to normal but she couldn’t. Twilight didn’t mind Trixie’s smug attitude, what she did mind was that Trixie was hurting her friends physically or mentally. To think earlier that morning she was just levitating animals around and being gently threatened by Fluttershy.
Trixie was a blue coated pony with silvery light blue mane and tail; her purple eyes were usually filled with pride currently they were a bit different than normal.
Twilight wondered how did this all go so wrong and when did Trixie get as powerful as she boasted herself as being. Had Twilight bothered to notice the glowing red eyes or the glowing in broad daylight artifact currently clasped around Trixie’s neck, not mention the incredibly impressive displays of magic that would drain a normal unicorn quite fast, she would have been a bit better off with the knowledge that she wasn’t losing to a normal Trixie.
Twilight was in fact losing to the alicorn amulet that Trixie was wearing, the odd artifact gave the user a lot of power and the trade off was a slow but continuous loss of intelligence and heightened aggression. At least the amulet didn’t permanently damage the user’s intelligence or boost their power indefinitely.
“Hah, see I am the Great and Powerful…” Trixie started off before a voice cut in.
“Blowhard.” That voice sounded familiar to Twilight, someone she wasn’t even a well known acquaintance with but her friends had met and had spent some time with.
“Yes, yes, I am the great and powerful blowhard… huh? Who said that, Trixie demands they show themselves this instant.” The angry glowing eyes looked into the crowd of frightened ponies.
“Are you blind as well as stupid?” Trixie turned around and saw a spiral eyed Earth Pony and a red unicorn standing on her hind legs wearing a blue backpack.
“Who are you that dare insults the power of Trixie?” The unicorn smiles cheerily at Trixie, who returns a look with contempt.
“To answer your question… I do.” The unicorn stated before motioning for Screwball to head off to the side and prepare to use the white magic she learned from Kazooie to fix the problems Trixie has been causing.
“Everyone knows I am The Magical Kazooie, and the tricks that I can do are ever so… Screwy!” To emphasize her point she tossed a wooden mallet into the air and Screwball suddenly appeared catching the hammer to smash her on the head pushing her into the ground with a clonking noise. Screwball immediately darted off as soon as she assisted her mom.
Trixie jumped at having Kazooie suddenly appear right next to her by popping out of the ground.
Kazooie leaned on Trixie back and she turned her head and fired a bolt at the annoying unicorn likely for putting weight on her back. Only for the unicorn to jump six feet in the air and started sparkling as she looked like a yoyo moving up and down in mid air twisting rapidly for two jumps. She twisted her body so she was facing towards Trixie.
Trixie ducked as Kazooie landed on the ground and blew a blast of flame at her singeing the tip of her hat. Shivering at the fact that the fire that flew from the other pony’s mouth without even her horn glowing.
“Magical is my nature both a black and white nomenclature I say, black will burn and white will heal the skin off you might peel if I am to have my way.” Leaning out of the way of a blast from Trixie’s horn Kazooie smiled. “This is not your lucky day; I’m the magical creature that any land of which before will lay.”
Trixie was starting to get really aggravated at the rhyming and she fired a bolt of lightning at Kazooie who bent backwards out of the way without her spine so much as making a sound from the way she did it.
Trixie fire several fireballs, bolts of lighting and even once just exploded an arcane beam out of her horn trying to strike down her target that wowed the crowd with her strange movements. Trixie noticed that every time Kazooie dodged in mid air she’d turn slightly grey and as soon as she touched the ground she was all colorful again, she back flipped, side flipped and was even doing cartwheels around Trixie without a care in the world.
“Why won’t you hold still?” Trixie shouted, only to balk when Kazooie got in her face.
“Oh, please get real. How does dodging you make me feel, I’m bored out of my mind what do you expect me to do bend over and keel?” Kazooie asked an inch from Trixie’s face causing her to reflexively teleport away.
“Stop it!” Trixie yelled firing out a barrage of magic missiles from her position a few feet away, none of the struck their intended target which rolled out of the way of two and rolled through the third seemingly ghosting through it entirely.
“Soon you will see what a nightmare I can be, because I know you’ll never ever even touch me!” Kazooie childishly dished out while waggling her tail end at Trixie. She skipped to the side several times avoiding a trail of deadly energy barely missing. She then avoided some more doing some simple twirls out of the path of several blasts that might have an impact on her health bar if she let it actually hit her.
Trixie screamed and started to fire more and more magic blasts, while Twilight and the rest of Ponyville stood on the sidelines in total awe. Twilight had seen the battle when Kazooie escaped Ponyville previously, incidentally setting Sugar Cube Corner on fire, seeing this just reminded her how intimidating the shape shifter was.
“If there is one thing I thought you should know, I Kazooie will only truly use one spell to win this farce of a show.” Immediately Trixie stopped firing in interest to see what spell Kazooie would use, so far Trixie has used up a lot of magic that wasn’t entirely her own and Kazooie hadn’t been hit once nor had she used any of her own magic.
