It wasn't a very good morning. This had been the third day I was feeling this way. I was just really tired. The alarm clock had gone off at seven. I had gotten up to turn it off then went back to bed. It was around 10:30 when I woke up again. It was warm and nice. The blankets smooth. I rolled over and half slept on and off for a while. I was surprised when no one came in around twelve. It was two when I finally decided to get up. My stomach ached a little but I wasn't very hungry.
I got up and didn't feel like brushing my hair. I went to the bathroom then downstairs. Mrs. Cake smiled at me. I half smiled back. I made some noodles for a late lunch. My stomach didn't like it. I just wasn't in the mood for food. I felt like I was going to throw up. I made some coffee. The caffeine didn't seem to do anything. I was just so tired. I wanted to go back to bed. I had dinner later but I only had a little. I wasn't hungry. I sat around the rest of the day. Going out once to get something from the store.
The fresh air was nice. It was really cool outside but I was sweating a little under my sweater. I just didn't feel like doing anything else. I did but I didn't. If there was something to do, I'll do it but I didn't have the motivation to come up with anything. It was hard going to sleep again. It was past midnight and I feared another sleepless night. I had stayed up all night a week ago. It wasn't very good. It was past one when I finally fell asleep. It might have been past two. I don't know.
It wasn't a very good morning. It was the forth day and I was just really tired.
"Hello Fluttershy, oh ah, Discord too." Mrs. Cake said. She had come over to have tea with Fluttershy and talk.
"Hello." "Good day to you!"
"So, what did you want to talk about?" Fluttershy asked. She poured the tea and laid out plates with biscottis.
"What should I do about Pinkie? It's just, she's worrying me. Her little bout of depression is starting to get worse." She explained.
"Well, let me think. Does she take vitamins? That could help."
"She does. Everyday and she eats right. Normal food, not just the cupcakes and sweets you see her having. It's just that she's sleeping all the time and responses with a 'Maybe it's just my sleep schedule'. But it's not. Is there anything else? Other vitamins? Fruit? Tea? Medication?"
"Oh, I don't think it's gotten far enough for medication. I think it would be good for her to get out more. And get out of bed at a better time. It's not helping her to sleep in so much."
"Okay, I'll see about it. Thank you."
"You're welcome. Goodbye." "See you."
I had gotten up today. It was around eight. I decided to call Rarity.
Brrring Brrrring
"The Carousel Boutique. How can I help you?"
"Hey Spike! It's Pinkie Pie. Is Rarity around?" I tried to get some pep in my voice.
"Oh, hey Pinkie. Yeah, she's around. Just a moment."
"Hello?"
"Hey, Rarity. I need your help."
"Is it a fashion emergency or an emergency emergency?"
"I don't feel like brushing my hair."
"I'll be right over." Click She understood.
As I waited, I looked into the mirror. I just didn't feel like brushing my hair. I dreaded it. I just couldn't get myself to bring the brush up and push it through. It wasn't long that I had to wait.
"I'll start working, you just sit and relax darling."
It was nice. The feeling of having somepony brush my hair. It was like when I was a filly. My mom loved brushing our hair. She'll sit in front of the hearth and take her time. She brushed it even when all the tangles were gone.
It felt like so long but too soon that Rarity finished.
"Do..Do you think you can.."
"Yes dear?"
"Can you make me pretty?"
"Okay." She softly smiled.
I had a whole bunch of cosmetics and accessories in my drawers. She pinned up my hair in a low bun. Added a few decorative pieces. Not much make up was put on. Foundation, a light brushing of blush. Some light red lipstick. The eyeshadow was Sweet Peach. I loved my hoof polish. It was called Sugar Coat. It looked and felt like they were covered in pink sugar.
I was glad I had gotten up enough energy to take a shower the night before.
"You look as pretty as a cake topper."
And I did. We spent the rest of the day having a tea party. She taught me some more about fancy soirees and how the elite expect your manners to be.
