Hofnarr's gaze shifted between Twilight Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie as he continued to stand upside down on the door frame while they stared back at him. None of the others were sure what to do and neither was Blast Shield or myself. The silence went on for another minute or two before Hofnarr broke the silence. "It's you!"
"We heard you the first time, silly." Pinkie said in her usual happy tone.
"What do you mean by 'you?' If you don't mind me asking..." Fluttershy asked as Hofnarr walked down from the door frame and took three steps closer to the others. Twilight watched him distrustingly. I guess that just because I'm good doesn't mean she'll give Hofnarr a particularly warm, friendly welcome.
"You're the ones who defeated the queen and denied my kingdom its prosperous future!" Hofnarr said as his eyes narrowed further. "You hit me in the face with magic. You yelled at me. And you shot me." He said and pointed at Twilight, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie in that order as his eyes went back to their normal width and his face gained a more calm look. "Don't get me wrong, I totally understand and we'd have done the same if you were attacking us for whatever reason you could have for attacking us, but because we lost we didn't get to have the big party everyone was planning." Hofnarr stated in a more casual tone.
"You were going to have a party?" Pinkie asked, taking a strange amount of interest in the idea.
"Yeah! Why wouldn't we after gaining a large new territory and enough love to sustain us for a few hundred years? We were gonna have all kinds of cake, games and drinks. Alcoholic and non." Hofnarr explained with a happy expression. But it faded as the next words came out of his mouth. "But we lost. So we don't get to have that party..."
"You should totally have a party anyway!" Pinkie suggested as the rest of us, excluding Hofnarr, just stared at her.
"But... we lost. Losers don't get parties. Unless it works differently here."
"Just because you lost doesn't mean you're a loser!"
"No, I'm pretty sure it―"
"And why do you even need to win to throw a party?! I throw parties for no reason all the time!" Hofnarr, along with the rest of us, stared at Pinkie with a blank face before he smiled widely and exclaimed:
"That's brilliant! How could we not have thought of that?" He asked himself as I remembered why it was that I was looking for Hofnarr in the first place.
"Hofnarr." He looked at me with a tilted head. "Shining Armor wanted me to tell you that Cyclone Shade wants to make a deal. In exchange for his freedom and payment, he'll give us all the information he has about everyone he's ever worked for." Hofnarr continued to stare at me, blinking only occasionally while I tried to read his face.
"They..." Hofnarr began. "They aren't really considering letting that nut out are they?"
"I'm not sure. But if he does tell us who he works for, then we'll know who wanted him to get you. Maybe even why they wanted you in the first place."
"So what? He's still the guy who killed my best friend along with who knows how many others. He's an assassin after all." Hofnarr said with a half frustrated and half sorrowful look on his face. "And he obviously likes messing with heads, based on the way that batpony stormed out of the interrogation room." He added as he walked back onto the door frame and resumed his walking... pacing... thing. "Why are you telling me this anyway?"
"Shining Armor wanted you to know what was going on. He said that you have a right to be informed." I answered as Hofnarr stopped briefly.
"Does having a 'right to be informed' mean I get to help decide if they accept his deal, or is it more like 'we're letting you know what's going on, but if you don't like it we don't care?'" He asked.
"I don't think Shining Armor would've had me tell you about this if they didn't care how you felt about this." I replied as Hofnarr once again walked off of the door frame.
"Well if it wouldn't be too much to ask, I'd like to confirm that. Like, talk to someone who has the authority to make that kinda decision."
"Do you want to talk to Captain Armor? I'm sure he'll know if you get a say or not since he's the one who sent for you." Blast Shield said as Hofnarr paused in thought. After a brief silence, Hofnarr let out a sigh.
"I'd rather not, but I guess it's the best way to get my answer." Hofnarr said with a slow nod as Blast Shield began leading us back. The guard that had been watching Hofnarr before we arrived just walked away.
"You seem uncomfortable." I commented. Hofnarr gave a fake laugh as he replied.
