//------------------------------//
// Episode 2: The Ditzy Parable on PC 
// Story: The Adorable/Awesome Video Game Colt 
// by Matthais Unidostres 
//------------------------------//





The Adorable Video Game Colt

Episode 2: The Ditzy Parable on PC


There was the sound of a cassette player being turned on, and guitar music started to play.

Button Mash jumped in front of the camera and hit buttons on the NES controller as Sweetie Belle sang.

He's gonna play some video games

He's gonna play them all night an day

Sweetie Belle stepped out behind Button and sang a bit.

He's chocolate brown,

He's eight years old,

He's got a brother, a mom, and a dad.

Sweetie Belle jumped away quickly, and the camera changed to a shot of Button's mother snatching a hoof-held out of Button's hooves, much to Button's dismay.

The camera changed back to Sweetie Belle singing while half hiding behind Button.

His hair's light brown,

He drinks from boxes,

The camera changed again to Button drinking from a juice box, but then doing a spit-take at the game screen.

And his model trains burst into flames.

Button stared at his parents' old video game machine in confusion.

It switched back to Sweetie Belle and Button.

He's the adorablest gamer in the world

He's the adorable Nintendo colt

Button threw his controller down angrily and jumped up and down on it.

He's the adorable Atari/SEGA colt

He's The Adorable Video Game Colt

Sweetie Belle finished singing and quickly ran off screen.





Button Mash sat in a chair at his desk, where his laptop was at the ready.

"Normally, video games don't give you much choice. You play through levels that lead through a story and to an ending. Sure, some games have shortcuts and alternate paths, but they still lead to an ending. And yeah, some games have multiple endings, but usually the it'll just be a bad ending that tells you that you messed up, and a good ending that you're supposed to get to. But, it turns out that there's this new game called The Ditzy Parable that has a ton of choices and a ton of different endings that aren't technically bad endings."

Button Mash scratched his head, "It's actually kinda confusing, I'm not exactly sure what this game is all about. So, I'm gonna load it up and find out."

Button Mash logged on to his laptop and started up the game. The title screen came up, and he started the game.

"So when you start the game, a Narrator introduces us to a Pegasus named Ditzy. The game is about Ditzy's job pushing buttons on a keyboard in an office building in Cloudsdale. . ."

Button blinked, "Wait a minute, they pay you for pushing keys on a keyboard? Oh man, how come I've never heard of a job like that? What kinda job is that anyway, who'd wanna spend all their time doing that?"

"Anyway, the game begins when Ditzy's button pushing directions stop and everypony else in the building disappears. Oooooh! Scary!"

Button gains control over Ditzy and moves her away from her desk and out into the halls of the cloud building.

Button frowned, "So, yeah, this story doesn't take place in a kingdom, or a forest, or in a spaceship. It's just a really boring looking office building. Wow."

"So we walk along and we come across two doors. The Narrator says to take the left door. Well, since the point of this game is to make choices, I'm gonna go through the door on the right and see what happens."

Button went through the door on the right, causing the Narrator to react.

"This was not the way to the meeting room, and Ditzy knew it perfectly well. But Ditzy wanted to stop by the employee lounge, just to admire it."

"Ooh! The employee lounge! How exciting!" Button said sarcastically.

Button moved Ditzy into the lounge. It was full of comfy cloud furniture and had a vending machine next to one of the puffy white walls.

"Wow. Yes. This room. What a gorgeous room. Thank goodness Ditzy took this detour to see this room. Life without seeing this room would be too horrible to think off."

"Okay, this sarcastic, jerky guy is making me mad. Is his sole purpose in this game to tell me what to do and be sarcastic? He's worse than that fairy in Legend of Faust!"

"So, after we leave that gorgeous room, the Narrator tells us to turn left. I figure he'll be quiet if I do what he says, so I go into the door and through a dark hallway made of grey storm clouds. He says to go straight, but wait, there's an elevator with a glowing down button. It's like, 'look at the button! Oooh! So tempting.' Well, the game is about choices, so I choose to go down the elevator."

