Celestia woke up to the sound of giggling and a faint pressure on her muzzle. She smacked at the unknown presence with a hoof and heard a voice yelp in pain. With a jolt, she remembered what had happened and sprung up. She looked around wildly to see her sister lying unconscious at her side and Paradox on the floor nearby, rubbing his chest where Celestia had hit him.
“Paradox,” Celestia said, eyes narrowing. “What were you doing?”
“Just finishing your makeover,” Paradox said, smirking. “Tell me, what do you think?” he added, pulling a hand mirror out of thin air. Celestia hesitantly levitated the mirror over and looked at her reflection. She couldn't help but smile with relief when she saw that Paradox had only stuck a large black moustache on her muzzle.
“Is that all you've been up to?” Celestia asked hopefully, glancing back over to Paradox. As she moved she heard a clink, and looked down at her leg. A shackle and chain connected her to Luna. She tried opening it with her magic, but she couldn't actually touch the chain or affect it in any way.
“I've made it so that chain is both unbreakable and immune to all sorts of magic,” Paradox explained, seeing Celestia's horn glow, “And before you ask, that still isn't everything I did while you were asleep. Seriously, the two of you have been out of it for such a long time! Though time has gotten a little confusing for me as of late.”
“Oh, and why is that?” Celestia asked, keeping her voice polite. “Wait, who has been taking care of the sun? How long was I out?” Celestia asked, a hint of panic entering her voice.
“Well, that's what I've been working on!” Paradox said, gesturing to the mirror. “Go ahead, take a look!” Curious, Celestia gazed into the mirror. Instead of her own reflection, the mirror showed images of three different sleeping alicorns. Each one looking like her but with slight differences. One had a mane that was pure pink that glittered and danced as the mare slept. Another had a mane of a brilliant sunset, glowing through a spectrum of oranges and reds. The third alicorn differed the most, with a brilliant pink coat, translucent fairy wings, and a bright blue mane.
“What or who are they?” Celestia asked.
“They're you, or rather versions of you. Each one is loosely based off of one of your personality traits and will grow from there,” Paradox explained. He shrunk down to the size of a paperclip and appeared in the mirror. “This one,” he said, pointing to the sunset-maned alicorn, “is based off of your temper and desire to rule. I call her I.H. The pink maned alicorn represents your desires and is very decadent. I call her Molly. Finally, that pink abomination was supposed to be based off of your manipulative and planning side. I'm pretty sure that's not what I got, so I just call it Failure. Regardless, they all think that they are you, and they've been enchanted so that everyone - sorry, everypony - will think that they are you as well. Hmm, what else did I do? Oh yeah, that moustache is a perfect disguise. Even Luna won't recognize you.” Paradox shut up, taking a few deep breaths after rattling all that information off.
“Alright,” Celestia took a deep breath to calm herself, “so why did you do all of that? What do you expect to happen?” she asked.
“...Chaos?” Paradox offered, after a pause. “I'm not really sure why. I suppose so you are kept busy, but really it's just to see what happens. I'm not entirely done yet, I've still got to modify the layout of the palace so that no pony can find their way around.”
“Wait, don't! If you do that then...the government will be thrown into chaos,” Celestia stuttered to a stop, as she realized what she was saying.
“Not only that, but if I didn't then this whole ‘have four Celestias running around’ thing would be solved in, like, five minutes,” Paradox added, before disappearing. Celestia started to stand up, but Luna rolled over jerking her hoof to the side. Celestia sighed and gently jumped over Luna to a more comfortable position. I hate this. I've been left helpless, and all I can do is hope that Twilight pulls through and saves us yet again. Celestia thought to herself. No, I won't give up. This time, Twilight won't have to fight on her own. I don't care if Paradox is more powerful then I am, I'll find a way to fight back. Celestia poked her sister but seeing no response, she decided to start plan B. Celestia focused on casting an ancient contingency spell that she had never needed to activate before. Celestia's horn glowed, spreading light throughout the room. With a burst of effort, Celestia caused the light to expand further as her horn overglowed. The light quickly expanded to form a bubble over most of the castle. The bubble popped. As it did, every Royal Guard within it appeared before Celestia.
“My loyal guards, I have summoned you here in order to inform you of a great threat to all of Equestria,” Celestia said, regally.
“Who are you?” one guard asked, while other guards began muttering to each other.
“What? Don't you recognize your Princess? I am Celestia of course,” Celestia said, standing in surprise and yanking Luna's hoof towards her shackled leg.
“Our princess doesn't have such a horrific moustache,” one guard declared.
