//------------------------------// // Act 1 Part 4 - Contact // Story: I Against I, Me Against You // by Flynt Coal //------------------------------// Applejack looked around at the three other mares gathered in the carved out tree serving as the library. Rarity was staying in Golden Oaks while a team of ponies worked on repairing her boutique. It was late, and Spike was already asleep upstairs. Applejack had initially considered having this meeting at Sweet Apple Acres, but Twilight’s library and home seemed like a more fitting location. She swallowed hard when she noticed her three other friends looking at her expectantly. “Right… well, I reckon y’all know why we’re here…” Applejack started. “Yeah, Pinkie Pie’s acting weird!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, jumping up and hovering in the air. “And not the normal Pinkie Pie weird, but creepy, psycho weird!” “When Applejack and I went to see her, she kept calling herself… O’Malley,” Fluttershy shivered when she spoke the name. Rainbow Dash and Rarity both looked at Fluttershy with interest. This was the first either of them had heard this. Applejack shifted uncomfortably when the group returned their attention to her. For the life of her, she couldn’t figure out why her friends’ lost stares in her direction made her so uneasy. “Right, so… anypony got any ideas?” Applejack asked. “Let’s just go up to her and tell her to stop being so weird, or else!” Rainbow Dash suggested. “I believe we’ll need a bit more tact than that, dear…” Rarity said. “Um… I think I have an idea,” Fluttershy said. “Tomorrow, I booked an appointment with a pony I often go to when I’m feeling… stressed.” The other ponies looked at Fluttershy with intrigue as she continued, “I was hoping to get some things off my chest, but clearly Pinkie needs it more than I do. So… does that sound okay?” Applejack waited for somepony to reply, only to find that once again all eyes in the room were on her. It was with a growing sense of dread that Applejack came to a realization: Twilight Sparkle had always been their rock. Their fearless leader. Whenever something like this would happen, it seemed like she always knew what to do. Now that she was gone, who was left for them to turn to? “Yeah,” Applejack answered without much enthusiasm. “I think that sounds like a mighty good idea.” The “dinner table” that Donut had insistently gathered everyone around was nothing more than a couple of crates pushed together with a camouflage tarp draped over them. Although the sun outside was going down, the interior of Red Base was well lit, both by electrically powered lights and by candles that had been placed on the center of the “table.” In place of actual meals were various identical packages labelled “Meal Ready to Eat.” Twilight Sparkle had to admit, considering the general lack of anything to work with in this place, Donut had managed to make a pretty nice spread The rest of the Reds didn’t seem to think so. They all simply sat around the table, staring back and forth between Donut’s set up and Twilight as she ate her “MRE.” Aside from Grif, who was sipping some canned drink through a straw he inserted through the front of his helmet, none of them seemed hungry enough to eat. Twilight was a bit disappointed, simply because she was hoping she’d get the chance to see what they looked like underneath those helmets. However, she couldn’t fault the human soldiers for not wanting to eat their MREs quite yet. They weren’t exactly gourmet, though at least Donut had been considerate enough to give her a vegetarian package. Still, Twilight tried not to show any indication that she wasn’t enjoying her meal, so as not to offend her hosts. Too bad they weren’t as considerate. “Y’know Twilight, I think I finally figured out one cool thing about you,” Grif said, gesturing at the little unicorn with his orange helmeted head. “You’ve got a pretty sweet tattoo on your ass!” Twilight made a puzzled noise and looked back at her own flank, immediately realizing what Grif was talking about upon seeing the six-pointed stars that adorned it. “You mean my cutie mark? All ponies get one once we’ve discovered our special talent. Mine means I’m especially gifted with magic,” Twilight helpfully explained. She then frowned when her explanation was met with snickering from the entire Red Team (with the exception of Donut). “Cutie mark? Ugh, I don’t know how you did it, but you managed to make having a tattoo sound uncool,” Grif said. “Way to ruin the one thing you had going for yourself.” Twilight couldn’t keep the frustrated growl from escaping her throat. She’d had just about enough of these people talking down to her. She brought her hoof down on the table/crates hard, startling the Red soldiers around it. “OKAY! I get it! You all think I’m weird and different. How do you think I feel about all of you? Maybe you can enlighten me on some the things about you that I think are strange? Like… I don’t know: Why are