"Uncomfortable? Why would I be comfortable? You do remember we crashed the guy's wedding, right? Were you comfortable around him your first few times?" Hofnarr asked, causing me to remember that I acted very similarly to how he was when I first met Shining Armor. With that mind I wondered if Shining Armor would treat Hofnarr as well as he did me. I've had time to make up for some of what I've done. Hofnarr hasn't.
"Point taken. But it's not like he'll beat you senseless. If he were I'm sure he would've by now." Hofnarr seemed to take some peace of mind from what I said.
"So other than what you've already told us, how have you been?" Twilight asked as Pinkie instantly took her chance.
"How about you tell us more about that mare who's life you saved along with her colt from a giant mutant cockatrice when Canterlot was being attacked while the Secretariat comet was passing Equestria making magical creatures really super magically powerful! That sounds like a GREAT story!" While Blast Shield seemed to ignore everything Pinkie had said, the rest of us, including Hofnarr, stared at her until Hofnarr said:
"Wait, what? You did what where with the who when?" I don't think his face could really express how confused he was. I had forgotten that Hofnarr still hadn't read the newspaper that talked about what happened.
"Well, when―" Was all I managed to say before Pinkie took over.
"When Canterlot was being attacked by the giant mutant cockatrice Fragment saw from the castle a mare and her kid running from a cockatrice! So Fragment teleported to help them back to the castle saving their lives!" She explained with a big smile.
"It was just explained to me, but why am I still confused?" Hofnarr asked as I asked a rather big question.
"How did you know all of that? Weren't you and the others making your way to the changeling kingdom when all of that was happening? And I never told you that!"
"I just talked to the guards, silly." It still didn't make sense to me, but I was starting to wonder if I really wanted to know.
"And they say I'm loopy." Hofnarr said with a shrug.
"No, they say you're Hofnarr!" Pinkie said happily.
"No, they actually call me moron, stupid, idiot and sometimes annoying." Hofnarr replied as he casually started walking along the wall beside us, slowly making his way up to the ceiling.
"That's awful!" Fluttershy said as she watched Hofnarr continue to crawl on everything but the floor. "Why would they call you such mean things?" She asked, causing Hofnarr to look down to her from the right wall while continuing to follow us.
"Because I am an annoying stupid moronic idiot who loves expressing the fact. Oddly enough it's gotten others out of some really bad situations. Sure I get in trouble but it's so worth it!" Twilight and Fluttershy looked at each other with mildly confused looks as Blast Shield stopped outside a room I didn't recognize that had two guards standing by its doors.
"Okay. I'm pretty sure they're in there." He said as he walked up to the doors. Seeing that neither guard tried to stop him, Blast Shield knocked on one of the doors. A moment later they were surrounded by a gold aura and opened, allowing us to enter. We walked in and saw all three Princesses, Shining Armor and Sinistar talking. The room was rather small, had a shelf with various scrolls and files on it. There was a large circular wooden table in the middle of the room.
"Even if we could trust him to tell us who and where his clients are, it doesn't change the fact that he tortures for amusement and could potentially come back to kill Hofnarr, or anyone, for sport." Sinistar argued as the doors closed behind us and the Princesses looked at us. Followed by Shining Armor and Sinistar as the others and I bowed.
"Hello, Twilight." Princess Celestia said as she walked over to us while we stood back up. "I didn't know you were visiting Canterlot."
"We weren't planning on coming, but when Pinkie read Fragment's letter and how Striker had died she insisted we come here to check on him." Twilight said as Hofnarr crawled into the room from the ceiling, instantly catching the Princesses, Shining Armor and Sinistar's attention.
"Hello..." Hofnarr said as he stood directly above me on the ceiling. He appeared to be quite uncomfortable.
"You're not even going to bow?" Sinistar asked in the least pleasant tone I've heard him use.
"Why should I? They're not my princesses." Hofnarr replied, gaining disapproving looks from the others and I.
