Main Characters: TWP, Lucas, Twilight, Rarity, Fluttershy
Cameos: Spike, Rachel Meadow, Rei, Rainbow Dash, Octavia, Luna/Selene
Original Write Date: October 29, 2011
The Wandering Physicist awakes to the smell of breakfast cooking. This immediately tips him off that two things that have gone terribly wrong. First, somepony is in his house without his permission. Second, he is up in time for breakfast. He looks around for Luna, who he last felt wrapped around him in a huge hug. All he finds is a small note informing him that she had to return to her normal duties. Armed with his sonic screwdriver, he heads out to face whatever danger awaits.
‘Bwah!’ The Wandering Physicist yells as he jumps into the living room waving his sonic around threateningly.
Twilight Sparkle, Rarity, Rainbow Dash and Octavia stare back at The Wandering Physicist. A scared Fluttershy peeks out from the kitchen. Everypony just stares for a moment before a loud sizzling comes from the kitchen.
‘My waffles!’ Fluttershy shouts and rushes to the kitchen.
‘Uh... ‘sup?’ The Wandering Physicist says.
‘See, I told you he was fine,’ Rarity says to Twilight.
Twilight rolls her eyes. ‘Luna came by my place last night and told me she healed you. I-I am sorry for what I did,’ She apologizes.
‘Please. She gave the finishing blow,’ The Wandering Physicist says pointing to Octavia.
‘Come on! That filly! She is so scrawny,’ Rainbow Dash taunts.
Octavia scoffs at the ruffian. ‘I was worried about you after I saw you off last night. When I got here to enquire as to your state, Princess Sparkle was already waiting.’
Fluttershy flies out of the kitchen carrying a plate full of waffles and sets them on the table.
‘All right! Food’s on!’ Rainbow Dash says as she darts to the table.
‘WAIT!’ Fluttershy commands as she locks eyes on her friend. Rainbow Dash backs away slowly. Fluttershy turns to the waffles and gives them a dusting of powdered sugar. ‘Ready~!’ She sings.
‘Uh... Who’s idea was the meal?’ The Wandering Physicist asks.
‘Oh!’ Fluttershy shrinks away a little. ‘When I saw everypony here so early, I figured that we’d all be pretty hungry. Please don’t be mad at me.’
‘Personally, I think it is a marvelous idea,’ Rarity says, levitating a plate with some waffles to herself. ‘Fluttershy, I think you have outdone yourself once again.’
The Wandering Physicist thinks. ‘So y’all came because you were worried about my injuries from yesterday?’ Everypony nods. ‘And Lucas just let you in without asking?’ Everypony nods again. ‘Hmm...’
…
The Wandering Physicist comes downstairs ready for work. He is carrying a waffle in his mouth.
‘You’re fired,’ he says as he goes behind the counter to check on Lucas.
‘Yes sir,’ Lucas says as he goes over their recent receipts on the computer.
The Wandering Physicist calls up the receipt file on the Chromebook. ‘There are still some waffles upstairs if you want some.’ He finishes the last of his waffle. ‘I hate to think this, but Fluttershy might be a better chef than Pinkie.’
A loud ‘NOOOOOOO!’ is heard off in the distance.
Lucas finishes his work and heads to get some waffles. As he starts heading upstairs, he encounters Rarity on the way down.
‘Oh, Lucas, good timing. Just come by my shop when you’re ready for your fitting.’
‘Yes, ma’am.’
Rarity heads over to the counter. The Wandering Physicist continues to pore over his work. ‘Ahem.’ The stallion scowls at the screen as he tries to figure out how many copies of a game he has to order. ‘Ahem!’ The Wandering Physicist switches gears and starts checking his Twitter and news feeds. ‘AHEM!’ Rarity slams a hoof on the counter.
‘Do you need something, Rarity?’
‘Oh, me. Nothing really.’ The Wandering Physicist scowls. ‘Oh fine. I need you to come in for your fitting.’
‘Uh, no time. There is nopony to watch the shop then.’
‘I thought that is why you hired Lucas,’ Rarity replies, nodding to the returning unicorn.
‘Lucas, you’re fired.’ The Wandering Physicist grins at Rarity.
Rarity snorts. She magically grabs The Wandering Physicist by the ear and drags him out of the store. Lucas just munches on his waffle as he returns to work.