“Yeah. Besides, I was standing guard in Princess Celestia's court right before I was brought here. You can't be the Princess,” another guard chimed in.
“Look, she's got Princess Luna shackled to her,” a guard pointed out.
“She must of knocked Princess Luna out and taken her prisoner, get her!” one guard yelled.
“Charge!” they all screamed as they ran at Princess Celestia. Thinking quickly, Celestia picked Luna up in her magic and ran away. She ran for one of her windows, blowing it and a fair chunk of wall apart with her magic as she leaped out into the air. She flapped her wings frantically, not used to carrying her sister's weight in flight. Meanwhile, roughly half of her guards had been forced to stop, but the pegasi among her troops were still in pursuit. Looking around for a place to hide, Celestia gasped, almost dropping Luna in her surprise. Paradox had already transformed much of the castle to be unrecognizable to her, it's shape resembling nothing more than a mutant sea urchin with wings. The gardens, once a triumph of order and pony engineering, had become an alien jungle of blue and orange plants, with the occasional glimpse of some terrifying monster moving through the thick foliage.
“Surrender the Princess you moustached fiend!” a pegasi guard yelled as he rammed Celestia.
“Ugh,” Celestia grunted, shaking her head and flapping hard to prevent a crash. With a flick of her magic, she sent the guard flying back into his companions. Several of them were knocked out of the air.
“Come on troops, only the Princesses live forever!” one guard yelled, the guards cheered and charged Celestia again.
“I've had enough of this,” Celestia muttered, before unleashing another spell, creating a ball of light between herself and the herd of pegasi. At the last second the ball of light exploded, flinging all of the pegasi back and blinding them. Celestia quickly dove into the jungle below her, and took cover beneath a tree.
“What happened?” a guard yelled.
“She just, just exploded!” another guard yelled.
“Run away!” the guards all shouted before scattering in a panic. Celestia watched them fly away for a few seconds.
“I've really got to raise the standards to get into the Royal Guard,” Celestia sighed, and stared at her sister, still asleep on her back. “How are you still asleep after all of that?” she asked. Not receiving an answer, Celestia sighed again and started walking through the jungle. She only managed a few short steps before vines shot from the grounds, wrapping around her head and horn. Celestia ignited her horn, burning the vines and the ground around herself to ash. She walked on, keeping a shield of flame handy. As she walked, she took a closer look at the plant life. The flowers she looked at were beautiful and smelled delicious. A quick nibble almost made Celestia vomit as her mouth filled with the taste of rancid cantaloupe. Celestia coughed as the plant released a sweet smelling smoke. Once again, Celestia burned the surrounding area, creating a miniature glade in the jungle. Celestia felt a little tipsy from the smoke, and very very thirsty. Spotting what she hoped was a pool of water, Celestia galloped over.
“Wait, this doesn't look like water,” Celestia muttered to herself, staring into the light blue pool. She pulled up a plant and tossed it into the pool. The plant immediately stuck to the top of the pool. Celestia tugged on the plant with her magic, but it seemed to be stuck. Congratulating herself on her foresight, Celestia moved on, following what seemed to be a trail. Up ahead, there was a strange hissing noise. Not wanting to be surprised, Celestia proceeded cautiously. She soon came upon a weird sight; a giant slug was locked in combat with several flying serpents of emerald and jade, with wings of golden light. I think those are the same as the snake that bit me, but they are fighting a giant slug monster, Celestia thought as she watched the slug suddenly move and spit a glob of acidic slime onto one of the serpents. The small bites and scorch marks on the slug were already fading away. Alright, that settles it. No giant, acid spitting slugs that regenerate are allowed in my garden! Celestia blasted the slug with a stream of fire, engulfing the entire slug in a mighty inferno. To her surprise, the slug surged out of the inferno, moving with surprising speed. It spat a glob of acid at Celestia, who just barely caught it with her telekinesis. She yelped in pain as some small globs escaped her grasp and burned her face.
“I've had enough of this!” Celestia yelled, grabbing the singed slug with her magic. It was harder to lift with her magic than expected, but it still rose in the air, flailing and spitting more globs of acid. “GET OUT OF MY GARDEN!” Celestia screamed as she flung the monstrous slug into the sky. She watched it fly until it disappeared over the horizon before turning around and facing the flying serpents which were simply staring at her. “It's okay, I'm not going to-” Celestia began before one of the serpents hissed and dove at her. Celestia ducked in surprise, narrowly avoiding another bite. She blocked the dives from the other serpents with a simple shield of magic. “Why does everything have to be so difficult?” Celestia demanded, panting in exertion from all of the magic she had been using. One of the serpents hit the shield with its wing of light, and a crack formed in the shield in response. “Oh no way,” Celestia said, renewing the shield with a thought. The other serpents imitated their comrade and also began chipping away at the shield with their wings. Celestia took a deep breath and prepared to see if the serpents were fireproof when a screeching cry interrupted her. Philomena swooped down and snatched out a serpent, gobbling it up in a few snaps of her beak. The rest of the serpents tried to attack the phoenix, but the canny bird had no trouble dispatching them as she flew around Celestia.
