Equestria Jinxed
Chapter One
Uuuuuughhh... So... BORED! How long have I been in here, anyway? There's nothing to do here!
Hmm? Oh, hey! People! Yay! Something less boring than sitting in this stupid cell all day!
...
...
Aaaaaand... Now I'm bored again. Jeez, you people really don't have much to say, do you? Yes, you. You, just sitting there, staring at your screen, reading what I'm saying. I see you.
...
Ugh, fine. If you're just going to keep being boring, then I guess it's up to me to come up with something exciting to do. Let's see... Ooh! I'll blow something up! That's always fun!
...
Oh, yeah. They 'confiscated' Fishbones. And my Flame Chompers. They even took my Super Mega Death Rockets! How mean! I can't shoot anything, either. They took Pow Pow and Zap.
Humph.
Hey, I know! I'll tell you a story! I'll tell you all about the fun that lead up to all of this un-fun! What do you say?
...
I'll take your lack of response as a yes. Seriously, what is wrong with you?
It was a pretty normal afternoon in the city-state of Piltover. Skyscrapers towered high above the little people on the streets and sidewalks. Yordles, short humanoids with funny high-pitched voices, mixed freely with humans, racism practically nonexistant in the City of Progress. Some moved with purpose, destinations in mind as they hurried about. Others moved at a more liesurely pace, looking at the sights or chatting with friends. Not a single one was panicking or running in terror.
Yet.
From my perch atop one of the skyscrapers, I saw all of this. My electric-blue hair was tied back in its usual twin braids as my pink eyes scanned the streets below me. I held my minigun Pow-Pow in one hand as I lifted the other to block out the Sun's glare. Strapped to my back was Fishbones, my trusty rocket launcher, and my electric stun gun Zap was holstered at my side. My pink short shorts were almost completely covered by a large ammo belt around my waist, holding the small, pre-activation versions of my special Flame Chompers; think grenades with Snap-Traps on them, and you're pretty close. Another belt around my torso held my signiature Super Mega Death Rockets, also in a compact form.
Still scanning the streets below me, I came up with a quick summary of what I saw. Boring. Having gained a good feel for what the city was like at the moment, I formulated a brilliant plan. I should blow something up.
And so I did. Loading up Fishbones and strapping Pow-Pow to my back in its place, I took aim at the building across the street, at the wall one floor down from me. I fired, then watched as the explosion sent chunks of wall in every direction. People down on the streets looked up to watch, too, then started running and screaming in panic as the chunks rained down on them.
Stepping back several paces for a running headstart, I jumped off the roof of the skyscraper and through the hole I had made in the wall. I really loved how Piltover's streets were narrow enough to be able to do that. Getting back to my feet, I took a look around. It was a fairly simple office building, though it was quickly becoming deserted as its denizens fled, but that was not what really interested me. Rune Alarm on the wall, already set off. Looks like my friends are coming to play.
I only had a short while longer to look around before Piltover's robotic police came clambering up the stairs. They were fun to play with, but tended to get boring pretty fast. No, I was waiting for the real fun: Vi and Caitlyn, Piltover's finest police officers. In the meantime, I'd have to see if I could beat my old record.
From my ammo belt, I produced three Flame Chompers, and tossed them in front of me. As they automatically set themselves up, I readied Pow-Pow. The robots locked onto me, and charged right for me. The first one stepped on a Flame Chomper, and the trap snapped shut on its leg as the grenade exploded. One down. The others were smarter, and either went around the Chompers or jumped over them. It didn't matter, though, since they all ended up tasting lead as Pow-Pow tore through them.
Bits of metal and sparking wires covered the ground in front of me when I stopped shooting. "No more?" I asked aloud, disappointment sinking in. "But I was just starting to have fun!" Twenty-six. Just two more and I woulda had a new record...
The voice that sounded next took all of my disappointment, wrapped it up in fancy paper, and mailed it off to the Ruins of Icathia. "Playtime's over, Jinx," called out the pink-haired woman who had dropped in through the new window behind me. She wore light armor over her whole body and a pair of goggles on her head, but her most distinctive feature was the pair of Hextech gauntlets encasing her hands and forearms. The giant metal hands were of her own creation, and had earned her a place on the Piltover Police Force as their primary enforcer. Anyone who didn't already know her name only had to look at her face to see the two letters tatooed on her left cheek. It was Vi.