you fighting with an identical team in all but color over a box canyon in the middle of nowhere?” Sarge grunted and folded his arms. “Now look here, missy: the Red versus Blue war is massive! The fate of the galaxy depends on us wiping the Blues from existence!” “Why?” “Because! They’re blue! The most evil color in existence! They have plans to drive the galaxy into a new dark age… of dark blue!” Twilight squinted at the man in red skeptically. “And the box canyon is important because…” “With all due respect Brightlight, you’re a little girly alien horse! I wouldn’t expect you to understand the nuances of military strategy!” Twilight leaned forward and gave Sarge a challenging glare. “Try me.” Sarge froze like a deer in the headlights for a second. “Well… its got the… the underground caves and uh… I’m pretty sure I struck oil when I was out digging a grave for Grif!” “But, uh… I’m not dead,” Grif said. “The world’s an imperfect place, I know.” Sarge then turned to Twilight. “There, ya happy?” “Well, you’ve pretty much confirmed what I’d already been thinking,” Twilight grumbled, returning her attention to her MRE. “Well, if it’s any consolation, I think your cutie mark is totally awesome!” Donut said happily. “I wonder what my cutie mark would look like.” “I believe she said you have to be talented in order to get one,” Grif pointed out. “That pretty much rules out everyone on this team!” Twilight let out a tired sigh. She’d been meaning to talk to them about her situation, but knew better than to hope for very much. “Okay, look. I need to get back to my home of Equestria and I really need…” “Hello?” Sarge suddenly said, looking away and putting a hand on the side of his helmet. “Uh… hi…” Twilight said uneasily. She realized they hadn’t properly said hello to her when they first met, but it seemed kind of ridiculous to randomly say it now. Sarge continued. “This is Blood Gulch Outpost Number One. We read you, Command.” Simmons looked over to Twilight, then back at Sarge. “Uh, sir? Twilight doesn’t have a radio.” “Oh, right! Just a second, Command. I’m going to put you on speaker phone real quick,” Sarge announced, making his way over to a green metal box on a stand in the corner of the room. Twilight finally realized that Sarge was communicating with his army’s higher-ups and grinned as a glimmer of hope appeared. This could finally be her chance to speak to someone who isn’t a complete lunatic! She could explain her situation to this “Command” and everything would be okay! “Hello! Hello! Can you hear me, dudes and dudettes?” a high-pitched, nasally voice that kind of reminded Twilight of Church for some reason came in through the radio speakers. “Yup, everyone can hear you now, Vic,” Sarge said. “Hey there, my favorite red home-boys! Pop some caps in any black asses lately?” “Uh… that’s a negative, Vic.” Twilight’s ears fell along with her posture. She should have known the people in charge of the Reds would be just as insane as they are. Vic continued, “Uh-huh, cool alright listen! I gots to talk to all you dudes about some of the shit that went down a couple of days ago! Y’know, the stuff with the aliens…” “Oh yeah, we totally stopped Tex and Omega from doing their ‘conquer the aliens’ plan! Are we getting some sweet rewards? Like time off?” Grif asked. “Not at all! You fellas blew that plan harder than my ex was blowing Perry right before I dumped her ass! You could’ve cost us the war with the aliens! Not very cool, dudes!” “Oh…” Grif looked down and twiddled his thumbs nervously. Twilight’s curiosity was now piqued. There were other aliens aside from herself? What was more, these humans were at war with them? If that was the case, why were these Red and Blue armies fighting each other? Just more questions to add to her ever growing list. “Hey, don’t sweat it bros! Vic don’t hold grudges! Turns out, we’d already won the war anyway! One of those Spartan dudes took all the credit, too!” Vic exclaimed. “Huh… that’s disappointing…” Sarge grumbled. “Yeah well, apparently the dude died saving everyone, so… joke’s on him!” Vic paused, waiting for the laughter he expected but didn’t receive before continuing, “Now, even though you guys aren’t in trouble per se, all of this alien business has made Blood Gulch a big point of interest for the UNSC. That’s why the higher-higher-ups have decided that you all are gonna get relocated!” Grif, who was looking away uninterested, suddenly whirled around to face the rest of the team. “Wait, did I hear that right? We’re finally getting shipped out of this fucking canyon?” “Hell yeah, hombre! As a matter of fact, we’re sending guys to pick you dudes up first thing tomorrow morning! So pack all your things and make sure you have one of those tiny tubes of toothpaste! You’re goin’ on a road trip! That’ll be fun, right?” “Wait a minute, Vic. What about the Blues?” Sarge asked. “If we pull out tomorrow, they could come to take our base unopposed!” “Thus, having two bases in the