//------------------------------// // Fetlock Holmes // Story: Epic Crossover Time: The Equestrian Princesses // by scarves-n-converse //------------------------------// Twilight ducked. "Gyaah!" A whole chocolate cake soared straight over her head and smashed into the wall behind her. A pink pony pranced to the white-painted barrier, dipping her booted hoof into the mess of dessert and tasting it. "Just as I suspected." "And, what is it you expected?" Detective Inspector Applestrade tilted his head and walked up behind the magenta earth pony. "Black forest, Applestrade." Applestrade shook his head. "I don't understand." The pink pony threw her forehooves into the air. "Think, Mark!" "It's 'Mac'." "Whatever!" The pony with the long Belstaff coat straightened the deerstalker upon her head. "This cake on the wall is Black Forest. Mrs. Cake made a devil's food cake. Obviously the perpetrator stole the Cakes' cake and put another cake to replace that cake right where the cake was before and now it's caked all over the walls!" Twilight raised an eyebrow. "How do you do that all in one breath?" "Fetlock Holmes, you're a genius!" DI Applestrade clopped a hoof on the wooden floor. "Aren't I?" Fetlock grinned like a filly on her birthday. "But what about the Cakes' disappearance?" Twilight inquired. Fetlock simply trotted over to a door in the corner of the shop and threw it open to reveal both Mr. and Mrs. Cake, unconscious on the ground. "Egad!" Applestrade galloped over to the couple and reached for a radio in his jacket pocket. "I need an ambulance. Stat!" The crimson stallion held out a hoof to the proud pink mare beside him. "Fetlock, we can't thank you enough for solving another case." Fetlock shook the DI's hoof, head still held high. "All in a day's work, Mary." "...Mac." "Oh." Fetlock burst out into laughter. Applestrade shook his head and helped the stallions that had just entered set the middle-aged pony couple onto stretchers and roll them out of the bakery into the vehicles waiting outside. Twilight couldn't help but just stand there, still wondering how the hay Fetlock Holmes had just solved a whole case of grand theft. In under three minutes. *** Twilight's memory of the past two days flooded her head as she lay beneath her sheets that night. The blinding white light, the rain-covered street she found herself on thereafter... "Huh? Where am I?" The hoof that had pulled her into that dark alley. "Hand over your wallet!" The thugs that had attempted to rob her. "If I were you, I'd let the mare go." And her mysterious savior. "Yeah? Who says?" "I believe, I do!" The whole scene had been a blur to Twilight. But, next thing she knew, she was standing before two unconscious ruffians and a tall, cloaked figure holding out a hoof; the alicorn taking it. And the whisper in her ear. "Run." The rest of the evening had been a blur. Running through dark streets, splashing through grimy puddles, and at the end of it all, looking up at the door of 221B Bakery Street. Sweet old Mrs. Smith, Fetlock's landlady, quickly welcoming Twilight and even serving her tea in the morning (but, don't expect her to do it all the time. She's your landlady, not your housekeeper). And Fetlock Holmes herself. What a confusing character. One moment she won't stop rambling about that pony skull on her mantle, and the next she's silent for hours upon hours. Twilight didn't understand her one bit from that first moment when the earth pony had rescued her. How could one pony know so much about everything and everyone in this town? In this country! It was impossible. But Twilight was almost forgetting the truly important matters-- reuniting with the other princesses. Surely if Twilight was in this world, Luna, Celestia, and Cadance would be in this one with her, too. Right? But, for now, Princess Twilight Sparkle was stuck as the temporary assistant of Fetlock Holmes, consulting detective (self appointed, and had made up the job herself). Hopefully, the other princesses would turn up soon; the second day of being lugged around by Fetlock was already making Twilight near-insane. The alicorn drifted off to sleep, her thoughts carrying her. And then the squeaks of a violin played in a terrifyingly awful manner caused Twilight to fall asleep with two pillows stuffing her ears. *** St. Heartholomew's. The place where your thinking of all hospitals being morbid locations is flushed down the drain. Everyone there was full of joy. The doctors, nurses, patients especially, all had a beautiful happiness about them. For the first time in what seemed like forever, Twilight was smiling as she entered the hospital. The receptionist at the front desk was smiling even greater as Fetlock entered St. Heart's. "Fetlock!" Her golden, magenta, and violet mane bounced happily as she greeted the detective with an embrace. "Good morning," Fetlock smiled, though it looked a bit forced to Twilight's seeing. "Fetlock, you'll never believe what we've got planned for you to--" Fetlock interrupted, as politely as one can when interrupting. "I know. Dr. Stablehooves has disappeared. And I'll be happy to help." "That's fantastic!" The receptionist pranced as the three headed down a hallway to the missing stallion's office. Twilight's brow furrowed as she observed the mare next to Fetlock. She looks so... familiar... Wait. "Cadance?" The alicorn blurted out. The taller mare froze, and turned around to face Twilight. "How did you know my na--" Cadance's eyes suddenly glazed over for a few seconds, but quickly she shook back to reality. "T-twilight?" Now it was Fetlock's turn to stop in her tracks. "Cadance, how do you know Twilight? I just met her two days ago!" "Twilight... how did I end up here? In a hospital?" Twilight shook her head. "I don't know. I just saw that flash of white and found myself in this world." "What's going on?" Fetlock's hoof raised in confusion. Cadance embraced the other alicorn. "I'm just glad we found each other! But what happened to Celestia and Luna?" "I have no idea." Twilight's face fell. "But we'll find them. I know we will!" "Hey!" Fetlock exclaimed. The whole hallway shook. Both mares stopped rambling and