Soon Kazooie slapped her hooves together and chanted under her breath and muttered the spells name with her horn glowing. With a simple series of green flashes appeared in everyone’s vision she just stood in front of Trixie with a serious look in her green eyes. “I would like to offer you this chance to give up since I’ve just used my spell, or if you wish to take the shot to you I may as say… oh well. I did warn you, nothing you can say afterwards will be anything but true.”
Kazooie stood there with her hooves wide out and she waited. Trixie just stared blankly, is this Kazooie pony really just going to stand still and let her take a shot at her?
“By the way I’m done rhyming, you’re aim sucks and you couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn at point blank range. I mean if your horn was in direct contact with the barn itself and provided you were inside of it, you would still miss it by a mile just because your magic really enjoys the scenic route anyway. Of course I wish you would give up and learn a little humility and maybe walk away from this without embarrassing yourself. You hackneyed useless tramp.” Trixie wasn’t about to take that insult from Kazooie lying down. “But I guess I’m not that lucky by the dumb look on your face, in fact I doubt you could knock me from this spot with even your most powerful blast.”
“Trixie will show you, I am truly great and powerful!” Soon Trixie started building up a huge charge on her horn; Twilight looked in shocked that it looked powerful enough to kill a pony. Red glowing eyes and amulet were brimming with power and yet Kazooie didn’t look like she would move an inch.
Twilight would have stepped in had she not been pulled away by the spiral eyed earth pony with the propeller beanie hat. Screwball shook her head no, as her mom had everything under control. She helped fix Pinkie’s mouth and asked if they could meet up to talk later, that and she repaired the age of those two colts. ‘Esuna’ was a really handy spell and so were the spells ‘Dispel’ and ‘Cura’.
When Trixie released her energy at Kazooie she wasn’t even going to bother to dodge the deadly blast, as everyone knows white or support magic had deadly applications and Kazooie had used one particular spell for this occasion. The spell she used came with a few interesting effects and while it may not seem very visible at first, the instant offensive magic was used on her the effects would be very obvious… such as now for instance.
It all happened too fast for any pony to follow after Trixie launched the bolt of lightning, but in a flash the boastful magician was sailing through the air with her body covered in arcing electrical currents. When the lightning bolt struck the ‘Reflect’ spell Kazooie had on her the lightning bolt bounced back at twice the speed. The force was basically the same amount that Trixie used and it certainly looked painful.
The end result was Trixie ending up on the ground and her amulet had several cracks in it from taking the brunt of the damage for the unicorn, her right hind hoof was twitching aimlessly at the air. Slowly Trixie rolled and stood on her shaking hooves as the electrical energy started to finally exit her body into the ground. Every pony in the crowd was silent including Twilight; she didn’t see Kazooie light up her horn at all to defend herself.
“If that was your best shot, you’re really asking for the pain. So I suggest you give up and take the amulet off before it drops your intelligence score another thirty points.” Kazooie said haughtily waving her rear end at Trixie before smacking it twice.
Twilight wondered what Kazooie was talking about, but only now does she notice the thing she overlooked while being entirely oblivious to it in her fight with Trixie. How in the world did Twilight, who is considered to be a very smart pony, miss the glowing red eyes and the amulet right there out in the open for everyone to see? Said amulet was obviously amplifying Trixie’s magical power and there is no possible way Twilight could have been this blind, but then again she had missed it. So Twilight did the natural thing to do in this situation and blushed in embarrassment.
“Trixie is not done yet.” Trixie ground out standing on shaky legs, the self imposed lightning bolt to the face really shook her up and if she hadn’t been wearing the amulet that would have killed her. Since Kazooie was around her death would have been temporary at best anyway and was ready to revive Trixie in case she did kill herself. Kazooie was going to use a phoenix down if it came to it. They were cheaper than the magic points needed to revive the mare and cash flow wasn’t a problem in Final Fantasy worlds.
“No you’re done; you just don’t realize it yet.” Kazooie waited to see what Trixie does, if she is able to attack again she better not attack anyone with the ‘reflect’ spell on them. “Unless you’re used to repeating mistakes it would be a bad idea to attack me with magic again.”
Trixie charged up her horn seemingly ready to ignore Kazooie’s words, Trixie’s eyes and head turned slightly and she looked at Twilight off to the side. She was the reason why Trixie came here in the first place and this charlatan somehow was powerful enough to defeat her. Well she wouldn’t be stopped from her original reason to come here, to defeat Twilight Sparkle!
Trixie immediately spun on Twilight and released the charged magic force from her horn on the purple unicorn. Trixie went sailing through the air again in a flash. She watched as the overly abused amulet detach from her neck and shattered in front of her eyes in slow motion, her eyes widened minutely before she hit the ground grunting in pain shutting them from the pain she just dealt to herself.
“How…” Trixie asked, every pony there was wondering that as well.
“I cast that one spell on everyone in the general area… well except for you. It specifically makes physically aggressive spells return to sender at double the speed and with about the same amount of force used. Oh and the returning spell will bypass barriers.” Seeing that she was done here, she turned to Screwball and her daughter was immediately at her side. “So hope you feel better soon, because that amulet was making you really stupid and despite the power it gave you, it really didn’t help you all too much anyway.”