middle of a box canyon…” Twilight dryly pointed out. “Whoop-dee-fuckin’ do, right?” Grif said. “You dudes ain’t got nothing to worry about, the Blues will be getting the same relocation orders as you!” Vic said. “Hmm… if that’s the case, I’d better get Lopez to monitor their calls so we know where they’re going,” Sarge mused. “I never leave a fight unfinished, nor a Blue unmilled!” “So… where exactly are we being relocated to?” Simmons asked. “Well, let’s see… according to the notes that I’m pretending to have in front of me, you dudes are going to… uh-duh-duh… Outpost 28-B: Rat’s Nest,” Vic explained. “Well that sounds about as fun as Blood Gulch,” Grif deadpanned. “Okay, you all have your orders, I’m gonna bail,” Vic said with a certain tone of finality. “It’s been nice talking to you dudes and I can’t wait to do it again… never! Peace out, bitches!” With that, the radio signal cut out and all anyone could hear was static, before Sarge pressed a button on the radio and Red Base returned to silence. “Well, I’m going to start packing immediately!” Donut exclaimed, standing up. “That’s the best part of any trip!” With that, the pink soldier merrily made his exit. “Well, I like to keep all of my things packed in the event that we have to move in short notice, but I made detailed checklists for everyone to refer to when packing their own necessities,” Simmons said. At this, Twilight whirled around, looking at the man in maroon armor with a new sense of appreciation. “Wait, you… like making checklists?” “Of course! You may think it’s stupid, but they’re a great way to keep organised!” Twilight smiled. “I don’t think it’s stupid at all! I even have checklists for my checklists!” Simmons took an excited step toward the unicorn. “That’s a great idea! I can’t believe I didn’t think of that!” “Wow, sounds like you two were made for each other,” Grif snickered as he made to leave the room. “Since you’ve already packed, Simmons, you can take the first watch,” Sarge said, before turning to leave the room with Grif. “Sounds good, sir!” Simmons said. He then looked down at the only other being left in the room. “I guess you can stick with me for now, Twilight.” Twilight nodded, giving the man a genuine smile. She had a feeling that she may have finally found someone in this Celestia-forsaken canyon that she could get along with! Simmons then looked from Twilight Sparkle to the radio on the stand off to the side. “Hmm… if you’re going to be staying with us for a while, you should probably have your own radio headset,” Simmons said, turning back to face Twilight. “Being able to communicate is the most important ability to have around here…” “Listen, Miss Pie. I can’t help you if you won’t communicate,” Dr. Minuette adjusted her glasses and looked up from her notes at the pink mare lying on the couch across from her. The light blue psychologist with the blue and white mane was supposed to have another session with the meek yellow pegasus that morning. Instead, Fluttershy had come in with this pink pony explaining that she was in desperate need of help. “I really like your couch! It’s super soft and couchy!” Pinkie exclaimed, bouncing up and down as she lay on her back. The movement made Minuette think of a poofy pink worm. “No, I mean… you have to talk to me about what’s going on with you emotionally,” Minuette found herself speaking slowly, as if to a foal. “For instance, your friend Fluttershy told me you’ve recently started calling yourself O’Malley…” Pinkie stopped worming and looked over at Minuette with an unsettled expression. “Oh… I’m not O’Malley. O’Malley is my new friend.” Minuette raised an eyebrow. “Is this… O’Malley with us right now?” Pinkie nodded. “O’Malley is always with me...” the formerly energetic pink pony was now speaking completely in monotone. “I’d like to talk to O’Malley for a moment.” Pinkie’s eyes went wide and the party pony sat up. “Oh, that’s not a good idea! O’Malley is… a meanie. He’s really angry all the time and he wants to hurt a lot of ponies!” Suddenly the look on Pinkie Pie’s face changed. Her pupils shrunk and an insane grin appeared on her face. “Come on, Pinkie! You say that like it’s a bad thing!” Minuette put down her clipboard and leaned forward. “So, you’re O’Malley…” “No, I’m Carolina… OF COURSE I’M O’MALLEY YOU FOOL!” “Your friend Pinkie tells me that you’re a very angry pony, Mr. O’Malley.” “That stupid pink creature isn’t my friend! I’m just using her body while I come up with a plan to TAKE OVER THE UNIVERSE! Ha ha ha ha! … and I don’t like being called ‘Mr.’ Makes me sound like some foolish English professor or something.” Minuette just nodded without batting an eye. “‘Take over the universe, huh?’ Do you feel you want to do that because of your anger?” O’Malley placed Pinkie’s hoof on her chin. “Hmm… I’m angry and I want to take over the universe, but I don’t think the two are related. They’re like a pair of roommates sharing an apartment… OF EVIL! HA HA HA HA! And soon, this world will taste the oblivion of my rent checks as I become the landlord!” “See? He’s cree-vil! That’s crazy and evil!” Pinkie exclaimed, leaning forward to whisper loudly. “And he makes cree-vil metaphors!” “Shut up, you fool! All you care about is friendship and parties! At least I have a goal with my life! Where do you see yourself in the next five to ten years?” “An astronaut!” Pinkie answered immediately. “You’re a fool! And soon, every foolish fool like you will foolishly realize the foolishness of their foolish folly!” O’Malley stood up and moved Pinkie’s body towards Minuette, giving her an intimidating glare. “Miserable creatures such as yourselves will be trampled under my hooves as I reign in a new era of oblivion and parties!” Pinkie’s face winced. “I mean… just oblivion! The only parties that will be are the ones I will have in celebration of killing everyone! Ah ha ha haaa!” Minuette remained steadfast in the face of O’Malley’s glare. “You don’t scare me, O’Malley. Now, you’re demonstrating a lot of feelings of anger. Is there any particular reason you think you’re feeling this way?” Pinkie’s mouth curved into a sinister smile. “Trying to psychoanalyze me, huh? Tell me, do you think of yourself as powerful, Ms. Minuette? Getting inside ponies’ minds and reshaping them as you see fit?” Minuette’s carefully neutral face began to slip. Her ears folded back and her mouth began to slowly drift open as Pinkie’s snout scrunched against hers. “I know what that feels like. You and I actually have a lot in common in that regard. The main difference is, I can do it more efficiently! Even after I’m gone, those that I’ve been in still have a piece of me left! You can’t get inside my head, you fool! I am the very concept of what you do!” Minuette just sat back in her chair. She noticed she was trembling slightly. Pinkie Pie backed away and quietly sat back down on the couch. “I-I’m sorry!” Pinkie said. “To be fair, you wanted us to communicate!” Twilight looked out across Blood Gulch from atop Red Base. The canyon was covered in the darkness of night, lit only by the stars above. Simmons sat beside her, a standard issue red helmet in his lap. He was pulling out and rearranging wires. The two of them had been sitting there for nearly an hour now, making small talk every once in a while. She had asked him many questions about aspects of his world that still confused her, and Simmons answered them as best as he could. Of course, Twilight had told Simmons about her situation and that she needed help getting home, but he was in no more of a position to help her than the others. Still, he had at least let her down more gently than… him. Twilight let out a yawn. Now that all of the action of the day had died down, the lack of sleep she had the night before was finally catching up with her. She decided she would go to sleep soon, but there was one thing she wanted to do before that. “Hey, Simmons?” Twilight’s voice sounded hoarse. She blinked away some of the tiredness clouding her eyes. Simmons looked up from what he was working on. “What’s up?” Twilight took some time to mull over how to speak what was on her mind before answering, “How do you do it?” Simmons shrugged. “It’s not that hard really. It’s just a simple matter of pulling out all of the parts for the helmet radio and reassembling them as a headset…” “No, I mean, you actually seem like a pretty sensible guy. Or at the very least you have a better head on your shoulders than the rest of them. How can you keep living with these people?” “Eh. They’re not so bad once you get to know them.” Twilight rolled her eyes. “Even if that’s true, you have to admit that your Sergeant is insane and dangerous. How can you willingly follow someone like that?” “Okay I’ll admit: Sarge is an asshole just like the rest of them, but calling him ‘dangerous’ is giving him way too much credit.” Twilight just gave Simmons a skeptical stare as he returned to his work. “Look, Twilight. I learned pretty early in my life that no matter where you go, you’re going to have to deal with assholes. I’m not saying you have to be friends with them, or even like them, but if you want to make it anywhere, you have to be willing to at least communicate with them.” Twilight returned her gaze to the canyon as she considered Simmons’ words. For some reason, she found her gaze settling on the light coming from Blue Base all the way on the other side. “Here, try this on.” Before Twilight knew it, a metal headset had been placed over her head, an earbud in one of her ears and a microphone extending alongside her snout. Simmons then turned around and walked over to the other side of the base. Twilight heard a series of different beeps in her ear before it was filled with static. “Just hold the button on the side of the microphone to talk,” Simmons’ voice accompanied the static. “Do you copy, Twilight?” Twilight reached up with a hoof and did as Simmons instructed. “Yeah, I copy