On My Honor
Finding the Damn Pieces
By: Honored Service
Edited by: CommanderWolffe and Duncan Zundel
I collapsed next to the green military container in my partially built house. I laid my head back with a muffled 'thump' and let out a long sigh. "I gotta start working out more. I forgot how much energy one burns while fighting monsters."
"And what do you know about fighting monsters? You shouldn't be fighting anything now."
I opened my eyes to see a disgruntled Twilight Sparkle standing over me. She looked rather pissed and had her wings splayed out in anger. "Where were you exactly? One minute you're running around having your normal shenanigans, and then the next you're gone." Twilight leans her head in closer to me, "So what was happening?”
"Shouldn't you have knocked before coming in?" I was kind of tired and I didn’t really feel up to a battle of words with Twilight.
"Shouldn't you have a door?" Twilight smiled and narrowed her eyes at me.
"Shouldn't you have...?” My mind seemed to be drawing a blank. "Oh whatever, it seems we are evenly matched mentally."
Twilight scoffed at me. "Please. Now Honored, what were you doing?"
"I was adventuring with Daring Do." I gave a defeated sigh, "We went to Ponyrim to explore some ancient crypt that was full of zombie ponies and an evil enchantress that had said zombie ponies under her curse." Twilight took a seat in front of me, her anger gone, now replaced with a look of curiosity and wonder.
"What happened?" She asked, her eyes glued on me.
"We defeated the enchantress and escaped with the Celest- with diamonds and rubies and a huge sum of bits. But the biggest find was the evil enchantress' necklace of gold and sapphire. Daring kept it and is going to make a tone of bits from it." I waited to see if Twilight would look over my momentary slip of the tongue. She didn’t seem to notice.
‘That was a close one,’ I thought to myself, ‘I’ve got to be more careful.’
"That sounds like a great story, and I bet it will make a great book."
"Wait what?" I coughed out, my eyes going wide as I looked at the alicorn. My eyes were drawn to her wings, where another one of the six magical artifacts rested. An alicorn feather,(straight from the source). So close. Just grab one and say ‘Oops.’
"Daring Do always writes a book about her adventures, so why wouldn’t this one be any different?”
"No reason I guess." Oh she better not write about the spell. "So I’m sure you must have come here to my humble abode for something other than to yell at me. What can I do for you?"
Twilight stared at me for a moment before shaking her head, "I need to ask you to do a small favor for me."
"Alright, what is it?"
"I was hoping that you could go the Canterlot royal archives and pick up some books for the library."
"That's it? Sure I can do that...wait how many books? Because if it’s like half a ton you can forget it."
Twilight giggled and stood up. I followed her towards the doorway leading out of my house, so maybe I did need an actual door. "It’s only three books.I Know You're Up To Something; Stop Trying To Hide It; and Tell Me Now."
"I’m not doing anything wrong!" How could she have known? I've been so good at keeping the rune a secret. Has she been using some magic detection spell?
"What are you talking about Honored? I just need you to pick up the three books called, I Know You're Up To Something; Stop Trying To Hide It; and Tell Me Now."
"Oh of course, hehe…. Yeah I can do that." I coughed and wiped a hand across my brow as Twilight turned around and began her short walk back to the library. Why she didn’t fly is beyond me.
I sighed again and walked back into my house to read over my list. What did Daring Do happen to know about alicorn feathers.
"So you are hiding something human." Covert was watching the human warrior from a cluster of trees only ten yards away from his house. Covert had slipped into the alicorn's home in the middle of the night and replaced the list of book she originally wanted with the list he created.
She was none the wiser.
And that series of words and accusations had triggered Honored perfectly. Nervous ticks, the quick denial, the sweating, and the hand wipe across the forehead. The human was hiding something alright. Celestia was right. And now to find out what.
Covert vanished into the shadows to continue his close watching on the human.
I quickly pulled the hidden scroll spell and notebook containing all my work on the spell out of their hiding spot in the wall. I began reading over what Daring Do had written on alicorn feathers. I opened to the page on feathers and began reading. Stopping to look around every so often to make sure that nopony would sneak up on me.
Alicorn feathers
Pretty simple Honored. You have four choices. Princess Celestia, Luna, Cadence, and the newest Twilight Sparkle. I would recommend trying to get one from Twilight. But as you told me, she might be very suspicious as to why you want one. I don’t know a whole lot on their feathers, but alicorns don’t molt. So you have to remove on by force. Good luck with that.
"Well shit." I closed the notebook and laid my head back against the wall and let out a sigh. "Great. Well how should I approach this?" I began to think on who to pluck the feather from.
Twilight would be the easiest, with being the closest and all, but Do was right. She would be very nosy if she found out I was the one taking it.
Celestia, well that wouldn't work out to well. She might get violent if I tried sneaking around her and taking a feather.
There was Cadence. But she was all the way in the Crystal Empire and I didn’t even know what that placed really looked like. Let alone how to sneak around that castle. That left me with one option.
"Luna."
""Shit."."