“Well it helped me best Twilight Sparkle.” Trixie stated a bit moodily as her madness was almost gone, it was slowly bleeding off of her, there was quite a headache going through her head. Her body still tingled from the pain of her magic turned against her. She tried to sit up, but her legs failed to hold the weight she was trying to put on them.
“So you couldn’t beat her without it? I didn’t think someone truly great and powerful needed a crutch much less a handicap to win a fight. That is unless you wanted to take the easy way out. You seem like someone who has some understanding of hard work.” Kazooie watched as Trixie wilted before her; apparently what she said was getting through the blue pony’s recovering brain. “Well my work here is done.”
A newspaper slapped Kazooie in the face as she turned and started to walk away on her hind legs. Pulling the newspaper away from her face she read the article in it.
“Well if the fates above declare it… Screwball we’re hitting Manehatten because of the not so coincidental newspaper to the face! Head towards the train station, I have to go pony nap Princess Cadence real quick since a little bird told me she’s around here somewhere.” Kazooie immediately darted off before Twilight could work up any idea to question her. Hearing that Kazooie was going to kidnap a pony that was her friend since she was a filly, Twilight became well enough annoyed that her mane was already starting to smolder a bit. At least she knew Kazooie didn’t kill ponies… well at least she didn’t think Kazooie did anyway.
Twilight turning to look at the other pony she only saw a cloud of dust and a spinning sign that fell flat to the ground. Reading the sign Screwball left behind Twilight rolled her eyes at what it said. She’d worry about Cadence later; she was an alicorn and could take care of herself provided she wasn’t swarmed by changelings immediately.
Turning to Trixie, Twilight made her way over to the unicorn before her friends started being mean to her for the small amount of trouble she caused this time. She was just a down on her luck magician especially after meeting the ever enigmatic Kazooie who totaled her with one magic spell; Twilight couldn’t even feel it on her and yet she knew it was there somehow.
Looking at two of her friends, Twilight could tell they were still a bit stunned by the show of force and or the self proclaimed princess of adventure had returned to Equestria somehow. Pinkie, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash didn’t seem so surprised however; Twilight would have to ask them about it later as they didn’t seem to lift a hoof to stop Kazooie from running away again. All the ponies were still a little too shocked to do much of anything; they slowly started to drift back into their everyday lives talking about what they witnessed.
“Trixie…” Twilight started carefully, watching Trixie’s ears perk up mildly but otherwise she stayed on the ground where she lay after losing the amulet that was obviously making her very powerful. Said amulet was now a pile of disenchanted remains. The amulet wasn’t the only thing disillusioned; the blue mare looked broken and was crying over the shattered remains of the amulet. “I’ve wanted to talk to you since you were last here.”
“She was right, that thing really messed with Trixie’s mind and Trixie would respectfully like to ask you to go away now.” Trixie’s words caused Twilight to frown, but then a stern expression crossed her face.
“No, you need a friendly hoof right now Trixie. I’m sorry that you are being bullied horribly and I’ve learned a thing or two about that lately, but that’s no reason to lash out at ponies. Now come on, there’s something important I have to discuss with you, possibly over some tea.” Twilight didn’t think Kazooie would do anything too bad to Cadence even if she did capture her, it was Celestia she was worried about and Twilight had to warn her about the return of the otherworldly traveler that might have something against the princess. Certainly seems like her and Celestia didn’t like each other, given last time Kazooie was around Celestia murdered her in cold anger and immediately regretted enjoying it so much.
Twilight currently didn’t care what Applejack, Rarity and Rainbow thought; she was going to share some tea and food with Trixie as she wanted to be Trixie’s friend. Twilight levitated Trixie against her will and started walking towards her library, Trixie looked tired and just hung limply in the field of levitation magic after trying and failing to struggle. Twilight knew she needed to send a message to the princess. Which princess was the question? Since she had some business with Luna she had to attend to, she might as well send that prewritten message to her.
Meanwhile trotting through the empty streets of Ponyville Cadence had no clue as to what was going on. Where were all the ponies, was the most common question on her mind. She heard a strange sound coming at her and it was getting louder and louder, looking front of herself she saw a blur flashing yellow run up to her and she found herself being engulfed in a blue backpack as Kazooie passed by her and continued running towards the train station at full speed booster velocity.
Screwball stood there at the train station lazily staring at the sky when she felt a pair of hyper charged hooves wrapped around her, she smiled as she was suddenly flying through the air on the power of a shining spark.
Screwball turned her head to her mom and asked why they didn’t just warp to Manehatten?
“I wanted to work on my long jump of course.” Kazooie received a pair of rolled eyes and Cadence poked her head out of the backpack and noticed the landscape passing by at an accelerated rate, she decided to duck her head back in and wait until it was safer to get out of the backpack.
Twilight had just finished writing a message off and asked Spike to send it to Luna; Spike wondered why they were sending letters to Luna but didn’t question it too much. Twilight obviously had her reasons for dragging Trixie into their home after her attack on Ponyville with the alicorn amulet. Twilight found out what kind of amulet it was after Kazooie destroyed it and she was glad Kazooie did destroy it, this was concerning the fact that she was right in what it did.
