Twilight Sparkle grumbled, because she really wanted to get to the actual conference part of the conference, but she knew she needed to make sure everyone was there first. One of the drawbacks of being the amazingly and wonderfully organized Twilight ''If I made love like I make lists I'd be on the cover of Playcolt'' Sparkle was that she found it impossible to go about her daily business if a task was not completed. So after her little conniption upon seeing the author mentioned, she settled her glasses back upon her muzzle and resumed reading the list of guests.
"First we have Kuno. Huh, that's strange, when I gave these to Spike to mail out, I told him to ignore the imaginary ponies. Kuno, are you real?''
A brash cocaine-colored female pegasus with a gallon of gel spiking up her baby-blue mane sauntered up to the front of the room. ''Bitch, better believe it! I'm hella real. Swiggity Swooty, You've got princess duty!"
''Um,'' Twilight started. ''I, uh, really don't know how to respond to that fusillade to my sense of decency.''
Kuno chuckled heartily and in a flash of green resumed her natural form. ''Nah, I'm just messing with yuh. Housewiving gets me a little stir-crazy sometimes. So yeah, I'm here.''
Twilight continued to stare for a good six or seven seconds before responding. ''Wow, huh, this is more than a bit surreal. I mean, An Affliction of the Heart is one of my favorite romance series, but I mean... wow! This is like Daring Do Deux! Did all that stuff really happ... wait a minute! Like a decade passes in that story. It's only been like, not even two years since the invasion! And then the Chrystal Empire, and-and-and... Chrysalis isn't in jail, and she sure as TARTARUS ain't sleeping with my bro. She's right here snarfing down... ARE YOU SERIOUSLY JUST EATING PURE BUTTER NOW?''
''Hey,'' Kuno said, defending her queen, ''she's planning on impersonating you next. Can you blame her for taking the role seriously? She's just trying to be show accurate.''
''What does that even--DAMMIT, I'M NOT FAT! I DO NOT EAT LARD! I ONLY EAT CAKE...Sometimes...when I feel disconnected from my friends aaaaand now I'm going to cry. No Twilight, stay strong. Stay strong for mommy and daddy and BBBFF. Think of happy things like Smarty Pants and...''
While Twilight was mumbling to herself, Rainbow Dash flew over next to Kuno and brohoofed her for the excellent burn. ''So, I take it the stuff after the second book is all made up?''
''Oh, yeah. Swarm's, well, I love her more in some ways than I even do Warden, but right now she's at that stage of foalhood where she's a real pain in the ass.''
Rainbow winced to hear a mother calling her daughter that.
Kuno rolled her eyes. ''What, never heard the phrase 'frank as a changeling'?''
''Uh, well, no. I mean, usually you guys are portrayed as being anything but truthful.''
''Understood. By the way, you must be Rainbow Dash, right? Celestia has mentioned you from time to time. Friend of her student Twilight 'Am I Fat?' Sparkle?''
Rainbow ran her hoof through her main. ''Heh, yeah, that's me. One and only. Wait, you hang out with Celestia? I thought you guys got thrown in jail.''
''Oh, hardly. Chrysalis is the only one in jail. Rumor has it that it was some of her own guards who betrayed her 'cause she's such a capital B. But yeah, I meet Celly for tea and chat a few times a month, since I'm basically a living, walking, talking, breathing, lovemaking equipological social experiment. Neat huh?'' Kuno wagged her eyebrows enthusiastically.
''Heck yeah, I like your style. But where's the guy who has to put up with you?''
Kuno couldn't roll her eyes in this form, on account of not having pupils, so she opted for slumping her head down on her shoulders. ''Have you even read the books?''
''Y-yeah.'' Dash stuttered.
''So tell me what you know about Warden that might answer that question. I know you're not an egghead like Twilight 'What's wrong with being an egghead!?!' Sparkle, but I think you can get this one.''
''Um, his hoof's like, seriously whacked?''
''Yep, I'm glad you got the correct answer. Now I don't have to murder you in your sleep!'' Kuno smiled entirely too perkily, and turned to trot away.
''Wait! Who's Anonymous Pegasus?''
Kuno gave that sly grin she was so good at giving. ''Well, if I told you, he wouldn't be anonymous anymore, now would he?''