She was a dangerous foe, striking fear into the hearts of criminals even outside of Piltover. So, of course, I gave a fitting response. "Heya, FATHANDS!" I shouted, jumping up and down and waving my arms over my head. She may have been less than ten feet away, but shouting was very necessary. "Ready to try your luck again?"
Reaching up with a giant metal finger, she flicked her goggles down over her eyes. "This time, Jinx, I'm gonna take you down. Then, I'm gonna take you in. We've got a special cell ready just for you."
"Aww, that's so nice! Too bad you'll never get me in it!"
Vi shot a confident grin. "We'll just see about that." With that, she brought her gauntlets up and crouched down a bit, ready to act.
Aww, how nice of her to let me go first! I thought. Letting go of Pow-Pow with one hand, I drew Zap with the other. Vi tensed when she saw it pointed at her, and barely managed to leap out of the way of the electric blast. As she rolled back to her feet, I holstered Zap and brought Fishbones over my shoulder. By the time she had turned back to me, a rocket was already flying at her.
Right as the rocket was about to hit her, she cocked a fist back, then punched the rocket with such excessive force that it created a shockwave, knocking me off my feet. I scrambled back to my feet to see Vi brushing a bit of dust off her shoulder, completely unharmed. A faint distortion in front of her gave away the explanation: she had used her gauntlets' kinetic Blast Shield to protect her from the explosion.
Well, I thought, that certainly wasn't an ideal beginning to this fight...
For the record, what I did next was not running. Not in the slightest. I was just... Relocating. At high speed. I mean, who wants to fight in a stupid old office building when you can fight out on the streets, or in an alley? Nobody, that's who.
Anyway, I chucked a Flame Chomper at Vi to cover my relocation, then relocated down the stairs and out the building's back door. I ended up in a dark, grimy alley; the kind you always see in those movies about street gangs.
No, this wasn't right. Too dirty; I might end up getting muck clogging one of my weapons, and that wouldn't end well. So, I kept relocating, Vi just a short ways behind me.
A good ten or so minutes of relocating later, I came across something peculiar. Vi wasn't nearly as fast of a relocator as I was, so she was pretty far behind me at this point. Anyways, I found this big, rainbow-y oval thingy standing in the middle of a small park, in a clearing in a small grove of trees. I had no idea what it was, but it sure looked cool. Not as cool as explosions or fire, but still cool. It was a little bit taller and wider than I was, and barely touched the ground.
My first thought was to walk through it and see what happened, but my second thought was Here comes Vi!, since I could hear her running through the park. At about the same time, I noticed that the shiny oval thingy was starting to get all see-through. I realized that it was probably fading away, so if I wanted to walk through it, I had to do it right then. I took a second to make up my mind, and Vi came crashing through the trees behind me right as I stepped through the oval, and the world turned white...
When the whiteness faded after a few moments, I found myself...
In a park.
In a small clearing in the middle of a grove of trees.
Which meant that Vi was still right behind me.
I dove to the right, spinning around as I came to a stop on one knee. Bullets riddled the trees in front of me as Pow-Pow fired into them, tearing leaves and branches to shreds and leaving holes in everything.
There was no one there.
Slowly, I stood, looking around me warily. She's... Gone? Maybe the weird glowing thingy had done something, after all.
Speaking of which, I soon noticed that it had disappeared, too. What a mystery...
After looking around for a little while longer, I decided that I might as well leave the clearing, and see if anything else had changed in Piltover.
Picking a direction at random, I set out, leaving the clearing behind. It wasn't long before I left the grove of trees and reentered the open area of the park. Paths meandered through the grass, lined at random with bushes, flowers, and benches. Now, I had never really taken the time to memorize the layout of any of Piltover's nature parks, but something seemed off to me. Putting that thought aside for the moment, I again picked a path at random, hoping to find my way back to the city proper.
As I walked, I couldn't help mentally turning over the various strange things about my situation. Vi had just vanished, for one. Vi never gave up the chase that easily. And for two, I had never seen a nature park in Piltover that was this big. I had to have been walking for a good half-hour when I reached the edge of the park.
That was also when I was able to add another oddity to my list. Sure, I knew that I'd never payed the most attention to the goings-on of normal Runeterrans, but I was pretty sure that the citizens of Piltover weren't small, multicolored horses.