‘So you have something hidden. And it involves Princesses Luna. Well it isn’t the whole answer, but it’s a start.’ Covert thought to himself from the shadowy part of the room opposite Honored who was scratching away in his notebook.
The shadow vanished deeper into the dark side of the room before beginning his short journey back to Canterlot to inform the two princesses on his recent discovery.
I stepped off the train from Ponyville to Canterlot. It may have been a better idea to take a more subtle approach to this little errand for Twilight. No sooner had a laid a foot down on the platform, I had ponies swarming me.
"Honored Service you’re back!"
"Where have you been?"
"Is it true you declared a one man war against the dragon race?"
"Will you take my daughter to her prom?"
"What are you going to do when the newest villain from season four shows up?"
I slowly tried to wade my way through the never ending swarm of ponies. I kept forgetting that save for the ponies in Ponyville, nopony else had seen me out in public for almost three months, or since the last battle of Canterlot against Day Terror.
I felt like I was trapped. There was nothing to save me from the swarm of ponies pouring around me. I was stuck like a doomed animal in quicksand. No power could save...
Oh wait, I had magic.
I quickly summoned magic into my gauntlet and fired a short range teleportation spell. I jumped through space in the train station and found myself in the front of the platform. I shook my head and sprinted off towards the castle in the distance where the Royal archives were kept. Hopefully I was still allowed in. I was still an Equestrian Honor Guard for crying out loud! Just on vacation.
"And he said 'Luna' after going over the list." Covert finished his report to the Princesses. They were pleased with the stealthy shadow's report, but didn’t like the fact that Honored was hiding something. Or Celestia was displeased with his secrets, while Luna was more...flustered over it.
"Did he not let on a hint as to why he said my name?" Luna leaned in closer to the shadow from her perch on the throne. "Anything? Like a present or a date or a wedding or a -"
Celestia reached over and shoved a hoof into her sister's mouth. "Thank you Covert for your work. You have once again proven your amazing ability at stealth. I'll send for you should I feel the need arises."
The shadow bowed to the two deities before turning around walking towards the exit of the throne room, but disappeared in a wisp of black shadow before he even reached the door, vanishing into the shadows around the room. His mind was set on solving the mystery for himself. Honored had some explaining to do.
"Now Luna..." Celestia began, removing her hoof from the younger alicorn's mouth, "Don’t go jumping to conclusions about this. It could be bad."
‘What could that Human want with Luna?’ Celestia thought. ‘Honored couldn’t possibly be thinking about her like that.’
'You forget sister that we can read each other's thoughts.' Luna's voice cut through Celestia's mind like a cold wind.
Celestia yelped and jumped off her throne before looking to her sister next to her. Luna had a sly smile on her face before she got up and walked towards the exit of the throne room, her hips swaying with her as she walked.
'You forget sister, who is the younger and more attractive one.' Luna thought to her sister.
"Yeah well you forget who is more mature and not socially awkward!" Celestia yelled at the Princess of the Night. "FLASH!" Celestia called out.
The young guard ran to the Princess' side and bowed.
"What do you re-"
"Yeah yeah skip the formalities. Flash I command you to follow Luna and make sure that nothing she does in the next day goes as planned!"
"Celestia she is also a princess." Flash Sentry looked around, suddenly wishing he had become a blacksmith instead.
"If you refuse, I’ll let Twilight know about your most recent love letter you thought you destroyed.”
"So stop anything Luna does. Okay got it." The guard ran out of the room after Luna to make sure she didn’t do anything.
"You want a war sister, then a war you shall have."
'I heard that.'
"Oh for Faust's sake!"
I jumped up and grabbed a hold of the windowsill above the cobblestone street running through the middle of Canterlot. I hauled myself up, hand over hand, until I was standing on the edge of the building. The steady sound of hooves striking stone reached my ears as the stampede of ponies got closer to me. I sprinted forward along the rooftops trying to get to the castle. I leapt over a gap in between two buildings and landed on my shoulder, rolling with the land and came up running. I saw a large gap approaching me as I headed towards the castle wall. A clothes line ran across the large opening and I angled my run towards it. I hit the rope and sprinted along it, reaching the other side safely. The castle wall stood before me. With enough speed and a perfectly timed jump, I could easily clear the top. I gave an extra burst of speed and jumped from the edge of the building, hurtling myself at the wall's top.
SPLAT
"Did you hear something Quick Flurry?" A recruit asked the one winged pegasus guard next to him.
"No." The pegasus said, turning to the recruit and delivering a swift back hoof to his head. "Lesson two, never get distracted."
"BWHAHAH!" Celestia fell of her throne, knocking the huge telescope next to her over as well. She rolled around, her guards giving sideways glances to each other as the Princess slowly calmed herself. A simple illusion spell had obscured the actual height of the wall and the human and smashed right into it.
"And now for phase two. I sweep in and confront Honored on what he needs Luna for." Celestia got up from her throne and walked to the window before jumping into the air and gliding towards where the human should be laying unconscious from his fall.
But as Celestia got closer towards the wall, she watched as a dark shape darted into the sky, a lump resting on its back.