"No, but they are keeping the assassin away from you." Sinistar countered as Hofnarr's nervousness was raised. Hofnarr quickly got into a bowing position on the ceiling and said:
"Is there anything any of you need? A paper fan? A sandwich? A cup of tea? Oh! I can make a really good cup of tea! Okay, not a really good cup of tea, but I know how to make it." Princess Celestia chuckled a little at Hofnarr's extreme change of attitude.
"That won't be necessary, Hofnarr. What're all of you doing here anyway?" Princess Celestia asked as Hofnarr jumped down to the floor and Blast Shield cleared his throat.
"Captain Armor told Fragment to inform Hofnarr of Cyclone Shade's offer and Hofnarr wants to know if he gets a say in it." Blast Shield explained. The Princesses looked at Shining Armor with mildly confused expressions.
"Well Hofnarr was the one who Cyclone Shade was after. He has every right to at least be a part of this discussion." Shining Armor said. Sinistar nodded in agreement while Princess Celestia looked back to us.
"Well then you're just in time. If we take Cyclone Shade's deal, it could put hundreds of criminals away."
"But at the same time, Cyclone Shade is pretty much a few dozen cereal killers in one." Sinistar interjected.
"Is there anyway you could trace him with or something if you release him?" Twilight asked. "If you could do that then after he's told us who he works for you would be able to rearrest him."
"I like that plan. It's a good plan." Hofnarr said with a smile.
"I'm afraid the only spell like that I know of Cyclone Shade would feel affecting him." Princess Celestia answered.
"What if you put the spell on his equipment?" Hofnarr asked. "He's got a lot of knives you could put the spell on. Though I wouldn't recommend that given how much he throws them." Princesses Luna and Celestia looked at each other, then Celestia looked back to Hofnarr with a small smile.
"That could work." She said as Sinistar cleared his throat, getting everyone's attention.
"Even with a tracking spell, it's more than likely that he'll try to hurt somepony before we can recapture him. And if we mess up a recapture attempt he will probably wonder how we found him. He's psychotic, but also smart." Sinistar explained.
"Part of the problem is that we don't know how he'll give us the information." Shining Armor added. "He made it clear that he wouldn't tell us anything until after we let him go."
"Then I think we need to talk to Cyclone Shade about this deal before we make anything finale." Princess Celestia said. She then began leading us to the dungeon. On our way to the dungeon, Twilight, Shining Armor talked with each other while the rest of us remained quiet for the most part. I noticed that Hofnarr still didn't seem very comfortable, but I think the fact that we were going to talk to Cyclone Shade was the primary cause for that. As we approached the dungeon's doors, the guards by them bowed then opened the doors.
"I must warn you." Princess Celestia to Twilight, Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie. "Cyclone Shade is a very disturbed pony, and he'll say whatever he can to get under your skin." Twilight and the others looked at each other. Although I had told them about my experiences with Cyclone Shade, they still largely had no idea what he was capable of. Even if his words were the only weapons he had now. After a moment of silent debating, Twilight nodded. Once we stepped into the dungeon we could heard Cyclone Shade's voice. What surprised us was the fact he was singing.
"If by chance I see a cat, I'll feed its corpse to my pet rat..." He sang to himself as Twilight, Pinkie and especially Fluttershy looked sickened by that.
"Remind me again, why are you considering letting him out?" Hofnarr asked as Cyclone Shade's singing turned to laughter, then he spoke.
"Well now, I wasn't expecting visitors so soon. Especially one I tried to foalnap. Have nothing better to do Hofnarr, or has you idiocy landed you back here?" Shining Armor, Sinistar, and Princesses Luna and Cadance stood by the doors while Princess Celestia walked ahead of us to Cyclone Shade's cell, which had formerly been Gezähnt's. How fitting. As Twilight, Pinkie, Fluttershy and I came into Cyclone Shade's line of sight, he gained a rather surprised look. I saw that even though he was just standing in the middle of his cell, his legs and wings were still bound, almost preventing him from moving.