The alicorn amulet trades power for mentally destroying the wearer’s ability to think straight at all, the longer it was worn and used the more ridiculous the wearer would get. The amulet was designed so it was impossible to be removed by anyone but the user and given the user is less likely to take it off given the users waning intelligence from using it, Trixie may have permanently caused herself or some pony harm.
“Trixie where in the world did you get the amulet from? It’s not every day ancient artifacts like that are lying around.” Twilight was worried about Trixie and her state of mind, the other pony just kept staring at the floor and her hat that just fell there and she didn’t even move to catch it. “Trixie are you alright?”
Twilight touched Trixie’s shoulder and she barely reacted to it, Twilight threw a hug around Trixie and held her. Trixie still wasn’t reacting much to it, but Twilight felt better about it.
“Come on, drink something, eat a cookie, do anything? Please will you just stop moping?” Twilight had to have at least reached a part of the magician, as Trixie lightly shoved her away and turned to the tea filled cup and finally just lit her horn and took a mouth full from her cup.
“One spell… she only used one spell… all that power and I was defeated with one spell… all in my hubris…” Trixie muttered to herself. Before Kazooie had arrived she had been dominating Twilight with relative ease and then Kazooie just dodged everything Trixie could throw at her without breaking a sweat.
“Well power isn’t everything…” Twilight tried to answer only for Trixie to ignore her. “Even I didn’t defeat the Ursa Minor with raw power alone, though it helps a lot, the only real costly thing I did was levitate it. Used up a lot of magic doing that though.”
Trixie looked Twilight in the eyes for a moment and sighed as she remembered what Twilight had done. It was several different spells within a short amount of time; Trixie even had to do research on it. Levitation was the major one and Twilight had powerful magic ability to lift something so large.
Twilight levitated the Ursa Minor, rocked it back and forth and had controlled at least ten different levitation fields to milk a bunch of cows and created a makeshift bottle of milk for a young gigantic bear. Trixie also noted she used a light wind spell to play music that soothed a not as savage as previously thought beast, she was just calming down a cranky child. That was one really big cranky child to begin with; even Trixie had to admit it looked fierce at first until Twilight did all that.
“Yeah, well you don’t have an entire town hate you for something you didn’t do.” Trixie continued to mope until a cupcake was shoved into her nose where a bit of frosting stuck to the tip of it.
Twilight yelped at the sudden appearance of Pinkie and fell out of her chair awkwardly flailing her limbs. Trixie chuckled under her breath, because she didn’t react as poorly and she had to admit the cupcake tasted pretty good.
“Not every pony in town hates you. So you took away my mouth for a minute and messed with Snips and Snails ages. We’ve had worse things happen here in Ponyville you know and if we hated every single pony with a take over the world scheme or just in general battering the funnel cake to much before deep frying it, well we wouldn’t have too many friends as we do.” Pinkie hadn’t gotten to know Trixie the last time she was in Ponyville, she was back to partying and her spirits were high as they could have ever been ever since she stop moping over unrequited love of a different sort. “If anything you’re not the first pony to drop a monster on Ponyville, we’ve had Hydra’s and Parasprites, plus tons of other things go wrong here. If anything our friends and the ponies of the town should be apologizing to you, I mean it’s like you being another Nightmare Moon today and you need to apologize to some ponies don’t get me wrong. You were just really cranky and I doubt even Fluttershy could say anything about the things you did today, because she can get cranky at times too. So…”
As Pinkies continued to blather on inanely like the blathering blatherskite she was, she just wouldn’t stop going on and on about how Trixie and Ponyville should reconcile with exploding gingerbread cookies and then devolved into making a cake with a hoof file in it so she could inevitably break Trixie out of jail. The jailbreak thing led into a long description about how they both end up on an island paradise and somehow married with three kids, one of them secretly being Applejacks that Pinkie never told her about after that one night stand that hasn’t happened at all.
“Good goddess does your friend ever stop?” Trixie finally asked as Pinkie was into her tirade about how bunny hoods would be used in a convoluted manner to misdirect Celestia into loving pies instead of cakes. Then Celestia would have to arrest herself for being a hippo or something about wide flanks, skateboards and the ubiquitous use of the words, “Oh and the donkey was there”, about every other minute.
“When she gets going… well, just don’t ask her about the oatmeal. That’s all I’m going to say about it.” Twilight really didn’t need to hear that story again; Pinkie could keep going for hours once you set her off, otherwise she’s been a bit tame as of late. “Haven’t really seen much of her lately and to be honest it’s kind of a relief to hear her going on and on like this. It just means everything’s right with the world.”
“Then I’ll somehow conscript Kazooie to play the bagpipes, it’s sure to be a foolproof plan… but first we have to figure out why Trixie would be arrested in the first place. I mean ponies in Ponyville get away with a lot of stuff and yet we wouldn’t let Trixie get away with a few pokes at some pony’s pride? Hydra’s destroyed more buildings in a year then an Ursa Minor, it’s why all the building material around his is so cheap and more cost effective then buying better materials. Twilight and Fluttershy leveled most of Ponyville alone and got off without even a slap on the hoof for all combined trouble the both of them caused.” Upon hearing the word Kazooie both mares were now staring at Pinkie Pie. “I mean come on; Rainbow Dash destroyed all the glass in Ponyville with her Sonic Rainbooms and she gets off Scotland free because of it? Yet all Trixie does is hurt their pride and she’s suddenly the most hated pony around? We’re all hypocrites!”