Octavia peeks in the shop. She tries sneaking to the Rock Band section, but she is the only one in the shop. After looking over the game for a bit, she turns to Lucas.
‘Shopkeeper, do you have one of these for the cello?’
The Wandering Physicist is at Carousel Boutique getting measured. He is wearing a relatively fancy suit that Rarity is marking up.
‘You really don’t have to do this,’ The Uncomfortable Physicist complains.
‘Nonsense!’ Rarity insists. ‘I have paid you back for your foalsitting services only with free meals. If I were to do the same for this, I’d be paying for all of your meals for the next year.’
‘I like that plan!’
Rarity measures around The Wandering Physicist’s stomach. ‘Hmpf. I bet you would.’
The fashionista finishes her measurements and magics the suit off of The Wandering Physicist.
‘Now, this will only take a moment. It seems like you were built for this suit already.’
TARDIS~~ The Wandering Physicist thinks.
‘Feel free to look at any of my magazines while you wait.’
Rarity heads to the back of the shop, working as she goes. The Wandering Physicist sighs and looks around. He flips through the magazines, but they are all fashion or celebrity gossip. He sighs again then notices a notebook. He shrugs and decides to take a peek. Immediately, his face is drained of color. He slams the notebook closed and runs across the room from it. Rarity comes back for just a moment.
‘Excuse me, but...’ Rarity notices The Terrified Physicist.
The Scared Physicist just looks from Rarity to the notebook to Rarity again.
‘Oooh...’ Rarity realizes. ‘Well, uh, ahem. Those are just some sketches of... various ponies’, er, physiques and, uh.... some, uh, educated guesses on what they may look like.’
The Freaked Physicist lets out a whine.
Rarity thinks fast. ‘Since, uh, you have come across them, would you mind, um... posing for a few...’ she chooses her words carefully, ‘anatomy poses? Purely for speculative sketch theory, of course.’
‘No.’ The Nervous Physicist squeaks.
‘Oh, grow up. Big Mac was game.’ Rarity blushes. ‘Boy, was he game.’ She notices her customer trying to sneak out. ‘Fine! You don’t have to.’ She smirks. ‘It allows me to use my imagination more.’
Rarity winks and returns to her work. The Disturbed Physicist whines again.
The Wandering Physicist returns to his shop with a box with his new suit on his back. He is a little down from his discovery of Rarity’s notebook.
‘Yo, boss!’
Lucas comes trotting up with a bit of a smile. The Wandering Physicist looks at his apprentice, groans and looks away.
‘What? Are you still irked about earlier?’ Lucas asks.
‘It is... Never mind.’ The Wandering Physicist answers. ‘Besides, what are you doing here?’
‘Oh. Miss Selene showed up and is watching the shop, so I am getting my fitting out of the way.’
‘That is good. Just a piece of advice: don’t look in her notebook. Trust me.’
‘Okay.... Are you sure you’re fine?’
‘I-I just can’t look you in the eye for a while.’
‘Okay...’
‘See you around!’ The Wandering Physicist says trotting away. Since he is not looking at Lucas, he runs straight into another pony.
Back at The Power Block, The Wandering Physicist finds a midnight blue pegasus sitting at the counter messing around on the computer. He enters the shop and crosses to his office. The pegasus smiles broadly at him. When he returns, he sits by the pegasus and rests his head on her shoulder.
‘Hey cuddles!’ Selene greets.
‘Can you send Rarity to the moon or sun or something?’
‘There, there. What did she do?’
The Wandering Physicist looks towards the 18+ section then back to the shop. ‘I found her notebook.’
Selene giggles. ‘Was everything to the right scale?’
‘I am so telling your sister on you.’ The Wandering Physicist looks over and gives Selene a kiss on the cheek. ‘What brings you here in disguise?’
The pegasus sighs. ‘I have official business in Trottingham. I just wanted to stop by to say “hi”. My guards are waiting outside of town for me.’
‘Thanks for coming by, and thanks for last night too.’
‘Did Twilight come by?’
‘Yep, but Fluttershy brought breakfast.’ The Wandering Physicist drools a little. ‘Waffles...’
‘Yet another combatant on the battlefield...’ Selene gets up. ‘Anyway, I should be going since you are back.’
