‘Canterlot’ eh?
Didn't the patch notes say that we were going to get a Japanese map? Not some fantasy castle? Oh well, the architecture looks interesting… And having it stick out of a mountain was a nice touch. But aren't the maps supposed to be based on “history?” Then again, a change in scenery is always nice.
I’m with other tier 2s, good. And most of the tanks on the enemy team are those British gift tanks that can barely scratch the paint on my T18! Seriously, I’m going to have so much fun killing these guys with my OP TD! Better get my curb stomping in before people grow bored of these gifts. I tried mine out when I logged in, and it was not that great. But hey, 150000 credits and a free slot! And a bunch of people who are riding in underpowered tanks to crush! So I bought this T18. But it appears I’m not the only one with good ideas: the other team also has three T18s, better be careful, this could end in us overwhelmingly losing.
Well 30 seconds to observe the map… Narrow streets with several small intersections and plazas… I always wanted another urban ma… Are those horses? Yep definitely small horses, the type you see on a children’s cartoon. And some of them have horns. Why not?
“So instead of fixing MM, WG is animating horses? Seriously?” someone writes in the chat.
“They want to attract a larger audience” I respond.
Also, why do the horses have tattoos on their flanks? And those expressions… They seem to be shocked. Well, WG must have put significant resources into their animation… Is this a joke of some kind? Maybe they want to put these things into every map!
Hey, this reminds me of a trolling tactic I once read on the forums involving birds…
At the start of the match I type: “Yes, this map has horses on it!”
I take aim, and fire my howitzer at one of them, causing it to explode, and all the other ones to stare in horror. Death animation and an NPC AI? How many resources were put into them again?
“Got one! 100 gold for me!”
Instantly, one of our Light MK. VICs opens fire with his machine gun shredding the horses. The survivors start screaming and run into the buildings. Answer to earlier question: more than necessary. Now if only they could put that much effort into the MM…
“Where is teh gold” he asks on team chat.
“You will get it at the garage.” I reply, snickering to myself. I love pubbies.
“It’s a joke idiot conserve your ammo” someone else replies. Spoilsport.
The team splits off into three groups. I go to the right, with a Light MK. VICs and a Panzerjager 1. After a few seconds, we spot our enemies: three Light MK. VICs and one of those new Japanese tanks, a Chi-Ni. The lights open fire, their first salvo hitting me, and bouncing off. I fire one of my HE shells, missing the target. I need to stop before firing… The german tank destroyer fires, and does some damage to one of the Lights, and our light fires its machine gun. Most of the shells hit the building they were hiding most of their chassis behind, but some of them actually hit the other tanks, doing some damage. The Lights quickly switch targets and fire on my teammates, getting them to hide behind the buildings. Finally, my gun is reloaded! I aim at one of the Lights and fire, destroying the track and taking off half of its health. My teammates finish it off, and go back to hide behind the building. Me? I don’t need any cover! I have armor! An explosion hit the panel to the left of my gun, taking off 25 of my health. Ok, maybe I do need cover… How was I damaged though? Oh yeah, that Chi-Ni must be using HE shells. I hide behind the building the rest of my team is using.
The global chat is suddenly filled with:
“How adorable!”
“Stop distracting me”
“Stupid armored horses”
“This is the dumbest PvE ever”
“A pink wall? Really”
“KILLT HAT THIGN”
What’s that bright light in the center? And why does the kill feed say ‘killer38(Pz.Kpfw. 35 (t)) was sent to the moon?’
The chat is filled with:
“No fair”
“that thing is op”
“you need to kill it”
“Why is my tank on the moon”
“It killed off my crew”
from both teams. Also, it appears that everything in the center of the map is dead, and they want us to “kill that horse in the center before it kills everything”. So I drive off into the center, and… why are there a bunch of armored horses poking me with spears and firing crossbows at me? Also, why is there a white horse with wings and a horn, SURROUNDED BY FIRE, GAZING STRAIGHT AT ME, WITH A BUNCH OF LIGHT ON ITS HORN, WHICH IS POINTED RIGHT AT ME!!!! Also, why does it have a flowing, rainbow mane?
I panic and fire my cannon at it, just as a beam of energy flies out of its horn. My shell disappears, but so does the beam.
The horse starts charging up another attack. Good thing my reload time is lower. I fire another shell at it, but it explodes in front of it, causing some cracks to appear in the… force field? It then repairs itself. So overpowered... Oh well, better flee. I start to go reverse but it fires another shot. Oh well, it’s only a tier 2.
“We lost a track.”
Oh good. Wait, did my entire track just disappear? I take aim and fire another shot, cracking the force field again. Take that!
Behind me the Panzerjager 1 rolls along, takes aim, and… misses. Pubbies… Then again, it probably has something to do with that armored horse that’s poking his gun with a spear…
And the white vulture-narwhal-horse thing fires its beam again. The entire screen goes white and…
“Our crew is dead.”
Why is the surface so white and full of craters? Is it night already? By the way, it that my track lying over there? ITS ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE OP HORSES! THAT’S IT, I’M LEAVING!
Time to go visit the forums…