Button goes over to the elevator and hits the button to go down. There's a quick loading screen, and the elevator stops in a basement looking room made of more grey storm clouds.

"But Ditzy didn't want to go back to the office. She wanted to wander around and get further off track. So now to get back on track, she had to go. . .um. . ."

Button cocked his head in confusion.

"Um, left." the Narrator said, and a door to the left opened.

Button blinked, "What the-? Well, you can't open the other doors, so I have to go to the left."

Suddenly the left door closed and the right door opened.

"Oh no, it's to the right, my mistake."

Button's stared at the screen, "What was the point of- never mind! Let's just get out of here."

Suddenly the right door closed too.

"No-no-no, not right! Why did I say that, what was I thinking. It's, oh hold on for a moment."

Button's mouth hung open as papers were heard rustling in the background.

"Let me see, we went right, left, down- aha! Got it! I got it now! The story is definitely this way!"

A garage door suddenly opened up.

"What the heck was that?" Button said angrily, "Is this some kind of practical joke game? It's like, 'Hey! you wanna play a game? Here ya go! Sucker!'"

"So I go this way, and I end up in a room full of monitors. What the hay?"

"NO! No-no-no-no-no! We're not supposed to be here yet, this is all a spoiler! Quick, Ditzy, close your eyes!"

"What do you mean I'm not supposed to be here yet?" Button challenged, "If I'm not supposed to be here, then why was I allowed to get here? I didn't cheat in any way, so what happened? Did the programmers pass out? What the hay, is the game unfinished or something?"

"Okay, how about instead of wasting my time trying to make sense of this nonsense, let's just restart from the beginning. And this time, try not to wander of track, okay? From the top!"

"Wait, what?" Button said as a loading screen popped up, and Ditzy returned to the office at the beginning of the game. "Who wants to play a game that restarts on you? I didn't even do anything? Was I supposed to obey the Narrator? Then what's the point of having extra choices? Why can't I do anything?!" Button complained. Button grabbed his juice box and took a long drink.

"*sigh* Okay, so I have to walk to the two doors again and- what the-?" Button is surprised to see six doors all around him in the square cloud room.

"What the-? No, I restarted fresh, I'm sure, everything should be- Or did something change? Ditzy did you change anything, did you move the story?"

"Why are you blaming me, I'm just the player!" Button exclaimed.

"Hold on, why am I asking you, I'm the one who wrote the story. It was here a moment ago."

"Well if you wrote it, why can't you remember it! What, do you have short term memory loss? Wow, this guy is stupid!" Button exclaimed.

"So, the Narrator just sends us on a treasure hunt and all the doors open up. Well, okay, I guess I'll go through a random door and see where it leads."

Button moves through a door and walks through winding hallways. After a few minutes, Button arrives back where he started.

"Oh, you gotta be kidding me. Didn't anyone test this frustrating game out before they put it up for sale?" Button complained.

"I'll say it. This is the worst adventure I have ever been on."

"Great, it's like the game is mocking me."

"Do we need to restart again? I doubt we'd make any progress by starting over and over again but it's got to be better than this."

"No! Wait!"

"Restart."

After a loading screen, the game restarted.

"Errrgh! Denkalith!" Button growled, "I'm getting really, really mad now. Why aren't I getting anywhere in this game? Why is the game world changing around? Why can't the Narrator just tell the story? Why does the game keep resetting itself? WHY!? WHAT!? WHY!?"

Button sipped some more juice out of the box and took a deep breath to calm himself.

"Okay. Let's go."

"So we go back to the room, and now all the doors are gone. Sure, why not? Then the Narrator tells us to go back the way we came. So I go back, and instead of the office, there's a new hallway. What is this, some kind of fun house? And it turns out the hallway's a dead end, so what was the point of that? It's like trying to play Monopony, only every space says 'Go To Jail.' You literally cannot do anything in this game!"

"So, I turn around again, and then I walk into an old wooden attic. . .also a dead end. This game is wasting my time! You'd be better of playing Minecraft with only a stick!"