turned. "What?" "What, is going, on?!" Twilight set her hoof on the detective's shoulder. "I think you may want to sit down for this, Fetlock." *** "Look at her." He had a perfect view of the front doors of St. Heart's. "She's so perfect. So smart. So... alluring." A sigh. The binoculars over his eyes were set down on his desk. "But I can't have her. No. She'd see my ways and turn from me." Another look through the instrument. A spying of a new pony-- pretty and purple. "Oh? What is this? A new friend, Miss Holmes?" A curling of the lips. "Perhaps I ought to have a... welcoming party for your new guest..." The binoculars were thrown down for a last time. And a plan was formed. *** "Twilight," Fetlock nodded at the violet alicorn princess from another world as the trio of ponies stood just outside the doors of St. Heartholomew's. "Go on back to the flat. Get a shower, if you want. I'm going to help Cadance with this disappearance." Twilight smiled. "Okay, Fetlock." The princess prepared to go. "And, Twilight?" "Yes, Fetlock?" The detective smiled and winked. "It's a pleasure to house a princess." Twilight laughed a little and walked on her way. Hm... It's quite a long way to walk. Fetlock and I took a cab to get to St. Heart's, so... The pony started to wave. Surprisingly quickly, a yellow vehicle pulled up to the curb the princess stood on. A stallion with an orange coat and a flossy brown mane nodded to her kindly. "Come on in." The purple pony climbed in and thanked the driver. "Oh, no, miss," the driver chuckled, a little darkly. That made Twilight a little nervous. "Thank you." Twilight gasped and choked as a blue-hued gas started to fill the backseat of the cab. "What... is... this...?!" The driver's voice became exceedingly grimmer than before. "Just a little something to ease your tense muscles, miss. Go on. Take a rest." The princess' eyes rolled into the back of her head, and she fell over into the plush seat, completely unconscious. *** "What do you mean she's not home yet?!" Fetlock was distraught. Cadance gave the detective a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry, Fetlock. I haven't seen her since you two left this morning." Mrs. Smith hung her head sadly. "Where could she be? I told her to come right back here!" Fetlock was near the point of tears as the three mares stood in the doorway of 221B. Suddenly, a mailmare arrived, landing gracefully on the sidewalk outside and drawing out a letter from her leather satchel. "Letter for you, Miss Fetlock. Just came in." The detective received the envelope, and the delivery pony left. The letter was opened and unfolded. Dear Miss Fetlock, I do so admire you. Would you mind coming to my party in the basement of city hall? It's going to be a blast. Signed, C. Briearty p.s. Twilight is waiting for you. Fetlock gasped. Cadance raised a hoof to her muzzle. "What is it, Fetlock?" "We... We have to go save Twilight." *** Another tear slipped down Twilight's cheek. "Aw, don't cry, Twiley." A bight, smiling face pushed only inches from Twilight's muzzle. "We're gonna have a party! It's gonna be so much fun!" The smiling face turned into a pout. "We can't have crybabies at our parties, Twilight." The stallion's eyebrows furrowed. "So, do you know what we do to crybabies?" A light flashed on just feet from Twilight and her captor, revealing a gigantic blue and red cannon. "We shoot them with the party cannon! Doesn't that sound fun?!" Cheese Briearty strapped a colorful cone hat to Twilight's head. The princess wished she could toss it off of her head, but her hooves were tied to the chair she sat in. The stallion then jumped over to the cannon and shot the device at a pony mannequin across the room. The dummy exploded. Twilight started to tremble. "So, Twilight, if you don't wanna get blasted into next Thursday..." A hoof stroked the purple face of the alicorn tied to the chair. "I suggest you keep a happy face!" "Briearty." The stallion froze, and excitedly turned around to see two ponies. One was a pink earth pony with a long black Belstaff coat and a deerstalker upon her head. It was the most beautiful sight he'd ever laid eyes on. "It's... you..." Cheese jumped on the detective, hugging her tight. Cadance exclaimed and jumped to the side. "You came! Yay! Now the party can begin!" Fetlock pushed the stallion off of herself and snorted. "No, Briearty. Party time is over. Now let Twilight go." Briearty's smile fell. His heart broke. The one pony he'd wanted to party with ever since he laid eyes on her now rejected him. "Party time... is over?" A terrible frown slowly crawled onto Cheese's face. "Uh, oh, Twiley." Fetlock's coat was grabbed with a hoof, and the detective was raised into the air and thrown into a wall. "Augh!" Briearty stalked over to the humongous device in the center of the room. "Looks like we have a CRYBABY!" The cannon shot. Cadance and Twilight screamed. Fetlock Holmes stood from the floor. "What?!" Cheese shook his head in disbelief. His cannon had shot just an inch over Fetlock's head and made a dent in the wall behind her. "No! No! This isn't right! NO!" The stallion threw himself upon the ground. "All crybabies will be eliminated! All of them! All!" Cadance bit her lip. Such a sad sight to see... *** Twilight hugged Fetlock tightly. "It was fantastic staying with you, Fetlock." The princess laughed a little. "Even if I still don't understand all of your methods in crime solving." "It was a pleasure to know you, Twilight." Fetlock wiped a tear from her smiling face. Then the detective turned to Cadance and DI Applestrade. "What about Briearty?" Cadance grinned. "Briearty will be staying in St. Heartholomew's for a while. He should be back into society as a great stallion in a short time." Fetlock was happy about that. Somehow, she knew it wouldn't be the last time she encountered the party criminal mastermind. "Well," Twilight sighed. "I guess it's time for me and Cadance to find a way back home." Cadance embraced her sister-in-law. "We will find a way, Twiley. Don't worry." Suddenly, the whole town filled with a bright light. Fetlock Holmes winked. "Goodbye, Princess Twilight. Until we meet again."