Selene gives The Wandering Physicist a kiss on the cheek and leaves the shop.
Lucas has returned to the shop. He and The Wandering Physicist are both looking at the ceiling and in different directions.
‘You’re fired.’
‘What did I do?’
‘You looked in the notebook.’
‘Shut up.’
The Wandering Physicist moans. ‘I feel like I went from the Harem End to the Bad End.’
‘I never even got to set a flag with Rei.’
The Wandering Physicist thinks for a moment what it would be like to have Lucas as a son-in-law, and he approves. The pair sigh. There is a pause between them.
‘So... did she ask you to...’
‘Yep.’
‘Did y...’
‘Nope!’
‘Did she mention...’
‘Eeyup.’
‘Are you off apples, too?’
‘Most definitely.’
The pair sigh again. There is another pause.
‘Want to close shop early so we can get ready for the show?’
Lucas taps on the door as he quickly leaves the store. The Wandering Physicist locks the door with his sonic then heads upstairs.
Hours pass, things happen and The Wandering Physicist ends up at one of the many parties after Rarity’s fashion show. He is camping in a secluded area, just trying not to get noticed too much. He wishes Octavia would find him again so he could have somepony to talk to and tease. He moans and tries balancing his soda on his nose. There is a bright flash. The Wandering Physicist looks around to see a pony with a camera wearing a press badge.
‘Looks like you’re enjoying the party,’ The pony comments as he checks the quality of the picture.
‘It’s just soda and I am bored.’
‘The guest of honor? Bored?’ The pony nods around him. ‘This should all be for you, man! Get out there and live a little.’
‘Hmm.... No thanks. I’d call it a early night, too, but I promised a friend I’d stick around.’
‘The pink one, the white one or Rarity?’
‘Ya stalking me or something? I know the security.’ The Wandering Physicist nods towards a large, red earth pony standing by the door.
‘Sorry. Just very observant.’ The pony sits down. ‘In fact, I have been observing you for a while.’
‘Right. Stalker.’
‘I am with the press, and I know a story when I see it.’
‘And I am a story?’
‘According to my research, you pretty much came to Ponyville out of nowhere, bought your store and embedded yourself in the community. I even noticed that you recently returned from Canterlot where you stayed at the royal palace itself. Nopony really knows who you are or where you come from.’
The Wandering Physicist sets down his drink and glares at the so-called reporter. He calmly gets out his mobile and starts going through some files.
‘Out of nowhere? Really?’ The Wandering Physicist starts showing his files. ‘Lease agreement for when I spent a few months in Neighpon. Here is the ticket for my trips to and from there too. My apartment in Canida when I worked QA for Ubisoft. My W2 with them as well. And.... various rental agreements from my years in Southern Coltifornia. All with the same name and information for my store here in Ponyville. Apparently, your research isn’t as good as you think.’
‘Would you mind providing physical records for me?’
‘Only if you have a court order and a real press pass.’
‘I am real press.’
‘That is last year’s EqD press badge. You can tell because they changed their hologram slightly and added a QR to take you straight to the reporter’s or photographer’s archives. Is that enough proof or do you want me to call foul?’
The pony laughs. ‘You’re a smart one. Fine. I give up. Enjoy the rest of the party.’
The false reporter walks off, possibly to find his next victim. Lucas finds his boss and comes over.
‘Who was that?’ Lucas asks.
‘Trouble.’ The Wandering Physicist presses a button on his mobile. ‘I sent out his photo and our exchange to everypony. We’ll have to keep our eye out for him.’
The next day, The Wandering Physicist and Lucas are back at work. The shop owner is showing off a Super Neightendo to some colts while his assistant works at the computer. The Wandering Physicist finishes his demo as the colts have to leave. He goes over to the main counter.
‘Great seeing the kids take an interest in the classics.’
‘We might have a problem,’ Lucas says. He turns the monitor so his boss can see. ‘Check it out. He works for Rupert Murloc.’
The Wandering Physicist sighs. ‘Duh. I should have known. At least we have him on the community watch list.’
‘I am forwarding this along right now.’
A commotion is heard outside. The gamers look out to see Twilight Sparkle and her assistant Spike approaching. Spike appears to be carrying a brick.
‘Spike! Calm down! It was just a stupid story! It is not even true!’ Twilight pleads.
