The sky was blue, the grass was green, blah, blah, blah. Let's just skip the stupid introductions okay? We all know you're just trying to shove a story down their throats.
You know, sometimes I wonder why I even bother trying to use you in a story.
It's because I'm so lovable.
Uh huh sure you are, the lovable and unlikable asshole of a cat, Sylpheed.
Thank you, thank you. So where the hell are you posting this story?
FIMFiction.
Huh, never heard of that one.
Yeah, it's new...to you at least. And you're a bad influence ya know.
What, moi?
Yes you. You've somehow infected one of my other stories with...whatever the hell it is you do.
I am a liberator. I simply free them from their chains.
You know, a lot of dictators said that.
Bahh, screw you. So which story was it I screwed up? Was it that one with Lionel? Ooh, what about that one with Rache?
No, it was one on this site.
That makes no sense though.
It doesn't, yet that's what happened. It's gone whatever way it wanted to and now the fourth wall is gone.
Sounds like my kinda story.
Yeah Well you're stuck here.
Doing?
Well this is supposed to be a...shipping story...
You're shitting me! Whose relationship do I get to screw around with?
...
...wait...seriously!? You want to...hahaha, dude, you've got to be joking.
Oh come on, at least give it a try. You might like it after all, you've never been in a shipping story.
True...Okay fine, I'll concede to your will and let you write...
YAY!
IF!
Damn you and your conditions.
Okay, I'll concede to your will if you promise to not make this story end badly.
Since when have I-
No, just stop. There was that story with Jen, that other one with Rick, and I KNOW you remember Da-
HEY, THAT WASN'T MY FAULT!
You were in charge of the script.
I just...Okay, I give you my word that while I'm in control nothing particularly bad will happen.
Thank you. Now, I suppose it's time we got this show on the road, am I correct?
Yes, it's time.
Okay, so I suppose I'd better settle on a form of narration, shouldn't I? Eh, I'll just go with the classic first person. You know, how about we start this off on a fun note? The day had been relatively normal, well as normal as things can get around me (which isn't very, just so you know) and after a day of running around on impossible adventures (examples consisting of fighting off an army of cocatrices, traveling back in time to help Shakespeare get over writers block, and meeting up with a rather interesting stallion), I had finally decided to take a short break, finding myself hanging in one of the trees surrounding a little town named Ponyville. I had only been resting for a few minutes before I saw a shape flying out of the town at a rather alarming speed. Not knowing any better
(nice line there)
I floated up out of the tree, brushing a few leaves from my orange fur as I reached past the canopy.
I started floating off in the general direction of where the blur had gone, a general concern for whoever it had been
(ha, I highly doubt that)
"Damnit, do you want a story or not," I yelled, cutting off the narration.
Okay, okay, fine. I'm sorry.
"Who's there," a voice said from below the canopy. "I heard you so you might as well come down here and show yourself to me."
"Thanks a lot," I muttered.
Well you found her, that's a start.
I gave a small sigh and slipped in between the branches, as lithe as a cat (see what I did there) and after a few seconds I found myself behind a griffin who was still looking up towards the sky.
"Uhh, hi," I said awkwardly, having to hold back a laugh as she gave a startled shout and spun around to face me.
"What are you," she asked calmly, surprising me in turn.
"You're not going to flip out or anything," I asked, "I mean, I'm a giant orange talking cat."
Umm, Sylph, impossible things are the norm in Equestria.
"Oh," I said, trailing off and hiding a smirk with one of my paws as the griffin began to look around frantically.
"What was that," she asked.
Oh, don't worry about me, I'm just along for the ride.
"Along for the ride, what's he talking about," she asked.
"It's nothing special, just my own special peeping Tom," I replied, lazily floating in the air around her.
Well it's not like I can selectively choose what I see.
"Okay, how about this. We completely ignore that dick and go out on a date," I said, propping my elbow up on the air and settling my chin in my palm.
I was shocked for a second as my head snapped sideways, my cheek numb for a moment before becoming warm as the blood rushed through again.
Well what exactly did you expect? That's not exactly how you're supposed to talk to women.
"Well you're one to talk, I learned it all from you," I said.
What, name one time that I have acted like that towards a woman.
"Ohhhhh...mmmm, okay, you got me," I admitted, "but nonetheless, it's this kid's faul-"
I stopped as I turned back to where the griffin had been only to find nothing there.
Nice, you scared her off.
"Oh well, looks like we can't have a story," I said, moving to walk off and stopping as I felt some fluid run down my neck.
I lifted my paw up to the thin stream of whatever it was and picked a bit up on the pad on my foreclaw and lifted it up to my eyes to inspect it, freezing up once I recognized what it was.
"But, that's impossible," I mumbled.
What, what is it?
"I'm bleeding."