To my little ponies (and Fax Machine):
I am quite aware that you first letter was full of crap. Honestly, who would ever willingly work with Twilight Sparkle on anything?
Anyway, it's true that Canterlot would never take Twilight back in. Even so, I am quite impressed by the resolve you showed in your attempts, and even more impressed by the amount of preparation and execution that went into your plan.
Regardless, in the end you never stood a chance. We are the wealthy elite, and you are the poor majority, and we all know how that battle always ends. Still, it was fun to give you false hope by turning the sky into a giant clock.
And Applejack? Please don't talk about Big Mac's problems. You inbred hicks are the problem, not whatever identity crises you may or may not have.
But back to the present. I am aware that you ponies despise Twilight. However, I do too, and I would rather have somepony else suffer though her shit than myself. And besides, it definitely makes for great entertainment.
Your eternally-trolling Solar Monarch, Princess Celestia
P.S.: Do you... like bananas?