Simmons.” “See? It’s not that hard.” A third voice added itself to the radio conversation, “Twilight and Simmons sitting in a tree…” “Shut up, Grif!” Answering simultaneously did not do much to stop Grif’s laughing. Fluttershy looked up as the door to Minuette’s office opened and the unicorn stepped out. Right away, she noticed that the therapist looked relatively shaken. A few stray hairs hung in front of her face, and she appeared to be trembling slightly. Minuette had always been a good listener and retained a stoic demeanor throughout all of their sessions together, even when Fluttershy let slip some of the… darker parts of herself. Fluttershy found that she wasn’t able to meet her therapist’s eyes at that particular moment. “So, what’s wrong with Pinkie Pie?” Rainbow Dash nearly knocked the mare over in her eagerness. Minuette removed her glasses and rubbed the bridge of her snout with a hoof. “Do you want the short list or the long?” The other four ponies exchanged looks. “Uh… we’ll settle for whatever’s makin’ her a boutique burnin’ maniac,” Applejack said. Minuette put her glasses back on. “Well, if you want to know why she’s acting more aggressive and occasionally referring to herself by another name, I think it’s clear that she’s suffering from DID. That’s Dissociative Identity Disorder .” The rest of the ponies all stared at Minuette with uncomprehending expressions. “Most ponies know it as ‘Multiple Personality Disorder,’” Minuette explained, receiving nods of understanding from Fluttershy and her friends. “So is this ‘O’Malley’ a separate personality from Pinkie Pie?” Rarity asked. Minuette nodded. “It’s strange… I’ve only seen a few cases of DID in my career, but O’Malley is unlike any of them! He’s the most fully realized personality I’ve ever seen in a patient! Yet at the same time… he’s not. It’s hard to explain.” Minuette then cautiously looked behind her into her own office before continuing in a much quieter voice. “What’s important is that O’Malley is an incredibly… destructive personality. I’ve never seen so much senseless rage in a pony, let alone a fragment of one’s personality! If what you said happened at Carousel Boutique is true, Pinkie could become a danger to herself and everypony around her!” The therapist unicorn adjusted her glasses. “The development of DID is usually brought on by some sort of trauma. Has anything happened recently that would have a severe negative impact on her mental state?” It took Fluttershy a moment to realize that Minuette was addressing her. It made sense. After all, Fluttershy was her patient under normal circumstances and the one who organised this impromptu session with Pinkie. “Oh! Um, one of our friends recently went missing mysteriously and... we’ve all been struggling to deal with it,” Fluttershy explained, trying to keep her little voice from breaking. She was intentionally vague on the details; they weren’t exactly supposed to talk about the alien spaceship. “Come to think of it, I’m pretty sure the first time Pinkie started acting weird was the morning we all learned Twilight was missing!” Rarity interjected. Minuette nodded. Rainbow Dash however, put a hoof to her chin. “Actually, I think I remember Pinks starting to act different even before then. Right around after we saw that… uh… really cool thing!” Rainbow Dash had to stop herself from mentioning the spectral alien figure that had been summoned by Arcane Star. “So, how do we help her?” Applejack asked. “That’s just the thing: DID is such an unusual disorder that there isn’t any surefire way to treat it,” Minuette explained. “My advice is to get her committed. I can recommend a few facilities in Canterlot and Manehatten that specialize in cases like this.” Applejack gave Minuette a scrutinizing stare. “You sayin’ we oughta put Pinkie in a crazy house? T’ain’t happenin’!” “The only other option would be for me to prescribe Ms. Pie medication immediately and begin regular therapy sessions with her. It may pacify the O’Malley personality, but… I can’t guarantee results. I’m sorry. The best thing you all can do for her right now is be there for her.” The ponies all nodded. “Right, I think I’ll have Spike send a letter to the Princess as well. I hate to bother her, but with any luck she’ll have some idea of what to do,” Rarity declared. At that moment, a very unfamiliar pink pony stepped out of Minuette’s office behind the therapist pony. Pinkie Pie stared at the floor in a disturbingly melancholic manner, her straight mane hanging limply in front of her face. Rainbow Dash flew up to her and tried her best to put on a confident smile. “Hey, Pinks! Do you, uh… do you and O’Malley wanna hang out? I was going to go pick up the latest Daring Do comic… we can read it together in silly voices, if you want!” When Pinkie didn’t respond to Rainbow Dash’s offer, Rarity stepped up to the plate. “Perhaps you’d like to go on a little spa date with me? It may be just the thing to get you and your friend to… cool