"You know what, since I've completely forgotten what we were supposed to be doing, how about this: YOU WIN! CONGRATULATIONS!

The words "YOU WIN!!" appeared on the screen as children cheered and applauded off screen.

Button looked very confused, "Wait. . .so that's it? That was it? I beat the game?"

"No. . .that doesn't feel right. You didn't put any actual effort into that win. Other ponies win fair and square, but that isn't the case here. This place is freaking me out, so I don't care what happens next, I have to restart."

"No! Denkalith! Grrrr, I don't- Grrr!"

The loading screen came and gone as the game restarted.

Button glared at the screen, and then he said, "I can't believe this! This game is a random, broken down mess. Stuff appears or doesn't appear, or randomly leads somewhere else. I feel like a guinea pig in an experiment where they're testing the effects of negative reinforcement. It's like, 'Let's see what happens if we take the doors away.' Well, whoever you are, and if you wanna know what the effect is, I'll tell you the effect!" Button got close to the screen and grabbed it frantically, "THIS DENKALITH IS PISSING ME OFF!!!"

Button Mash's propeller spun three times as face as his cheeks burned red and his pupils shrank. "But I'm still playing it. I guess I wanna be able to say that I at least tried to beat this impossible game!"

Button moved into the office where a line that said "The Ditzy Parable Adventure Line" at its start.

"Okay, no what? A yellow line? Really, the Narrator is so stupid that he needs a line to lead the player? Alright fine, so I follow the line through the boring office building, and then the Narrator starts going on and on about destiny and stuff I don't even understand. Then there's this question mark made of question marks drawn on a white board. Yeah, that image sums up this entire game very nicely. I mean, what could possibly happen next."

"You know what? I think what we need right now is some music to lighten the mood."

Strong marching band music began to play. Button's expression was that of pure shock. He stared at the screen in disbelief as the music played on. Button suddenly slammed the laptop shut and glared at it. After staring at it for a while, then he scowled and said, "You know what? I wanna see the rest of the game! I'm not gonna let the game win like this! So that is why I'm not gonna give up!"

Button opened up the laptop and moved Ditzy through the cloud office building.

"So I'm walking along, blindly following a stupid line-."

"Wait. Cut the music. Go back and look at that fern. Ditzy, this fern will be very important later in the story. Make sure you study it closely, and remember it carefully. You won't want to miss anything."

Button directed his character's vision at the green potted plant near the wall.

"Alright, let's recap," Button said, "We walk around an office building, the game restarts, we walk around an office building, the game restarts, we walk into an attic, the game restarts, and then we follow a line to a plant and stare at it. WORST. GAME. EVER."

"Alright, so we leave the plant and continue to follow the line to- WHAT? It leads you all the way back to the beginning of the stupid game! What were they thinking?"

"So, then we go through another door and, oh, that's just great, we're back in the room with all the monitors!"

"Oh, no-no-no, not again! Line, how could you do this to us? After all we've been through? Oh, to hay with it. Restart."

After another loading screen, the game restarted.

"I can't believe this, everything you do, you're stuck. Try this, you're stuck. Try that, you're stuck. You're stuck. You're stuck. You're stuck. You're stuck. You're stuck. You're stuck. You're stuck!"

Button pointed at the screen with an angry frown and said, "This is beyond any doubt, the worst video game I've ever played. I'd rather play an FRI game than this broken down simulation!"

"*Sigh* Once again, I go into the office, but then the Narrator says to forget the line and tells us to go through a random door that leads to a boring white cloud hallway."

"Now! Yes, this is exciting! Just me and Ditzy forging a new path, a new story, well it could be anything! What do you want our new story to be? Go wild. Use your imagination."

Button smiled and nodded, "Well, okay. I'm imagining a colt named Button Mash hitting the creators of this game in the face with a Bob-omb!"

"So we walk aimlessly for a while, the lines comes back, the line goes away, and then we come to a pair of doors."