‘This is for Rarity! It is a matter of honor!’ Spike replies.
Spike throws the brick, but Twilight catches it with her magic. The Wandering Physicist and Lucas come out of the store.
‘What’s up?’ the Wandering Physicist asks.
‘You’re cruisin’ for a bruisin’ is what is up!’ Spike says as he charges The Wandering Physicist.
The baby dragon is stopped as the stallion holds him at leg’s length. He looks from the dragon to Twilight and shrugs.
‘Here.’ Twilight levitates over a newspaper. She opens it for The Wandering Physicist and Lucas to read. ‘For some reason, Spike likes to read that tabloid tripe. There is a very... frustrating article in this issue.’
‘The Casanova of Ponyville,’ Lucas reads. ‘Got a pretty good picture of you in here, boss.’
‘From what I can tell,’ Twilight begins, ‘it is mostly speculation about so-called “late night rendezvous” that were really pretty innocent events. It has stuff like our getting together to play games with Selene, Rarity taking you out as payment for watching Sweetie Belle, our trip to Canterlot and your “imprisonment” while there.’
The Wandering Physicist laughs. ‘That was fun.’ Twilight growls. ‘Hmm. Looks like that is the pony who harassed me at the party last night. No wonder he seemed keen on goading me into doing something.’
‘He harassed you at one of the parties? Isn’t that illegal?’ Twilight asks.
‘Meh. It would be my word against his. I should have just asked Big Mac to take him out back.’
‘Maybe you can get him to print a retraction,’ Lucas suggests.
‘We’re talking tabloid here. I doubt “retraction” is in their vocabulary,’ The Wandering Physicist says. ‘Besides, I am not known for being the most diplomatic pony when I am irked.’
‘We should at least do something,’ Twilight says. ‘He does say some pretty nasty things about all of us. I can have everypony at the library in a moment so we can discuss this.’
‘Do we have to?’ The Wandering Physicist moans.
‘We’re going now,’ Twilight states as she turn back to leave.
Spike snorts a bit of flame at The Wandering Physicist and runs after Twilight. The stallion moans again and follows too. Lucas makes a sound of a whip cracking.
‘You’re fired.’
‘I’ll be in the store.’
‘Mr Wanderer, we’re losing you!’ Twilight calls back.
A small group has gathered at Twilight’s library. Of all of the ponies named in the tabloid, only Rarity and Fluttershy were available. Rainbow Dash, Derpy Hooves, and Selene are nowhere to be found, and Octavia is hungover at Vinyl Scratch’s place. Rarity is the only other pony in the group who has seen the article. Fluttershy is reading it and getting redder and redder as she goes on.
‘This simply cannot stand! That ruffian must stand for his crime! And to think he made it past security,’ Rarity rants as she paces around the library.
‘We just have to organize a formal complaint. I am sure his editor will listen to us in a reasonable manner,’ Twilight suggests.
‘Darling, you obviously have no experience working with unruly members of the press. They only respond to action!’
‘I could go back and find his father. I have plenty of relatively harmless radioactive isotopes that would leave him sterile,’ The Treacherous Physicist suggests.
‘What! Are you suggesting that we kill him?’
‘No. Nothing of the sort. He would just be erased from existence, and we’d all be having tea and biscuits right now instead.’
‘I don’t think that is the answer...’ Fluttershy says.
‘Thank you, Fluttershy.’
‘Well, can we have tea and biscuits anyway? I skipped lunch.’
Twilight groans.
‘Fluttershy, seriously. This is your big chance to get back at all of the tabloid paparazzi that harassed you during your modeling career. We’d get a chance to teach them not to mess with you,’ Rarity begs.
‘I don’t think that is a good idea...’ Fluttershy tries avoiding eye contact with her friend.
‘Are you kidding me! They treated you like some sort of object back then, and this article makes us look like some kind of common tramp.’
‘Please stop yelling at me,’ Fluttershy squeaks.
Rarity snorts and starts pacing again. ‘Me! The beautiful Rarity! Equated to the common streetwalkers that normally grace those pages.’
‘Uh, Rarity, you are not the only...’ Twilight starts.
‘I mean, I am too much a lady of class and elegance to be on the same pages as that gutter trash. My clients will see that and think I am just some sort of floozy slut! My career is ruined!’
