Walking out of Colgate’s office I slid my tongue over my newly reformed teeth.No matter how many times I go over it in my head I am still impressed. It had only taken Colgate a few minutes calmed down to let me explain why I was there and fix my teeth.
She had me open my mouth and cringed at the sight of my canine’s asking if I ate meat to which I nodded but informed her that I don’t eat anything sentient. This calmed her a bit as she spread a white paste over the broken teeth and told me to wait. Thirty seconds went by and my mouth began to burn like a hot coal had just been placed inside.
My body heaved a few times while I fought back a scream of pain. I gave Colgate a scared look and she calmly told me it was all a part of the process. There was a series of sickening cracking sounds radiating from my mouth making me feel like someone was pounding my teeth into dust before everything stopped. Just like that, all the pain just stopped and I looked at the blue unicorn for a moment and as if she read my mind she held up a small mirror in her magic. Pulling back my lips I saw that my broken molars were now completely filled and looked as if nothing had even happened. I swear this unicorn was psychic because before I even asked she told me that the paste was one of the potions a zebra named Zecora made for her. It apparently could repair any broken bone to its original shape and strength in only a few seconds.
Once my mind was done processing the complete impossibility of that, I shrugged and thanked her for her time, choosing not to think about it and just roll with it. I informed her that I would be able to pay for the procedure (if that is what you call it) once I opened my bit bank account. She nodded saying that as long as I got the money to them within the next few days it would be fine ‘damn these ponies are generous’.
After Colgate gave me instructions to the bank I grabbed my bike and began to pedal.
“Let’s see, 218 219 ah 220.” I said breaking in front of a two story building with a sign that read “Mr. Rich’s Bank of Equestria”
“I guess this is the place.” I propped my bike on it’s kickstand and took a deep breath before walking inside the bank. As per usual everything went quiet as everypony starred at me. I ignored the whispers of the patrons and made my way over to one of the tellers, catching the metal gate before he could slam it shut. The stallion began to shake as he looked up at me.
“P-p-please we-we don’t want any trouble.”
“And neither do I. I’m just here to unlock an account.”
A few moments passed and the stallion lifted up the gate and cleared his throat.
“S-so sorry about that. I wasn’t aware you were a customer. So you say you need to unlock an account? I assume you have the correct paperwork?”
I nodded and grabbed the forms from my bag and handed them to him. His tail wrapped around a pen and flipped it into the air before he caught it in his mouth giving a sly smile. I smiled and gave a quiet golfers clap. “Impressive”
“Years of practice. Now let’s get to it.” He said pulling the papers out of the envelope and looking over them while he scribbled a few things here and there before heading over to a bunch of filing cabinets and pulled out some other forms and had me sign those before he handed me a new card with the accounts basic info.
“Now this is a umm …..elite class account and since it is not uncommon for ponies to uh……obtain papers like these through less than legal means i-it’s my job to ask if you have proof that your status matches the accounts heh heh.” he said obviously getting nervous. More than likely there had been other ponies who’ve exploded in his face when he had asked this.
After maybe thirty seconds of thought I snapped my fingers –a gesture that went over the clerk’s head as he raised an eyebrow- and reached into my shirt to pull out the necklace emblem I had been given. His eyes immediately went wide as he looked over the emblem and immediately stepped back to bow but ended up smacking his face on the counter making me and the co-worker next to him cringe ‘ouch’.
“P-please forgive my unprofessional behavior your majesty. I had no idea you were a member of the royal bloodline.”
‘So it’s a family crest. That would explain why celestia asked me not to flaunt it around too much. Probably so I didn’t turn into someone like BlueBlood’ I shuddered at the thought of being like him.
I could tell all eyes were on me once again. The term ‘your majesty’ actually made me blush a bit (needless to say I had never been called that before) as I noticed the clerks nose was dripping blood as he stood back up. I looked around and found a box of tissues to my left and grabbed one tearing it in half and bundling it up.
“Look buddy relax I…… I’m more of a long lost and very distant relative so there is no need to get worked up around me, and as far as I’m concerned I’m just a normal citizen like everypony else so you don’t have do the whole bowing down to me thing.”