"HAHAHAHA! Seems I have truly misinterpreted the situation. I am in the presence of the Bearers of the Elements of Harmony. Half of them, that is. To what do I owe such an honor?" He said with a creepy and wide smile as he walked up to the bars, Fluttershy backing away a little in response.
“We’re here to talk about our deal.” Princess Celestia said, causing Cyclone Shade to look to her.
“You still have forty minutes to make up your mind, and my conditions are non-negotiable.”
“I want to know how you are going to tell us the information you’re offering.”
“You’ll get your information when I get out of these binds, this cell and away from Canterlot.”
“What’re you gonna do, send a postcard?” Asked Hofnarr. The moment Cyclone Shade’s eyes met Hofnarr’s, Hofnarr stepped back from the cell.
“Oh, how I love to see such feeble beings like yourself cower under my gaze. There are only a few feelings greater than being feared by so many.” Cyclone Shade said with a smile. “And to answer your question, yes. While it may not be Celestia’s way to backstab in such a manner, that doesn’t mean she won’t try to pull me right back into this cell once she has all the information she wants. So yes, I will be mailing you what you want to know. However if this makes you not want to take my deal, then how about you pay me half when I leave, and the rest after I’ve given you all the information I have. Say, leave the payment at a dead drop of my choosing? And don’t worry, I don’t mean ‘dead drop’ as in the place where I drop off my torture victims. No, that is my happy place.”
“T-Torture victims?” Fluttershy asked with fear and horror in her eyes. Cyclone Shade laughed before replying.
“Hahahaha. Why yes. I’m certainly not going to leave a pile of half torched and mutilated bodies laying around my hideout, am I?” Fluttershy fainted, being caught by Twilight and Pinkie before she could fall to the floor.
“You’re sick!” Twilight said as she looked at Fluttershy with concern.
“She’s the one who asked. I was simply answering her question. HAHAHAHA! And besides, you don’t know sick until you’ve drank someone’s blood with their severed penis as a straw.” There was a flash of green light to our left. We looked just in time to see Hofnarr, now shapeshifted into Fluttershy, faint as well, causing Cyclone Shade to laugh more. I’d had enough of Cyclone Shade’s sick sense of humor. In rage, I slammed my forelegs against the bars in front of Cyclone Shade.
“Consider yourself lucky there are bars between us.” I said threateningly as Cyclone Shade smiled and brought his face closer to me.
“Consider yourself lucky that my limbs are bound. Let’s face it, you without magic and me without equipment, I win every time. Heck, I could probably beat you even if you used magic. You severely lack the skill and experience to beat me in a fight. Every time we’ve fought there was always somepony to save you.” He said as he turned to Princess Celestia again. “So, how exactly do you think we should execute this little arrangement? I’m sure you didn’t come here wanting to know what my plan was unless you had decided that my offer was worth it.”
“Wait, you can’t seriously be letting him out. Can you?” Twilight said as she shifted her attention from the slowly recovering Fluttershy to Princess Celestia. “He’s a murderer! He thinks this is funny.”
“Oh, but it is funny.” Cyclone Shade butted in. “How can you not think it’s funny that those two fools can’t even handle the mental image of something so gruesome? Just imagine how they’d react to seeing it firsthoof. They would lose their lunches along with their consciousness.”
“See what I mean? He’s… he’s…” Twilight struggled to find the words to describe Cyclone Shade, which he found incredibly amusing. “Everything about him is just wrong!”
“The same goes for you, Twilight Sparkle.” Twilight looked at him with a confused, disgusted and angry expression. “Some would hail me as a saint while others, such as most Equestrians, would curse me a monster. But ultimately it comes down to this… Were you raised to think killing was wrong?”
“What do you mean?” Twilight asked as Fluttershy began wake up, looking very confused to see herself out cold next to her.
