//------------------------------// // Bash Flash // Story: Spellbooks, Dating and Why Humans don't like the Arcane // by Emerald Oracle //------------------------------// "Kenny! Get up ya wanker!" Kenny's eyes fluttered open and was met with the golden eyes of Hannes. Kenny sat up too find himself sleepin on top of a still-sleeping Carlton and Grant. Kenny looked back to Hannes and noticed the tired eyes amd irritated grimace. Add that Hannes formerly groomed red feathers and white coat were stained in various places and the precarious placement of a lampshade on his head, and Kenny thought that he was at a college instead of a royal palace. "Finally! Ya know 'ow 'ard it is to get yer blooming arse up! ? Ya sleep 'eavier than a blasted rock. Your marefriend's been hunting for ya, I'd go and speak to her if I was ya." Hannes said pointing a talon to the door at the end of the room. Hannes felt another twinge of pain from his headache and grasped his skull with his claws, beak twisted into a grimace. Kenny let out a long yawn and a stretch as he sat up. He made for the door with barely a thanks to the gryphon and groaned as his own headache started to flare up. He had only ever heard of hangovers, how foolish it had been not to heed the warnings of over indulgence. As he walked slowly to the door he noticed that his robes were hanging on a chair. He looked down to find he was in a tattered undershirt and had numerous scratches across his abdomen. "What the hell happened last night?" He grabbed his robe and finished his trek to the door, feeling like crap the whole away. When he opened the door he was met with a wave of blue magic. It passed through him like a cool breeze, washing away the hangover much the same way a wave clears the sand on a beach. "Better?" Luna asked with a warm smile. Kenny grinned appreciatively back. "Better. What time is it?" Kenny asked as he pulled his robe back on. "About nine in the morning. Is that everything? I wan't to leave as soon as possible." Luna said as she circled Kenny, checking that all his articles were in check. It looked like he hadn't lost anything during the party, good thing she was there to ensure that. "What's the rush?" Kenny asked walking out the door, deciding to leave the Band of Rogues to their sleep. "If I remember correctly, we were in the middle of something were we not?" Luna said with the best bedroom eyes she could muster. The tone of her voice and the look of her eye's both flew right over Kenny's head, on account that he noticed a certain pegasus was missing from his usual place by his side. "Where's Flash?" The innocent question threw Luna for a spin, she had been so busy keeping track of Kenny last night she had lost Flash along the way. She had realized he was missing and went to look for him only to turn up with nothing and to find Kenny had gotten into friendly albeit drunken fights with his three new guy friends. "I do not know." Luna answered. "Was he not with you?" "No, he wasn't. It was just me and Edith's friends. Speaking of, where's Edith?" Kenny could assume she had simply went back to her own room, but he had learned last night she was no lady after a couple hard scotches. She wouldn't have minded waking up surrounded by the rapscallions she called friends. Luna hadn't cared about Edith's dissappearence, finding it only helped her check that Kenny not get involved in any excessive mischief. "I'm sure she is sound asleep in her bed. Now I think we should focus on finding Flash and heading home." So I can snuggle the harmony out of you. Luna added internally. Kenny agreed, but where to start? Maybe Edith would know, assuming she wasn't too hungover to help... "Is this real life?" Flash asked as the royal gryphon nuzzled him. "It sure isn't fantasy..." Edith breathed as she surrounded herself in the musk of the stallion. Flash absentmindedly snuggled back, his unbreakable thousand-yard stare trying to find the truth of his position. He snapped out of his thoughts when Edith dragged a talon down his back, elliciting a strange, yet oddly familiar, sensation. "You are quite talented, I'll give you that." Edith whispered into his ear. "Where did you learn to do that?" "If I could remember what it was I would be glad to share." Flash said with a shaky grin. Edith's expression turned from a satisfied lethrgic to surprised concern. "You don't... But it was amazing! You did things that no other lover has ever done before with me. It was like sex nirvana!" Edith said with genuine pity. "I can't stop thinking about it! Surely you learned them