“Philomena, am I glad to see you,” Celestia said, grinning at the proud bird. The phoenix cawed and started preening Celestia's mane. “Now I just need to find someplace to hide while I wait for Luna to finally wake up. Can you show me the way?” Celestia asked. Philomena nodded and quickly took off. Celestia followed suit. The pair flew up, heading for one of the new towers sticking out of the increasingly disorderly palace. Just before they landed in the window, a pink cloud appeared overhead and rained chocolate milk all over Celestia and Luna. Celestia groaned but otherwise ignored the inconvenience as she landed inside the tower. Looking around, she noticed it was the mostly abandoned castle dungeons. “Well, at least it's dry and nothing will be bothering us here,” Celestia said to Philomena. As soon as she finished speaking a swarm of pink clouds rushed in, spraying her with chocolate milk and covering her in cotton candy. “PARADOX!” Celestia screamed at the top of her lungs.
“Can I help you Princess?” Paradox asked, rising up from the floor. Celestia glared at him, too tired and upset to be surprised.
“Why do you insist on making my life as difficult as possible? Does my suffering amuse you so?” Celestia hissed.
“What do you mean?” Paradox asked.
“The clouds, the moustache, and my garden! Everything's been attacking me and chasing me all around the place! Now I'm wet, sticky, and stuck in my own dungeon where there certainly isn't some place for me to wash up! Today was going to be such a good day too! Chrysalis had just been defeated and I finally had some time off to simply relax together with Twilight!” Celestia yelled, stomping a hoof.
“I'm sorry,” Paradox apologized. He snapped his fingers and all of cotton candy and chocolate, including what was stuck on Celestia, flew out the window and formed into the shape of a dragon. “So that's how that happened,” Paradox said, watching it fly off towards Ponyville.
“What did you do?” Celestia asked, moving to where she could see out the window.
“Nothing important,” Paradox responded, stamping his foot on the ground and transforming the ground beneath Celestia into a luxurious hot tub. Celestia yelped in surprise as she fell into the water but quickly emerged, levitating Luna beside her.
“What are you up to Paradox? First the pranks and now you're being nice to me. It doesn't make sense,” Celestia said.
“What fun is there in making sense? Ha, you have no idea how much fun it was to say that,” Paradox said, grinning. “Okay, okay. Seriously I do want us to be friends or at least not mortal enemies. Your little outburst there made me think that I'm being a little too hard on you prank wise. I mean, this whole day will likely be hard on you on you regardless. I don't need to be complicating things with the moustache and the cotton candy clouds.”
“How can you expect me to be friends with somepony who has so far stolen my throne and given it to cheap copies, turned my guard against me, transformed my magnificent garden into a lethal jungle full of monsters, and scattered my student and her friends across time and space?” Celestia asked.
“Only if you look at it so negatively; for the first time, you can take a vacation and leave the throne to others. You can finally go around and be treated like a normal pony rather than a princess. I've created a whole new ecosystem that can be studied and appreciated from your front door. As for Twilight, well, you ordered her to turn me to stone. What did you think I was going to do; just stand there and make a funny pose?” Paradox replied.
“You are still putting ponies at risk with that garden, as well as Twilight and her friends wherever they are,” Celestia countered.
“First off, Twilight is perfectly safe - as is Applejack. Secondly, you send them into danger all of the time. Finally, I'm confident that they can handle anything I throw at them,” Paradox said, ignoring the bit about the garden.
“I don't like sending them into danger, I only do so when there is no other choice,” Celestia said, looking down.
“Well, what about that sleeping dragon you sent them to kick out?” Paradox asked.
“They were in no real danger there; no dragon that age would invite my wrath by hurting one of my ponies. Even if the dragon was willing to risk it, I was keeping an eye on the situation. If it got out of hand I would have intervened. Plus, it was an important lesson in leadership skills for Twilight,” Celestia said. Paradox thought about that for a second before nodding.
“Fair enough, and I can't remember any other cases where you sent them into danger when it wasn't an emergency,” Paradox said.