‘Rarity!’ Twilight snaps. ‘Think real hard. There are other ponies mentioned in there besides you. Do you want to choose those words when you make only it about you?’
Rarity just stares back at Twilight. ‘A lady never goes back on what she says. I wouldn’t want to end up like those stinky ingrates that are camped out at that park. Hmpf! They are just being ungrateful.’
‘So first you insult your friends, then you make fun of ponies asking for real change. Really showing your Element of Generosity there.’
‘Don’t tell me you are on their side. They are a nuisance.’
‘They have a legitimate grievance. They just want to hold the right ponies responsible for the financial crisis and even the playing field so we don’t have to pay for the luxuries of the rich and nobility.’
‘Hmpf. I should have expected as much coming from you, seeing how you live in a tree, or don’t you think I recognize the leader of Occupy Ponyville, Twinkle Dusk.’
‘Geez, Rarity. I would have expected better from you, Miss Generosity.’
‘I will not stand here and be insulted.’ Rarity turns and starts leaving. ‘Come along, Fluttershy.’
‘I live in a tree too,’ Fluttershy glares.
Rarity is taken aback. She turns her nose up at her friends and marches out. Twilight and Fluttershy look like they want to scream.
‘The nerve of her!’ Twilight fumes.
‘With all of her “attention to detail”, she failed to notice that I am Twinkle Dusk.’ Fluttershy huffs.
‘That is you?‘
Fluttershy is instantly timid again. ‘Uh... yeah...’
‘That is so cool! I love the work you have been doing to organize everything!’
‘Uh... Thanks... Please don’t tell anypony...’
‘Double Pinkie Pie Swear All the Way Across the Sky!’ Twilight swears.
‘What does it mean?’
Both of the mares suddenly realize that The Wandering Physicist has seen this whole episode. He stares at the two of them.
‘If you were dressed as Zero Suit Samus,’ The Wandering Physicist nods to Twilight, ‘ and you were dressed as Aerith,’ he nods to Fluttershy, ‘that would be be the only way I could possibly be more attracted to the two of you right now.’
Both of the mares blush deeply.
‘Geez. Y-y-you’re a pervert.’ Twilight stutters.
‘You think I am that pretty?’ Fluttershy says in a barely audible volume.
The Wandering Physicist just smiles back at both of the mares.
‘Anyway...’ Twilight says, hoping to steer the conversation back to the original topic, ‘what should we do about the article?’
‘I believe Fluttershy had an idea before the fun started.’
Fluttershy looks away. ‘Well.... It is not that good of an idea... but...’
The Wandering Physicist is talking on his mobile. Twilight and Fluttershy watch and listen to the conversation.
‘Great! Excellent. I can’t wait to work with you. Thank you very much.’ The Wandering Physicist hangs up and turns to the others. ‘That was none other than Seth himself. He likes the idea, and the local Ponyville editor will be in touch with me.’
‘Awesome!’ Fluttershy beams.
‘That was a very good idea, Fluttershy,’ Twilight congratulates. ‘I hope it works.’
The Wandering Physicist checks his mobile. ‘Given circulation and pageviews, I am pretty sure it will.’ He stretches a bit. ‘I should be getting back to the shop. It has been a long day.’
‘Yes, and I need to get back to my animals,’ Fluttershy adds.
‘All right. Glad we were able to come up with something. Um... Sorry about losing it earlier,’ Twilight apologizes.
The Wandering Physicist puts a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. ‘Friends are allowed to have political differences. It is just in how they deal with them.’
‘I know, but...’
‘Don’t trust whitey.’
Twilight has a bit of a tic then sighs. ‘I see what you mean. I’ll do my best to make peace.’
‘That is all I ask.’
The Wandering Physicist and Fluttershy bow to their friend and leave. Outside, they start to head their opposite directions.
‘Um...’ Fluttershy mumbles.
‘Yes?’
‘Do you really think I am as pretty as Aerith?’ the nervous mare whispers.
The Wandering Physicist just smiles back at his friend and winks. Fluttershy smiles too. They split and head back to their homes.
A scream is heard across Ponyville: ‘HE THINKS I AM THAT PRETTY!’ The Wandering Physicist just smiles as a yellow blur does aerial feats that would put Rainbow Dash to shame.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Wandering Physicist is sitting in his office. His desk has been moved out of the way and a light brown earth pony mare with a short brown mane and glasses is sitting across from him. Both of them adjust their mics that are hanging around their necks.