somewhere!" "Princess, you are the first female I have ever hit the hay with. I have never learned or praticed anything." Edith gave him a look of shock and awe. "Then you're just that naturally talented!?" Edith pratically yelled, grabbing Flash by his shoulders. "Do you know what this means!" "Noo..." Flash said timidly, the statement sounding like a question. "It means that you have no where to go but up!" Edith said excitedly. "You'll revoultionize the world of bed-ridden pleasure!" Edith stared off at some fantasy land where Flash was a sex god, whilst the real Flash was both grateful and embarrassed by the compliments he had recieved thus far. "So what now?" Edith stopped there. It was a question she hadn't expected. Usually after she laid a male she would find something about them that turned her off, like being a total snob or treating her like she couldn't think for herself (which they recieved a prompt beating for). The only guys she found tolerable where the Band of Rogues, and she hadn't touched any of them. Maybe... Maybe she should give Flash a chance? Flash sat there trying his best to remember what had happened last night. Tartarus take him if he was gonna let the night he lost his virginity slip away from him. He rubbed his head in concentration, trying to see past the haze of alcohol to where his memories were stored. Edith trying to decide whether or not to actually start something with Flash went unnoticed by him. Eventually he sick of the stickiness from last night and asked if he could Edith's shower. She nodded her head in an affirmitave and watched the stallion walk to her bathroom, admiring the ripped flank of the pegasus guard. Now she knew why her hips were so sore. She finally left the bed when she heard the shower turn on. She didn't know what to do then, she couldn't freshen up with Flash in the bathroom, she couldn't go outside as she was, and she couldn't eat without going outside. She was stuck. She began to regret letting Flash take the shower, right up until she got a devious and lewd idea. She waltzed into the bathroom eager to get started on her day. "Armin! Thank heavens! Do you know where Flash is?" Kenny said as he approached the old gryphon enjoying a spot of tea, Luna not far behind. He gently layed his cup down on his saucer before speaking in his crisp, polite voice. "Yes, I do. He should be in her Highness's quarters, assuming she hasn't kicked him out yet. I'd hurry, he has maybe ten minutes." He said as calmly as if he were talking about the weather. "Wait, what? What is that supposed to mean?" Kenny asked, sidetracked by his confusion. "No time to explain." Armin said without even opening his eyes, pushing Kenny in the direction of Princess Edith's room. "Twenty doors down on your right." With that Armin left to complete some more of his butler duties. Kenny figured he would find out what he meant when he got there. He followed Armin's directions, Luna sticking as close and as silent as ever. He came to a guarded oak door with gold accents. The guards saw them and asked them to wait, one of them entering the room. He was gone for barely a minute before returning with a look of utter shock, whispering something into his partner's ear. Once they both shared a look of shock they turned to their confused spectators. "Are you friends with the orange pegasus?" One guard asked. Kenny nodded an affirmative. The guard nervously scratched his neck as he continued. "Your friend is, um... He is, uh, occupied as of right now by the Princess. They have requested that you wait a little longer while they, eh, 'freshen up'." The gryphon looked almost guilty as the Kenny processed this and Luna realized what was going on. "Wait, freshen up? Why is Flash in her room to begin with? I mean wha-" Kenny was stopped by Luna giving him a forceful nudge. When she had gotten Kenny's attention she gestured with her head to down the hall. The guards breathed sighs of relief as they left. When they were around the corner the other guard finally spoke up. "Gods above, why does this always happen! This is the third time this week I've walked in on a couple making love, it's like I'm cursed!" "I told you not to piss of that zebra, that voodoo junk ain't a joke." Kenny was a little irritated that Luna had pulled him away from getting his friend back. "This better be good Luna! I wanna know what Edith is keeping Flash locked up for!" "Do you really want to know?" Luna asked teasingly. "Cause I have a pretty good idea." "Really?" Kenny asked, grabbing Luna by her shoulder. "Tell me woman!" Luna used a hoof to pull