Chapter 2: Caramelized
With their first day in Ponyville done, the royal couple had made themselves comfortable in their rented guest house by Golden Oak Library. However, Shining Armor was putting aside touring the country the next day for a more pressing matter. He, along with Big Macintosh, staked out outside the home of Caramel, hiding in the bushes. The humble tan earth pony exited his house in the late morning and merrily went on to start his day. Little did he know that Phase One of Operation: Brodown Throwdown was about to commence.
"Alright, there he is." Shining Armor said quietly as the two spied on their target. "You know the plan, right Mac?"
"Right, we hogtie the son-of-a-gun, then kick him until he's black and blue, and run him out of town before he can lay another hoof on mah little AJ!" Big Mac shook his hoof with rage.
"No no no!" Armor snapped him out of it. "We can't just resort to that yet. The first thing they teach you in the Royal Guard is to know thy enemy." He then pointed to Caramel who stopped to sniff a flower while humming. "If we want to expose Caramel for the scumbag he really is, then we have to get the dirt on him."
"I hear ya," Big Mac nodded. "We bury him!"
"I mean information! We're going to spy on Caramel throughout the day, and study his usual habits and what he does on average. We're bound to find something that he's hiding."
"Eeyup, then we come in fer the kill."
"Just remember to stay quiet as a mouse. And for Auntie Celestia's sake, don't let him see you. Now let's mobilize!"
Stealthily, the two brothers followed Caramel into town, creeping low and distant. As they ducked behind corners in pursuit, Caramel greeted the regulars of Ponyville, as he lugged his trusty saddlebag.
"Good morning, Caramel!" waved Junebug.
"Hi there, Junebug," replied Caramel. "How's the baby doing?"
"Oh she's fine, thanks for asking."
"Pfff," scoffed Shining Armor from a nearby alley. "I bet he says that to all the mares."
Ever diligently, the bros continued to stalk the happy-go-lucky stallion into the marketplace, where customers were bustling about making the best bargains. From atop a flat roof, Shining Armor made a vantage point and located Caramel from a bird's eye view. Using military grade binoculars, he watched his every step, switching between thermal, X-ray, and night vision. The captain then spoke into a walkie-talkie.
"This is Ironsides to Green Hoof. Come in Green Hoof." He called.
"Roger that, Ironsides," responded Big Mac on the other line, who was hiding behind a small potted ficus in the marketplace. "Do ya have a visual, over?"
"Target is sighted at Daisy's soil stand." Armor replied, looking through night vision again.
"Copy that, I'm goin' in."
Like a camouflaged predator, Big Mac pushed the ficus with his nose in front of him, as he crawled around the marketplace. He tripped up and caught the confused eyes of many shoppers before finally reaching the kiosk where Daisy sold fresh fertilizer by the sack. Caramel was conversing with the clerk.
"So, are the crops coming in nicely, Caramel?" asked Daisy.
"Well, they should at least by the end of the month." Caramel said. "I just wish I can expand on enterprise."
"Hmm, mighty suspicious talk." Big Mac whispered to himself, overhearing his target.
"I'm sure you'll sell plenty very soon." Daisy assured him. "Unfortunately, I only have one bag left that has the right soil you need. That'll be forty bits."
"Oof, I'm trying to watch what I spend lately." Caramel looked awkwardly.
"You know what? Just for you, I'll mark it down to twenty." Daisy winked.
"Wow, thanks Daisy!" smiled Caramel. "You really know when to-"
"Hold it!" said Big Mac as he butted in next to Caramel suddenly. "I'll pay for that soil full prince!" He slammed the correct amount of bits on the counter.
"Ooookay." Daisy said, looking at him perplexed. "Here you go."
"Wait a minute!" intervened Caramel. "I can pay full price! Forty bits it is."
Big Mac could tell he really need that soil, and held firm. "I'll do ya one better! Fifty bits!"
"Um, uh, fifty-five bits!" Caramel began to sweat.
"Guys, this is not an auction." Daisy said. "It's just a sack of dirt!"
"Sixty bits!" glowered Big Mac, slamming down more money.
"Sixty-five bits!" added Caramel nervously.
"Seventy-five bits!" Big Mac topped him.
"Uh, uh, seventy-eight bits and some breath mints?!" Caramel desperately searched the bottom of his saddlebag.
Big Mac buckled down and pulled out all the stocks. "Ninety...five...bits! Take it or leave it!"
"Ah shoot, I can't top that." Caramel sunk his head. "Oh well, I'm sure I still have enough back home. Nice haggling with ya, buddy." He shrugged off losing his biding war and went off humming merrily again.
Big Mac narrowed his eyes as he watched him leave. "Enough for what exactly, you slime?" he seethed.