TWP: Whole thing is going to be free online, right? Creative commons and all of that?
RM: Always. That is how we do business.
TWP: Awesome. No wonder I love you guys.
The mare gets a signal from behind the camera.
RM: Oh. We’re on. Turns to the camera. I am Rachel Meadow with Equestria Daily’s Ponyville branch. I am here with The Wandering Physicist of The Power Block, Ponyville’s sole video game shop. He is the subject of this week’s Local Voices segment where we feature community leaders from around Equestria. Turns to The Wandering Physicist. It is so good to have you on. I have been wanting this since your festival last month.
TWP: Better late than never. I am honored to be on.
RM: I am honored to have you. I’m going to start with some background before we get into the real meat.
TWP: Sounds fun.
RM: So to start, what is up with the name?
TWP: Laughs. Doesn’t quite fit with the profession, huh? Meadow nods her head. Well, I am a trained physicist with PhDs in cosmology, temporal mechanics and quantum dynamics. Meadow looks shocked. As for the wandering part, I spent most of my time after getting my degrees seeing as much of Equestria as I could. I’ve been to a number of neighboring nations as well. But since I came to Ponyville, I felt at home. Meadow is still agape. But as you can probably tell, my cutie mark is very gaming related, and that is where I find myself always returning.
RM: Well, uh, that is very informative.
TWP: Sorry. I tend to ramble.
RM: It’s fine. Looks over her notes. So we have origins down... Ah! I haven’t really had an update from Marvel, but it was really fun. Is another one in the works?
TWP: Laughs. Great question. Short answer is yes. The long answer is that we will work on another one when there is time.
RM: Hmm?
TWP: Well, we have the holiday season followed by post-holiday season. Then, there are all sorts of cons and shows all of us want to go to. Marvel and DC mentioned wanting a bigger role as has Kaeko. I am more than willing to scale back my part. Rip has some connections, but we still would need time to book more acts. It was just pure luck that we got Colton. But, I am sure we will have another one sometime.
RM: Excellent. I will definitely cover it.
TWP: We like getting good press from good pressponies.
RM: After the festival, you personally made a bit of a name for yourself. That was followed by your very unique hiring process. I myself gave it a look and thought the questions you asked on the application were very interesting. You seem to have gotten a pretty positive reputation in town. Were you aware of that?
TWP: A couple days ago, my assistant had to kick me out of the store since I tend to coop myself up. I honestly don’t know where the goodwill comes from, but I appreciate it. I don’t really have an ear open for that sort of talk.
RM: I am surprised you were not aware. We conducted a secret poll, knowing you are a fan of us, to see what others thought of you.
TWP: Yeah. Ruby left me a note in the script telling me not to peek. Meadow looks shocked. I didn’t, so no worries. Looks at the camera. Try again, Ruby!
RM: According to our results, more than seventy percent of the town has heard of you and almost all of them have a favorable opinion of you.
TWP: Yeah... I can think of a few that might be a bit put off. A certain dark orange pegasus for one. And Cheerilee after I helped out with a book reading...
RM: What happened there?
TWP: Let’s just say, I read the right story, but I told the wrong one. Looks at the camera. If you’re watching, I would love to make it up somehow.
RM: Yes, we found that you do have a reputation for being a troublemaker too. There was an event not too long ago at Night Court...
TWP: Laughs. That was fun. Laughs again.
RM: I really have to know why you did that.
TWP: It is a long and complicated story. Pauses. Private one, too. Pauses. Oh, and the rumor of Nightmare Moon’s reappearance are false. Very close to true, but false.
RM: Laughs. And if the princess is watching this?
TWP: Grins. We’ve worked it out already.We’re cool.
RM: Interesting. Checks through her notes. Give me a moment... Let’s see... Ah! I hope you don’t mind getting political for a bit, but you have been seen associating with the Occupy movement here in Ponyville. You are one of the few community figures to really show open support for it.
TWP: I am just doing what I feel is right. Every voice should be allowed to be heard. This feels like the right voice. Given your reporting, I think you would agree with me.
RM: That is true... Have you considered organizing like-minded community and business members to support the protests?
TWP: I think that is a bit of a leading question...