"Ah! A choice! We get to make a decision. From here the story is in our control. How important we mustn't squander the opportunity. In fact, I believe I need a moment to think here. Just walk around in circles for a moment."

Red arrows appeared on the floor and formed a circle.

"You expect me to walk in circles like a brain dead Creeper?" Button said angrily, "Go kiss an orc!"

"Okay, so each door needs to lead to somewhere, so that means that there must be a reverse door that leads here. And that in turn means that our destination corresponds to a counter inverted reverse door's origin."

"SHUT-UP!" Button shouted.

"So, after muting the game for a while, the door on the right opens up. Wait, I thought we had a choice? I didn't choose a door, the Narrator did! What if I wanted to go through the left door? Is there a word for what's wrong with these game makers? Is there any Humgolian phrase to express how terrible they are?"

"So I go through the door, and it turns out both doors lead to the same room. Ha-ha. And on the wall is a big monitor that shows a schedule of everything we did for the last five tries and even maps out the events for four more times!" 

Button Mash looked scandalized, and he suddenly explodes with rage, "Why would anypony wanna do this!? You go through the whole game four times, then the game tells you that you gotta do it four more times and rubs it in your face! It turns out the whole thing is called the quote unquote 'Confusion Ending'. The thing even shows us how long we've been playing the game. Yeah it's like, 'Hey, you wanna see how much of your life you wasted playing this game? Well here ya go, you stupid looser!' Feed this game to zombies!"

"This game is so bad, that even the Narrator gets mad at this!"

"And we're supposed to restart the game EIGHT TIMES?!"

"And you wanna know what happens next? We get this, the Narrator gets mad that no one told him about this, he refuses to restart the game, and the timer stops. . ." Button scratched his head, "So . . .does that mean I beat the game?"

"Did we do it? Did we break the cycle? Whatever it is that made this schedule? How would we even know? So what happens now? Will someone come for us? Okay. . . *Sigh* So I guess now we just wait."

"Oh, come on, now we're just waiting around listening to this invisible British pony talk? Was the whole point of this game to make a game that's not even an actual game?" Button ranted.

"I suppose in some way this is some kind of story, wouldn't you agree? I'm not quite sure if we're in the destination or the journey, but they're always saying that life is about the journey, and not the destination, so I hope that's where we are right now. We'll find out, won't we? Eventually."

"I don't care. Did I beat the game or not?"

"Well, in the mean time-"

NNN-NNN!

"Ahhh!" Button shouted as the two loud buzzers sounded. Button stared at the blank screen. "It crashed. . ." he said. Suddenly, the load screen appeared. Button's eyes widened in horror. "Oh no.  . . no, please no!"

The game restarted with Ditzy back in the office.

Button's jaw dropped as he stared blankly at the laptop screen. He reached over and picked up his juice box. He squeezed it and drank the rest of the juice. "Wow. . ." Button said quietly, "Wow, forget this. You think I'm gonna put myself through that again? I mean- Denkalith! Kumpah!"  Button slammed his laptop closed and clenched his teeth in anger, "Curse this game, Kumpah Diz! I can't believe they released this game. Oh my gosh! I'd rather stick my head in an Eastern Were-Spider Sandpit while getting Dragon Punched in the rear! I'd rather sit in a ring of Humgolian Alecks while they cover me with their own vomit! You'd rather do anything than play a broken down dysfunctional disaster like this! With an annoying Narrator, a boring setting, a stupid premise, a changing map, lack of enemies, lack of items, pointless plot points that go nowhere, parts you can't win, parts you can't loose, parts that make no sense whatsoever, random music, random areas, random paths, and a ton of other things! Cure this game, curse it to the Moon, curse it to Tartarus, curse it to the multiversal collapse of the 24th dimension!"

Button Mash got up and stormed out of the room.






This was a parody of the Angry Video Game Nerd.

Credits
The Stanely Parable by Galactic Café
AVGN- Dragons Lair
AVGN- Action 52
AVGN- Little Red Hood
AVGN- Dick Tracy
AVGN- Dark Castle