"Luna!" She screamed before turning around back towards the castle. Flash Sentry was going to get a very stern lecture about failing her orders. And now she had to come up with a new plan.
“COVERT!”
A shadowy figure appeared within the room of Honored’s house and worked his way up to the wall. With a quick flick of his wrist Covert’s Element of Sanctuary, the blade of Stealth stabbed into the base board where the book and scroll was hidden.
Covert withdrew his blade and pulled out the scroll first. He unrolled it before letting his piercing red eyes scan over the entire page. As he read, his mouth slowly opening into a gasp as he understood what that tricky human was doing.
Covert slipped the scroll back and closed the hidden spot quietly and vanished back into the shadows. He needed to do something. Something drastic.
Luna was on her way back from the market, specifically the dress shop, were she bought herself some new, and hopefully, alluring dresses with Celestia's savings from her piggy bank she thought she had hidden. Luna was in good spirits, and those spirits rose even more when she watched the human she was after smash into a wall with a foal’s level illusion spell on it.
"Oh thank you." She said looking to the heavens above. She dove down and quickly grabbed the unconscious human in her magic, and levitated him onto her back. She giggled in delight as she carried her new dresses and the human off towards her room at the top of her spire.
Once the Princess reached her room, she laid the human out on the bed and began to hang her new dresses up. "Which one would he like the most?" Luna ran her eyes over each one before remembering a book she had in her study that might help her decide.
"Oh owww my head." I sat up, feeling a huge knot that had formed on my head. That wall had seemed so short and then it shimmered right before I smashed right into it. Ouch. I had really felt that one.
"Wait. I didn’t fall on a black velvet bed with big plushy pillows." I looked around. I was laying on a huge four poster bed that was covered in beautiful black velvet covers that sparkled like the night sky. Black curtains hung all around the bed, sparkling just like the bed sheets. Large pillows covered the head of the bed. I swung my legs to the side of the bed and pushed the curtains aside. I peered around the room.
The walls were painted amazing and breathe taking purples and blacks, like looking into the night sky. Thousands of twinkling stars covered the walls, shining everywhere my eyes traveled. Pictures of the moon in its different phases hung around the walls and a large picture of the moon cresting over a mountain hung over a large desk next to a fireplace. This was the first time I had seen Princess Luna's room. It was just like her. Well, her colors at least.
I think I was safe in assuming it was her room. It was dark enough.
I walked over to a door and pushed it open. There was Luna resting on a rug reading a book in front of a fireplace. And above her was a portrait of me in a dress...
"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?!" I screamed pointing at the portrait over Luna.
I may have startled her, because I soon found myself tossed against a book case across the study.
"Oh my goodness." Luna quickly got up and dashed towards me, using magic to pull books off of me and pull me up. "I’m so sorry human." She smiled and walked me back over to the center of the room where she was originally sitting. "And also sorry about that," she pointed a hoof towards the picture of me wearing the baby blue and pink dress with lots of bows and lace, "I just couldn't resist having that commissioned."
I stared at the utterly humiliating portrait of myself before shrugging and sitting down. "You know, it is pretty funny."
We both shared a laugh before I looked back to Luna and her wings of sleek dark feathers. Luna had stopped reading to take a sip of her wine resting near her. She watched me watch her… oh shit awkward.
"Luna I need an alicorn feather."
"BWTHTHTH!" Luna spit out a mouthful of wine all over the book she was reading. I gave her a smile while she turned to stare at me. "Why do you need one? Or better yet, why me?"
"Okay I’m going to be completely honest here. I’ve found that being honest when it counts is always the best thing to do." I got up from the chair and walked to the fireplace before reaching into my pocket and a copy of the scroll I had. "Luna I know you remember the magic tremors from a month ago." The alicorn nodded her head as I walked back to her. “I attempted to perform a spell that would send me home for three days. Or at least I hope it will.”
Luna looked at me with her mouth agape. "I’m going to go home for the three days it allows the caster to be gone. I want to see what has happened to my home since I left it in 2012. What’s changed? What my family is doing? Do you understand Princess? "
"Of course Honored, but some of these artifacts. Some of them haven't been seen in over a thousand years." She went back to the list and placed a hoof on the Celestial stone of life, "My sister doesn’t even know where this is. And she created it over two thousand years ago."
I smiled and reached into my pocket and removed the stone and held it in my palm up to Luna. Her eyes grew wide ad she let out a muffled gasp. She reached out and slowly touched the stone with her hoof tip. "It’s beautiful, just like I remember it being. My sister made it for me to celebrate the overthrowing of Discord."
"Oh." I said, suddenly wishing I hadn’t pulled the stone out.
"Of course you may keep it. You found it." I let out a sigh of relief, "But of course since you are taking that and you want one of these," she fanned her wing out and slowly dragged it across my back, "you have to do something for me."
I needed that feather. How bad could her request be compared to Daring Do's? "Okay your highness, what do you want?"
"I’m going with you."
"Damn it." Celestia trotted around the large table in the middle of her War Room. She had a map of Canterlot displayed and a long list of possibilities she could act on to keep her sister from winning the human. As the Princess of the Sun she was responsible for keeping the human under her hoof; well kind of.