RM: I am sorry. I withdraw it.
TWP: Even though I support the group, I refuse to try an coerce any of my friends. If they are at all interested, I recommend reading what “Twinkle Dusk” has written on the subject. That pony makes some good arguments on why we should support the movement.
RM: That is good reading for those interested. Weighs all of the pros and cons quite well. Checks her notes. You have also made some interesting arguments on your blog about various subjects. Would you mind going over some of them?
TWP: Shoot.
RM: You have made statements along the line that Princess Celestia is not entirely truthful with her subjects.
TWP: Shrugs. Simple deduction. The whole Nightmare Moon incident a while, back for example. Before then, it was not open knowledge that the myths were true, the true age of our rulers and that Princess Luna even existed. Masking over a thousand years of history as myth is not just misleading but plain rude. Pause. Oh. And don’t get me started on Discord.
RM: It is all there on your site... Finds her next note. You also have some pretty interesting words on the gaming industry. Not to mention really harsh words about technology policy.
TWP: Laughs. At this rate, you’re going to have a lot of links in the show notes.
RM: Reading her notes. I think you’re right. Now... I have one last question. Probably the one question most of our viewers tuned in to hear. It seems you got a bit of unusual press in a... ‘less than reputable’ paper recently.
TWP: Ugh... I think I know what you are going to ask.
RM: Laughs. Since you seem to know, you know I am not asking for myself.
TWP: Sighs. I know.
RM: So... are you single?
TWP: I hope I can answer this without getting too flayed... The easy answer is that I have a lot of very close female friends, none of who I would trade for anything in the world. If I were to choose one...
RM: That doesn’t really answer the question.
TWP: I am afraid that question cannot really be answered at this time. ... Not without that being the last question I ever answer.
RM: Laughs. So at least they got the headline correct.
TWP: Sighs. The only thing they got correct...
RM: Laughs. Thank you for your time. This has be a blast.
TWP: Have to do it again sometime.
Meadow and The Wandering Physicist shake hooves.
RM: Turns to the camera. To learn more about our guest or visit his website, check out the show notes. Thank you for watching.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Wandering Physicist removes the microphone and lets out a big breath. The camerapony starts packing away his equipment. Meadow leans over.
‘I really mean it. You are fun to chat with,’ She says.
‘Well, you know where to find me,’ The Wandering Physicist replies. ‘Keep up your great work. I love your reporting.’
‘Thank you.’
The Wandering Physicist looks around the room. Off to one side, Twilight is watching. She looks like she has something on her mind but is trying to be impassive about it. Outside, various customers are looking into the office. Lucas is at the counter. He and the customers watching give The Wandering Physicist positive reactions. The journalists finish packing up and returning the office to normal. The Wandering Physicist and Meadow give one last brohoof as she leaves. They close the door, leaving the stallion alone with Twilight.
‘Now,’ The Wandering Physicist starts, ‘if you weren’t satisfied with that answer, I have something in the TARDIS that will explain why I said what I did.’
The stallion heads towards the door, but Twilight cuts him off.
‘I’ll go with you.’ She smiles. ‘I wouldn’t want you running off.’
The Wandering Physicist sighs and sits down. ‘You know the walls are relatively soundproof. I can take it.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘No, but I’m not going to stop you.’
‘I just want to know one thing. Who was that pony giving the interview?’
‘Come again?’
‘You were courteous, not snide. You avoided long and rambling rants about minutia. You completely ignored a perfect chance to argue for the things you believe and dodged most of the Celestia question. Not to mention, you stared at her mane way too much. You were not yourself.’
‘Twilight, have you ever given an interview to the press?’
‘No, but I was always had the marks in public speaking.’
‘Okay. Imagine your first time speaking in public but instead of a self-introduction to all of your friends or future friends, you have to sell countless strangers on the fact that you are not completely loony and they totally need to convert to your religion that involves ingesting live parasprites.’
‘Well... but...’
‘Politics is all about making crazy seem normal. Once they are used to normal, give them crazy and they will call it normal.‘
Twilight thinks. ‘Are you writing a blog entry right now?’
The Wandering Physicist hides his mobile. ‘Maybe.’
Twilight laughs. ‘Come on. I’ll take you to dinner. My treat.’
‘If you don’t mind, I would like to bring Fluttershy too since it was her idea. She would probably like to know how it went.’