“Excuse Trixie for asking this, but did you just mention that you knew Kazooie personally?” Trixie perked up in interest propping her hooves up under her chin and leaning in to hear what Pinkie had to say. “Can you tell me about her?”
“Well she’s an old friend of mine, from a long time ago and she’s an excellent traveler that can hop between dimensions through various methods. I can only imagine all the types of baked goods she has seen and it makes me somewhat jealous. Naturally she’s not a really a pony and is a shape shifter now apparently, didn’t use to be able to do that herself when I was around, though her shifting seems to be a tad context sensitive to the world she’s in.” Pinkie explained, Trixie looked a little lost as Pinkie tucked into a cupcake before continuing. “She’s been to everywhere and many places you can and can’t possibly imagine unless you’ve seen it for yourself. One thing is, she will never really quit adventuring. She was never the one that liked sitting in one place too long and she’s always looking to do something interesting.”
“Would you say she has… a weakness?” Trixie asked hopefully.
“Her weakness would probably be that she finds it hard to say no to a challenge. Climb the tallest mountain, dive into the deepest part of the sea and fighting the most vicious monsters she can possibly find… well she’s died a few times doing that and she always complaining about how dying hurts. So I guess dying is kind of a weakness of hers.” Twilight didn’t look surprise as she’s heard this all from Pinkie before; Kazoo was a strange creature the purple pony wanted to study. A being from another world that didn’t bleed and whose injuries weren’t visible but still very much there, think of all the material she could get now that the crazy thing had returned despite Celestia’s best efforts to keep her out of Equestria.
The concept of being incapable of dying anything but a natural death as long as you had extra lives was intriguing, if rather exceedingly painful from all the ways Pinkie says Kazooie has died. The most particular memory was Pinkie explaining one of the methods Kazooie has died by was like being shoved into a fruit smoothie blender and it being set immediately to frappe. There wasn’t pleasant imagery to it, but Celestia did kill Kazooie and she certainly didn’t stay dead.
“Dying? Isn’t that everything’s weakness?” Trixie scoffed at the pink pony.
“Well it’s not like Kazooie is going to die of natural causes, she really is immortal. At least she’s chaotic good alignment or then we’d all be in trouble. Even if she’s used to pain, emotional trauma can still hurt her pretty badly. Like how Celestia was hurt by having to seal her sister Luna away for a thousand years.” Pinkie said with a smile to Trixie. “You can beat Kazooie and or seal her away, but she just won’t stay down or idle. You know you can trust me on that one, she always finds a way to get out of a sticky situation and if she is stuck her friends and family will get her out of it real fast.”
“Her friends and family, you mean like that pony with the swirling pupils… I’m still trying to figure out how that’s even possible.” Twilight was talking about Screwball, who somehow had fixed Pinkie’s mouth and restored Snips and Snails to their original ages. In fact there was a lot about that pony she didn’t know about, the one primary thing she did know was that she was primarily an earth pony and could do some bizarre form of magic.
“Well I know her brother is around, Mumbo was in the area and I think Kazooie has quite a few people of Spiral Mountain in our world. You remember her home I told you about? Well now they’re somewhere around here and who knows what they’re getting into. Too bad I can’t throw them a welcome to Ponyville party; it’s kind of hard to plan for them to be all in one place. Though I hope I can work some more details for Screwball’s birthday party the next time I see Kazooie.” Pinkie was going to have fun trying to make a good baseball themed birthday party; Screwball looked to be happily adopted by Kazooie and was a good conversationalist even without moving her lips. Pinkie also had Screwball in her corner pocket that Kazooie needed a special something or other in her life to make her happy. So far neither Pinkie nor Screwball had any ideas for Kazooie’s special friend.
“Oh great, and what can they do?” Trixie stated finally slipping back into some form of normalcy despite not having a bit to her name and she was completely homeless. She spent the last amount of bits in her name for the Alicorn Amulet and now she had nothing or an idea of what she wanted to do.
“Oh, we can do a lot of things.” After saying this Banjo took a calm sip of tea as both Trixie and Twilight were startled out of their seats by the two other ponies sitting with them.
“What… when did you two… what is she… how did you even? Who are you?” Twilight was at a loss for words as she saw a large brown stallion sitting at the table with a feminine black and yellow striped insect like pony sitting to his right munching on a cookie.
“What I think she’s trying to say is, when did you two get here?!” Trixie yelled while pointing at the two calm ponies sitting at the table.
“We’ve been here for the past seven minutes or so since Pinkie mentioned us, you three were so busy with your conversation we decided to take seats for ourselves and just have some tea you were offering. I’m Honey and this is Kazooie’s brother Banjo.” Her voice had a humorous lilt in it as she lightly buzzed her wings in amusement.
“Oh wow, you and Banjo became ponies too? What are you doing here?” Pinkie said cheerily, bouncing on her chair. “It’s so nice to see you again oh master of honey and the treats made from it!”