“So you'll bring Twilight and her friends back?” Celestia asked hopefully.
“No, they'll all have to face their challenges and overcome them. Hopefully they'll even learn that chaos doesn't have to be that bad of a thing while they do it. One thing though, why do you always call them 'Twilight and friends'?” Paradox replied.
“Because they are her friends, and I know Twilight the best,” Celestia replied.
“And what is Twilight to you? Your friend? Minion? Faithful student? The leader of the Elements of Harmony? Just another tool you use to maintain order and harmony in Equestria?” Paradox asked.
“No!” Celestia yelled, “Twilight is my friend, and I'd never treat her or any other pony for that matter, as a tool.”
“Friends don't give friends missions,” Paradox countered. “Also, they don't ignore them when they warn you of danger. If you had just listened to Twilight at the wedding that whole disaster with the changlings could have been averted. You brushed her off when she tried to warn her about Nightmare Moon as well.”
“I… made a mistake,” Celestia admitted with a sigh, “I thought that after a thousand years to think, Luna would have calmed down enough for me to talk her out of being Nightmare Moon. As for the royal wedding, I was just so caught up in being happy for Cadence that I wouldn't accept anything that could get in the way of that happiness. But that doesn't change the fact that I let her down both personally and as her ruler.”
“Alright, but did you even apologize?” Paradox asked.
“I was going to do that today, or however long ago you showed up was,” Celestia said. Paradox stared at the sad looking princess for a few moments before lunging forward and giving her a hug. Celestia stiffened but let the strange being hug her. Finally, Paradox seemed to realize what he was doing and backed off, sitting fully clothed on the other end of the hot tub.
“You looked like you needed a hug,” Paradox said, blushing. “Anyways, I'm curious on why you are so sad about not making your date with Twilight.” Paradox gasped and clapped his hands. “That's it! You're in love with Twilight aren't you? And you're upset that I ruined your chance to confess your feelings to her!”
“You're wrong,” Celestia snapped, “While I do love Twilight, it is not in a romantic manner.”
“Oh Celestia, you don't need to lie to me. If you can't trust the successor of your archenemy then who can you trust?” Paradox asked, lazily creating glasses of wine for them both.
“Why should I trust you?” Celestia asked with a snort.
“Because no one will ever believe me,” Paradox said softly. “I could scream the truth about your relationship from the rooftops and everypony would just think that it was a ploy on my part. Also I will answer a question or two of yours in return.”
Celestia stared at Paradox silently for a few moments, sipping the strawberry sweet wine he had provided. “Very well, I shall tell you then. But first, I want you to answer some questions,” she said.
“Alright, shoot,” Paradox said lazily, making a face as he sipped at his own glass.
“First off, where is Discord?” Celestia asked.
“Bleh, boring question. I don't actually know, he gave me his powers and then disappeared, so he could be anywhere in the multiverse by now. Next question, and please make it interesting,” Paradox said.
Celestia thought for a minute or two before speaking. “You've mentioned details of Twilight's and my life that you couldn't possibly know. How do you know so much about us?” she asked.
“Much better,” Paradox clapped in glee, bubbles spraying everywhere and bouncing off the walls. “Now as I hope you have guessed, I'm from another world. In my world, we might have the ability to unknowingly witness segments of the lives of important individuals of other worlds. In the case of Equestria, we observe the adventures of Twilight Sparkle and her friends.”
“Then why-” Celestia said, getting cut off by Paradox.
“No, no, I said one or two questions. Three is right out! So now you have to answer my question; what are your feelings towards your most faithful student, Twilight Sparkle?” Paradox said. Celestia tried to protest, but she was just shushed by Paradox again and again.
“Fine, I'll tell you,” Celestia sighed, giving up. “I want to love Twilight, but right now I can't have a real relationship with her. She's still too caught up in her impression of me as her perfect Princess and teacher, while still continually ignoring her own accomplishments and judgement in favour of my own. I'm afraid that if I court her, she'll accept me not out of love but out of a feeling of duty. So until the day that she's either my equal, pursues the relationship on her own initiative, or stops putting me on a pedestal, I refuse to let myself fall in love with Twilight.”
Paradox stared at Celestia thoughtfully for a few moments, before suddenly chugging down his wine and throwing the glass at the wall at full strength. The glass shattered, transforming into fireworks which exploded around Paradox as he rose out of the water and struck a dramatic pose.