"Pinkie, um..." Twilight had come in today. I was watching the front counter. I really didn't feel like doing it though. I was just trying to get myself to do something.
"I have a sorta.. personal question for you."
"Okay."
"Are you bipolar?" she seemed to blurt out.
"What? No!"
"It's just, just you have really high highs, I mean, you're normally soo full of energy then sometimes you're like..this. Really down."
"Haha, no. You seem to forget but I've always been really full of energy. I'm normally like that. I was sad and depressed for a time in my childhood then became really bouncy after I got my cutie mark. I was like that since I was young and most psychological disorders like Bipolar disorder begin to show in puberty. Long after I changed. I just deal with a bit of depression now and again. It goes away after a few days. This one's just really got me." I really didn't feel like talking.
She looked relieved. It was a funny thought, I could see her pouring over books about mental disorders. Worry creasing her brow. Frantic to look for definitions until she felt she had it all. Steeling herself to confront me. She was so sure she had the answer. All the possible solutions. It made me feel better.
"I looked up depression." she seemed blurt out again. So eager to share what she knew like there was a bomb inside me that needed to be quickly defused.
"It's a chemical imbalance. Some ponies are born with it. But, some get it from traumatic experiences. It's kinda fascinating how outside influence can change the very chemicals of the brain."
I liked how her eyes shined when she talked about something new she learned. It reminded me of all the other times I've seen ponies become happy. All the hobbies and wonders of simple things. She look guilty after a moment. Like she felt bad for being so happy at something so bad.
"It is. I'll be fine Twilight. Like I've explained before, I just need to be left alone. Not alone alone, just..don't try to pressure me into anything. Like going out. Just come hang out. Even if we're just sitting around."
"Yeah. Sorry. Hey, I got a new book. It's about physics but I could bring it over."
"Sure. Mr. Cake will be back soon to take over. Probably before you return."
It was nice. We sat in my room. She read out loud. We used my black board to draw out some of the theories. I think Twilight was surprised I could follow along. But, I got even with chuckling at the times she got lost.
The sunshine was nice. AJ and RD had a picnic all set up. I didn't feel like bringing anything along. It was hard enough just to get out of bed and walk all the way here. We didn't do much. It seemed as though all I did was lay there while they just smiled and sat. Was anything said? I don't really care. I couldn't really say anything. I remember they did talk. It was all about the farm and weather patterns. How the rain was scheduled to help keep things balanced. How the farm dealt with droughts. I didn't really follow.
We said a nice goodbye. I enjoyed not having to carry the conversation.
I have a friend named Grey Faerie in the next town over. She runs a chocolate shop. Her talent is advice giving.
"It's okay to feel sad." She mimicked from a cartoon. It made me smile little. "Everyone knows it's nothing to worry about. You don't have to feel bad at it."
"But I do. I feel like a rotten friend for making them worry. I don't want to pressure them into coming to see me when I'm like this."
"You aren't pressuring them. They want to come."
"I know! It's just...I feel like I am. Like I'm making them uncomfortable. Normally I'm the one cheering everyone else up. Listening to what's bothering them. Making them feel special. I don't like being so useless."
"Don't you think they would enjoy replaying your kindness? You do the cheering so much that it's nice to be able to do the same back. They want to give back to you."
"Sigh, I just think how there's so much else going on. That there are others who have it worse. But, I know, I shouldn't think that way."
"There's no comparing sadness. One's problems affectsthem differently than others. Just relax. Enjoy being sad."
"Ha! That's definitely something you'll say."
"I don't mean literally enjoy being sad. Enjoy this time to just focus on yourself. To deal with your own troubles and let others do the cheering. Such sweet sorrow. Sadness is addictive. I should know."
"Yeah, but I'm here to help. Misery loves company."
"Do you know why?'
"Huh? There's a reason?"
"Yes, a few. It makes a pony feel better to see someone else feel bad. It takes the focus off their own pain."
"Oh, lucky I'm not like that. I hate seeing others unhappy."