“Have you seen Kazooie at all Pinkie? I’m worried something bad is about to happen.” Banjo looked a bit pensive. “She seemed a little too perky for our tastes this morning and we didn’t follow her because…”
“Something weird and or strange is going to happen and Kazooie might cause some form of calamity? Well the last time I saw her she was shine sparking away after having foal knapped princess Cadence with her backpack and because she read this article.” Pinkie held up the exact section of newspaper Kazooie had read from the newspaper that had slapped her in the face earlier.
“Honey, let’s just let this one go, she’ll be back on her own time.” Banjo stated after seeing the article.
“Why what does it…” Honey stopped and read the article as it was held in front of her face by Banjo’s hoof. “Yeah that would do it; if you’re smart you’ll stay away from this Manehatten place for a while.”
“Why what’s going on in Manehatten?” Twilight was curious and levitates the article over to herself. “A boxing tournament, what does this have to do with anything?”
“Trixie suggests the supposedly smart pony reads the next few lines.” Twilight glared at Trixie as she read over her shoulder, turning back to the article and reading down the page she paled a little. “They can’t be serious…”
“As you heard from Pinkie, Kazooie doesn’t take a challenge lying down or lightly. Also I would heed Honey’s advice, stay away from Manehatten for a while.” Banjo stretched out. “It’s been nice meeting you, but we have to go see our next door neighbor about something. Just hope whatever Kazooie does doesn’t become too problematic for you.”
“They’re serious alright and Kazooie’s going to do it too.” Honey said before she and Banjo disappeared heading for the front door without so much as a word from Twilight.
Twilight had a bunch of questions whizzing around her skull, Trixie was trying to figure out what to do with her life and Pinkie was all smiles and thinking of what kind of frosting she was going to have next.
“Twilight hello, are you in there.” Twilight came too when she felt the rapping of familiar knuckles on her skull, not to mention the voice of her young assistant and child dragon that was basically her son. “What’s going on and I’d like to know why she is still here?”
“Well Spike, she’s going to be staying with us for a while… oh right… I need you to send backlog scroll eighty three right now while I’m still thinking of it.” Spike gave her a strange look, but he sauntered out muttering under his breath about not liking Trixie. Twilight knew Spike had been curious what scroll eighty three was about, she made sure he couldn’t read it by way of enchantment. It was also going to Luna; this was about the favor Luna asked of her a long while ago and it finally occurred to her to send it off.
“When did Trixie say she was going to be your guest?” Well Trixie just had to know what Twilight’s angle was.
“Well, do you have anywhere else to go or be?” After a moment’s pause, Twilight saw Trixie wasn’t going to answer her and looked to be thinking. Twilight also remembered another message that needed to be sent and called out to the other room. “Spike, make sure to also send Celestia a message that Kazooie is back in Equestria. Also that she’s up to something and may have recently captured Cadence for some unknown possibly nefarious reason, though I’m unsure it’s really all that bad.”
“Why are you letting Trixie stay in your home?” Trixie finally decided to ask.
“Again, you sorely need the helping hoof of a friend and I want to be that friend. I’m probably one of the few ponies in Ponyville aside from Pinkie that notices that your home was destroyed, as was your way of living and I doubt you were happy on that rock farm. If anything the fact that Ponyville or ponies in general would even continue to torture or just harass a homeless mare is kind of an unsettling thought to me, I thought this place was friendly and tolerant. Sure your attitude is kind of grating, no pony deserves to be kicked repeatedly while they’re already down.” Twilight noted that Trixie would not meet her gaze and just took a sip of tea and started to munch on a peanut butter cookie. She took notice of Trixie’s melancholy demeanor and sighed quietly to herself before speaking. “There’s also special pony that really wanted to meet you too, don’t know why she does but she wanted me to send word as soon as I could get into contact with you.”
“Someone wants to meet Trixie? Why, Trixie doesn’t have much left to offer any pony.” Trixie watched as Twilight scooted her chair close to her own and then she was receiving a tender hug from Twilight.
“Trixie you’re being silly. Friendship is not about offering things to get others to accept you.” Twilight spoke carefully squeezing the mare tightly.
“If Trixie is silly, then you’re naïve. For a pony to get by in this world they have to know how to perform and as a performer my special talent is all washed up. Do you have any idea what it’s like to have a special talent that you can’t use to do what you love?” Trixie felt a second pony enter the hug; it was the annoying motor mouth pink pony this time.
“Aw, don’t be like that Trixie. My special talent is getting smiles out of ponies. That and devouring all kinds of sugary treats and throwing parties, but it’s just a bonus. I’m also really good at quantum physics. So what if you’re special talent is telling stories, you could have other talents too.” Pinkie wondered why she was suddenly receiving a very odd if disturbed stare from Twilight, but the grape flavored unicorn decided not to question it. How did Pinkie know Twilight was grape flavored? Well she called it a hunch, it was either that or blueberry, Pinkie liked blueberry.
“You know, I might actually have need of your help Trixie.” Twilight said sitting back before continuing to drink from her cup.
“What would you have Trixie do?” Trixie didn’t seem too hopeful about being asked a favor.