"Your highness, second squad has returned with no sighting of the human." The royal guard said while bowing to the Princess.
"Tell them to look again!" Celestia yelled, lightly tossing the pegasus guard out of the room.
"No fighting in the War Room Princess." Flash Sentry said timidly, while slowly backing up to the exit.
Celestia turned, eyes ablaze as she searched for the smart ass guard, but the young lieutenant had vanished.
"I will find you Luna! And your human too!" in reality Celestia was having a great time playing with her sister and the human Honored Service. She rarely got to use her power for her own fun.
"No."
"Then no feather for you." Luna 'humpfhed' and turned away from me, crossing her forelegs in front of her. "Good luck asking Celestia for one."
God damn it. Stuck at another freaking bridge that I could pass. I owed Daring Do something and now I would have to take Luna with me. Just great. Freaking perfect. I guess there was only one thing to do now.
"Fine," I mumbled staring at her, "you can come."
I was knocked down onto the floor by a wave of dark purple and blue as Luna pinned me to the floor in a death grip bear hug.
"Oh many thanks Honored!" She slowly relinquished her grip on me, a fine blush spreading across her cheeks. "We...I shall begin packing at once."
"Hold your horses there Luna." I smiled, haha horses, "I still, have four other artifacts to find before the rune will be completed."
"Very well then. I shall wait with baited breath." Luna said before flaring her wing out to me. She held the outstretched appendage in front of me before looking at me and giving it a slight shake.
"Well go on," she waved it again, "pick one and be done with it."
"What I just reach out and pluck one?" I asked. Now that she was just willing to let me take a feather, it felt weird.
"Yes." Luna said looking away from me. "But consider yourself the luckiest being alive. Nopony has ever simply taken a feather from a princess." Was she blushing? I couldn’t tell from the way she had her head turned, but it would go away soon. I reached my hand out and gently brushed it along her wing, letting my fingers dance around the long smooth feathers beneath them. I let my thumb and index finger softly grip around one of her long primaries before giving it a quick tug. It came lose easily, while Luna winced for a second before looking at me.
"I have kept my part of the promise Honored, and expect you to do the same." Her eyes bore into mine, they demanded that I bring her with me.
"Yes Luna, I will. I promise."
"Now can you help me find these books for Twilight?"
Well that was a total bust. Luna had just laughed at me when I showed her the list for the books I had come all the way here to pick up. I guess it wasn’t a complete loss, I did have an alicorn feather tucked into my pocket next to the Celestial Stone of Life. At the rate I was going though, I was going to have to owe a favor to every stinking pony that helped me get these stupid artifacts.
I pulled out my copy of the spell scroll and read over it again. I had one last point of the rune to finish back in the Everfree, leaving the finding of the rest of these artifacts, then I could be on my merry way back to Earth.
With the alicorn feather and the Stone of Life found I could focus on the other pieces. What next? Maybe the Guardian scale. Wait what’s blood of the ancient? Water dragon tears? Jesus I had no fucking clue what any of these were. Well the reflector pool I did.
Pinkie Pie found that shit. That would be easy to get. It was just down into the Everfree forest and under a big freaking rock in the middle of a clearing.
Well that’s the next thing I think I’ll go for. Some magic water. Hmmm I wonder what it would be like with two of me…
I walked into my home, after first ripping a huge rock from the ground and rolling it behind me with my magic. There how’s that for a door Twilight. I nodded to my improvised door and went into my soon to be bedroom and pulled my notebook and scroll from the hidden cut away in the floor. I wanted to see what Do thought about the pool. I needed to find out where it exactly was and I’m not sure if asking Pinkie Pie directly about it would be a good idea. No knowing if Twilight might find out and begin to get nosey.
The Magic Reflector Pool is found deep in the Everfree. It is dangerous as it creates a copy of the user that stares into it. But the copy isn’t exactly ‘whole’ in the mind. Knowing you Honored, I wouldn’t stare at it too long. Equestria couldn’t handle that many humans Tartarus bent on causing destruction.
Sheesh. Why does everypony think all I do is destroy stuff?
Well not that much stuff.
But that didn’t help me at all. I guess it’s time to pay Pinkie a visit.
“Knee pinch. Ear flop. Tail wiggle to the left. And upset stomach.” Pinkie Pie turned around and stared at the door leading into Sugar Cube Corner. “And there he is…and there he is…and there he is…come on Honored. You’re ruining it!”
“There he is!” The door opened and in walked the human in question.
“How’d you do that?” Honored asked as he walked up to the counter and leaned against it. He glanced over the glass display case of confectionary treats.
“Oh I have my ways.” I rubbed a hoof across my chest, “I have my ways. So what can Auntie Pinkie do for the human today?” I jumped up and grabbed a crystal ball from the shelf and slammed it down in front of him, he backed up a bit as I waved my hooves over the clean shiny surface. “I see you came for a palm reading? Granted I don’t get to do those on accounting of nopony having palms… so this would be great practice.”