“There are a lot of things no one really understands, but one of the greatest things is the idea of right and wrong. Everyone thinks that killing is wrong and helping others is good, but who determined that? Who got to define right and wrong for all beings? It wasn’t your parents. They told you what they thought was right and what was wrong, but they have no such authority to say that it is right or wrong. And do you know why they cannot?” He asked as Hofnarr began to wake up. “Because what they think is right, what you think is right and what I think is right, is nothing more than an opinion. What you, or anyone thinks is right or wrong, good or evil, is just what they think of it. In truth there is no such thing as good and evil. They’re just ideas and words used to keep you from doing something someone else doesn’t want you to. Once you’ve come to terms with that, with the fact that nothing you have ever done or will ever do is good or bad, you let go of your worthless morals, and become truly free. No words, no laws, and no chains will ever hold you again.”
Cyclone Shade stared into Twilight’s eyes as his words sank into all of our heads. We were all at least a little disturbed by his reasoning, but I think deep down we knew that he was right. After a few uncomfortable moments of silence Princess Celestia spoke up.
“We’ve been off topic for too long. We came here―”
“Oh, I know what you’ve come here for. But, before that I would like a word with… Fragment.” Cyclone Shade said as he faced me with a large and creepy grin. “And I want that word to be in private. As in you and everypony else gets out so that it’s just me and the closest thing to a rival I currently have.” Princess Celestia turned to me with an uncertain expression.
“I’m sure whatever he wants to talk about isn’t going to be as bad as what Gezähnt had to say.” I assured. Reluctantly, the Princesses and guards made their way out, allowing us to talk. “What do you want?” I asked bitterly.
“This isn’t about what I want. It’s about what you want.” He said, keeping his voice down. I guess he was expecting eavesdroppers. “I’m sure you have many questions about who exactly the mare who spoke to me at the hospital was. Based on the way you looked at her. Either that or you have a good taste in mares.” He said with a chuckle.
“Aura…” I said to myself.
“Ah, so you do know her. How interesting. But that furthers the question, what does she mean to you?”
“Why does it matter to you?” Cyclone Shade’s smile grew.
“My reasons for this are not important. What is important, however, is the fact that I may be able to help you. Free of charge, too. But I must know, why are you interested in Aura?” With a reluctant sigh, I explained to him.
“She’s from some of the flashbacks I’ve had. In them she was trying to warn me about something during the invasion. Saying that I was in danger. I have no idea what she was talking about, but worried that whatever it was could still be a problem.”
“Ah, that sounds like her. Given that that is the reason, I can be of use to you after all. There is a place almost perfectly on the border between Equestria and the arctic north known as Frost Meadow Manor. A place where the occasional party for Equestria’s richest is held. In two weeks there will be one such party going on. Attended by many well known names such as Photo Finish, Fancypants, Hoity Toity, and Goldman Sacks, who of course will bring his daughter Aura. This is where you will have your best chance to speak with her.”
“What, you think they’ll just let me in?”
“HAHAHA― of course not. However, a little known fact about this party is that although he was invited, somepony known as Filthy Rich won’t be coming along. But if he so chooses to change his mind, he will be welcomed. Do you see the picture I’m painting?”
“You―” I stopped myself from being too loud, remembering that Princess Celestia, or anypony, could be at the door trying to hear us. “You want me to go disguised as Filthy Rich?”
“Want you to? Not necessarily. Suggesting it to you? Indeed. It doesn’t matter to me what you do. This is just me giving you the possibility of getting at least some answers.” Cyclone Shade said as he walked to his bed and laid down on it. “I have shown you all I will offer from behind these bars. I’m sure that nosy Princess will want to know what we were talking about for so long, and I’m sure you won’t really want to tell her about this, so if you are asked, tell them I challenged you to a rematch for once I get out of here.” After a few seconds of staring at him uncertainly, I began to walk away from his cell. “Oh, and do tell the orphan I’m going to get back at him.” He added just as I was out of his sight.
“What orphan?” I asked as I looked over my shoulder back to his cell.
“Really? He didn’t tell you? That doesn’t seem very trustworthy of Hofnarr, does it?”
“Wait, what?” Rather than reply, Cyclone Shade just chuckled. As I resumed walking to the doors, he began to sing again.
“Jeepers, creepers, where’d you get those eyes? Hahahaha...”