I then reached over and to many ponies surprise used one half of the tissue to wipe the blood from his muzzle and gently stuffed the other half into his bleeding nostril.
“There that should stop the bleeding. Just wait maybe fifteen minutes before taking it out to be safe.”
The clerk just stood there shocked at my actions. There was a lot of gasping going on and I think at one point I heard somepony faint but I ignored it and looked at the teller like nothing had happened.
“so uhh is there anything else I need to fill out or is that it?”
“I uh um well o-of course Mister..Ni-Nickerson” he said looking back at the forms I had signed to get my name. He still seemed a bit shaken from everything that had happened but once again he began to come back to his professional “T-then in twenty four hours you can withdraw your bits. until then I hope you have a nice day.”
“You too.”
I said putting my bank account card into my backpack. I turned and headed for the door but as I did five ponies black ski masks walked in “Oh this can’t be good.” I said as my paranoid side kicked in and slipped behind a pillar as the group reached the center of the bank’s lobby
“Everypony this is a hold up. All of you on the ground NOW.” The one who was apparently in charge yelled as two of his comrades being unicorns blasted a spell pinning everypony to the ground except the robbers and myself as the aura passed over me in a dusty *poof*.
“Well this day just got more interesting.” I mumbled to myself as I peered around the pillar I was hiding behind. From what I could gather the two unicorns were still using their magic to cast the spell holding everypony down while another two earth ponies with crowbars began to try and force their way into the bank vault at the back. The last one who I originally thought was a Pegasus turned out to be what I can only assume is a griffon with the lion tail eagle claws and I could safely bet he was the leader from all the commands he was shouting and the lack of work he was doing.
‘well shit now griffons are real. What’s next talking dragons’
Staying behind the pillar I took several deep breaths to keep my cool and prevent my instincts from taking over which would result in me
A. Making a run for it.
Or
B. Being a hero.
“Relax just relax. It’s a simple robbery, they covered their faces so they probably aren’t gonna kill the hostages when they’re done, and they don’t seem to have any weapons anyway. Just sit down and wait it out until their gone and nopony will get hurt.” I whispered this to myself until I heard the loud noise of something metallic breaking. “Oh please tell me I’m wrong.” I said turning to see one of the earth ponies dropping his now broken crowbar to the ground.
‘Oh fuck you universe’ I cursed in my head ducking behind the pillar again.
The lead began screaming again “What in the ruffled primary feathers is taking you led heads so long?”
“Th-the door sir it’s to heavy and it has one of them fancy digi-whatchamacalit locks.” said one of the earth ponies.
‘Great now they are gonna get desperate and look for the owner or manager…….man I spend way too much time on Netflix ’
Sure enough the griffon starts to look around before pointing to a brown stallion with a black pulled back and greased mane “I suppose luck is on my side today. Mr. Rich himself…..and with his daughter none the less.”
‘Oh fuck. Things did not just take that turn.’ looking over towards the robbers as one of the earth pony thugs walks over to the stallion who is holding a trembling pink filly under his hooves. As the thug got closer, the apparent Mr.rich pulled his daughter closer to him
“You touch her and I swear to bucking Celestia i…” he couldn’t get another word out before receiving a solid kick to his muzzle. A sickening crunch could be heard as Mr. Rich hit the floor coughing and clutching his face, a pool of blood forming around his head as the thug who hit him scooped up the now crying filly bringing her over to the griffon.
“Get your filthy hands of me you immoral flankholes.” She screamed and flailed trying to hit her captor. ‘gotta say the kid has courage.’
“And what if I say no?” the griffon says roughly holding her by the back of her neck as he trails a claw over her throat. “Just so you know I could easily slit your throat and be done with you at any time so if I were you I WOULD SHUT UP.” his booming voice reducing the filly to a sniffling, shaking mess. “Good girl. Now Mr. Rich would be so kind as to open the vault for us or do I have to spell out my instructions with your daughters blood?” he said and pressing his clawed finger into her neck but not hard enough to break the skin.