Behind Trixie, Spike came back into the room while looking at Twilight questioningly after having sent off the third message in the last thirty minute time frame.
“Well I have a show this evening and I’m going to be doing it for some Saddle Arabians, I figured you could help me out with it. Also after the show the one who wants to talk with you will hopefully show up, she’s been asking me about you a lot. I’ve only told her what I know and that I haven’t seen you for a long time until today that is.” Twilight let her mind wander, she didn’t really think too much of the future and she took one day at a time.
Pondering some things about Trixie, Twilight hoped the mare would become a better from the humbling experience she recently faced. Hopefully she could chew out the Ponyville ponies for their awful behavior if Trixie were to offer up a sincere apology for attacking Ponyville over something that was her fault only by association. The purple pony’s thoughts soon turned to the otherworldly beings visiting Equestria; they don’t seem to be stirring up too much trouble. Kazooie being in Equestria at all was the troubling part given all the weird stuff she got up to the last time she was here. Celestia did say she set up a ward to prevent Kazooie from getting into their world the same way she did last time, Twilight could only wonder how powerful the shape shifter was to circumvent that and why it was that she still didn’t seem to come off as a real big threat.
Maybe the biggest threat is the one that can hide what it’s truly thinking and seems harmless at a glance even when you knew it wasn’t? Twilight couldn’t possibly know even if she has thought of this before, but she at least knew that Kazooie had friends and family so she couldn’t have possibly been all too bad a thing. Not that Twilight thought she was a bad judge of character or anything, she thought Pinkie Pie was pretty strange too considering that pony could pop up out of small spaces and appear magically inside mirrors. Pinkie obviously followed the beat of a different drum and she wasn’t any less her friend for it. Still this is the second time she’s thought of the comprehensive reality bending bird that did strange things like defeat both Celestia and Luna without injuring them in Manehatten after the humongous crab monster known as Cancer attacked and she was involved in that fight.
“Trixie will assist you, though hammering out the details as to what you need of Trixie will be required if we’re to put on a good show.” Stated the blue mare haughtily after a minute of introspection on Twilights part, all the while Spike and Pinkie were chatting about the finer points of hot sauce and the how to use it in unusual ways.
An hour later and a flash of golden light appeared in the library, charging her horn and ready for battle. However she quickly calmed down as the situation was docile and not a snack cake destroyer to be seen… but Cadenza was definitely missing.
“So then I said, that’s not my penguin that’s my…” Trixie froze as Princess Celestia herself teleported into the room looking ready for a fight and then quickly dropped that look on her face after taking a look around.
“That’s your what Trixie, please finish the story!” Spike had been enthralled by the anecdotal tale, so were Pinkie and Twilight as they nodded in agreement. Sure Spike disliked Trixie, but she could really spin a good yarn.
“Why did you…” Turning her head to see what Trixie was staring at Twilight brightened up considerably. “Princess Celestia! Wait, I thought you were supposed to be arriving with the Saddle Arabia delegates.”
“Yes, well… where is Kazooie and how did she get back into Equestria and did she truly kidnap Cadence?” Celestia’s mind was going a mile a minute; the most important thing on it was that Twilight was safe. She was exceptionally paranoid hearing the shape shifting bird was back in Equestria, she just knew that the fowl creature was up to something.
“Yeah, but I really can’t feel worried about it, the only thing Kazooie actually attempted to kill the last time she was hear was Cancer. Otherwise I’ve made a proper analysis from all the things my friends have said about her, she’s much like Discord in her playful nature and that despite all my trying to see her as a viable threat… well I just can’t see it but I know she’s dangerous up here.” Twilight tapped her forehead to emphasize she could understand that Kazooie was dangerous but she just couldn’t feel endangered no matter how strange the creature was around her. “Don’t honestly know how she got back princess, but she’s here and Trixie here can vouch for that as well as my friends. She did kidnap Cadence but I haven’t a clue what she’s going to do. She’s about as random as Pinkie Pie acting like a normal pony on a really weird day.”
“So what was she doing before she kidnapped Cadence.” Celestia kind of agreed with Twilight she could see Kazooie as a threat in her head, but in her heart Kazooie was just plain annoying and not really evil.
“Let Trixie tell you a tell of woe princess.” Trixie started out somberly, she really didn’t like Celestia’s current attention being on her as it was making her feel rather small at the moment.
“Oh come on! You have to finish the story you were telling us before Celestia arrived… it’s a really good story Celly, so do something like make her finish it by royal decree or something.” Pinkie was waving a hoof in front of Celestia grabbing her attention off the blue unicorn pony. “I Pinkie Promise I’ll give you cake if you do!”
“!” Celestia suddenly had a serious look on her face and a slightly blank look in her eyes. “I decree what she said to do, but before you may only continue after she gets me what she promised.”
“Wooohooo, I’ll go get the cake now. I bet I know your favorite flavors!” Pinkie jovially said as she bounced out of the library home, to go pull a cake out of the oven.
“We shall see.” Celestia would do almost anything for a friend if cake was involved.