“Um no.” Honored said, before he moved closer, slowly pushing my crystal ball aside. “I came to ask you about something.”
“No we don’t have any more triple chocolate fudge brownies with caramel glaze coating, and no we won’t be making triple chocolate fudge brownies with caramel glaze coating for a long time.”
“No. it’s not about that either.” Honored sighed and rubbed a hand across his face, letting out a long sigh. Ha only two minutes and I had him sighing, that’s a new personal record.
“So then if it isn’t about triple chocolate fudge brownies with caramel glaze coating then what can I do for you?” I ask him while stacking some freshly baked cookies into the display.
“Listen Pinkie. I need your help with something.”
“OH BOY!” I yell before leaping over the counter and grabbing Honored and slinging him onto a fold out couch that I willed to be there. I sat in front of him with my new glasses resting on my nose and stared at him before grabbing a notebook and a quill. “So what can I do? Where do you want to start?”
“No. Oh my god why did I think this was going to be easy.” Honored said while leaning back against the arm of the couch. “Pinkie this isn’t some mental mind game. Please just listen.”
“I’m all ears. Well actually I’m like 8% ears and the rest Pinkie.” I gave him a smile as he rolled his eyes and began to bang the back of his head into the couch arm.
“Alright. I need your help finding the Magic Reflection Pool.” He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “I need just a small vial of the water to use for an extremely secret project I’m working on.”
“I don’t know Honored.” OH MY GOSH I couldn’t believe my luck! If I helped him I could make him owe me a favor. And I’ve never had a human owe me a favor. And it could be anything. Like… Oh, I’ve got it. And I can make him do it today. “Honored I’ll take you to the pool, but you have to do me a favor.”
“How did I know?” Honored sat up from the couch and rubbed his hands over his face before putting on a fake smile and looking at me. “What would I have to do?”
“Nopey dopey. It’s a surprise. You have to do it though if you want me to take you.” I smiled as he slammed his face down into his hands.
“How do I know you’ll keep your promise?” He asked through his hands. I just gave him a deadpan stare. The same stare I use on Gummy when he asks if he can play in the oven.
“Alright fine I’ll trust you.” He says while standing up and looking at me. “I’ll do whatever you have in mind.”
“Excellent. Follow me and we’ll get started. And by the way,” I turn around to him and give him a huge smile, “Can you juggle?”
“This. Is. The. Most. Humiliating. Thing. Ever.” I say through gritted teeth as Pinkie Pie finishes the last of the make up on my face.
Lots of white powder. Huge black outlines for my eyes. Big red lips. And a gigantic fucking red nose that squeaks. Of course it fucking squeaks. I was wearing some ridiculous yellow jumpsuit that was covered in multicolored strips and large red shoes. “Why do you even have an outfit like this?” I asked as she slammed a big poofy rainbow wig on my head.
“Well I just willed it to be in the closet and there it was. You act like a clown so tada!” She smiled at me and reached up and poked my nose.
SQUEAK
“Will you cut that out?” I shouted, swatting her hoof away before she could do it again. “Okay now what. I’m wearing this costume, is that all? Can I see the Reflection Pool now?”
“Nope first you have to follow me.” Pinkie Pie said before walking down the stairs from her room and out the front door. I rolled my eyes and followed behind the bouncing mare. She hummed a tune as we walked through Ponyville. Ponies stopped what they were doing and stared at me. It’s hard to ignore the six foot tall clown walking through the center of town.
This fucking sucks. Now the only thing that could make this worse, is if…
“Oh my goodness.” That voice.
“Um I can explain.” I said while turning to face the regal voice of Princess Celestia. She was stepping off of her personal chariot in front of the library. At least only Celestia would humiliate me.
“This may just be beating the photo with the dress.” I hung my head as Luna’s chariot touched down next to me. The dark blue chariot slowed to a stop with her two Night Guards beside me.
“Nice.” The closet guard whispered to me before snickering behind his hoof.
“Oh bite me.” I shot back before looking up to the two royal sisters. “Hi Princesses.”
“I must ask Honored,” Luna said while walking up to me and reaching her hoof out, “Why are you wearing this ridiculous jester outfit?” She poked the nose on my face and was rewarded with a SQUEAK.
“Yeah I’m being forced-“ I began before Pinkie Pie bounced in front of me and smiled to the Princesses.
“He volunteered to help me with a party at the school house for the foals. He’s such a sweet human thing.” She turned around and smiled at me before winking at me.
“Um that’s right. I do love helping the kids and stuff.” I said while adjusting the nose on my face. I gave a smile and made a pose with my arms outstretched. Three red balls slipped out of my sleeves and hit the ground. “Wait how long have those been in there?”
“Well that’s very kind of you.” Celestia said before turning around and heading into the library.
“Honored I had no idea you were such a sweetheart.” Luna said before looking away from me and quickly following after he sister.
“Thanks for the save there Pinkie.” I said as we continued to walk down the path towards the Ponyville school house.
“I figured it couldn’t hurt to have Princess Luna think even better of you.” She said with a wink. I shrugged and continued behind her.