As all of this was happening I had slipped my butterfly knife from my bag and into my pocket as I was slowly making my way around the side of the bank from pillar to pillar until I was at the entrance only three feet behind the two unicorns who were mumbling to one another. Several bank patrons were eyeing me and I held a finger to my mouth trying to let them know to be quiet. They quickly averted their gaze as I came up behind the two unicorns and dropped my bag with a loud enough thud to draw their attention as they turned to look up at me. I held up my hand and twiddled my fingers “Hi how ya doing?” I ask before I quickly reached down and slam their heads into one another. They fell to the ground unconscious and their magic dissipated allowing everypony to stand up and run as fast as they could out of the bank. The griffon turned with the filly still in hand…or claw I guess. The moment he saw me his eyes ran through a series of emotions that mainly consisted of confusion before they morphed to anger and he began to scream “YOU H-HOW DID YOU RESIST THEIR MAGIC. THAT IS IMPOSSIBLE. NO CREATURE CAN GO UNEFFECTED BY PONY MAGIC.”
“Well after everything I’ve seen and been through I can honestly say nothing is impossible. Now I suggest you set the little girl down before things get ugly” the griffon just began to cackle before shooting me an evil grin.
“Oh ho ho hooo looks like we have a deformed minotar trying to save the day. Tell me are you just compensating for your complete and utter lack of muscle with that inflated ego or do you actually think you can stop me?”
I took a step forwards and he simply pressed his claw more firmly against the filly’s neck “ah ah ahhh you wouldn’t want my claw to slip now would you.”
Biting my lower lip I sighed and took a step back. The griffon smiled “Wise choice.” He turned his back to me to re address Mr. Rich “Now, since the rest of our audience has left and are probably alerting the police as I speak I would like to kindly ask that you open the vault and retrieve box 35.”
Cursing under his breath Mr. Rich made his way to the digital keypad and punched in a ten digit code. There was a series of clicks and thunks before the vault began to swing open slowly. The inside looked like the inside of any bank vault would appear to be. Several safety deposit boxes lining the walls with cheap florescent lighting. Mr. Rich pulled out a set of keys which were quickly swiped from his hooves by the griffons goons. Two minutes later they came out with a duffel bag that obviously held what they were looking for. The goons set the bag in front of the griffon whom I guess was smiling “perfect now it shall be returned to where it rightfully belongs.”
The moment he bent down to inspect the contents of the bag I made my move. Rushing the griffon as fast as I could I sliped my knife out of my pocket flipping it open and before he had a chance to react I thrust the scarlet blade into the forearm that held the filly.
His scream echoed around the marble interior of the bank as he flailed dropping the filly to the floor. She quickly scurried over to her father who wrapped his hooves around her and turned her head away from the scene. The griffon’s grabed me by the collar of my shirt and threw me over his head and slammed me to the ground knocking the wind from me. there was a loud tearing sound and when I opened my eyes I saw he held a good portion of my shirt in his claw. How he managed to do that I’m not sure but he still managed to do it.
“GAAAAHHH YOU INSIGNIFICANT DEFORMED BASTARD. HOW DARE YOU.” He bellowed and raised his free claw to swipe at me “KNOW YOUR PLACE.”
I brought my arms up just in time as the talons came down and sliced through my arms causing me to scream in pain. Before I could think of anything i felt something impact into my stomach sending me rolling across the floor to the two earth pony thugs who held me down by my now cut up and bleeding arms. The griffon was still clenching his wounded arm and after a moment grabbed the handle of my knife and pulled it out of his arm and wrapped it with the shredded pieces of my shirt. He snatched the duffle bag into his good arm and quickly walked over to me as I struggled to break free from the two holding me down but could do nothing as the gashes on my arm hurt too much and the two were more than happy to apply plenty of pressure to them but made sure not to get blood on themselves. “I’ve had enough of you. Boys why don’t you make sure our little friend here takes a nice and LONG nap before heading out to meet me ok?” The two nodded and looked at me with wicked smiles.
Reaching down they take the shoulders of my shirt into their mouths and drag me into the vault room, my arms leaving a trail of blood behind me. They put me in the center of the room before letting go of me “I really hate to do this to ya bud, but you heard the boss.” One said as he slammed a hoof down onto my chest making me grunt and curl up in a ball as his friend gave me an equally hard kidney shot followed by one to the back of my head which gave me the biggest dizzy spell of my life. The beating had gone on for three minutes when they decided to take a break.