Kenny's ear to her mouth, her fuzzy muzzle tickling the sensitive skin. She whispered in the smallest little voice, a hint of girlish glee permeating it, "They are rutting like rabbits!" Kenny gave her a deadpan, "Wut?" Luna let out a quiet giggle, loving the reaction she got from him. "They are making love, Love. I sugest we head home while they have their fun." "Wut?" Luna magically pulled him along as his brain processed what he had been told. A part of him that still functioned took a note that it should honestly have gotten use to the mind-fucks by now, but mind-fucked he was regardless. He sat in disbelief with his best friends luck all the way back to Canterlot. "Are you sure this is a good idea?" Flash asked Kenny, who was setting up gigantic firework on a Canterlot Castle balcony. He tied the rocket's stand to the balcony to ensure there wouldn't be any nasty surprises. "You fucked a ferocious, man-eating, clawed woman, who is also a gryphon. You tell me," Kenny said with a smug smirk. "Are you ever going to stop pratting on about that?" Flash yelled in frustration, hooves colliding with his face. "It's been a week! We haven't done it since!" "Bullshit, you think I don't know when she visits?" Flash's face turned to one of fearful shock. "Or how you always head off to the dungeons when she does. If you wanted to have some privacy I would have been glad to give you guys my room and a muffling spell." Kenny said with a little indignation from his friends lack of trust. "I'm your bro, we look out for eachother." Flash shamefully rubbed the back of his head. "I-I'm sorry. It's just this relationship is risky enough as it is, I didn't want to risk anyone catching wind that Edith and I were doing it." "Why does it matter?" Kenny asked as he double-checked the rig. "If the media makes a bunch a crap about it just ignore it, it's what me and Luna do." "It's not the public eye we're avoiding, it's her father's eye we want to avoid." Flash explained, staring off the balcony to the horizon. "He doesn't take kindly to his daughter flirting with 'a pony peasant'." Kenny winced, "Oooooo... Harsh." "Yeah..." Flash said with a hint of gloom, but perked up when he spoke again, "Thanks for your help Kenny. With your help, we can probably keep this going a little longer. Though, I have to ask. What are you going to do while we catch up?" "Luna doesn't matter the reason, if I ask to stay the night in her room she leaps on it like a cat. Sometimes I do it just to see her reaction." Kenny said with a chuckle. "Okay, it's all set. Ready to see this baby blow?" "Where did you get this thing anyway?" Flash asked as he approached what he believed to be the minimum safe distance. "From Trixie, an amateur unicorn magician. Had this baby in her mobile home. Got it for twenty bits and a recommendation." "Recommendation?" "I made an off statement to the paparazzi that she was good. That's all she wanted. The twenty bits I had to pratically force her to take." Kenny explained. He flicked his thumb out of his fist whilst muttering Ignis, a small flame igniting on the tip. "I've always wanted to do that..." He held out his thumb to the long fuse of the firework. Once it started burning away he ran over to Flash and pulled up a protective barrier. Flash gave him a dirty look when he saw the translucent black barrier seperate the from the firework. "What?" Kenny said. "I never said it wasn't dangerous." They both watched as the fuse slowly burned it's way to the rocket. When it reached it's destination the two plugged their ears with their respective appendages. They waited for the inevitable boom of the ignition, but it never came. The firework weakly fizzled and went out. When Kenny didn't hear the roar he was expecting he looked at the dud and growled in anger. "That lousy cheat!" He yelled, dropping the barrier and stomping towards the firework. He gave it a swift kick, dislodging it fro it's stand. When he did the firework suddenly began to emit more sparks. Flash saw this and did what any decent bodyguard would. Flash tackled Kenny to the ground, yelling, "Get down!" The firework finally went off, flying into the balcony rail and bouncing off it like a billiard's ball. It flew straight into the castle wall before deflecting again and flying in a huge arc away from the castle and to the countryside below. The two boys watched with baited breath as it went lower and farther till... KRAKOOM!!! They stared in awe as the firework ignited the air in a fantastic display of colored light's of every coloer flying in every direction. It was so