I just want to disappear... I can't take any more of this. I don't need to go back to my friends, I don't need to fly or laugh or anything. I don't deserve to be happy. I give up. I surrender, just please make it stop. She lay on the dark floor, her body limp and her head resting in her hooves. She was trying desperately to sleep, hoping that she would never wake up.
“That's a lie Rainbow Dash. Haven't you learned yet why you are suffering through this?” She didn't look up at the source of the voice, instead burying her head deep into her crossed forelegs. She shut her eyes tight.
“Please... just go away. I understand, I'm empty and heartless. I have no soul, but still... I don't want anymore pain... please, no more.” She barely had strength to speak let alone cry.
“Even that is a lie. You want to shout, to scream at how unfair this all is. You want to beg for your life and you desperately want to your friends back, but you can't even let yourself feel that. You've locked those feelings away. Now that your bravado has failed you, the only thing you have left to hide behind is denial. So you surrender, you wrap yourself up in hopelessness just so you don't have to face the truth. You can't hide from me Rainbow Dash and you can't pretend that I'm not here. You know I will follow you into you mind, there is no escape from the truth. Now, rise and face me.” Rainbow Dash knew he was right, there was no way out for her, this was the hell she had been allotted. She raised her head to find that the restricting darkness had been replaced with a seemingly endless, pure white. Standing above her was a tan earth pony with a gray mane and tail with streaks of white. His eyes were steel gray. They were calm eyes that looked over her, analyzing her, almost as though he could see every aspect of her inside and out.
“What do you want from me? What more can you take away? I'm already broken. I've already given up. What more could you do to me?”
“You haven't even begun to be broken Rainbow Dash. I am Logic, and I am going to show you the truth.”
“What truth? That everything I ever thought I was, was a lie? That I have no soul? That I died living a lie?” Her words were loaded with spite and pain, because she knew the answers now. It was all true. Logic shook his head.
“You're not dead Rainbow Dash.” She was stunned silent, despite the calmness of his voice the words hit her like a train.
“W-what?”
“Your still alive, well sort of. Your heart stopped but you brain is still working. How else could you think and feel? How else could you be hearing me speak? No, if I had to guess I would say that you are at a hospital right now, though I can't be sure of anything else.” Rainbow Dash put her hoof to her chest, her heart still wasn't beating. Her legs became weak, she sat down, trying to absorb the shock of the news. Strangely, she didn't feel better. Then why do I still feel dead...
“If I'm not dead then... why is this happening to me? Why do I have to go through this?”
“Rainbow Dash, you've been bringing this upon yourself for a lifetime. You killed off your feelings one by one until we were all that was left of you Rainbow Dash. We are what have made up 'you'. All that you identified yourself as, your whole being as you knew it, was a patchwork of trauma, lies and bravado. You abused your emotions and killed you're heart and created him. It's no mystery why those still remaining hate you. Did you not see the state Bravado was in?” Dash looked back to him, her hoof still on her chest.
“What about you? Do you hate me? Do you want to hurt me to?” She was weak and vulnerable, her voice was full of fear and sadness. Her true feelings were coming to light.
“No, I can't hate, I can only reason. Did you know, Rainbow Dash, that you are a very smart and logical pony? You use me every time you fly, every time you read or make a decision. You and he tried to bury me, but you need me. I'm the only one left that is still somewhat healthy.”
'Why did I try to bury you?” She felt a pang of guilt, more for the fact that the stallion did not seem angry or bitter about it that the fact that she did. Is he really the strongest part left of my soul? Am I so broken and emotionless?']
“Because Rainbow Dash, I collided with the identity you deceived into being. You felt that being smart would make you seem weak. It's quite pathetic actually that the biggest reason you tried to bury me was so you could fit in, you felt so guilty that you pushed away anypony that wanted to be your friend, but at the same time you were also terrified of being alone. You were scared and confused, you buried me in bravado and chose a lie. You became brash and impulsive. Sit still too long, think too hard and I might chime in and you may have had to face things you didn't want to. In reality Rainbow Dash you are quite a know it all. You were curious and intelligent, then you were traumatized and you threw yourself away. To protect your fragile veil of who you were you shunned logic in favor of the physical and anything that gratified your lies.” What does that mean for me... It means that there was never any truth in my life, none at all. Trauma was right, I doesn't matter if I'm dead or alive. I was dead a long time ago. If he's all that's left of who I am then I'm just cold and unfeeling. I.... I have nothing left anymore. Every lie I told myself is unraveling and I feel so exposed. It's so pathetic, if this is all in my head then... I feel ashamed to even see myself. She clenched her teeth, tear drops forming in her eyes. She gave a painful and pitiful laugh. She got down on her front knees, laughing and crying at the same time, but both with tremendous pain.
“Why does it even hurt? Hah! I'm so weak and broken that I still don't know what to feel. All I know is that it hurts and I want it to stop. I want it all to go away, but I deserve it all. I don't even know if I want to live or die anymore!” She she burst out in a fit of sobs and laughter. She slammed her hoof down on the ground in a surge of rage.