“Damn this guy can take a hit.”
Ignoring the pain that was coming from my arms I rolled onto my stomach and slowly managed to stand up. I could tell I had lost a lot of blood from how cold the room was beginning to feel and from how much was clinging to my chest from laying in a puddle of it that had formed over the course of the beating.
The stallions looked at me “Oh ready for round two are you?” one said as he got closer. I gave him a defiant look and spat a bit of blood that was in my mouth at him. It landed on his face and he flinched trying to wipe it off.
“Gah you disgusting animal.” he said turning around to kick me again to which I held up my hands to block the attack. However as he reared back there was a slight crinkling noise like when ice begins to crack under someone’s weight as he began to wobble slightly. He then lifted his back legs to kick me but instead he stumbled and fell to his side. He began to flail his legs and twist his body in what I can assume was an attempt to stand up but he seemed to have lost all sense of balance.
“Wh-what the tartarous did you do tho me you fweak of nathure” he said as a slur (or would it be a lisp) started to form in his voice like he was drunk. This confused everyone including me. As far as I knew my body only cancels out magic from unicorns why would my blood effect an earth pony…..unless they had magic too, but then how would that work?
The other earth pony was holding his partner trying to shake him out of whatever was happening before turning to me “YOU MONSTER WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM, TELL ME.”
I just stood there and looked at the stallion on the ground and then to my sliced up arms. The bleeding and begun to slow a bit but blood still fell from my finger tips. Looking back to the stallion holding his partner I shrugged “i-I’m not really sure.” I then got an idea and swung my arm causing a small volley of blood to fling itself in the stallion’s direction. The droplets painted the stallion’s front and after only a few seconds he was exactly like the other stallion on the floor. Walking over to them I rubbed the back of my head not sure what my blood would do to them long term “i-it should wear off once you wash off the blood.” I said as I walked out of the vault room with my legs shaking and my vision blurred. I look to see the griffon with the duffle bag at his feet while he was fiddling with the makeshift bandages on his arm.
I looked around through my blurred eyes, soon finding one of the broken crowbars the thugs had used to try and break open the vault earlier and picked it up.
I slowly made my way closer to the griffon but the griffon eventually heard my footsteps and turned around. “About time you two go-“ he stopped as the crowbar I had been holding was now spinning towards him. He ducked out of the way rolling to his right and looked at me with enraged eyes. “Looks like I underestimated you cretin.”
Walking closer I soon found myself standing between him and the duffle bag with god knows what inside it. “Yeah I guess you did.” We stared each other down for what felt like hours. Then he charged me using his wings to propel himself faster than I could react slamming a fist into my stomach making me spit out more blood which then coated the feathers on his arm and masked face. I gave a smirk expecting him to keel over like the others but he simply pulled his arm back and gave me another fist into my jaw sending me back a few steps and to the ground with a thud and…..a crunch. When I hit the ground i felt something solid jam into my back and looked down to see I had landed ontop of the duffle bag.
“NOOOO YOU IDIOT WHAT HAVE YOU DONE” he screamed and threw me across the floor again ‘fuck this guy is strong’. I thought as I slammed into one of the pillars. Everything felt so cold and the pain began to dull along with my eyesight as I watched the griffon tear open the bag and hold the broken remains of a statue or something. He placed the pieces back into the bag and walked over to me with MY knife in hand. “All my hard work all the time I spent on this and you come along and BUCK IT ALL UP” he said raising the knife and I closed my eyes waiting for him to end me.
CRASH CRASH CRASH CRASH CRASH CRASH
I opened my eyes to see the windows around the room shattered as several Pegasus in gold armor with strange crossbow like weapons flew through hovering in the air and a river of other ponies in the same armor stormed through the front door with spears and swords surrounding us. “DROP THE WEAPON OR WE WILL END YOU BIRD BRAIN” yelled a familiar voice.
I turned to see none other than Flash Sentry holding a sword in his mouth in what I guess was a fighting stance.
“Bout…….fucking……time……… you showed……… up.” I said weakly allowing my body to relax and blacked out.