bright that the even the sun didn't outshine it. Every flare that was produced itself exploded into another bloom of color, and every flare from that did as well, until the whole countryside was awashed with sparkling gold dust. Kenny and Flash stayed where they were for the time being, still admiring the display. "Best twenty bits spent ever!" Flash finally said. Kenny was going to add something along the lines of 'Sending Trixie a new cape and hat' when he saw something that made him freak. "Uh oh.." "What is I-SHIT!" Flash said as the steadly rising thin trail of smoke caught his eye. "What are we gonna do!" Flash said getting off of Kenny. "The Princesses are gonna kill us!" "No they won't." Kenny said with determination. "We're going to stop this now." "How?!" "Like this, Teletrans!" In a flash of light, Flash and Kenny we're transported directly above the fire. About a couple hundred feet above to be exact. Flash saw his friend begin to plummet like a stone and immediately flew to catch him, Kenny screaming all the while. Just as Flash was about to grab him he vanished again. Flash immediately panicked and began looking around for his friend, fearing the worse. He stopped when he felt a rock collide with his armor, he turned to find it's thrower and received another pebble to his barrel. He found Kenny sitting in a tree with the biggest grin on his face. Flash glared at him, seething. "You prick! You almost gave me a heartattack!" Flash yelled as he approached his bro. "If you ever do that again, I'll buck you to Appleloosa!" "Oh, piss off. I'm fine aren't I?" Kenny said as he clambered from the tree. "Come on, let's find the fire before it spreads." Doing this was pretty easy, they only walked a couple yards when the burning foliage came into view. The fire had claimed three trees already and the underbrush beneath it. They would have to act quickly if they wanted to stop it. Kenny first contained the fire by surrounding the area in a bubble of magic, once that was set up he told Flash to get a rain cloud. Kenny waited and fed the barrier while Flash did his part. All was well up until a bush moved. Then the bush turned out to be a gigantic flaming timber-wolf that ran straight for the barrier. It rammed right against it and Kenny felt the whole construct's integrity drop. He struggled to keep it together as it rammed again and again. He wanted to let it go, but it would probably maul him after it spread the fire and fucked the forest. It pained him to see it burn before his eyes. He prayed that Flash would be quick. It took a whole five minutes for Flash to get the cloud and return. He postioned it above the fire and waited for Kenny to create an opening before making it rain. It took another couple minutes before it was completely out and Kenny dropped the barrier. Kenny rushed to the spot where the timber-wolf had been to find the charred body laying on the ground. Flash flew down to find Kenny lying over it, looking for any signs of life. Seeing this Flash grabbed him and pulled him away from it, saying, "What are you doing! Do you want to get killed!" Kenny shrugged him off and prepared the healing spell he had for the times he experimented with magic, a precaution he made after Celestia broke his leg. He didn't know if it would work, but he really didn't want to live with the guilt of setting an animal on fire and watching it burn in agony right in front of him. He placed his glowing hands on the animal and was glad to sense it was still alive. He fed it his magic, forcing its body to heal itself. He watched the charred wood of the timber-wolf's body began to regain it's color, the burns fading back to their regular brown and leaves budding on it's back. Kenny began to feel faint as he cut off the magic and saw the slow rise and fall of the timber-wolves breath. "Whew! That's better. Come on Flash, I think I've got enough juice left to get us home. Just let me- OH MY GOD!!!" Kenny yelled when the timber-wolf pounced on him. Flash made to help him but stop when instead of screams of agony he heard peals of ticklish laughter. The timber-wolf licked away at Kenny's face, Kenny trying his best to make it stop whilst it did. "No! Haha! Please, buddy! Bahahaha! Come, haha, on!" Kenny yelled out.The timber-wolf did eventually stop sitting on its haunches while Kenny recovered and Flash Sentry watched. "What the Fuck!?" Flash said throwing his hooves at the complete bullshit in front of him. "Awwww, you're kinda cute!" Kenny said, scratching the wood behind the timber-wolf's ears. "I'm gonna name you Holly."