“So what, just act like a clown for the afternoon and you’ll tell me where the pool is?”
“Yup!” She said while bouncing up to the door and opening it.
“No other side quests?”
“Nope!”
“I don’t have to give you anything?”
“Sure don’t!” She opened the door leading to a classroom. I could see a few desks before she made a ‘shhhh’ noise to me and shut the door before I could walk in. I pressed my ear against the door, but this damn wig was making it hard to get my ear against the door.
“And without further waiting, here he is, Service the Clown!” Wait what?
The door flew open and I tumbled forward into the classroom. I continued to tumble into the classroom and tripped on the ridiculous shoes I was wearing. I fell forward, and shouldered rolled before jumping up onto the Cheerlie’s desk before stopping and looking at the group of foals before me. It was the group I easily recognized. Primarily Applebloom, Sweetie Bell, and Scootaloo all staring at me with huge grins on their faces. I smiled at them and waved to the rest of the class.
I decided to give ‘em a show. I was here and in this stupid outfit, I might as well have fun with it. I put on my best clown voice, making it as silly as possible and smiled wide to the group. “GOOOOOD MORNING PONYVILLE!” I jumped down and flared the magic on my gauntlet and made all the desks the foals were sitting in scoot to the left and right of the classroom, creating a walkway down the middle of the room. “I’m new in town and thought I’d put on a show for y’all. But I was told that it’s somepony’s birthday. Now who would that be?” I held my hand up to brow and scanned the room for who everypony pointed a hoof to.
“And so who just might you be?” I walked up to the pony everypony was pointing towards. “My sources of magical clown powers are telling me you must be…Silver Spoon.”
“Whaaaa- How did you know that?” The gray coated filly asked staring at me in disbelief.
“Silver Spoon he’s that lame human obviously.” Diamond Tiara said to Silver Spoon. I looked at here, giving her a deadpan stare.
“Well that’s not very nice.” I turned to her and got down on here level, “you must be wet since you’re raining on this parade.”
“I’m not-BWLLARGHHHH” She started to say, but suddenly the large red flower on my chest squirted water right into Diamond Tiara’s mouth silencing her.
“Now where were we?” I asked tapping a gloved hand to my chin. “How about some magic for the filly!” I asked while whipping out a deck of cards. I tossed them up into the air before accordion-ing them back into my hand and tossing them under my legs and back into my hand. Having my magic discreetly doing all the work underneath the white glove did help.
“Now please draw a single card miss.” I said while fanning the cards out to Silver Spoon. She held a hoof out and hovered over the cards before settling on one and drawing it. I quickly snapped the cards in my hand together and shuffled them up. “Now show the card to your classmates, but not to me.”
I closed my eyes as she flipped the card around to her classmates. ‘Too easy.’ I thought. “All done? Then please put it back anywhere you want in the deck.” I held the cards back out to her and quickly shuffled them again.
“Is this your card?” I held up a five of diamonds.
“Um no.” She laughed as everpony else did.
“How about this one?” I held up a seven of hearts.
“NO!” More laughter exploded from the foals.
“This clown is lame. He can’t even get a card trick right.” Diamond Tiara said. I narrowed my eyes at her. Okay that’s enough.
“Well shoot. I guess just open your desks, all of you, and see if her card is in there.” I said sticking my hands into my pockets with a huge frown on my face.
A loud bang filled the class as thousands of cards exploded from each desk and covered the room. The kids exploded into applause as Silver Spoon held up one of the thousands of king of spades.
“You did great Honored!” Pinkie Pie said while we walked back to Sugar Cube corner from the school house. “I especially liked the part with the balloon animals that moved around and chased each other.”
“Thanks Pinkie. I’m just glad that my magic has gotten better to where everything I touch doesn’t become some type of weapon.”
“Yeah, me too. That would have made for one heck of strange party!” Pinkie said while turning around and handing me a birthday card.
“What’s this?” I stared at the pink card.
“Open it duhhhh!” She said with a large grin.
Inside of the card was a small map. “It’s the directions to the pool. If I remember it correctly. And I’m not usually a forgetful pants.”
“But you don’t wear pants.” I pointed out before pocketing the map.
“Oh well… I guess I don’t forget to not wear them.”
“Well thanks Pinkie. I’m going to go get this off.” I tugged at the collar of the multicolored outfit.
“Okay Johnson, thanks for your help. You made the foals really happy.”
I got back to my house and began stripping of the clown jumpsuit before washing all the makeup of my face. “Well Johnson, if the whole monster slaying job dies down, you’d make for one hell of a clown.”
“I’d say.”
I quickly spun around to find Luna and Celestia staring at me through my open door into my sparsely decorated room. “What are you two doing here!” I pointed at them with the large red nose still in my hand. I looked at it and quickly tossed it to the side where it hit the wall with a ‘squeak.’
“Just thought we’d stop by and see how the party went. And judging from what Pinkie said it went well. And no weapons from the magic huh?” Celestia said while walking into my room and staring at my military container holding all my weapons.
“We had no idea you were so gifted with foals.” Luna said while following her sister into the room.
