//------------------------------// // I'm Dreaming of a Big Cheeseburger // Story: Cause, Effect, and Consequences // by Coltsguy //------------------------------// I was running. I was running as hard and as fast as I could. I looked back and saw that it was no use. It was catching up. I had another twenty seconds or so until it caught up with me. It would do horrible things to me. Things I dared not describe. It would- “Why art thou running from a house cat?” I heard someone ask. I turned my head and running alongside me to my left was Princess Luna. “Just keep running! It’ll catch us!” “But tis merely a cat,” she asked confused. “Besides this is merely a dream. It cannot harm you here.” I slowed down and eventually stopped. This was a dream? Wait, I know this. I turned around and took a look at the cat. It had stopped running after me as well. It was completely black and had red slitted eyes. There were also parts of it that occasionally went translucent. “Huh, I haven’t had this dream in a very long time. I wonder why I’m having it now?” “Tis a strange cat as well. Perhaps a phobia made manifest?” “Sort of. It’s from a show I once watched when I was a kid. It was about a black cat that went and killed people. Some of which were pretty gruesome. Not something and eleven year old should see.” “I see. You must face your fear in order to overcome it.” “I know. I overcame this a while ago. I realized that it wasn’t real and it couldn’t hurt me.” I watched as the cat eventually faded away completely. “Well done. You conquered your fear quite admirably.” “Yeah, I would’ve done it many years before that if I didn’t have that stupid prophetic dream.” “What prophetic dream?” “Well, when I was younger I had a dream that I was sitting in a chair and there was this cat staring back at me. After a few seconds, it ran on the ground towards me, bounded up the chair, and took a seat right next to my head. It freaked me right out when years later the exact thing happened in the basement of my aunt’s house. I was staring at that cat for about fifteen seconds until I remembered that dream and as soon as I did, sure enough, that cat bounded up the chair and parked itself right next to my head on the back of the chair. I was pretty freaked out for a while. I pretty much froze in place and kept looking straight at it. For all I knew that cat was ready to pounce at my jugular the second I made a move any which way. After a few minutes of staring at each other, I eventually was able to start moving away from it. It took another minute to get out of that chair and when I did I backed up to the stairs and went straight out of that basement.” “Tis truly a harrowing tale,” she commented dryly. “Oh cut it out Luna. It felt like my worst fear came right out of my dreams to try and kill me like Freddy Kruger.” “Pray tell, what is this Freddy Kruger?” “A dream creature that hunts you down in your dreams and kills you. If he manages to do so, then you die back in the real world.” “This Freddy Kruger sounds like a horrible beast.” “He is. Just be glad he isn’t real. Anyway, it’s nice to see you Luna. How are things?” She looked at me confused. “What things art thou taking about?” “Nevermind,” I said waving her off. “It’s been quite a while since we’ve seen each other before I got back. You’ve been doing well I hope?” “Indeed, I have. Though not much can harm an alicorn such as I.” “True enough. Still, physical trauma isn’t the only kind of trauma.” “I do not know thee well enough to talk about personal matters.” “Yeah, I guess you’re right. For the record, though, you have lots of people supporting you back where I’m from. Just don’t think that you’re not liked okay?” She gave me a look that radiated discomfort. “I’m still not sure I am fully comfortable with my life being a form of amusement. It seems… rather intrusive.” “It’s just stories to us. It’s no different from reading a book. For all you know, the last fictional story you read is a real occurrence in an alternate world. Heck, I went to six other worlds that were just created from the minds of regular folks. I doubt any of them even realize that their work is something that actually exists out in the infinite reaches of the multiverse.” She looked off to the side for a few moments before looking back at me. “Perhaps you are correct. My view may be colored since this concerns me as well. Tis a conversation for another night.” I was about to ask what she meant, but the environment around me started to dissipate. “I’d love to have a chat with you again sometime. Sound good to you?” I asked. “Again. Perhaps,” she said and then disappeared. I shrugged and felt my consciousness fade away. I awoke with a sense of grogginess. I could feel that I had not slept well, but when did I ever anymore? I stayed in bed for a few minutes just doing nothing before pulling off the covers and sliding out of bed. Honestly, for all the headaches the rest of that house had, what he did with my room made it about even. I stood up and grabbed my glasses off of the end table. Putting them on I took a quick look around the room. I was glad that Discord had placed all the things I left here before he touched up the place on that dresser. I didn’t really want to go searching for them at some point or worse if he erased them from existence when he redid the place. Especially Oatmeal since he was as old as I was and I cared for that lovable teddy bear. Walking over to that dresser, I opened the second drawer from the top. All my one pair of clothes were in there. I still didn’t have any other clothes to wear. There was also the problem that this place didn’t come with a washer or dryer so cleaning them would end up being quite troublesome. It really got me to think about all the clothes that all the ponies wore. Sure most of them didn’t wear clothes almost all the time. Still, they had to do so or Rarity wouldn’t have a job. The thing that interested me was what they did with them. Did ponies clean clothes or did they go through them like disposable diapers? I shook that thought away since it was a terrible analogue. I only had to wear these today and hopefully I could get some new clothes from Rarity today. Normally, at least I think normally, whenever she finds new things to work on she puts in a lot of effort. I hope that went far into getting a new outfit. After taking out my clothes and putting them on, I checked the time on my watch. I then mentally kicked myself since no one had yet given me the correct time. I also kicked myself for realizing