"Jeez, just take the soil already!" Daisy pushed the sack to him, irritated.
"Keep it," said Big Mac. "My work here is done." He proudly strode off, forgetting his ninety-five bits.
"Nice work there, soldier," said Shining Armor as the two met in the center. "Who knows what he was planning to do with all that soil?"
"Eeyup, but I say we should still follow him. I have a feelin' Caramel, if that's even his real name, has got more to hide."
"Alright then, which way did he go?"
Big Mac looked from side to side. "He went left!" he said, pointing to the right.
Shining Armor gave him a bemused stare briefly. "Let's just ask around."
Soon enough, the brothers were back on the trail for the mysterious threat to Applejack. It wasn't long before the pair found themselves hiding outside Carousel Boutique, where Rarity was waving some off at the front door. Sure enough it was Caramel, leaving the fabric store with a sizable and ornately designed purple rug, neatly folded and placed on his back. The brothers' suspicion grew.
"What in tarnation do ya think that rug's for?" asked Big Mac.
"Who knows. Maybe he's going to pawn it off." Shining Armor replied. "And after all that hard work Rarity put into it!"
"Come on everypony, smile smile smile!" Caramel sang to himself.
"I just wanna kick that no-good swindler right in the chompers!" grumbled Big Mac.
"Be cool, Mac," said Armor. "It's not over until the fat lady sings."
"Fat lady? What fat lady?" he glared. "Are you talkin' about mah AJ?!"
"Just keep moving!"
Shortly after, Caramel's next stop was Sugarcube Corner, where Pinkie Pie was on duty. Shining Armor and Big Mac sat on the outside bench ducking behind the same newspaper as their target entered the bakery.
"Should we go in after him?" asked Armor.
"Nah, hang on," answered Big Mac. "With Pinkie Pie in there, she'll blow our cover."
"Good point, we'll just have to wait until he comes back out."
"AAAAAHHH!!!" Suddenly, a shrill scream burst from inside the bakery, sending shivers up the brothers' spines.
"That...doesn't sound good." Shining Armor gulped.
"Wait, someone's comin' out!" Big Mac held up the newspaper again, peeking through ripped holes.
As they expected, Caramel exited Sugarcube Corner; but the sight of him shocked the spying brothers. Caramel whistled while polishing off a large carving knife; the carpet on his back was now awkwardly rolled up instead of folded. After stowing the knife in his bag, he casually strode off again, tossing the paper towel he polished with on the ground. The stain left on it was bright red. Shining Armor and Big Mac gawked in horror.
"No...no it- it can't be!" stammered Big Mac.
"He...he...he murdered Pinkie Pie!" Shining Armor cried out.
"I knew he had to be bad, but...this is just...pure evil!"
"Big Mac, we gotta take this lunatic down!" Armor grabbed his shoulders.
"I'm way ahead of ya, Shinin' Armor." He stood up triumphantly. "Nopony murders one of mah friends and gets away with it! Not in mah town Caramel, you cold-blooded killin' snake-in-the-grass!"
"Wow, you're pretty tough, Big Mac," said Armor. "I should've gotten you a weapon from the Guard."
Big Mac stomped his hoof with intimidation. "Pardner, I am a weapon!"
...
Within a few minutes, after making their horrid discovery, Shining Armor and Big Mac tailed Caramel all the way back to his house. The culprit was nowhere in sight, yet the cellar door on the side of the house was wide open. It was there that they would make their approach. But before the two could proceed, they heard faint and quiet weeping coming from inside. It was Fluttershy, who came out of the cellar wiping tears from her eyes.
"Fluttershy? What's the matter?" asked Shining Armor, concerned.
The gentle pegasus tried to regain her composure. "Oh, it's...it's nothing, Shining Armor. Caramel doesn't want me to say. I'll be fine." She walked off, sniffling more.
"That double-crosser made Fluttershy cry!" seethed Big Mac with vengeance.
"Let's handle this punk once and for all!" Shining Armor descended into the cellar, preparing for the worst. He and Big Mac came to an old wooden door and flattened themselves on the wall on both sides. But there was something in the air that threw them both off as Armor took a sniff. "Agh!" He covered his nose in disgust. "What is that stench?!"
"It's probably the rotting bodies of his former victims." Big Mac said. "You ready to pounce, Armor?"
"You know it!" With a swift hoof, Shining Armor kicked down the flimsy door and they burst into the unknown. "Freeze, Caramel! It's all over!"
"AAAH!" Caramel gave an effeminate scream as he froze in front of his mysterious project. A large table stood in the back of the darkened basement under florescent lights, with its mysterious contents draped over by the purple rug from before. The bitter stench in the air grew stronger.
"What in the name of all that is good and magic have got cookin' up in here you rattlesnake?!" bellowed Big Mac.