"The second, is because it's hard to be sad when you have a friend to cheer you up." She smiled. She never smiled often enough. "It's healthy to share with others. And nice to be able to have someone to share with."
We laid there on my bed. Rolling over on to our backs. Sometimes I leaned into her. So old and wise encased in a body far too young and fresh. Troubles were never too far from her.
We seemed so different but, our friendship worked. We both reveled in our sorrow. Both never strayed too far from it. We both worked in our own ways to relieve others of their pain. She listened, I talked. She gave advice, I made sure everyone knew at least one person knew they existed. We both never strayed too far from sadness. Both our own and other's.
"I'm just really tired. Sorry I don't feel like it."
Discord was over. We were sitting on my bed.
"It's fine my dear! I really enjoy our quiet time together. Hey, do you know what always makes me feel better?"
"What?"
"Cuddling." I had to laugh. "See, I got you to smile! Now come here."
I always loved cuddling with him. He wrapped himself into a circle, me in the middle. I laid on my back while he held me and laid his head on my stomach. Sometimes I'll just lay right next to him. Pushed right up to his side with his tail as the pillow. He'll lay on his arms.
"It's nice having cuddle friends." I laughed again.
There was never any pressure to be anything when we were together. We knew how each other were. We would get up to crazy antics and pranks. Then we would settle down with a cup of tea or hot apple cider. He would write or work on a craft. Knitting, quilting. I would read or draw out fanatic themed rooms. I wrote home about past events. I was good at drawing. It was sorta a second special talent. It really helped me to create wonderful parties.
It would surprise others how quiet our home could get. Well, technically we weren't living together yet but we're working on it.
I was his number one fan. I was thrilled to be near him. Giggled in awe as he worked. I always told him how much I loved watching him work. I was his audience and he never wanted to let me down. He always strived to awe me. It felt perfect. I worked to admire and he worked to be admired. Both needing to have a place. To be needed. We both have known the grey of loneliness. The want to put color in the world if only so we see color. Loneliness left us too meaningless. We never wanted to go back to it.
I liked his flair on everything. It went with mine. Everyday was bright and full color. Every activity could use a flair. Nothing could be kept dull, all can be made exciting. Even the quiet had a sound when we were around.
"Pinkie dear! Are you coming down for dinner?"
I find it amusing how many ponies call me 'dear'.
"Yeah!"
It was after three in the afternoon. I wasn't tired this morning. In fact, I felt really good. Awake. I just didn't want to get up. So I stayed in bed until some time after three in the afternoon. I wondered if anyone would come up and check on me. If they would notice. They did.
I managed to eat most of the dinner. It was good. The Cakes smiled at me but also tried to hide it. I think they were embarrassed. They were happy I was better.
My friends came around after dinner. I think Mrs. Cake called them. There wasn't any celebration. Nothing so direct. We sat around on the floor of my room. I sat with Dizzy. He likes holding me. Grey was there. She sat next to us.
Tomorrow's Hearth's Warming. We're going to have a get together in the afternoon.
"It's great you're feeling better. See, I told you she'll be fine."
Dear Princess Celestia,
The past couple of days have been hard with Pinkie not feeling up to her old self. It was particularly bad this time but nothing serious. I glad to report she's feeling better.
These past couple of days have reiterated a past lesson. Don't pressure a friend with depression. It's hard not to though. I still remember Pinkie's friend Grey really laying into me about the do's and don't of talking to someone with depression. I'm glad to say I remembered them. It would have been really bad if I didn't.
I am a little embarrassed to say I had to re-learn a lesson. Don't jump to conclusions. I went ahead and looked into my medical books about mental disorders. I had thought Pinkie might have something else wrong with her. I was relieved she didn't get too mad at me. I feel ashamed for asking her if she had Bipolar Disorder. But, luckily she knew I was just worried. I'm also glad to report she isn't bipolar. She's crazy, but in a normal, Pinkie Pie way.
I hope to hear back from you soon.
Your Faithful Student,
Twilight Sparkle