“I'm so pathetic!” She shouted as the sound from the impact echoed around her. Logic watched, his gaze completely unfeeling, but his eyes seemed to study her every expression and motion.
“That, is just who you are.” He said in his cold, monotone voice as he walked in front of her, staring down at her as though she were under a microscope, she felt that it was appropriate because of how small she felt.
“Rainbow Dash, there is something I must show you. You will watch.” Rainbow Dash looked up at him. She began to force back her anguish, knowing that what she was about to see would likely bring far more pain.
“Something from my past?” Logic shook his head.
“No, I care little for the past. What you must experience now is the present. You will experience the condition of your body, a consequence of your lies, fears and emptiness.” Rainbow Dash began to feel a burning pain on the surface of her chest. She winced in pain, shutting one of her eyes tight, keeping the other on Logic.
“Will I live? Will I ever wake up?”
“I don't think you will. No, you will likely die soon. You don't have a reason to live anyway do you?” The pain slowly but surely became more intense.
“I.. I want to go back to my friends.” At this, his expression changed. He let out a short dark laugh.
“Rainbow Dash, don't you remember what I said? You both buried me in favor of anything that would gratify your lies. Your friends are no exception. Will you ever see your friends again? I don't think you will and I hope not. I never liked your friends, each one of them only helped you kill your soul. They were nothing but a comforting lie to you.”
“No.. no. Don't take them away from me! I loved my friends! Please, not them... I need them.” The emotional anguish was becoming more painful than the physical pain. She fell to the floor, huddling up into a ball, squeezing her chest as she cried.
“That's right, you need them. You need them as you need your bravado. They are another layer of lies, and they mean nothing more to you. If you live I hope you never see them again. Logically, they all hurt you as much as your other lies. All except for Twilight that is, I didn't mind her. She was the only one who saw through your lies, your walls and your shields. She brought me out many times and she dragged you out of you lies. But you just cant get close to anypony. In the end, you hurt her and your so called friends, because you have no core, no soul and no heart.”
“I.. I would never..” She stopped as the pain started to overwhelm her. She clenched her teeth as hard as she could, trying to bare the pain as long as she could. “I would never hurt Twilight or the.. the girls.” Again he laughed.
“Perhaps, if you don't die before that, you will see how wrong you are.” With those last words he turned away and began walking. Rainbow Dash held her hoof out, reaching for him in vain. She didn't want to be alone.
“Where are you going?!” She called out, but his image was beginning to fade away.
“I'm leaving before you call Shield to this place.” He stood still, facing away from her.
“I wont call him I promise! Please... please don't leave my like this..” Another chuckle came from him as he vanished from sight. His last words echoed as everything went black.
“Of course you will. It's what you have always done, because... you can't handle pain.” As soon as his voice faded the pain violently surged through her. She fell onto her back, she struggled to gasp for air but her lungs would not obey. She felt an intense urge to breath, it burned in her chest along with the pain from before. Her throat contracted violently trying to get air. She stared in horror as blood began pouring from a deep cut in her chest, then she felt pressure. With a sickening 'Crack!' one of her ribs snapped back, she could see her heart unbeating through the wound.
“Ahhhhhhhh! Help! Please! Make it stop! Shield! Take it away! Make it stop!” She shut her eyes tight, then the pain suddenly vanished. Replaced with a familiar fear. She felt a dark presence over her. She slowly opened her eyes. Her chest was normal, though she still was not breathing and her hear remained still. Then she looked up, a pair of brown eyes. She could feel malevolence raging through them. It was Shield.
“I'm here.” Her grinned sadistically at her. She rolled herself over, and cautiously stood up. No, why did I call him here? Logic, he knew I would. I'm so scared... I want this to stop!
“You want it to stop?” He said, as though drawing immense satisfaction from her thought. He raised a hoof, and swept in through the air. The darkness was replaced with floating rectangles of light. Dash watched as one lit up after the other. They all showed her. In one she was flying, wearing a Wonderbolts uniform. In another, she was with her friends. They were playing and having fun. In yet another, an adventure of daring do played it's self out. Her eyes were wide, the light from the windows reflecting in her eyes. She was mesmerized.
“Choose a comforting lie.” Upon those words Dash reached her hoof out towards the lights, euphoria filling the emptiness and pain.
Rainbow Dash!
Her hoof stopped as she looked around. Twilight?... What am I doing? She looked at the screens. Flying? The Wonderbolts? My friends? None of that was real.. I know that now.. It was all a lie. I don't deserve any of it.. especially my friends.
“None of those were me. It was all a lie...” Suddenly, the lights went out and she felt the ominous presence of Shield fade with them. She was alone again. Then, a bright light shined from an arched doorway in the darkness. It was faint, but Rainbow Dash could feel a warmth from within it.
“Come Rainbow Dash.” A soft, wispy voice called from behind the light as Dash walked into it,her steps heavy with pain and loss.