down a bit!” Seeing Pinkie Pie acting so… unPinkie-like activated every maternal instinct in Fluttershy’s body. The little yellow pegasus immediately moved to wrap her friend up in an embrace, regardless of whether or not she was somepony completely different now. Pinkie, however, backed away like one of Fluttershy’s nervous critters. “I-I’d love to stay and hang out with you girls, but…” Pinkie looked at her empty wrist and feigned a surprised gasp. “Oh no! I left Gummy on! And I have to feed my oven!” Pinkie Pie bolted past the five ponies and disappeared out the front door. Minuette turned to head back into her office. “Of course, if you want to help her, she has to be willing to receive help first.” “Twilight, wake up!” Twilight Sparkle’s eyes weakly fluttered open, the remnants of sleep still filling them. The dream she was having was already fading from memory. She remembered being a little filly again, listening in on her parents as they had a late night discussion. She couldn’t remember what they had said, only that it had caused her to run back to her room in tears. She rubbed at her sleep ridden eyes with a hoof and drew it back to find it slightly wet. She rolled over and looked up through the large square hole in the roof of Red Base. It was still dark, and the stars were still out. By all rights she should still have been asleep, so why was she awake? Twilight then heard the same familiarly annoying voice speak to her again. “Jeez, Twilight. You sleep harder than Tucker after he’s finished his… private shit.” Twilight slowly sat up and looked through half open eyes at the soldier in maroon armor standing in the room with her. “Simmons? Is that you?” Twilight’s voice was hoarse and quiet. “No, Twilight it’s me!” The armored figure that looked like Simmons but sounded like someone else she knew suddenly began to convulse uncontrollably. Twilight’s sleep-deprived eyes widened as something else emerged from the violently twitching body that looked like Simmons. Suddenly, a spectral entity resembling another human soldier wearing white armor was standing before Twilight, holding a familiar sniper rifle. Somehow, Twilight’s eyes went wider than they already were as she tilted her head back, now recognizing the figure’s voice. “Church?” Twilight gasped. “But… how?” “Do you believe in ghosts, Twilight?” the ethereal entity that was definitely Church asked. “Because if you didn’t before, I’m betting you feel pretty fuckin’ foolish right about now.” Twilight looked back over at the figure in maroon armor. Simmons groaned and put a hand to his head. “Ugh, the inside of my head…” before Simmons could say anything else, he collapsed to the floor in a maroon heap. Twilight looked back over at the ghostly image of Church, who was looking fairly amused at her reaction. “Buh… but… there’s no such thing as ghosts! They’re not scientifically possible!” Twilight pointed an accusatory hoof at Church. “You are not scientifically possible!” Church just stared at Twilight with what she could only imagine was a deadpan expression. “You’re a talking magic unicorn.” Twilight made a series of confounded grunts before finally sighing. Her voice returned to the bitter tone she used the last time she spoke to the impossible man. “Whatever. What do you want?” “You found a ship before coming here, right?” Church asked. “I want you to tell me everything you know about it.” Twilight wanted to tell him off. She wanted to ask him why she should share any of her knowledge with him when he’d been nothing but horrible to her, but she suddenly became acutely aware of the radio headset still on her head. After taking a breath to collect herself, Twilight spoke. “A few days ago, this ship crash landed in Equestria and I was called in to help investigate it.” “What did it look like? Was there anyone on it?” Church asked his questions quickly like a starving man trying to consume everything on his plate at once. “It was, I don’t know… big, green and metal. The only person we found on board was a single dead soldier in black armor that looked just like everyone else here. Why?” “Tex…” Twilight tilted her head inquisitively. It hadn’t even occurred to her before that moment that the people in this canyon might have been familiar with the ship that brought her here. In hindsight, it should have been the first thing she told them about. “Listen, Twilight… I think we got off on the wrong foot,” Church started. “Tell you what, I’ll help you get back to your home planet on one condition: I want you to take me with you. I want you to show me Tex’s ship!” Church outstretched one of his hands. “Deal?” Twilight thought for a moment. Sure, she still wasn’t sure that she liked Church very much, but he was finally doing what she wanted. Even if it was for selfish reasons. Twilight raised one of her own hooves. “Deal!” Twilight and Church reached to shake… and passed right through each other. “Oh yeah… that tends to work better when I have a body.”