“Yea, apparently being a crazy soldier and a foal sitter must go hand in hand.” I wiped the rest of the makeup off with a rag before looking to the two alicorns. “So what can I do for you two? Not that having you two show up is displeasing, but usually royalty doesn’t just drop in.”
“Oh but it was just that.” Celestia said before turning around and heading towards the door, “Luna I need to just ask Honored something.”
“Of course sister, I shall see you at the chariots.” Luna smiled at me and exited the room. NO come back don’t leave me with…
“So what can I do for you Celestia?”
Celestia quickly looked around before slamming the door shut and drawing the blinds on my windows in my room. “Listen here Johnson. I know something is going on. First the magic tremors, then the drunken letter, and now random acts going on between you and my sister. I know something is up, and you’re going to spill it!”
“Whoa. Damn. Um listen I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was just trying to practice magic and had one to many drinks.” I stuttered out. Shit shit shit shit shit shit.
Celestia stared at me for another moment before nodding her head at me and heading towards the door. She opened it and then turned her head back towards me, “And I’ll be watching my sister closely so don’t get any funny ideas.”
“Don’t worry, I won’t. Besides I have to give Pinkie the clown costume back anyways.” I said while turning to my weapon crate and opening it. I listened as Celestia’s hoof steps slowly faded into the distance. I let out a long sigh and collapsed to the ground. “That was way to fucking close.” I wiped my hand across my brow and looked to my weapons.
I picked up my Element of Protection and slid the blade out of its chrome sheath. The deep red blade reflected in the light of the room. I ran my hand over the markings that covered the blade, letting my fingers stop on the jeweled yellow star on the hilt. I smiled and sheathed the weapon before slinging it across my back. I reached into the box and grabbed both of my Glock 21s and plenty of magazines for them.
I brought out Pinkie’s map and scanned it. It was a trek through the Everfree that ended somewhere deep into its depths. I wasn’t expecting too much of fight from anything within the forest so the pistols, my sword, and my magic should be enough to deal with anything that lies within it. “Well then. Let’s move out.” I grabbed the newly installed door handle and closed the door to my house and set off to the main entrance that the ponies, those brave enough to use anyway, used to enter the forbidding forest.
“So let’s see here, the map says to travel down this path, past Zecora’s hut, and then take a turn at the scary looking rock. How can a rock be scary?” I talked aloud to myself as the forest continued to get darker and the sunlight was blocked out by the canopy of the forest.
I sowed my pace as I looked around. The trees began getting thicker in width and the light was nearly all but gone from the area. Soon it would be too dark to even see two feet in front of me. “What the hell?”
GRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
I spun around and jerked both of my Glocks from the double back holster on my belt and aimed them to my sides. I began to pant as the light quickly vanished. I was left blind in the forest, the darkness having consumed all the light.
“Um. Hello?” I called out. I couldn’t fight what I couldn’t see. And I kind of needed to see if I wanted to put up a fight. I quickly turned around and screamed.
A horribly disfigured face was staring back at me. I quickly aimed my pistol and fired the .45 ACP rounds into the face before turning around and finding another terrifying face inches away from me. I unloaded round after round into the faces the kept appearing near me. Around and around I spun, firing the pistols, the muffled coughs of the silenced weapons dying out in the forest.
I stood panting in the middle of the path, both Glocks empty and smoking. A very dim red light glowed around me as I looked around. I was petrified. The faces all kept looking at me, the bullets having done nothing.
“Wait a minute.” I quickly fumbled for new magazines and put them into the pistols before holstering them. “These aren’t monsters.”
I stepped closer to the face and saw that it was actually the bark on one of the trees along the edge of the path. A smile slowly crept onto my face as I drew my sword from its sheath on my back. The metal slid out with an intimidating noise.
From deep within I felt something begin to stir as I squared off with the first ‘scary face’ that was on the tree. I opened my mouth to holler a war cry at the victim, but instead, I let my voice take a turn in a different direction.
“Slaughter all the freak-ies
Stab all the spooky
Cut through the nasty!”
I spun into a low fighting stance and whipped the sword around, the red blade slicing through the trees with ease, causing the faces of disfigured monsters to simply vanish into thin air. As more and more faces disappeared, the dim light of the forest slowly began to return. I pulled out one of my Glocks and smiled as I twirled the handgun around on a finger before stopping it mid spin and firing into a crowd of trees.
“Trigger all ghosties
Murder all the yuckies
Decimate the ghastly.”
When I was a new grunt, and enemy was gatherin’ around-d-d-d,
The evil and wicked would make me back down.
I’d hide in my trench,
From their awful stench-h-h-h,
But Sergeant said that wasn’t right,
And to get up and fight.
Learn to crush the pus----“
I stopped shooting and slashing when I realized that I was standing in the middle of a clearing and that nothing was around me, save for a shitload of slashed trees and bushes.
“Um I may have gotten a little carried away there.” I holstered the pistol and stared at the blade. I hadn’t even noticed that I had traveled that far done that path. I had lost myself in a fit of rage and violence.