that I hadn’t brought any of my diabetes supplies. No medicine, no testing strips, no nothing came with me. “Holy crap am I stupid,” I said out loud. “I really needed to think this whole thing out before I came.” Sighing at my own stupidity, I picked up and put on my hat and exited the room. As I closed the door behind me, I noticed a letter, or I should say scroll, on Discord’s door. I walked over to his door and pulled it off by what I think was gum attached to it. I unfurled it and began to read. Or I would have if it didn’t start reading out loud for me in Discord’s voice. Dear Seth, I’m afraid I won’t be able to join you for breakfast this morning. Twilight decided to be a little tattle tale and let Celestia know about the fake heads I had hanging in my room. Needless to say, the princesses have asked me to swing by the castle for a chat about it. I should be back some time before nightfall. Or not. Whenever. Your Roomie Discord Ah crap. Discord took off and now I’m stuck in a house without food. Sure, I got by last night thanks to him whipping up a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches and a glass of Pepsi. Now though? He made up the entire place and didn’t leave any food in it. I guess I’m glad that there’s running water and heat to the place. It’d be pretty crappy without it. Still, no food is going to be an issue. I walked on past his room and into the living room. I honestly wasn’t sure what I was going to do for the day. Yeah, I could go outside and just wing it, but I really didn’t want to be anywhere near the ponies just yet. They didn’t have any memory of me anymore and they were back to square one with their preconceptions of me. The stares I got from them yesterday told all I needed to. I’m not sure about how they’ll react to me without the others around me. Heh. Why would I not know? I’m sure I’d get the Zecora treatment from them. A knock on the front door stopped my line of thinking. I turned my head to the door and noticed something quite odd. For some reason, Pinkie Pie’s face was now pictured on the door. I didn’t notice it there yesterday when I closed the door after Twilight. Did Discord do that? Wait. “Who is it?” “It’s your brand new friend Pinkie Pie!” I heard a very chipper voice reply. Huh. The door has knocker i.d. That’s new. I walked over to the door and opened it up for her. “Come on in if you want Pinkie.” She went and hopped in past me and into the living room. I shut the door behind her and walked in as well. “So what brings you to my house at whatever time it is now?” “I came over to invite you to your very own ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ party! I’ve already sent all the invitations to everypony in Ponyville to welcome you in style! All that’s left is to give you your invitation.” She then reached into the saddlebags that I didn’t even notice and pulled out my invitation. “Here you go!” After a thank you, I opened up the invitation and took a look at it. You are hereby cordially invited to: Seth the human’s ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ party extravaganza. Please RSVP with Pinkie Pie ASAP so that you’re not LATE! I didn’t see where or when so I flipped it over. Party is to be held at Sugarcube Corner Party starts at 6 p.m. “Thanks again for the invitation. I’d offer something for you to eat, but I’ve got nothing anywhere in the house.” “You don’t have to offer me anything, silly. In fact, why don’t you come to Sugarcube Corner?” She looked around real quick and then leaned in conspiratorially to me. “You can try out the cupcakes early,” she whispered to me. I stifled a chuckle and thought about it for a second. Yeah, I wanted to try out those cupcakes again. I normally don’t like cupcakes, but the one I did get from her the last time I was here was really delicious. Still, I had a problem now that I didn’t have then. Well, at least I was more aware of it this time. “I wish I could, Pinkie, but I’m diabetic so I can’t.” “Diabetic? What’s that?” As she asked, she tilted her head slightly and put one ear flat to her head. I only mention this because it was both funny and d’awful at the same time. “Well, in basic terms… well it means that the food I eat can’t have very much sugar in it. Or any at all in some cases. Many kinds of desserts are like that. I just can’t handle them well is all.” “Well, we can serve some other food like… um… well… what kind of food can you eat?” What food indeed? I can’t just go and say meat. There’s also the fact that I don’t think that ponies have sugar substitutes readily available. Did they even have sugar substitutes? “I don’t really know, Pinkie. Like I said, things like cupcakes, ice cream, cookies, chocolate, pie, cake, all sorts of things like that have a lot of sugar in them. My body has trouble breaking them down after I’ve eaten them and if I have too much I’ll just start to shut down.” “But if you can’t eat anything I’m serving, how will you enjoy the party?” “I don’t need to eat anything to enjoy a party. I’m not exactly a party animal anyway.” I watched in pure shock as she ripped the invitation from my hand and put it in her saddlebag. “I can’t in good conscious throw a party that the pony, er person, that it’s meant for not enjoying it to it’s fullest. Don’t you worry! I’m going to come up with some brand new recipes for you to enjoy and then I’m going to throw you an even bigger party to make up for the one you didn’t get today! Just you wait and see!” With that said, she flew by me and straight out of the house. “I never even saw her open the door. How’d she do- You know what? It’s Pinkie. But I can’t believe she just postponed a party for me. Is this a sign of the end of the world or something? Damn, I should have said that when she was here. That would’ve been funnier.” My stomach took that moment to remind me that I had yet to eat. “Maybe I should’ve just gone and ate. Screw the consequences and all that. Being responsible sucks.” I closed the door that Pinkie left open and headed into the kitchen. I looked in the cabinets until I found a glass to use. I grabbed it, went to the sink, filled it up, and drank the whole glass down. After slightly gagging at the taste, I put it down next to the sink and went back into the living room. There I just decided to lie down on the couch. And there I was. I was in Equestria and instead of going out on some adventure or having conversations with ponies, I was laying on a couch doing nothing. How exciting was that? Not at all that’s how much. “I am such a loser.”