"Whoa! Hang on! I can explain!" said Caramel, frantically.
"Explain what?" glared Shining Armor. "That you stabbed and killed Pinkie Pie with a knife? Then you hid her body in a rolled up rug, and then used soil to bury her?"
Big Mac pressed his face into Caramel's and backed him into a wall. "And let me guess, ya forced poor little Fluttershy to help you with your dastardly deed, and to keep it all a secret! We saw it all, Caramel, and we're here for justice! Cold...hard...justice!"
"What?! No no, wait a minute! That's not what's going on at all!" Caramel took a calming breath and pulled away from his accuser and approached the covered table. "I never murdered anypony. Everything you two saw me doing today was all for a secret project of mine."
"Tell us already!" demanded Shining Armor.
"You see, apples were never my true passion." He explained as he removed the rug. "It's onions!"
"Onions?!" the brothers said at the same time.
Caramel revealed an entire nursery of onion plants, growing under the bright lights in boxes full of soil. Around the table, overflowed burlap sacks of onions sat, stinking up the air with their pungent odor. "Let me explain. I've been growing these onions for the past few months. But I've been running out of the right type of fertilizer, and Daisy was the only one I knew who had it. Also, Rarity gave me one of her old rugs for me to use as a blanket for the plants. Then I had to borrow Pinkie's chef's knife, because I needed something sharp enough to cut through the onions' tough texture. But before she gave it to me, Pinkie showed off her skills with the knife by chopping a tomato in the air. I screamed because I thought she would hurt somepony; but she was surprisingly good. So I wiped off the tomato juice and returned home with the knife to start chopping up onions."
"Choppin' them for what?" asked Big Mac.
"For my special caramelized onion gumbo!" Caramel proudly showed them a boiling pot of thick broth and various veggies and spices floating around in it. "Fluttershy was helping me prepare it, but she had to step outside because the odor from the onions made her tear up. Yes sir, onions are truly where I thrive! Sure, apples are sweet and juicy, but they can't match the raw, earthy grit of a fresh, tough onion!" He then held up a large raw white onion and took a big chomp.
"Eww!" Shining Armor covered his nose again. "No wonder it reeks in here!"
"But why in Equestria are ya growin' onions in this basement?" asked Big Mac.
"I wanted to keep it a secret." Caramel admitted. "I knew everypony would think I'm crazy for growing onions; plus the soil isn't right so I had to make my own nursery. But the real reason is that I want to start a new business! I don't just want to sell onions. I want to sell them along with your apples, Big Mac! And I knew if I gained Applejack's trust enough, she would agree and we could merge! Think about it, apples and onions! It just makes sense!"
"It makes less sense than what we suspected." Shining Armor mumbled to himself.
"I'm really sorry, guys." Caramel frowned. "I didn't mean to cause any suspicion. But what do you say we settle all this over some nice gumbo, and we'll talk about our new trade! Are ya with me, Big Mac?"
"Are you outta yer mind?!" glared Big Mac again. "Onions are nasty! And I ain't lettin' some stinkin' onion growin' freak take mah sister's hoof!"
"Big Mac, what are you saying?!" replied Caramel.
"I'm sayin' you ain't never gonna see AJ again! We're gonna put you in yer place!"
Caramel gulped, not knowing what horrible fate awaited him.
...
"Please, Big Mac! Can't we talk about this?!" said Caramel desperately.
"It's for your and Applejack's own sake, pal." Big Mac replied. He and Shining Armor had hogtied the secret onion farmer and stuffed him into a cart full of his own crops. Then he was hooked up to the back of the Ponyville Freight Express at the train station.
"I never meant to do any harm!" pleaded Caramel. "What will Applejack think?!"
"Believe me, she won't know yer gone." Big Mac sneered. "It's a long way to Apploosa for you."
"But it's hot there! My onions will dry up! And I don't have any sunscreen!"
"Don't worry, Caramel," smiled Shining Armor. "I'm sure it'll be layers of fun!...Get it?...Layers?" He was simply slapped by Big Mac for his bad pun.
Immediately, the engine blew its whistle and the freight train was departing the station, pulling Caramel along with it. "No! No! NOOOOOOOOO!!!" And just like that, he was out of sight.
"Wait to go, Big Mac!" said Shining Armor. "Looks like Applejack is safe from the male persuasion."
"Tweren't nothin'." Big Mac smiled. "I couldn't have done it without ya, pardner."
"Yeah, but we're not done yet. What was the name of that guy Twily is hanging around with?"
"Time Turner."
"Sounds pretty shifty to me. Get ready, Mac, it's time for Phase Two. I won't rest until my Twily is out of the wrong hooves!" Shining Armor pronounced as he put on his captain's war face.