“Oh man I’m slipping. Again.” I sighed and sheathed the sword on my back. My hand was slightly shaking from my brief imaginary fight. I was fighting trees. Was that how badly I needed to fight was? To have my imagination come up with fake enemies to fight? Pinkie’s map was in my hands as I wandered around the clearing. This should be the area that the pool should be at. Nothing was here save for solid ground and a large stone… oh duh. I slapped a hand to myself and walked over to the stone that was resting in the middle of the clearing. I stood on top of it and began to jump up and down, trying to get the stone to move.
“Damn. Thing. Why. Wont. You. Move?” I grunted out as I landed on the rock with all of my body weight, but the stubborn rock refused to give. I looked around, to just make sure I was still alone, before I summoned my magic into my gauntlet and aimed it at one of the large trees next to the clearing.
Sweat began to break out on my brow as I concentrated all my magic on the solitary tree. A sickening crunch filled the air as the tree broke off from the forest floor and began to levitate through the air towards me. I was feeling the strain of the magic coursing within me as I tree hovered over me. I slowly lifted it high into the air and then let my magic do its work. I watched as the tree was suspended in a blood red aurora before the branches and leaves fell from it, leaving just a huge log floating in midair. With a grunt I pushed it into the next step, as the wood slowly began to condense into a super-pressed and compacted rectangle. Said rectangle was five feet thick and well over twenty feet long. I could feel the sweat pouring off me as the flat front of the wood began to reshape itself into a long wicked point.
Once I was satisfied with the point, I levitated the wooden super spear higher into the air, until it was above the canopy of the forest. I clenched my fist and brought it down quickly to the ground as the log mimicked my movement.
The giant battering ram, sharpen to a point, slammed into the center of the rock, causing it to explode downward into the earth where a massive crash filled the air. As the dust settled I stepped up and wiped my arm across my brow, brushing the sweat from my face. “And that’s how to rock.” I gave a weak laugh before heading over to the hole and peering down into the cavern
A slide carved into the rock spiraled down into the depths of the cavern.
I shrugged my shoulders and leapt in, sliding on the souls of my boots as I twisted and turned down the smooth tube slide made of rock. At the bottom of the brief slide I walked into a cavern that was lit with a bright light coming from under the surface of a crystal clear pool of water.
As I walked closer to the edge of the pool, the water began to spin around and around, slowly turning to a deep blue before settling down and becoming almost glass like. I looked down to my reflection. I stared at myself.
My short cropped brown hair with the streaks of red and yellow scattered through it. I ran a hand through it and sighed. I rubbed my gauntlet over my chin, touching the rough stubble that never seemed to grow longer, forever stuck at a five o’clock shadow. The few scars that dotted my face were smooth as my hand moved over them. My eyes looked back to my own. I was trapped in my own reflection. And this time it wasn’t because I was in love with my own reflection, but it was from the pain I saw.
I sighed again and wondered where all this pain was coming from. I was alone. I had friends that cared for me. My friends that loved me, and I loved them. I was willing to do anything for them, but why was I so sad. I may have been surrounded by friends, but I was always going to be alone, alone in the sense that I was the only human alive on the planet. Once I was dead, it would be over. No more humans in Equestria. Well unless another flash bang had gone off and transported more humans here. And what were the odds of that?
I shook my head and bent down to the water. I reached my hands out and slowly began to press my fingers into the cool water.
Next to me I watched as an identical pair of finger tips slowly rose out of the water. I could have a human friend, someone else to explore with me. No it wouldn’t be the same. I quickly pulled my hand back and the other hand disappeared back into the perfectly flat water. I pulled out a small glass vile and reached down, scooping up the flask with water.
The water swirled in the flask before settling down and becoming blue again. I pocketed the glass flask and walked back towards the rock slide that had led me down into the cavern. I gave one last look at the pool before glancing up to the slide. I stepped onto it and then aimed my gauntlet behind me and fired a long burst of raw magic that launched me forward, sending me sliding along the slide back up to the surface.
Three artifacts left.
Dear Princess Celestia and Princess Luna,
Well today wasn’t too eventful. After helping Pinkie Pie with the party I realized that helping others is a great thing to do. Seeing the foals smile was something special to see. I also found myself in a bit of a funk. I’m alone. I know I have friends. I have a group of amazing friends. The Elements of Harmony and the Elements of Sanctuary, but I realized that once I’m gone, the humans of Equestria will once again slip into the archives of legend. I don’t mean to be depressing, but it does tie into my lesson. So while I’m here on this Earth, I should do whatever I can to help others so that once I’m gone, I will leave with nothing but good behind me.
Your humble warrior,
(Well most of the time)
Honored Service
“Sister, are you alright?” Celestia looked at Luna who was reading Honored’s most recent letter over again.
“Oh, I’m fine Celly. I’m just a little sad at his letter.” Luna looked up to the portrait of Honored in the blue dress and couldn’t help but smile. He was one of a kind. And she couldn’t imagine that Equestria will ever be the same once he was gone.
“Celestia?” Luna asked, turning to her bigger sister.
“Yes Lulu?”
“How did you make that old Celestial stone?”