Minutes later Pinkie had dropped her favorite type of cake before her… she was mildly surprised and it tasted so moist and sweet. She was so glad that alicorns didn’t actually get cavities, but they still needed to polish their teeth. As she was eating her cake she listened to an overview of what Trixie has told so far from Pinkie, Spike and Twilight leading up to the line about the penguin that was never finished.
After the three, what Trixie might be willing to call friends, were finished she decided to give the final part of the story. Even Celestia tittered at the punch line; it wasn’t long before her lighthearted sounding laughter couldn’t be held in anymore. Trixie had a talent for telling interesting tales it seemed; still it was interesting that she became a magician instead of a bard.
Celestia almost forgot Kazooie was back in Equestria, almost being a key word. She learned of Trixie’s tale of the falsehoods she spouted off leading to the Ursa Minor attack and then afterwards coming back with the alicorn amulet after being pushed too far. She was perfectly happy that Twilight was safe and sound and that she learned that Kazooie had a magic reflecting spell that was oddly specific about reflecting aggressively damaging magic spells. If that were the case she could have defended herself from the solar beam Celestia unleashed on her the last time she was here, but Kazooie made quite a statement by allowing herself to be blasted in Celestia’s fury.
Kazooie was quite powerful; there were some things to consider as it seemed there were limitless possibilities for an adventurer such as one that is the princess of it. The fact that she literally had the title of an alicorn and earned it was troubling; she also has yet to have any real coronation. So thus far she was the basis of a renegade princess, Celestia wasn’t about to offer her that form of protection from the world at large. She could protect herself well enough and Celestia need not involved herself with the nutcase as long as she stayed relatively far away from Twilight and didn’t harm her beloved… student… her beloved student.
“The delegates will be arriving soon, have you prepared?” Twilight nodded with an enthusiastic smile pointed in her direction, Celestia could almost feel her heart being set ablaze by the power of the sun.
“Yeah, Trixie even agreed to help me with the show!” Twilight stated enthusiastically.
One show later…
“So where is this pony that wanted to meet Trixie?” Behind the stage Trixie was looking expectantly at Twilight, she had stayed relatively low key during the entire show making sure to stay out of the sight of the crowd. She was avoiding Twilights friends except for Fluttershy, whom was so friendly even Trixie couldn’t get angry or annoyed with her. She avoided Pinkie on the principle that she was insane.
“I don’t know Trixie I don’t see her around, you really know how to put on a great show even if you don’t need to tell a story… have you ever considered acting?” Twilight started off softly.
“Trixie has thought about it once, but I prefer not following a script and don’t ask me about writing.” Twilight looked perplexed considering the stories Trixie could tell, she could write a good book or two. Trixie decided to explain her reasoning. “My talent works mostly by word of mouth; I’d need someone to transcript everything I say and even I’m not that full of it. It wouldn’t be a good tale, I just like to be the hero of my own stories and eventually I just might actually live up to doing great things and being powerful.”
“Well Trixie you did something really great tonight, maybe I could help you along the way if you’d just ask. Maybe being powerful naturally could be a reality for you.” Twilight thought that Trixie wasn’t a truly bad pony, sure she liked to brag but that was part of her special talent and what better story then the one where you can do anything you put your mind to it?
“Excuse me, but are you Ms. Lulamoon per chance?” Hearing the soft voice ask as the thud of large hooves walked up behind them.
“Who in all of Equestria can possibly know Trixie’s…” Trixie turned around to pause as she gazed into a gentle if strangely beatifically gleeful expression.
“Hello… I’ve heard quite a bit about you… I believe we have some things in common, possibly a lot actually. I’m Princess Luna and I may haps heard of a good show being put on tonight.” The dark princess of the night herself, Luna, was standing there before Trixie. “I would like to get to know thou over some… Joe is it? I know that he makes the greatest doughnut treats in Canterlot and is a paragon of late night snack making.”
Trixie just blinked blankly; did Luna really ask her if they could have a talk over some coffee and doughnuts? Why was she was staring at Trixie like that… oh right she wants Trixie to respond. Luna was about to say something when she was cut off by the slightly intimidated Trixie. How were you supposed to respond to suddenly meeting an alicorn? If anything an alicorn would probably appreciate it if you treated them like a normal pony instead of royalty all the time, the words ‘free food’ helped ease her mind. It already helped that she’s seen Celestia today, she wasn’t about to get lucky and just suddenly meet Cadence since she was recently purportedly foal nabbed by the same being who had a large hoof in stopping her magical rampage.
“Trixie would like that, provided she can be back at Twilights before dawn. I haven’t slept in a few days. Why does a princess want to talk with me specifically, I’m no pony special.” Trixie had felt so powerful with the alicorn amulet on and she hasn’t slept much since that night after buying it, she ran directly to Ponyville after testing its alluring power
“Yes, power like that can be quite corrupting. I know its taste quite well.” Luna looked sadly to the side at the dirt and a patch of grass, but then she looked straight into Trixie’s eyes with determination. “If you believe yourself to be normal, I consider thyself to be the dirt itself that you should trod on. It’s an interesting matter of perspective I wish to share with thee. Come, we’ll talk more once we have the sugar fried heart stoppers in mouth!”
With that Trixie was teleported away with the night time princess.