“Do not worry Celestia, for I - Paradox, the Prince of Passion - shall help you achieve your dreams of romance with the lovely Twilight Sparkle! With my help, I'm sure the two of you will be having a wedding of your own in no time! Hmm, I can't have changlings show up though, that was done already. Perhaps a romantic rival? I wonder if I could book Trixie in that position,” Paradox said, spinning around. “No need to thank me Celestia, I'll get started right away,” Paradox added when Celestia tried to protest. With a clap of his hands, he disappeared leaving behind an orchestral band playing wedding music.
Celestia simply stared and closed her eyes, sipping her wine and letting the heat from the hot tube relax her. Well on the bright side, Paradox is actually capable of being nice. And I doubt he'll harm anypony else while he's trying to get Twilight and I to fall in love. On the downside, HE'S GOING TO RUIN EVERYTHING! No, no, Celestia, keep calm. Twilight is in a different dimension, and Paradox will forget about the whole thing as soon as something else catches his attention. Nothing to worry about. I just need to focus on getting her and the other Elements back safely so we can restore harmony. Celestia thought.
“Mmm, Celestia?” Luna murmured, “why am I in a bath?” She flailed her legs around a little before sitting upright beside Celestia. “Your student needs to sleep - who the flying feather are you and where is my sister?” Luna said, interrupting herself when she caught a good look at Celestia.
“I'm Celestia, and yes I know I don't look like her. Paradox enchanted this moustache to disguise me.
“Prove it.”
“When we were just little fillies, you used to have a pet abacus you called Abby,” Celestia said.
“You never shall let me forget that will you? Now what has happened while I slept?” Luna asked. Celestia quickly filled Luna in on what Paradox had done and her adventures throughout the day. She stayed silent on Paradox's promise to help her win Twilight's heart though. She didn't need the teasing from Luna on top of everything else.
“Well Luna, do you have any idea on how we can get Twilight and her friends back?” Celestia asked.
“Not exactly. Twilight was able to give me an idea on where the other Elements may be found, but they all seem to be outside our reach. We-”
“You spoke with Twilight? How is she? Where is she? What's she doing?” Celestia interrupted.
“She's not sleeping, that's why I was unconscious for so long. I needed to wait for her mind to enter a dream before I could contact her. Right now she's inside a gigantic library that supposedly contains all the information in the universe,” Luna said.
“That's great news Luna! She'll be able to return right away then,” Celestia said, ears perking up and a huge grin on her face.
“Actually I told her to stay in the library for now and gather information,” Luna said.
“What? Why would you tell her that?” Celestia yelled.
“Um, well, I thought that Twilight would be safer and more useful there,” Luna said, eyes widening in surprise.
“”Why would you think that? We need Twilight to use the Elements of Harmony,” Celestia said.
“We also need the rest of the Element bearers. If she comes back before everything is prepared, Paradox can just send her off someplace else, or worse,” Luna replied.
“That's… that's true,” Celestia sighed. “So what do you think we should do now? We can't just sit tight and wait for Twilight's friends to return home.”
“Indeed. We must find some way to thwart Paradox in his plan to bring chaos to Equestria. Sheer force is clearly out of the picture, but perhaps we can keep the fallout of his actions in check. “Starting with this shackle binding us together,” Luna said, transforming into a sparkling mist. She quickly reformed a few feet away. “Next, we must figure out a way to defeat those three imposters Paradox has created. I think simply confronting them will do. I'm sure when we do it shall prove easy enough to prove their identities.”
“It's not as simple as that Luna. First off, Paradox has transformed our palace into a maze, so even finding them will be a challenge. Secondly, my royal guardsponies think I'm an imposter. They'll do their best to protect the imposters. Finally, I wouldn't put it past my little ponies to be too silly to notice the difference between the imposters and myself. So they may think that you are trying to overthrow me and take over Equestria again,” Celestia said.
“Then we simply must convince the common pony of the legitimacy of our actions! Either by somehow removing that silly moustache, or by summoning Cadence back home,” Luna said, as she cast a spell summoning her royal guard to her. The few ponies that served Luna slowly arrived, making their way through the maze with Luna's magic as their beacon. The collection of bat ponies, unicorns, and the occasional earth pony stood at attention as they awaited the Princess's command.
“We await your command Princess,” they chorused.
“First, we command that you seek our niece, Princess Cadenza. Next, the castle is currently home to three doppelgangers of my sister. We want you to find them, observe them, and gather evidence that they are doppelgangers. If they give any questionable demands, then it will be your duty to thwart them! Now fly my minions!” Princess Luna said, her guards scattering to do her bidding as soon as she stopped speaking. “Now let's get started on removing that moustache,” Luna added, approaching Celestia with a glint in her eyes.