‘I thought she was in...’ Twilight scans the room. ‘Where did she go?’
‘She hid upstairs as soon as ponies started coming into the store.’
‘She knew that was going to be here, right?’
‘Yep.’
‘And that you were going to be open still, right?’
‘Yep.’
Twilight sighs. ‘Let’s go get her.’
The Wandering Physicist starts going for the door, but Twilight holds it closed.
‘If you were to choose one?’
‘I, uh, left my answer in the TARDIS. Let me get it. Alone.’
Twilight groans and lets him exit the room. They head upstairs to get Fluttershy.
The Wandering Physicist is heading back to the store. He is in a pretty good mood after getting treated to dinner by Twilight. They and Fluttershy spent the whole time talking about the interview and speculating on the outcome. Then the emails started pouring in. A quick script or two allows them to sort the emails between legitimate comments and inquiries about who the fillyfriends could be. Both Twilight and Fluttershy turned bright red after seeing some of the emails. The Wandering Physicist is a little worried about everypony knowing about him now, but he does not care since he is feeling pretty... Is that a rainbow tail sticking out from behind a crate?
The Wandering Physicist knows how to handle potential pranksters. He finds a hanging pot over the crate, draws his sonic, takes aim and CRASH!
‘Sneak attack hug!’ is screamed into The Wandering Physicist’s ears as something crashes on top of him.
From behind her cover, Rainbow Dash is rolling with laughter. The Wandering Physicist gasps for air as a white pegasus strangles him in a hug.
‘Oh man! We got you good!’ Rainbow Dash laughs.
‘Did ya miss me!’ Rei sings into The Wandering Physicist’s ears.
‘Deaf! Air! Dying!’ The Wandering Physicist croaks.
‘Oops!’
Rei lets The Wandering Physicist up. Rainbow Dash comes out of hiding.
‘Oh man! She has that “night cloak” thing, and you didn’t see her! You should have seen your face! It was all “ack!” ’ Rainbow Dash mocks.
‘Miss Dash, where were you? We’ve been looking for you for the past few days,’ The Wandering Physicist forces out between breaths.
‘Oh yeah. That.’ Rainbow Dash looks sheepish. ‘Well, the princesses called me up for a special mission. I guess I sort of forgot to tell anypony.’
‘She was showing me around Equestria,’ Rei adds. ‘It was really fun!’
‘So you ignored all of our calls and messages for days?’
‘Uh...’
‘Hey!’ Rei interrupts. ‘She was working for the princesses and helping me. Don’t you give her any lip about ignoring you!’ She huffs and poses a little. ‘She had more important things to do.’
‘I’m sorry, Miss Dash,’ The Wandering Physicist apologizes. ‘We just had a few busy days.’
‘It’s all good,’ Rainbow Dash says. ‘We all saw the lie sheet and watched your interview.’ She pulls The Wandering Physicist aside. ‘If you could choose one, it is Twi, right?’
The Wandering Physicist breaks free of Rainbow Dash. He turns to Rei. ‘Welcome back. I hope our universe is treating you well.’
‘I am having fun. So wanna know why I am back? Do ya?’ Rei replies.
‘Shoot.’
‘I am going to be watching you!’
‘What?’
‘Well, after I was done reporting to the princesses, they said I could go anywhere and do anything for them.’ Rei explains. ‘Since my Luna said that you would help me, I chose to come back to be with you.’
‘Yeah, and after that huge flap with that trashy article, Luna sent her a message telling her to keep an eye on you for her. She’s like Twilight but instead of friendship, she is reporting on you.’
The Wandering Physicist facehoofs and swears a lot under his breath. He looks up at Rei. ‘You don’t have some crazy OCD, do you?’
‘Uh... no?’
‘Dude. She only did that once. Once!’ Rainbow Dash interjects.
‘Very well. Lucas will be glad to see you again.’ The Wandering Physicist turns to Rainbow Dash. ‘Great to see you again. Better check in with Twilight and the others before you head back to your house.’
‘Will do! See ya ‘round!’ Rainbow Dash flies off.
Rei hops on The Wandering Physicist’s back. ‘Ponyback ride home!’ She points the way.
The Wandering Physicist moans and starts carrying his passenger back home. He sighs as his problems with ponies reporting on him continue.